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⛥ August Q&A
🕑 Added 2021-08-29 05:51:31 +0000 UTCGreetings! As of now, I have refueled after a two hour energy work stream (it took an embarrassing number of chocolate chips to raise my blood sugar enough to function) and now I'm transitioning from performance mode to relaxation mode. It always takes me such a long time to mentally prepare for something and especially transition from one thing to the next. The easiest way to switch those gears in my brain is to get my mind off of everything and immerse myself completely into something else, something casual and trivial with no pressure or expectation. Jack is slowly getting used to the counterintuitive nature of my brain's wiring and no longer asks questions when I say I'm getting ready to go do something and end up window shopping for furniture for 15 minutes first. It actually serves a very important function. If I jump too quickly from one thing to the next, I become very overwhelmed and disoriented. One such casual, no pressure thing is answering your questions. I see you've come up with a whole bunch of them again. Get yourself a nice beverage and look forward to a good read!
Do you have a favorite when it comes to jam? Going off of just the taste, I really like citrus and stone fruit (cherry, plum, apricot, peach). This one lady at the farmers market makes some kickass bourbon vanilla peach jam. It's actually incredible and practically begging to be put on sponge cake. In Germany, traditional donuts are filled with apricot jam. I never did get used to the berry jam filling of the obvious cheap copy, the Berliner. Only true Krapfen with apricot jam and a slightly dry crust will do.
Do you like bats? Yes! They are so cute. I'd love to have a pet bat one day but I'm not sure what the laws on exotic pets are in my state.
Are you interested in astrology? Yes, I love everything to do with the skies and ancient knowledge. I love researching astrology, reading people's charts and slowly figuring the universe's energies out for myself. I'm especially interested in the psychological aspect of astrology, how the stars affect us, studying zodiac signs and everything. People tend to have this misconception that just because I am interested in and believe in astrology, that I form opinions on people based on their sign - and they're especially ticked off if they decided they don't identify with their sign because their newspaper horoscope didn't fit their life situation that one time in 2002 or they hold the (justified) opinion that horoscopes are (intentionally) too vague to say anything about a person. There is in fact, a shit ton more to astrology than just horoscopes which are nothing more than generic energetic weather forecasts, written by people whose involvement in reading the stars is questionable at best - who are fallible and prone to projection just like meteorologists, and whose best bet, if they do happen to know their cosmic bodies, is superimposing their knowledge onto pure stereotypes (the signs). Your commonly known zodiac sign is merely the planetary constellation the sun falls in viewed from your location on the planet at the time of your birth. And despite the fact that our solar system revolves around that flaming death orb in the sky, it is not the only - not even the most important - influence on our lives and personalities. The other planets matter, too! Not to mention the energy of the place you are born into on Earth. Your family, your city, your country, your DNA, your innate personality. All things in existence play a part in shaping who you are. Including the stars. Because all things in existence influence all other things in existence, astrology presents itself as a map of life itself. And no, I don't mean to tell you who you are when I ask about your birthday. I mean to learn about you in a way that reveals a lot of general tendencies in a short time. I, myself, am but a beginner. And trust that when I poke fun at your zodiac sign, I am not implying that all people who share that sun sign are the same. If someone does seriously judge you by just your sun sign, hell even your birth chart, they're not an astrologer, they're a Scorpio ascendant.
As for the wands, my birthday is December 6th. That makes your birth tree elder! I'll keep my eye out for a good elder branch for you.
Does Jack like to sing? No. He's not a musical person in general.
Which ingredients do you usually use when you make pasta carbonara? I make authentic Italian carbonara so only pasta (I use spaghettini), bacon, garlic, parmesan and egg yolk. Season with salt and pepper of course.
How much have you learned to drive since moving to the States? Did you find it difficult or easy? Not at all yet. We want to get all the bureaucracy stuff sorted before we attempt getting a DL but alas, government offices closed for the pandemic and never reopened so it's taking a while.
Do you by any chance find it therapeutic to perform household chores? I don't find them therapeutic in themselves. More for what they imply. I don't enjoy the act of doing dishes, but I enjoy having a clean kitchen. So I will do the dishes and clean the kitchen, which has a positive effect on my mental state. It implies that I have the time and energy to keep up with chores, that I am able to create a clean and functional environment, even a beautiful one - all of which gives me a sense of satisfaction and peace. The end result is usually worth it, even if the act itself is a drag.
Do you have any favorite coffee beans? Chocolate covered espresso beans? If that answers your question.
Do you have any favorite soups? I will never tire of pumpkin soup. It's my #1 go-to and I can't wait for pumpkin season. A little bit of nutmeg, sage and chili pepper goes a long way.
Have you ever heard of any Scandinavian authors? Not that I know of. But then again, I usually don't remember the authors when I read books unless their writing style really speaks to me, so I might have and I just don't know it.
