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BoiToy Productions: Pilot

🕑 Added 2018-10-13 13:30:01 +0000 UTC
BoiToy Productions: Pilot

Comments

It might be time for me to write a new one. Maybe actually start the series. I might want to do some character designs though.

Im interested in what else you have planned

Man that’s some in depth critic! Thanks man! Idk. For this one I wanted to get the main mechanics of how it all works. Next time will go more in depth with characters and the ins and outs. As far as my grammar stuff, I’m trying, I need an editor more then anything else. Writing clearly isn’t my main skill so to speak

TheDeathEcchi

While rife with spelling and grammatical errors (in particular, the constant switching between Bean and Ashton and the sudden shift of tenses from intro to story proper was frustrating), it’s plain to see you truly enjoyed working on this project. The concept itself is arousing enough, but is weakened significantly by lack of context and backstory. It seemed like you were more intent on getting to the ‘juicy’ parts as quick as possible, and as a result, the narrative suffered. I did, however, enjoy the great deal of playfulness and banter exhibited by Monica and Brittany, and BoyToy’s inner monologue was amusing. It’s a very rough piece of work, but it’s caught my attention enough I’m interested in seeing what you have planned next. Vision: 4 Originality: 5/5 Technique: 2/5 Impact: 3.5/5

Yassss 😍


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