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Updated on my health status and our games
🕑 Added 2025-06-30 13:36:30 +0000 UTCHey everyone!
Well, this message has been a long time coming, but I've been avoiding it a bit, mostly because talking about "my problems" would just increase "my problems". I'll try to lay out a rough time frame of what happened.
On May 14, I had the first episode of a massive burnout. I was starting work in the morning with Issac, we were having a coffee before work, and out of nowhere, my brain just "shut off". I explained this as deeply as I could on Discord, but at the time I had no idea what was going on.
My first symptoms were something similar to "foggy brain", I couldn't keep a line of dialogue, couldn’t discuss complex topics. It felt like, out of nowhere, my IQ dropped 100 points. On top of that, extreme tiredness, yawning, and an almost complete inability to keep my eyes open. That was day 1.
Somehow I managed to push through after sleeping all day. I ignored all the signs, and — lo and behold — a few days later the same thing happened again, but way more severely. Along with the foggy brain, I now had constant migraines, severe neck and cervical pain, and my eyes couldn't see for shit. At this point, I was extremely worried about my health.
As a lot of you know, my mother died from a neurodegenerative disease. Watching it unfold over the course of two years, from losing coordination, to motor skills, to losing the ability to walk, feed herself, or even recognize her family, was traumatizing. Not just because it was happening to the person I loved and cared about most, but because seeing another human being go through that, losing herself, trapped inside her mind, and knowing there's a genetic chance the same thing could happen to me... yeah. It's quite a ghost to live under.
Still, I try to take life with extreme positivity, and this time was no different. But all the severe signs of something severe happening, added to my anxiety, became crippling anxiety. Any slight malfunction in my body or mind sent me into a spiral of burnout symptoms, plus severe “what if this is serious” anxiety and panic attacks.
I tried to find help through the Portuguese health system, but it's a fucking cancer. It doesn't work. They tried to schedule an appointment for 2026. As a government, Portugal is a cesspool right now. Beautiful country, warm people, amazing culture, but as a country, we're a fucking joke.
So I had to go private, and just a single consultation cost me 120€, for 15 minutes of explaining what happened. I did a few tests, and the doctor told me: "You have a cocktail of things that, when combined, are pretty severe and absolutely crippling, but not life threatening, so let's address them all."
My stress is manifesting physically, hence the cervical and neck pain. It's tension, inflammation, and contractures all combined. For that, I got a... I don't know the English word, I think it's an ointment? I have to apply it two or three times a day and it smells awful. If you know the smell of Vicks Vaporub, imagine that but way more intense.
The fog is lifting. It was extreme tiredness piling up on top of anxiety, making it impossible to use my brain for anything beyond the trivial. A month ago, I wouldn’t have been able to write this message. I wouldn't have remembered half the words, like “trivial”, for instance.
My eyes were already bad, as many of you know. My previous doctor told me a max of six hours a day of screen time, which I respected for a couple of months, and then went right back to working 12 hours a day. Now my eyes have severe damage, actual muscular damage. I needed stronger glasses, my diopters went way up, and my brain wasn't compensating anymore.
I got new glasses, but they made me see "cloudy" at some ranges. I tried to adapt for a week but couldn’t, so I went back. The optometrist sent me to an ophthalmologist friend of his, and he discovered my left eye is failing to converge with my right eye. So I’m seeing double. If I kept trying to force it, I might’ve developed a lazy eye on the left.
So, since I don't want that, they gave me new glasses that make my left eye vision slightly worse on purpose to force it to converge with my dominant right eye.
And finally, for the burnout, anxiety and all that, I’m now taking Sertraline in the morning and Diazepam at night. So yeah, I'm under a lot of medication daily. And this isn't a “take these for a while” kind of thing. Chances are, I’ll be on these meds for life.
BUT I'M ALIVE! And it’s nothing life-threatening and that’s what matters. Because now, the show can and will go on. I got back to work last week, I’m taking my time, currently under forced rest with a max of four hours of screen time a day, any screen time, but I won’t let this become a barrier to our goals.
Journey Abroad is coming soon, and Blood Lust right after!
To everyone who wished me a quick recovery, and to those who kept supporting us through this even when I wasn’t around or available, I… I don’t even have words to explain how much I love and appreciate you. I really believe we find many families in life, many places where we fit in, where we belong, and this is, without a doubt, one of those families for me.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. <3
I will have news for you guys soon regarding other projects that we've been advancing slowly but we're at a break point, so stay tuned! Likely it will happen on this week's podcast.
Now let’s create some awesome hentai!
Comments
Heaven Studios
Thank you so much for the kind words. Yeah, it's different when we've been through it and we understand. All I have to say is, it's a daily struggle to recognize your limitations, and the passion to keep developing, specially when you're desperate to come up with new supporters so the dream won't die. It's a lot of stress. It is what it is.
Palominebold
I too have significant health issues that terminated my computer consulting career. I know all about the frustrations to continue doing computer stuff as much as possible. Please, please pay attention to your health. Take whatever steps are needed to deal with your problems. You seem to have a good audience that cares more for you than any particular release date. Best wishes.
Arrow
All you're loyal fans aren't going anything, take a break, go on vacation and get yourself right!
