CollaredKid
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Judgment
🕑 Added 2021-05-27 18:18:31 +0000 UTCSorry guys, this just isn't worth ripping my hair out about. Not when I have other more focused things I want to show you. I'm going to treat this like an image without a story and keep the skeleton as a cutie little "what if". It was fun sharing my writing process with you and it will be fun to see what the rest of you think! :)
This is what I had of the story for "Judgment" so far. Please let me know what you think! Also, let me know if you'd like more things like this. Presenting the skeleton with a few notes was oddly a very fun process! A nice peak behind my bullshit.
Edite: I'm also adding an alternative version I made back when I was messing around with the picture. Hope you guys like it!
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When one thinks of Hell there are probably a lot of colorful images that paint the mind. One is probably a place where fire and pain are in no short supply. There are others who believe that all damnation is freezing cold? Or maybe you’re one of those weirdos who thinks it’s just a bunch of birds eating naked people. Never the less, I’m sure there are denizens there who would have enjoyed something a bit more.... entertaining.
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The alarm bell screeched, echoing through the ludicrously long hall. It signaled to all souls who’s stood in the line that it was time to move a single step up. A single step in a wait that seemed to stretch on farther then any mortal could see. It was like something out of an amusement park, but worse.
Somewhere in that endless single file of souls stood Keith, waiting for his judgment just like everyone else. The young man’s head was foggy, as if he had just walked into a room and completely forgot his purpose. He couldn’t remember what he was just doing, let along what was happening now, but still he stayed put. He tried tapping the shoulder of the woman in front of him, but there was no response, only a single step forward when the siren blared.
(CK Note: This is one of the small things that were getting me stuck. I don't know, I’d LIKE to do a side plot of what actually killed Keith, and how he ended up here, but the more this story goes on I get the feeling it’s not something that really matters. I like doing interesting concepts with these stories but not if they're going to overwhelm everything to the point of boredom.)
He ran his fingers through his hair nervously as he took in all his surroundings. The hall itself looked as if it was decorated by a game designer with Alzheimer’s. He’d see the same stock portraits decorating the hall over and over again. The same plants, the same patterns on the wall. Was he even moving forward at all? No matter how many steps he had taken, it never really felt as such.
Fear swelled inside his belly as hopelessness set in not long after. Mixed with his confusion and lack of any memory prior, poor Keith was hurdling towards a break down. His breath caught in his throat as the same questions ran in his mind over and over again.
“Fuck, FUCK! Where am I? What-... what happened? Where did...?” He started to openly babble at full volume. There was no point in whispering, the person behind him was as unresponsive as the one in front. He slipped deeper into disparity, deeper into confusion.
The siren sounded again, the echoing march following after, but this time Keith didn’t budge. He was too busy breaking down. His hands covering his face as he questioned everything.
A different buzzer sounded this time. It was louder, angrier, but still Keith didn’t move. The zombie like face of the person in back of him slowly turning to one of annoyance. As if they just snapped back to reality.
“No.... no that’s not right.. I was... I was with- no that’s not right either. FUCK! What was I doing??? I-I can’t breath? I CAN’T BREATH!” Keith stammered in a tone ever more frantic.
Grumbles behind him began to grow. The alarm screaming louder. Until finally there was a tap on the spiraling young man’s shoulder.
“Sir? SIR!” The mousy, almost secretary looking girl repeated in a tone of mix concern and annoyance. She wasn’t on the line like him, only beside it.
“Huh? What??? Who are are-... OH MY GOD AN ACTUAL PERSON!” Keith’s mental state completely u-turned upon seeing he wasn’t alone. Instinctively, he filled the wide space in front of him, allowing the line behind to continue. The face of the person behind him slowly fell to their trance like state from before.
“There we go! All better!” The blond applauded herself proudly for a job well done. She turned to go about her duties until the young man frantically tried to stop her.
“Wow wow wow, hold on there Ms!!!” Keith flailed his arms like a toddler for attention, but to no avail. The woman thought to herself for a split second, but decided to just keep walking as if she didn’t hear.
With seemingly no choice, Keith broke from the line to catch up, sounding a different alarm from the two before. In an instant the girl turned on her heels with a look of pure disbelief.
“Sir!!! You’ve lost your place!” The adorable blonde awed as she cupped both hands to her lips.
“Well, haha, that’s my main problem if I’m being honest. Listen, I’m kinda lost. Would you happen to know what’s going o-OOMPH!” Keith’s words muffled as he suddenly felt a large ball gag appear strapped around his mouth. He went to clutch at it, only to discover his arms and body were restricted in this pink coil.
