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INTEMPERANCE IX - Chapter 2, The Murder at Kingsley Manor

🕑 Added 2025-03-08 07:11:32 +0000 UTC

Comments

Peter Kelly

I love the crow and Caydee forming a relationship I think your writing was great introducing Pa-Ho I follow you because of your skill and talent. All the main characters are all pretty well known so it is great to have insight into Caydees thinking her story needs a confident like Pa-Ho. I think It is very difficult to write about how kids see and feel the world around them. Caydee is a possible stand alone character who spins off from intemperance. So keep up this development

Adam

Enjoyed the new character Pa-Ho. Al clearly spent some time doing research on crows. Have a question about Cap and eggs. Specifically does Cap eat eggs? Am confused because on page 12 when Celia is making breakfast it says "Cap did not get the bun, just the egg, meat, and cheese, all cut into bite sized pieces". But on page 15 when Yami has made dinner is says "Cap was still too young to eat eggs so he only had the rice and the cucumber and yogurt dish".

Al Steiner

We will. He and Caydee are going to be buds.

Michael Reap

Shouldn't a small murder of crows be called a 'manslaughter'?

Michael Reap

Depends. If Mr. Steiner can connect this up - thematically or in the plot - it's not self-indulgent. (Although we can argue that the chapter title is a bit alarmist). If you ever read Moby-Dick, expect a lot of chapters that are authorial self-indulgence. I'm not saying that Steiner is Melville, but he (Steiner) has the benefit of a large canvas to paint on.

Russ Wideman

Interesting....I hope we see more of Pa-ho in the future...

Michael Reap

I like it. A bit whimsical, and doesn't really advance the action much, but a nice divertissement.

Al Steiner

These people are really into their corvids.

Al Steiner

Thank you.

Al Steiner

Pa-Ho was inspired by a scrub jay that visits our back yard. It started off when he was just a fledgling, still hanging out with his mother. He would stand near our back door and stare at our cat, who likes to look out the door from the inside (he's an inside cat). They used to make noises at each other and the cat never assumed a stalking pose with him. We start feeding shelled walnuts to Scrubby (as we call him). He now comes by at least once a day and calls for us until we put walnuts out for him. When we do so, he gives us a double squawk in return, which we interpret as him saying "thank you". He sometimes brings us shiny things and leaves them by the door.

William Cleveland

I like it overall, but I think it could stand more parentheticals to clarify what he's actually seeing when something is described in the abstract.

wulf losee

During our last big drought, I made friends with a small murder of crows who were roosting in the trees across the street from me. They were making lots of affectionate clicking sounds, so I assumed they had hatchlings. Before I left for work every morning, I'd leave a small pile of shelled unsalted peanuts for them in my driveway, and I made sure the bird bath was full of water. A couple of times, I'd drive around the block and watch them from a distance. As soon as I left, they'd come down to feast on the peanuts. One time, they left me a child's plastic bracelet with faceted clear plastic beads at the location of the peanut pile. And a couple of other times, they left me some beer bottle caps. A year later, my neighbor decided to prune his trees, and they left for a better nesting spot.

Whicked

The title did catch my mind off guard, but I love where you took us. Honestly I could learn to love a spinoff of one of them developing the fascinating relationship that can happen with crows. I have an entire murder at my house that pays attention when I am outside to see if I might be giving out food. I have not tried to get friendly yet, but I can see me doing that.

Whicked

I like crows. Enough that I found a online place that also talks about them. Here is one of the latest posts. I don't think a sign-up is necessary, and some of you may learn more: https://www.reddit.com/r/crows/s/dgq8K8SyG7

Gregory Stewart

Well done! And, different.

Surf

Loved the line : “Jake Kingsley would have been impressed by his flight pattern had he been watching.” Pilots watch and observe birds differently then most people do.

Al Steiner

Actually, I did not even think about the Itchy and Scratchy show when I came up with that. I was just trying to think of a way Pa-Ho would refer to bird mites. That is how crows and other birds get rid of them, by the way.

Al Steiner

Fixed in edit

wayne seitz

Only if you are a Puppeteer

Leo Sorits

not these days :)

Al Steiner

Thank you. I had fun with it and will continue to do so, though Pa-Ho will likely not get to steal the stage like that in the future.

Al Steiner

fixed in edit.

Al Steiner

fixed in edit, thank you.

Al Steiner

I think I now know more about crows than anyone who does not have an ornithology degree or two.

Al Steiner

To paraphrase Larry Niven in the Ringworld universe: "It is the majority who are sane".

William Cleveland

"the heal from the tail end of a loaf" should be "heel".

William Cleveland

I was apprehensive about the title -- "This isn't that kind of story!", but then I laughed when I started it.

Garmeister

Thanks again for a great chapter. I appreciate the rabbit hole. I definitely learned something about crows and it was a fun developmental learning experience for Cap. As Fat Albert says, “If you’re not careful, you might learn something.”

Tim Keenan

So, was Itchy and Scratchy a deliberate Simpsons reference? They also did an episode about crows, which is where I learned that "a group of crows is called a murder."

Lawson

Nicely done, Al. A few typos/misspellings but I think everyone else caught them for you.

Ken Chambers

"Cap was still to young to eat eggs". First to should be too.

Ken Chambers

"It was her absolute favorite way to slumber that did not involve Jake and/or Celia." Her refers to Celia, so it seems like the name at the end should be Laura.

Leo Sorits

I am in minority here - I think there was too much crow. I did not mind it, but after a 2 pages of it i found myself skimming it rather then reading it. I think the author self indulged a bit in this and it needs a bit of a trim

Eric

A very interesting and clever experiment. I like it!!

Matthias Urlichs

That was … refreshingly different. Me like very much. "He could hear it’s continued vocalizations." — its, if you please.

Al Steiner

Thank you!

Al Steiner

Thank you. I wasn't sure how people would take it.

Al Steiner

I was rather proud of myself for that chapter title.

Jamie

"near the far sound end of the park’s boundaries" - should that be south?

Al Steiner

Will fix in edit. Thanks. He is not a bat, after all.

Jamie

"Nothing seemed to be amiss so he launched into the hair," instead of air

Tim Keenan

That was ... Cool, neat, fascinating. And itchy scratchy made me giggle. Of course, the chapter title caused me to double take. Some interesting possibilities here for sure.