Genevieve King
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A (Non-exhaustive) Nonmonogamy Book List
🕑 Added 2023-11-26 11:00:04 +0000 UTCPLEASE NOTE : I've not had the chance to read all of these books, so their inclusion is not necessarily an endorsement. Since helpfulness is subjective, I won't be doing any rankings or tier lists. I'll put these in alphabetical order, with a link to each book's GoodReads page, so you can learn more.
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This will be an open resource for all Patrons, free members and the general public.
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A Polyamory Devotional: 365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Nonmonogamous (Evita Sawyers @lavitaloca34, 2023). A book of daily prompts to start conversations and encourage self-reflection.
Beyond Monogamy: Polyamory and the Future of Polyqueer Sexualities (Mimi Schippers, 2016). A sociological exploration of compulsory monogamy, with a focus on the queer, feminist, and anti-racist potential of non-dyadic sex and relationships.
Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships (Michaels and Johnson, 2015). A text focusing on proactive communication, consent and radical transparency in all forms of relating, including monogamy.
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities (Easton and Liszt, 1997). An early text on basic communication, boundaries and safer sex practices in nonmonogamy.
Fraught Intimacies: Non/Monogamy in the Public Sphere (Nathan Rambukkana, 2015). A discussion about how polyamory, infidelity, polygamy and other forms of nonmonogamy are represented in media in Western cultures, and what that says about intimacy, power and privilege.
From a Place of Love (Jayda Shuavarnnasri @jayda_kissed, 2021). A book of poetry and reflections on how we relate to each other and heal from heartbreak from a solo polyamorous perspective.
It’s Called "Polyamory": Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships (Pincus and Hiles, 2017). A mix of research and anecdotes on disclosing nonmonogamy to people within a monogamy-centric society.
The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships (Kathy Labriola, 2013). A practical workbook on navigating jealousy in its many forms.
Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Guide to Open Relationships (Kathy Labriola, 2010). A mental health professional addresses common beginner's questions about various forms of nonmonogamy.
Love's Not Colorblind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities (Kevin Patterson, 2018). A bid to make polyamorous and kink communities more inclusive, while confronting the shaming, othering, fetishization and other subtle forms of racism in white-dominated spaces.
Making Kin Not Population: Reconceiving Generations (featuring: Making Love and Relations Beyond Settler Sex and Family by Dr. Kim Tallbear) (Edited by Clarke and Haraway, 2018). A compilation of essays on families and childrearing, not all of which discuss nonmonogamy, but Dr. Tallbear's work explores the topic through an explicitly antimononormative lens.
Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships (Lindgren, Winston and Sotelo Matlack, 2023). From the creators of the Multiamory podcast is a new collection of their most frequently offered guidance for nonmonogamous people.
Nonmonogamy and _____: A More Than Two Essentials Guide series (various, 2023-2024):
Nonmonogamy and Death (Abley, 2024).
Nonmonogamy and Happiness (Jenkins, 2023).
Nonmonogamy and Jealousy (Rickert, 2023).
Nonmonogamy and Neurodiversity (Gonzalez, 2023).
Nonmonogamy and Teaching (Speed, 2023).
Stay tuned to Thornapple Press for future editions in the series.
Polyamory Journal: Prompts and Practices for Navigating Nonmonogamy (Kate Kincaid, 2022). A beginner's guide to polyamory as a concept, with introspective exercises and journal prompts.
Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients) (Martha Kauppi, 2021). An exploration on the complexities of polyamory for therapists who have nonmonogamous clients.
Polyamory and Parenthood: Navigating Nonmonogamy as Parents of Young Children (Jessica and Joseph Daylover @remodeledlove, 2022). A series of practical tools and anecdotes about pregnancy and early childrearing within a polyamorous environment.
The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention and Survival (Kathy Labriola, 2019). A text on how to navigate breakups, focused on the unique challenges that come with having multiple partners or being in a polycule.
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy (Jessica Fern, 2020). and Polysecure Workbook: Healing Your Attachment and Creating Security in Loving Relationships (Jessica Fern, 2022). A book about attachment theory and trauma recovery within polyamory, and its companion workbook of exercises.
Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships (Fern and Cooley, 2023). A discussion about how individuals and couples can shift from monogamy into nonmonogamy.
Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy (Juan-Carlos Pérez-Cortés, 2020). A discussion of anti-hierarchical, anti-patriarchal and anti-capitalist relationships. A proposition of alternative frameworks at the individual, community and institutional level.
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life (Amy Gahran, 2017). A journalist's analysis of standard social scripts and norms around love and relationships, including a range of anecdotes and examples.
Undoing Monogamy: The Politics of Science and the Possibilities of Biology (Angela Willey, 2016). An academic-level text about radically challenging monogamous norms, especially within colonial sexual science, social sciences and the humanities.
When Someone You Love is Polyamorous: Understanding Poly People and Relationships (Elisabeth Sheff, 2013). An introductory text for the monogamous friends and family of polyamorous people.
Why it's OK to Not Be Monogamous (Justin L Clardy, 2023). A philosophical critique of mononormativity, with thorough discussion of social and political pressures that reinforce it. There is a call for equality among relational structures, and exploration of what justice for polyamorous people could look like.
And while they're arguably not about (just) nonmonogamy, two relevant books that challenge monogamous norms are Abolish the Family: A Manifesto for Care and Liberation (Sophie Lewis, 2022) and How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship and Community (Mia Birdsong, 2020). They both imagine new approaches to family and care beyond the colonial construct of the nuclear family, centering queer, Black and indigenous feminist perspectives.
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It's wild that over twenty of these works were published in the last 5 years. I'm also aware of some friends and peers currently working on books, as well. I'm optimistic that the recent boom in public interest will bring even more nuanced and niche books to the market.
What other essays, nonfiction, fiction or workbooks have helped you along the way? Feel free to add to this list in the comments, or give your reactions / reviews to any of them below.
Warmly,
Genevieve
Comments
Morgan
yes! I can't believe I forgot this one, I'll update the post to include it.
Alyssa
Stepping off the relationship escalator was a really helpful one for me. Ultimately it helped me be more aware of standard norms and instead be able to actively choose a direction for my relationships rather than defaulting to these societal norms and expectations.
feathersandtwine
oh wow, this is amazing, thank you! wild to think that when i first heard of polyamory, The Ethical Slut was the only book anybody seemed to know?