His arms were folded above his head, locked to the bondage-vest that tangled around his torso. With all of Keith’s strength, he was unable to break free, much less move an inch.
Meanwhile the girl he had tried so hard to catch up with now stood with her back to him. She placed a finger to her ear like a Bluetooth, even though Keith was entirely sure he didn’t see one before. She only responded in confirmations as she nodded repeatedly.
“Ok. Yes. Yes sir........” She looked back at him for one second. He could have sworn he saw a smile on the corner of her mouth. “Absolutely.<3”
With that she turned and chirped. “Welp, Looks like it’s back to the start for you~!”
It was Keith’s turn to look at her in complete disbelief. She couldn’t be serious! What was going on?! But like the other questions he had it would have to wait as suddenly everything just... ceased.
(CK Note: See? I seem fixated on making this some sort of “mystery”, but does this really add anything? Sure it makes it more interesting in a way, but look how long this is with it all feeling like build?)
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Slowly, it felt as if reality started to exist again. The black fog covering Keith’s eyes steadily blinked away, as finally his vision came back into focus. The first thing his tired retinas saw was the small blonde from before, now holding a leash to the collar around his neck.
As soon as the realization was made Keith began to struggle. The pink rope from before still had him immobilized, completely unbreakable despite the delicate look of the material. Escape was useless, the only difference there was from before was now Keith was naked, all while the preoccupied blonde STILL had his back to him.
“Man, you’re a real silly one.” The girl turned with a sly smile, adjusting her glasses. “Those aren’t going to break for a human like you. You best behave yourself until it’s your turn. If you don’t, you’re getting gagged again.”
Keith only grimaced in confusion. From a check of his surroundings he noticed he was still on this strange line. Even now, the hallway looked no different, with it’s same stock pile images and plants. He was about to demand she tell him what was going on, but then noticed just how that skirt fit her.
Despite the girl’s small, petite stature, her ass stretched the fabric of her skirt as far as it could go. Her whole body in general was a complete knock out, Keith thought as his mouth went dry, his manhood distracting him from the task at hand.
The girl just giggled again. “Really?~” They asked without turning around. “Hehe, careful cutie. This baby might just take your breath away.~” She chortled again, giving her plush bottom a teasing smack, knowing her new friend couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Keith scowled and attempted to shake the blush off his face. Well, at least she was talkative. Maybe he could finally get an answer to what’s going on.
“Ahem... Noted.” Keith said, confirming that the girl’s bottom was indeed hot as hell. “But look, I’m lost....
(CK Note: this is where it kinda breaks off. I do this often if I get stuck at certain points in the story. This next part is intended to be after he finds out he’s actually dead and in Hell. Once Keith realizes where he is, he can then see this “secretary” for who she is. A demon named Lilith. It’s kinda like, his mind can’t process where he is. So his mind is tricking him a bit, or protecting him? Lmao see why I’m so stuck? This was WAY too out there, and I couldn't bring it on home at my current skill level.)
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Keith panicked, the full weight of his current predicament crashed down on his shoulders. His breath caught in his throat as his mouth opened to say something, only to be shushed by the index finger of a blue hand coming from....... SOMEWHERE behind him.
(CK Note: Basically, this “power” works like that one girl from “One Peace”. I’ve never played with that kind of element before so I want to see what I can do.)
It startled the poor, young man. For a moment, Keith thought he might fall back into the person behind him, but luckily a tug of the leash kept him balanced as the whole line moved forward a single step after the sound of the alarm.
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——CK corner——
And, well, that's as far as I got. I have no idea why this one stumped me so hard. Maybe because I made this while dicking around? While drawing this picture, I really just wanted to do something that "looked cool". I got there, but trying to then give substance to something that was clearly just style was a head scratcher. Still, I'm proud with how far I got.
Now, I’m not going to spoil exactly where I was going, but at this point in the story I’d really like to move on to the actual meat of the project. I scan still slide story beats into the tickling, I just need to get there. I feel like there’s still a lot of fun to be had here, but putting the peaces together was harder then I thought. So let me know what you think. Do you like what you see here? Let me know if you have any questions or comments! ☺️
Also, I would love to know your thoughts. This is fun! I like showing you guys the process. Also, this is all from my phone notes. That’s where I write all of my stories. So I’m sorry if things are a bit messy.
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