Creative Burnout

Thank you so much for sharing all that. It’s remarkable how much of what you shared has mimicked my own journey over the last few years. I too have been working to deprogram myself from all my childhood trauma, though the situation with my parents has been very different. If anything I’d say they were too loving, too invested, and too caring, and in trying to raise me with good values and keep me from harm, they ended up being so overprotective that it was smothering. And yet, like you, I knew nothing else, and for the longest time, didn’t understand that my head was being held under the water by all their rules and expectations. If I completed at yard work the day my father asked, but did it in the afternoon instead of the morning (when he would have done it), then it was a problem. If I got a good grade on a test, but I didn’t study a whole lot, it was a problem, because I should have done better. It wasn’t just an expectation of WHAT I was supposed to do, it was WHY AND HOW, and that was a standard I never could (or often times would) meet. I’m lucky in that I can say I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, that I know what they were doing cane from a place of love and good intention, AND YET, that still didn’t change the damage that was done. In the time directly after moving away from home, I collapsed emotionally and coped by not sleeping. This lasted a couple years without me consciously understanding that I was trying to hide, but that was the easy part. It’s taken me more than nearly 9 years since I realized what I was doing and started working out of the hole I’d dug. And believe me, it was deep. My depression had taken over every facet of my life, and I was so sleep deprived that I’d started to fragment different relationships and aspects of my life into separate existences. It didn’t get to the point of split personalities, but my mind would not allow me (as much as possible) to acknowledge what I’d experienced in one fragment while I was in another. Putting back the pieces took a lot of time, and at the same time I was tasked with trying to figure out who I really am, as I’d never had the chance growing up. Progress was slow for many years, but eventually I found some footing and started pulling myself out. I’m happy to say that in the last year I’ve put a lot of new things in motion, very much like what you’ve been doing, and have begun to embrace self-love, happiness, and fulfillment. I want to thank you for sharing your journey, and I also want to thank you for your videos. ASMR has been a big part of my healing, and your videos have always been some of my favorites, but more importantly they’ve been some of the most healing. When I was scared, hurt, and afraid, you validated how I felt, supported me finding my path, and gave me a warm digital hug whenever I needed it. I’m so very glad to hear you’re doing better and have found something to live for, I hope this progress continues for us both, and I look forward to seeing how you and your art evolve into the future. Thank you for all you do. Much love! - Bret