Calxiyn
patreon
Patreon Reward Tier Changes ($10+) + More About Last Weeks Video
🕑 Added 2019-08-18 23:47:43 +0000 UTCHey everyone,
First, the good news is that for those who enjoyed the Timer Based reactions, I have now put them on the $10 tier. It struck me while watching Dr Stone and Fire Force this weekend that we still have to record ourselves reacting to the shows anyway, even if we do an analysis and discussion... which means we're basically doing the same amount of work + more that we were doing before. So instead of taking the entire reaction and throwing it in the trash, I decided to put it at the $10 tier.
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Now, the bad news,
I had a discussion at length with someone for the past hour or so. Basically, I was presented with an ultimatum of sorts. There are basically 2 options.
1. I need to quit making YouTube videos entirely. Entirely, entirely. No more RWBY, Miraculous, anything.
2. Or, I could change things, specifically Patreon this time.
Please keep in mind, those are the only 2 options I had when deciding to do this, and I'm assuming since you guys enjoy my videos enough to support them through Patreon, you would not want Hunter and I to quit. Because I am entirely, 100% serious when I say these are the only 2 options and there is no in between.
After Thursday, I felt like a massive weight was taken off my shoulders. The support was overwhelming and entirely surprised me, to be able to get all these comments about how it was okay to take a break, and that it's our channel and if we didn't like what we were doing anymore, people would support us in stopping to change it.
But the feelings I had still weren't going away. These are feelings I've mentioned before, but haven't really talked about in depth. Headaches on just the left side of my head (apparently they're usually caused by stress). Being too tired and too unmotivated to do anything, even the videos I was so excited to make a few weeks ago. Crying or becoming hysterical for no reason, at any given moment. Not being able to function, or get out of bed. Feeling like I'm not good enough, that I'm constantly disappointing the people who have pledged to me. Feeling guilty if I'm doing something for my own enjoyment, instead of working 100% of the time. And if I feel guilty about doing something I enjoy, I get upset, too upset to work, which means I'm stuck in a loop of being too upset to work, or doing something I want to do, and becoming upset for not working.
I never imagined after 3 years of not having any extreme, consistent feelings of depression or anxiety at all since highschool, I would end up as bad as I was when they had to put me into the crisis center at the hospital.
That's why this situation for me is change or quit. My basic logic and reasoning is, that if I quit, I would have patrons who are (understandably) upset, because their requests never got finished, since I would never upload anything again, obviously. If I don't quit, but change the tiers, patrons would still be upset. So really, if either way, people would be upset, picking the "change" option made the most sense to do, instead of stopping my channel entirely.
Basically, I am changing it so Patrons can no longer "commission" or "request" videos. Mental health stuff aside, even if I felt "all better", it's literally become impossible with having 3, 9 hour shifts at work a week, plus 3 9 hour days of school starting soon. It's better to do this now, in August, than become overwhelmed in September, which I already foresee happening if I'm overwhelmed now, with no school. I also can't guarantee that if you have requested something in the past, it will ever be finished.
I am changing the system so instead of commissions, they will be suggestions, where we only pick the suggestions that we really, really like. However, there is a great benefit that comes with this. You can suggest as many videos as you want. You will no longer have to worry about running out of tickets. You will no longer have to "budget" out what you want to request.
To me, this rewards people with good suggestions. For the $10 tier for example, you were only able to request 1 video. But now, if you SUGGEST, 5 videos, we may do all 5 videos - because those videos are good ideas, and we are passionate about them. You may have paid $20 or $40 for that amount of videos before with the old system, so to me this seems like a good deal.
I don't want anyone to feel bad about their requests though. This has nothing to do with requests being bad. Like none of you had such bad video requests that it led me to have a mental breakdown. It's not about the requests - it's about having to be obligated, beholden to them. To be chained by them, and feel guilty for every moment I'm not working. I already have things I am obligated to.
With school for example, that's an obligation I can't get out of. I can't change my major, I can't change my minors. I can't go back to school without any money and I am stuck with what I decided to do now. Courses that I chose for fun are now just checks off a list for completing minors, and honestly my channel is starting to feel more like that every day. Instead of picking courses I was passionate about, or felt interesting to me, now with the minors I'm doing, I HAVE to take them. And I don't think anyone wants their hobby, their craft, or their passion, even if they do make money with it to feel like that.
Ultimately, this doesn't create good content. Passion and using those feelings and sparks of inspiration do, and when I feel inspiration hit me, those have been some of our best videos.
Finally, I understand how this will feel upsetting, or like a slap in the face for some of you who have supported me for a long time. Even MORE upsetting then the last news that I put out. Your feelings of anger, frustration, or sadness, are valid. Whatever you feel right now, is valid, and you have my highest apologies. I am truly sorry that I've put everyone through all these changes multiple times this year - and multiple times this summer. But I hope that everyone can keep in mind, and understand that I wouldn't do this if the situation wasn't dire, and the situation like I said is "change or quit". If I had changed things earlier, we wouldn't have to do this now, but I can't let it keep going anymore.
