jollybane
patreon
51- Trials and Tribulations
🕑 Added 2025-07-30 23:08:56 +0000 UTCVraxious- The Forsaken Lands
Vrax was still awkwardly holding his hand out toward the portly explorer; he was about to speak and try to end the damned awkwardness that had settled over them when the explorer finally firmly grabbed his hand, giving it a good shake.
“Erni-Von Hillback, explorer extraordinaire and author of more than fourteen imperially recognized guidebooks. It’s an honor to meet a local legend.” He cautiously expounded, eyes flitting between Vrax and Duchess looming behind him.
“The fat ones always do best on the spit!” The familiar drunken voice of a dwarf spilled from duchess as she actually wrung out the one still living wolf with all six of her arms, spilling it messily across the overgrown cobblestone.
Erni’s eyes bulged in panic, and his breathing started coming in gasps again. Vrax headed it off with a friendly tone vastly undermined by whatever the armor’s magic was doing to his voice. “Pleasure to meet you, explorer. Don’t mind Duchess Phobos there; she just does that sometimes…..”
Another moment of awkward silence passed with their hands still clasped. Erni looked like he was trying not to vomit and barely succeeding when the sugar gliders sleepy faces peeked from a pouch on Vrax’s side. Ernis's eyes locked onto the adorable fuzzy creatures like his life depended on it.
“Oh my, those are rather cute exotic pets!” Erni said in genuine surprise, pointedly not looking back at duchess. He leaned in a bit. “May I?” he asked, holding his hand out.
“Oh yeah, sure, just no sudden movements; don’t make them think you are a threat in any way.” Vrax said seriously as the Nightmare Conductors curiously glided to the outstretched hand.
“Ha, ha, good jest, sir!” Erni said with a relieved smile, the conversation obviously taking an upward turn to him. One of them clambered onto his shoulder, and he looked at it fondly, going to give it a pat when he suddenly saw the hellfire shimmer within its eyes. Its lips stretched back and back with a fanged smile that almost reached the back of its head. Erni’s smile died a stillborn death.
“Aww, they like you,” Vrax said, oblivious to Erni’s sudden concern.
“ERRGHHmmmm…. How can I thank you for your help, Sir Paladin...we really must be on our way soon.” Erni cautiously asked, choking a bit on his own spit as one of the sugar gliders climbed into his collar.
Torvald interjected. “Actually...do you know where we can find some Soul Renders?” Vrax nodded along.
“Yes, that would be quite helpful. I’d rather not have to kill everything in this damned city just trying to find some honey.” Vrax joked.
Erni pulled on his collar nervously, the glider rubbing into his palm fondly. “Ha...ha… Yes, wouldn’t want that at all...there was actually one slightly outside the edges of these ruins on the northern side; there is a stretch with some natural hot springs that has some extra dense foliage they seem to be hunting in.”
Torvald cheerfully patted him on the back, nearly knocking him down, to the irritation of the Conductors “Thanks, Erni. The sooner I squish some bugs, the sooner I can get back to a tavern! That tidbit probably saved us a week of wandering around and at least a few days of him trying to hug every scary thing that he sees.”
Vrax frowned under his helm but kept silent, noticing the two guards approaching with weapons still at the ready. Erni raised a placating hand towards the man clad in literal slabs of metal with a tower shield that rivaled Torvald's hammer in sheer scale and a pasty, balding stick of a man with a crooked nose and an equally crooked staff.
“The paladin was kind enough to save me, gentlemen, and is letting us go amicably on our way in exchange for some simple directions.” Erni said pointedly, not addressing the draconic abomination that had climbed onto a nearby roof and had tongues trailing down, lapping up wolf entrails.
Cropus the mage had an openly aghast expression on his face, simply staring at the thing on the roof. “What the fuck is that? It wasn’t like that literally a few hours ago...does he have more than one? Why?” He hissed through clenched teeth.