Are you interested in voodoo? Yes. I'd love to experience a voodoo ritual live at least once, but due to personal experience I have grown cautious around anything concerning possession.
How much do you know about the druids? Not a lot. I'd love to learn more about Celtic culture and the mystics of the olden days, but who do you go to for accurate information? What book do you read that is 100% the truth? What is being left out? What is mere interpretation? Are some things just lost to time?
What was your least favorite subject in high school? Math. Plus any subject that was more about memorizing trivia than grasping information, which, with how curriculums have always been set up... May aswell have been all of them. I'm looking at you, though, "history". I never liked school, even though I like learning.
Have you seen the Adventures of Merlin? Not yet. 85% on rotten tomatoes is impressive tho.
Have you ever dyed your hair silver blonde? Yeah, that was a huge thing back when I was blonde. It's a lot of upkeep. Not only trying to keep your hair from falling out of your head, but also mixing purple dye into your conditioner in what may aswell have been the wild west of hair coloring and hoping it'll take evenly so you don't end up with yellow patches... What a pain in the ass. Now they got purple shampoos and conditioners and everything but back in my day it was DIY or a $100 salon visit.
Does Jack like tea? Yeah, tea's alright.
When you record audio ASMR videos do you record your lines or the video footage first? Always the video footage. There's a reason why movie productions do it that way. It's a lot easier to overlay audio to match the video than it is to perfectly lip sync to a pre-recorded track.
Do you have any favorite kinds of trees? I really like bald cypress and salt cedar. They have a distinct elegance to them, like most conifers. That being said, I'm also fond of pine and hemlock - and dogwood for its exceptionally sturdy wood. Aswell as of course any tree that bears fruit. I eat so much fruit by myself Jack makes fun of me sometimes. All because of that one time I said I wasn't hungry and only wanted a snack and proceeded to eat almost an entire pineapple. I left some for him because I wanted to be nice, but noooo. Now I'm the fruit demon. Hide your pineapples, hide your strawberries...
Have you found any decent cafes in Missouri? None that we frequent yet... I have found one place that makes the closest thing to European coffee I have tasted since coming here, but it's downtown so we rarely get the chance to stop by.
Does Jack have naturally straight hair? No, it's naturally curly. Sometimes I straighten it for him. (He likes it, it makes him feel beautiful)
Do you like licorice candy? Anything but licorice! I detest the flavor so much, I can't consume anything that even vaguely reminds me of it. Coke? Mh-mh. Root beer? Nope. Absinthe? Hell to the no. I know there's no actual licorice in any of these things. But it tastes similar enough that it makes it disgusting to me.
When you record exterior videos how far do you usually have to walk to the chosen location? As far as it takes to find a spot where you don't run into people every 10 seconds. That narrows it down to the most inconvenient, unpopular and remote locations my legs can carry me + 15 pounds of equipment. Either that or I'm limited to the stupidest times of day with questionable lighting situations.
Which is more important? Listening or solving other people's problems? That depends on the person in question and who they are to you. Generally the only situation I can think of that someone would benefit from you trying to solve their problems is if someone you love ended up in a really bad situation and needed help getting out of it. Or if it's a stranger, they'll probably only want help if it concerns something they can't do for themselves and they literally have no one. Most of the time, people just want you to listen and understand and, frankly, your energy would be wasted trying to help someone who didn't ask for help and possibly doesn't even want help. Then there's the case of narcissists fishing for supply who have an interest in perpetuating their problems for the pity and attention it brings them. If they show no desire to change anything about their situation, don't waste your time. But as a general rule of thumb I'd say - listen first, help later if at all. A lot of people want to be understood and validated, to be told what they're feeling is normal and right. Especially if they're going through a lot, it can be very difficult to process emotions and talking it out with someone helps those emotions to settle and enables them to think clearly about their situation. Sometimes, if we throw solutions at people before we hear them out, it can sound like an invalidation to their distraught emotional state - sort of like "if it were that easy, don't you think I'd have done that by now?!" People in distress have a harder time with logic and it's extremely beneficial to be empathetic of that. They are also very vulnerable and if you don't approach them with the necessary empathy, it can sound to them like you're judging them or you think they're stupid for not having solved this problem yet. Or it could make them feel like you don't care about how they're feeling and only want to fix their problems so they'll shut up and leave you in peace - like an implied rejection. Depends on who it is. Depends on what they need. But almost anyone will be helped by an empathetic ear willing to tell them they're totally rational and not crazy at all. And don't do anything for a person that they can do for themselves. You do not want to teach them that they're powerless. You may offer to do it with them - for moral support. But don't do it for them. It's the opposite of empowering. You know, the same can actually be said for solving problems. Rather than solving them for them, talk it through with them and help them form their own conclusions (if applicable).
