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OW: ASA - CH 119 - Living Through A Haze
🕑 Added 2025-07-16 22:54:21 +0000 UTCA/N: Hehehehehhehehe i am fueled by your compliments from last chappy, thank you!!!! Never think it doesnt impact me, because I honestly thrive off of your responses. I love you all so much, thank you for continuing to subscribe and read my baby <3
Chapter One Hundred Nineteen
Living Through A Haze
Fall of Autumn, Week 5, Day 3
I was careful with my food, slow to demonstrate how I ate. I didn’t want to be the reference point for noble etiquette but I also didn’t want to leave Remour to flounder on her own. She had been a nice girl, friendly and kind and supportive.
There was no reason to be cruel, no reason to let her feel uncomfortable.
Fortunately, the chef had packed mostly finger foods. Some plates of sandwiches with shredded meat and vegetables and a tangy-smelling sauce, some fruits and chopped vegetables outside of those as well, and to finish the meal off there was a tart.
It only took a moment before Beck huffed, “So fancy. I should let Louis swindle you more.”
I quirked a smile. “He can try, I guess.”
Louis grabbed a sandwich, taking a large bite as he nodded happily. Through the food in his mouth, he said, “That’s permission. I’ll take it.”
Glancing out the window, I saw Dame Arella leaning up against a tree, her eyes scanning the forest intently, before she whipped around, her dark eyes meeting mine. She sent a smile and a thumbs up my way, before waving to shoo away my attention. I stretched my palm tightly by my side. As I did so, I let [Shadow Manipulation] give me a sense of all the shadows around me.
I was capable of protecting myself with the sheer volume of darkness I had on my wrists, on my nails, decorating my hair, but it was nice to feel Noir in my shadow, to feel Haze bouncing through the shaded treeline, to feel Shade settle under the carriage.
That was when I turned back to the others, easing my way back into conversation. Beside me, Uriel had shot me an odd, unreadable look, but I didn’t mind overmuch. Uriel seemed like the type to see more than I wanted, anyway. I could always deal with it later.
There was no rush.
I had time.
So much time in Fellan.
Ten years.
It was almost an unfathomable length of time when I considered how much had happened in a single season. What would I find in my time here? Would it all be as interesting as the past few days? Where I met friends and irritations alike? Where I was taught and scorned and almost smited?
It was odd as I talked with the Mithril kids. I almost felt like I was floating, as if I was going through life dazed.
That was how I found myself saying goodbye to them all and settled back in the carriage and on my way back to the manor.
It was how I found myself bantering with Klein.
It was how I found myself answering Madame Primrose’s questions once again with ease. And once again, she gave me questions no competent teacher would give an eight-year-old. I was realizing Madame Primrose wasn’t as sensible as her clothes would lead one to think.
It was how I found myself with Ridan and his newly healed blue eyes, the odd approach to gossip he took once more the topic of discussion. With his stories of Lights of Dawn and the Faded, offshoots of the main branch that were excised. With his hatred of what the Dawns were, even as a Faded himself. He said I’d met others, I just didn’t know the family tree well enough to track them. I didn’t ask for it, but he pulled out a booklet to add to my collection. One I wouldn’t have to return to the librarian.
It was how I found myself at dinner, studying booklets and monster manuals and all the things I ignored the day before.
It was how I found Dame Arella, sparring with other members of the Dusk in the barracks, and begged her for help with my new dagger Skill.
It was how, in the depths of the night, I dismissed every bangle, every nail, and began using [Shadow Conjuration] to summon only so much in a single summons.
It was how I flooded my nook that the spirits had set up for me, time and time again, running out of mana, time and time again. I curled into the blanket, using the time between mana drains to study, to read about mana pearls, to make plans to refill the ones I’d already used.
It was how the early morning hours found me, still wide awake, not even tired. The energy of the day hadn’t subsided; the Vitality in my veins thrumming with the same excitement as in my chest. I watched as the moon hovered high in the sky, and the snow flurries burst across the estate. I took it in and I felt at home.
It was how, someway, somehow, I found a zest for life in Fellan. Even as I walked into the Tower, and was forced to meet with the Master of the Tower. Even as he told me how he knew my grandfather —how they served in the war together, how he misses Killian often, and one day, when my grandfather returns from his travels, he will surely come back to visit his dearest friend. I made a point to look sympathetic and not to roll my eyes. To stay calm, even at the reminder that the previous Duke had abandoned little Eunora too —though, that hurt less as he had abandoned all the Dawns with his travels.
It was how I went to lunch with Uriel, a smile on my face, even as his Governor lightly told us we should try for better etiquette even among friends. I smiled at the word. Friends. It was a wonderful feeling. I thought back to Remour and Beck and Louis. They could be friends too. It was a fast thing, but something I found helped to ground me.