Hans’s voice huffed out slightly muffled by his armor, “Ignore the mage; he tis a bit of a fucking pansy. Thank ye for the help; we will be on our way now. Erni.” He meaningfully nodded down a side street, and Erni shuffled off with a fake smile and a friendly wave, followed quickly by his guards, Cropus cursing under his breath the whole way.
Vrax watched them retreat into the distance. “When do you think he will stop pissing himself long enough to remember he has two monsters stuffed into his vest?” Vrax asked, turning to begin the trek towards the soul render nest. Torvald simply shrugged and went to follow him.
They made it to the described area in less than three hours of careful creeping; having Duchess sweeping around like a scythe in a wheat field when it came to minor threats was incredibly helpful here, as the city was teeming with lesser monsters. Between that and Vrax carefully guiding them around a dozen different lethal quirks of the forsaken lands, including an entire street that was covered in a nearly invisible web from...something, they decided to not poke that particular unknown hornets nest.
As they crept to the edge of the first hot spring, it was a circle of jutting stones venting foul-smelling steam into lush, broad-leaved plants. The air was so moist here that it was perpetually raining just from the condensation coating every inch of foliage in sight. Torvald was struggling through the moist ground behind Vrax, trying to not make a godawful racket and dabbing sweat off his very red face.
Vrax pointed to a furrow drawn through the ground leading away from the hot springs. “Well, that sure looks like a grub trail to me. Go ahead and take a breather; I need to check what the hell my trial is, and drink some fucking water. You look like you are about to fall over.” Vrax said with a tinge of concern.
“Built for short bursts of overwhelming power, not fucking hikes in the tropics,” Torvald wheezed out while slumping against a tree.
Vrax slid his extra canteen over towards Mr. Too Big for His Own Good and mentally opened his trial. Gods, let it be something reasonable, like adapt ten creatures or slay a powerful monster using only skills. It's only the first trial...but it's for a unique class, and the rarer the class, the worse the trials. I have to ask Torvald what his is; I'm certain he's gotten his too.
[First Trial Available]
You must pass your trial to continue spending essence.
Yes, yes, I know the system. To the important bits, please.
[Fledgling Apex Predator](Unique)
Establish yourself as a creature of note within the Forsaken Lands. Long have you strode among these trees, hiding from the horrors in the dark. It is time for you to prove that you are now a power capable of proudly prowling the shadows alongside them.
[Establish a dominion one-half league in size.](0.2/1)
[No creatures unbound from the cycle may exist within your domain.](1/0)
What the actual fuck system…. Well, I guess it's counting the morass I left back in the city as my current domain...fair… So I just need to take over…gods...five city blocks? I may be staking a fucking king's claim after all just for the help that would give me in dealing with this bullshit. It doesn’t even want me to make a town or anything, just to be the scariest thing still left standing. I have to find out if Torvalds is this fucked off too.
Vrax glanced to his huffing companion; he looked a bit more alive than he had a few minutes ago. “Torvald, what is your trial? Is it awful you having a rare class and all...?” Vrax said in a tired tone.
Torvalds expression drooped noticeably. “Yeah, it’s pretty rough. I have to break a siege. Fuck if I know what counts for that—it’s not like there are many castles being invaded in the kingdom anymore.” Vrax flinched. Torvald's was almost worse than his.
“If it makes you feel any better, I have to conquer a small swatch of the forsaken lands!” Vrax said with fake cheer.
Torvald smiled a bit at that. “We should have just taken normal classes and settled for humdrum lives as guards, right?” Torvald ribbed, and they settled in to rest for a bit longer, discussing their current sanctuary builds and plans for how they would surmount their first trials.
Vrax led them deeper into the dense jungle-like foliage, dancing around another five plumes of acrid hot springs. Until finally the furrow led to a sudden and jarring change in the terrain; the jungle abruptly gave way to a blasted, rocky wasteland. Hard-packed earth with scraggly, mostly dead trees reaching out with sharp, jagged branches scattered across it. The earth rose and fell in sudden and unintelligible stone mesas and valleys. The red of damned soil and whites of bleached bones dominated this area.