I know you don't like the place you were living in Germany, but why United States? My husband is a US citizen. When we talked about living together, we quickly came to the conclusion that it's best if I immigrate here - for several reasons. First off, I am already fluent in English - whereas he has a hard time with languages. Second, his employer doesn't hire out of Germany. And while he could probably find similar work, there would still be the language barrier making everything he's good at 100x harder. Meanwhile, I have the privilege of taking my job with me anywhere in the world that has internet access. Lastly, as you mentioned, I hated where I was to start with. Anything is better than that carcinogenic shithole with 24/7 noise pollution. Even our door-slamming, ambiguously aged stoner neighbor who always sounds like she's on death's door. We also considered Canada but we're too broke for that.
Favourite food? I still have to say Vietnamese summer rolls, but only with lots of cilantro (the more the better). I just love the fresh crunch of the lettuce and vegetables and the savory mouthful of shrimp and omelet. And of course I'll eat anything with cilantro in it. Summer rolls don't seem to exist here. But a close second is spaghetti carbonara with LOTS of garlic.
Do you like dumplings? Who doesn't like dumplings? Dumplings are little miracle pockets of umami flavor. Even if they aren't pockets at all, like chicken and dumplings - a surprisingly delicious soul food combining tender chicken and chewy dumplings in a thick gravy... Who knew something so plain could taste so good! I mean... The answer is yes.
This post is adding onto the one from last month. The example, "if I slip up, the whole world would crash on me" was me referring to how my father reacts to the slightest things. Like a dish in the sink, cup in my room, parking in the wrong spot. He would use that small thing as an excuse to take things away from me like my phone, food, clothing and such. The biggest things he would threaten to take is to remove me from extracurriculars such as drum corps/college. When I began doing that activity, he said I never needed to worry about paying him. Later he would hold it over my head. Examples on what was said, "you're accomplishments mean nothing without my help" "I spent thousands on you and this is how you treat me" The "Momentos" I keep were things that I got while in drum corps such as uniform pieces, necklace, jacket, and my practice instrument. Those things have deep ties to what I love most and couldn't ever part with them. Unfortunately, my dad is also part of that attachment. I'm not sure how to detach his memory from these physical items. They haunt me in a sense. But they also remind me of the best times of my life. I'm very conflicted. I think you hit it on the nose on how to help me for this situation, and it gave me a ton of confidence/reassurance of what I've been doing to solve this issue. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer. Ok yeah that is a blatant control tactic used by narcissists to secure supply. Guilt and blackmail - fun! I can see why you're conflicted about these sentimental items. But I want you to know that you can refuse to be blackmailed - even by mere memories of the narcissist. Just because he paid for something doesn't mean you owe him. He is your parent - this is literally expected of him. Anything beyond what's necessary to keep you alive, he gave you by choice. He gave you these things expecting supply, gratitude, compliance, submission... But you never consented to these conditions, therefore this "contract" is void and his arguments are null. You can work with the memories everytime they arise by saying these things to him in your head. Say what you really think, play it out in your head and stand your ground. It's immensely satisfying to have the last word - even if it's only in your imagination. It's still a healing experience. You can tell him the truth - that he did it to himself. That he can control what he does and you can control what you do, but he can't control you without your consent (anymore). And in your mind, you can watch him lose this fight. Remind yourself that you owe him nothing. He's the selfish one for using blatant emotional abuse to try to control you. You're entitled to freedom. You're entitled to peace of mind. You're entitled to being treated like a human being. And you will do whatever it takes to preserve and defend these things, in body, mind and spirit. Little by little, until you've reclaimed your autonomy, integrity and confidence. I believe in you.
I told you it was gonna be a long one! I hope you enjoyed this read as much as I enjoyed your questions. As always, there will be a new post at the beginning of the month where you can post follow up questions or anything else you thought of. I hope you're staying safe, staying healthy, taking care of yourself and fighting for your peace of mind if necessary. Cheers
Comments
The Cat Pictures
Silver Blonde Hair dye. I started dying my hair silver blonde, and I felt a sharp pain on my scalp for the 20 minutes I had it on. When it was washed out, the top of my head was chemically burned, and my hair was missing. I am now letting my hair grow out; no more dye. I haven't been a real blonde since puberty. I think it is growing back, but I really messed up my scalp. The hair on top of my head is growing back slower than the rest of my hair.
You're an incredible human being. Thank you for taking the time to talk me through this road block. 😊
apirux
Heads-up about Hurricane Ida. It's supposedly passing through Missouri around Mon-Tue. Take care and be safe, you two.
apirux
Royce Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans are the best ones. https://roycechocolate.com/products/coffee-beans-chocolate They come as 5 packets in a hand-sized box. Each packet has about 2 cups of coffee's worth of caffeine.