It was how I made my way back with Arlen, chatting lightly, to not quite re-learn basic economics with Klein’s older brother and to definitely learn, for the first time, the proper way to tell a lesser noble how to shove off from Madame Griselda.
It was how coffee with Gristle filled me with peace, how the soft cookies with citrus filled me with comfort. How dinner was savory and sour and everything I loved the most. It was how when I frowned at a food, I never saw it again.
It was how, once again, I curled up in the nook made just for me, surrounded by my Animations and spirits both. How they filled the night with laughter and encouragement. How they kept me still even when I yearned to run.
Life had grown on me, it was hazy but lined with happiness. It was hard to focus on any given moment, to bring it to the forefront of my memories, but they were there sure as all get out. And they brought me comfort.
I laughed with Klein and Arlen, was mother henned by Dame Arella and Sir Neil, was coached by Gristle, was given freedom and friendship and everything I needed.
Fifth day passed much the same, with Twilight and the Academy and the Mithril kids. With Madame Primrose and her neverending questions, growing and pushing and eventually getting me a level in [Quick Calculation]. It was finally level 6, and it was as if the possibilities felt endless. As if I could grow and flourish and have a future, so long as I ignored the looming knowledge that Mallorica could take it all away with the wave of her hand.
But, even if she thought of it, would she? She had sent me away. What would cause her to call me back? She was so sure that I would grow away from her better than by her side and though I hated to admit it, she was correct.
Without Eve, threatening and harassing, without Raph, yelling and screaming, without Theo, his apathy and indifference, I had changed. Little Eunora had changed. She was no longer screaming and crying and in constant pain within me.
Even [Eternal Communion] had grown, had become a confidante, a mentor of sorts, and how much of that was the Skill influencing me and how much was just my craving for connection was unknown. But down that way monsters lay, and [Mental Fortitude] kept them at bay when I spiraled too far.
When I questioned too hard what it all means, to be smiling, to be laughing, to be growing in a world without my family or loved ones.
When I wondered if they had moved on without me, or if they had stalled out, if they had crumbled so wholly like I had.
When I wondered if my mother would hate me for the weakness I had allowed to fester within me.
But, when [Mental Fortitude] gave me a moment, when it allowed me to breathe through the tears, when I pushed the thoughts of Oberon out of my mind, I went to Twilight. And I worked through my memories slowly. They weren’t allowed to consume me, not like I had allowed them at first. When I collapsed and cried and wailed and hated the Gods who brought me to Gargantua.
I worked through [Weaving] first, using the [Speed] trial that was offered to create rolls of fabrics, to build knit animals and sweaters and blankets and granny squares, to take threads and make tapestries. And at the end, hours had passed, and it was early into Seventh day.
I napped in the hours before sunrise, letting my knit creations bring me warmth even as the cold winds surrounded me and nipped at my nose. The nook atop the tower was lit with sparkling gems and chains make from my darkness.
I found myself hoping that the next time I could test [Weaving] in Twilight, I would learn to make the translucent fabric that haunted my dreams—it was all the rage in the capital apparently, and different selections were shipped to each Duchy and dip dyed in custom colors. I had asked Gristle about it and he had taken me to the woman who had received it. A woman known as Selly, she was the seamstress in the Fellan estate.
I was enamored with her creations from the moment I saw her work. She did more than just adjusting outfits, she created them from her imagination. I got to watch her as she created sewing patterns in light and sliced through fabric with ease.
It was brilliant—and so I was planning to bring her a bolt of my crafted fabric. Whatever the tensile strength meant, it had gotten exponentially higher than when I first [Inspected] the Skill, and I was interested in learning how to make something useful. Something beautiful.
Something mine and mine alone.
Unfortunately, Selly could only work in the colors of Dawn. She refused me any clothes that were too pale or too dark, in the wrong hue or shade, and thus, I would need to create something myself if I wanted to wear it. Gristle had also confirmed that he couldn’t procure any fabrics for me outside of the colors permitted for my age.
While frustrating, it was expected. There was a reason I had never asked before.
Thus, the beginning of Seventh day found me bringing a bolt of simple deep purple fabric to Selly.
The day had yet to truly start, but she had said she got to work early. That she was always where I would need her. That I was welcome whenever I found the time.
They were funny things to say in a row, and not entirely truthful. Because when I climbed up the stairwell that led to where Selly worked, I activated [Silent as a Shadow]. Slinking into the workroom, I could hear a muffled groan as Selly turned in her sleep—her head resting on a pile of lavender and lilac fabrics that I recognized as extremely soft and gentle on my skin.
I didn’t break [Silent as a Shadow], instead, I set about getting familiar with the tools Selly had shown me for pattern making.
Comments
Earth Grumble
Enjoyed the chaining in the writing style. Not something I would want everyday, but it was very well placed.
JennP
What a lovely, dream-like chapter
