ErikaMoen
patreon
Listen. This post is a whole lotta bullshit but there are some garden before-and-after photos, so you might like that.
🕑 Added 2024-05-25 03:17:47 +0000 UTCNow, to be honest,
my brain is really fuzzy right now. Fuzzy and distracted, like in a chemical-y way. Oh, the above photo is from January this year.
This photo is also from January, when the snow was almost all gone.
So, my brain. I think (I hope) it feels "weirdsies" because my body is still acclimating to my newest medication, "Pro-" something. I think. Progesterone! It's for my menopause.
They started me on an Estrogen patch, just to get that hormone count back up to a more normal range, and now that I've achieved that my body has started to get a little weird again so my doctor said it's normal to add in Progesterone so that the two balance each other out? Or something.
This is the garden from a little over a week ago.
I keep freezing.
Not temperature-wise.
Freezing productivity-wise. And. Being-a-Human-wise. Just, freezing when I should be functioning the way a more-or-less well-adjusted adult who has probably had tens of thousands of dollars worth of therapy at this point should be able to function.
Work? Email? Comics? Crafts? Friends? Sex? Why do that when I could just curl into a ball in the left-hand corner of the couch and scroll on Instagram for hours upon hours at a time.
I'm making this sound somewhat worse than it actually is. I do go out. I do see my friends. I do get (the barest amount of) work done. I did do more volunteer mending work for strangers with damaged clothing. I'm doing stuff.
It's ok. I'm getting the bare minimum done.
I just feel so
ashamed?
There's so much I want to do!
Work! and Art! and Adventures!
There's so much I want to do.
And there's such a finite amount of time to do it.
And every minute that I'm not doing the stuff that matters,
it's gone.
I've lost it.
Maybe I'll never get to do it.
Look. Ignore this. ("This" = all the bullshit I just wrote)
It's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
I'm doing the best that I can.
It's basically good enough.
I'm going to eat some maraschino cherries and take a bath. I hope you do something as equally lovely for yourself tonight too.
Actually, here's my question for you:
What's the loveliest thing you did for yourself this week?
Spare no details.
Comments
Margaret Lutz
Reached out to a friend last night instead of sitting home alone trying not to hurt myself
Rachel Kelly
Honestly this week is just "how can I make unpacking from the trip we just took a little less awful," because while the trip was great, the quantity of absolute Stuff we need to deal with is so intimidating. But I took some soup out of the freezer and bought some fresh veggies for us to make and eat, and ever so slowly, we move the needle forward. Gah. It's a lot. Thanks for this post, I feel honored by this and much of your extremely Feeling honesty.
