mrcavanaughtf
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Waking Thoughts
🕑 Added 2019-05-09 19:13:59 +0000 UTCI woke up with one thought in my mind - it was my wife's fortieth birthday. A second later the thought was gone and I was left confused about why it had come to mind at all. I wasn't married and most certainly not to a woman! I was gay for crying out loud and always had been. It was strange though because as I tried to think about it, I could briefly envision flashes of standing at the front of a church watching a veiled bride in a beautiful white dress approach. The image faded after a moment and I was left considering what kind of wild dream I'd had that had continued to imprint on my waking mind. It wasn't as if they could actually be memories, was it?
Glancing down at my hands I could swear that for a moment I saw a crease around my ring finger right where a wedding band might have sat but upon blinking I realized that I had imagined it. There was no sign there had ever been a ring there, nor did I ever really think there had been one. I wasn't the type for marriage anyway, it was too much commitment for me, somebody who had bailed on every relationship I'd ever had after six months. I just couldn't deal with clingy guys - and I knew that girls could be even worse!
Pulling myself out of bed I moved into the en-suite bathroom of my bachelor pad and took a long hard look at myself in the mirror. For a moment I hardly recognized the handsome face and muscular body that greeted me, having expected to see a balding man with a double-chin and a sagging gut. What on earth would cause me to expect that? It must have been some nightmare. I'd always taken care of my body - daily gym sessions, an intense skincare routine and a strict diet. I looked good for a man in his late thirties and I was damn proud of it too, even if it meant I too often attracted young twinks begging to call me "daddy". I didn't mind it every now and then but it could get boring after too much exposure.
Scratching at my hairy pecs I let out a long sigh. The anxiety and confusion I had felt upon waking to that alarming thought was slowly starting to drift away and as I got back onto my bed and began turning through the latest copy of Attitude magazine I felt much better in myself. Dismissing those brief moments as the hangover from a nightmare, I was all too happy to forget them and look forward to another exciting day as a handsome gay man in his prime!