Vrax cringed, looking over the sudden clearing that led into the mazelike mesas ahead; he could see dozens of squat, squirming things dragging themselves to and fro, many trailing blood behind them. “Well, found the soul render nest,” Vrax whispered.
“Is it normally like this?” Torvald asked, looking around the bone-strewn wasteland. ”
“Only if the nest has been around for at least a few years.” Vrax responded.
Vrax squinted at a hazy blur inching towards them from the jungle to his right. Gradually his mental defenses cut through the grub's talent, making it visible. It was none the wiser an awful slug-like being with a moist gouge where a mouth should go and a dozen uneven eyes strew across the top of its grey fleshy hide. Torvald looked where Vrax was tracking the grub only ten strides away and then back to the wasteland, not even flinching.
“Torvald, buddy, pal, best friend of years…. You did increase your mental defenses like I told you to, right…?” Vrax said in a bittersweet tone as the grub continued sliding closer to them.
“Psh ...why would you doubt me…” Torvald bluffed unconvincingly, then jumped a bit as the unexpected massive black claw of dutchess popped out of the dense foliage nearby, unceremoniously yanking the grub into mottled bushes not even two strides from them.
Without even looking away from Torvald, Vrax continued, “Oh gee, I wonder…just…stay close to me or Mrs. Phobos because obviously the fucking fear dragon can see them just fine!” Vrax half shouted the last bit in frustration before leaving the bush line and inching onto the blasted red dirt.
Explorer Erni-Von Hillbach- The Forsaken Lands
Erni sat in uncomfortable silence with his guards on top of an abandoned tower, staring into the fire as a large deer haunch roasted on a spit. Normally fresh meat like this would be a rarity, but his two new companions had apparently wanted fresh meat. This haunch was what was left after their foul magics had dragged the rest of the poor deer into a shadow where it disappeared with a sickening crunch.
Erni didn’t know if it was a threat or a “kind gesture“ from the paladin, but the [Nightmare conductors] hadn’t fucking left yet, spending most of the day either napping in his shirt or flitting about curiously.
Hans broke the stillness after offering one of the chattering horrors a nearly clean bone, which it began gnawing on with disconcerting fervor. “Bah he dunt seem ta be that bad oh a fellow.” He scooped one of the conductors from his shoulder and onto the corner of his bedroll next to him.
Cropus looked so tense he might snap with any sudden movements. “Those are demons, right? Like actual demons? Far too intelligent for some odd animal variation, and they laughed—they fucking laughed! When that deer imploded!” Corpus, said almost manically around a mouthful of venison.
Erni sighed. “Sir, I don’t know. Identify says it’s an essence-bound creature and level twelve. We’ve been over this already; they just seem to be deadly, smart, magically inclined squirrels.”
“Oh tha flys, and likes dwarven ale!” Hans interjected, pouring another thimbleful of ale for his tiny new friend, who gave him an appreciative coo before scurrying into the folds of Hans’s bedroll with it to share with its sibling.
“I imagine they will return to their master whenever whatever task they have is done. Now let’s get some sleep. If we make good time, I can have my report in by the end of the week, and I expect we will all get a bonus because of our new friend and how much information about him is worth!” Erni said also accepting some offered dwarven ale.
Comments
Austin Gibbs
I'm glad you got more runway lol although as a exercise halfway through the first book nerf your protagonist by killing his source of power would be a interesting ride.
jollybane
lmao the 1/0 is not in refrence to his god, but yeah Vurune isn't immune to the cycle either he just operates on a whole different timeline than normal beings.
Austin Gibbs
So wait is his god of the cycle cuz that would mean it not only wants to kill other gods but also itself...
