Fredrik Knudsen
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Progress Update and Addressing the Delays
🕑 Added 2022-12-15 05:57:15 +0000 UTCtl;dr The first draft of the new script for Down the Rabbit Hole is completed. Updates will happen every Friday evening until release. I don’t have a release date, but it will take at least another month for everything to be completed.
Long Version:
The first draft of the new video is completed, and the final word count is approximately 50,000. (For reference, this is about as long as The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Great Gatsby, or Slaughterhouse Five, though I make no other claims of comparison) Going off of the music runtime so far, the video will likely be about five hours in length. Calling it a “first draft” is also somewhat inaccurate; the majority of my iteration occurs while I’m writing, and so editing mostly entails making minor adjustments to wording to assist flow and comprehension and is a rapid process. I’ve shared pieces of the script to friends and colleagues and have even screened the first rough 2 1/2 hours at EVE Fanfest, and the reception has been almost universally positive, so I’m confident that it, at the very least, will be enjoyable.
But there’s an elephant in the room: the production time for this video has been obscene, as has my reticence to discuss it, and for the past year, this has been my greatest shame. I’ve been hesitant to talk about it even to friends and family, such is the nature of it, but as the people who have supported me all this time, I feel that you deserve to hear at least a piece of it. I’ve waited to explain myself until I could say that I had something at least mostly complete in hand to prove my earnestness.
Down the Rabbit Hole began shortly after I graduated from college. That period of my life was not easy for me, and I did not expect that I would allow myself to live much longer after graduation. It was during what I thought were my twilight months that I made the first episode of Down the Rabbit Hole in three days as a piece for a job application, and while I never heard back from the company, the video did take purchase on YouTube, and so, I threw myself into production of further videos on any topic that fascinated me enough to share it. While they were rudimentary compared to what I produce now with my team, they became the dominant force in my life; quite simply, I had something for which to live.
This mania, however, proved unsustainable after four years of production, and the inevitable burnout began to set in after the production of the Deep Blue video. This burnout was evident in some sophomoric overgeneralizations and errors in my Battle of May Island video, and it carried over into the production of the video about EVE Online.
The effect on the EVE Online script, however, was much more dire. I had promised Crowd Control Productions that I would show the first three hours of my new video there so that I could gather feedback from the most dedicated players, but shortly before I began editing, it was pointed out to me that I relied far too heavily upon a single source to the point that I had unwittingly effected a massive act of plagiarism.
The only reasonable solution was to excise half of what I had written, and the next two months were a scramble to put together something new so that I could have something presentable for Fanfest. I did little other than work during that period, and many of my friends wondered to where I had disappeared.
When I returned from my trip to Iceland, I was demolished. Whenever I attempted to sit down to write the script, the anxiety and private embarrassment borne from my secret act of plagiarism would appear. The majority of this script has been written with trembling hands and a heightened heart rate, and progress was slow due to difficulty focusing. My hands shake now as I write this.
There were interludes where I could write larger bodies of script, and the previous release estimates were based on those periods, but I found that they were unsustainable, and the date continued to be pushed back not due to the scale of the video, but due to my mounting anxiety. As I continued to miss deadlines set for myself, my overwhelming embarrassment precluded any public announcement in my mind, and this increased the anxiety around writing. The feedback loop has persisted until today.
I love making Down the Rabbit Hole and sharing my strange fixations with everyone, and I feel privileged to be able to make a living doing so, which is why I feel further embarrassment even calling my experience a struggle. Historically, I have attempted to separate myself from the work as much as possible when making public statements such as progress updates, and I intend to do so in the future, but in this instance, when I have so egregiously uphold a good standard of transparency, I feel that this more direct address is warranted. I apologize if any of you find my candor too direct.
While writing has been difficult, the other, more mechanical aspects of video creation are mercifully easier, and given the anxiety around the video reception through which I usually narrate and cut together videos, I have no reason to believe that it will slow production from this moment forward.
I neither demand nor expect any sort of reaction from anyone reading this, positive or negative, nor do I mean for it to excuse my lack of transparency. I only hope that, when this is complete, I can give you something that you enjoy. (No more five hours videos for a while after this, though)
-Fredrik
Comments
Let me consider why you are my favorite content creator on YouTube... First, you take the time to do things right. You obviously take pride in your work and pour yourself into your efforts. Second, you pursue your own interests. You choose topics that appeal to your fascination, and you have produced a unique variety of material. Lastly, you are authentic. You are creating something for everyone to enjoy, and you share your talents for storytelling, writing, and video editing with the world. Don't let the pressure and expectations of others suck the passion out of these projects for you. I am always looking forward to the next rabbit hole we find ourselves going down.
Avon Gale
Be gentle with yourself! As a creator who has also been through burnout, i know it is difficult and stressful - making your career out or something that you used to do strictly for enjoyment brings unique challenges that are hard to express, and a sense of guilt around burnout (at least this is how it was for me) that simply feels awful. But people who love your work support you! Creative processes are exhilarating and draining and work on no schedule we can ever control, in my experience, so take all the time you need. Most important of all is your health, and well being, so absolutely that is a priority!
MoltenMarrow
Your fans, myself among them love what you do and though this most recent project has taken a lot of time and taxed your reserves, I very much look forward to seeing it.
Your candor and sincerity on this subject are very much appreciated! If you get the sense after the video is submitted that you need a serious chapter to rest and recuperate, I will gladly support you through that time. May God grant you peace of mind in this time.
I’m just happy you exist and that you’re making content in any form, looking forward to whatever you may produce at the pace that works for you.
Madeline Hunter
Brains are terrible, and medication is expensive. Look after yourself first. (I've also got depression, but without any notable ideation, and that shit sucks to deal with. Happy Fred is absolutely the priority!)
At least the mistake you described was caught well before any public demonstration. At this point, it’s simply an honest mistake one would not commit knowingly and in good faith, which I hope eventually allows you to take pressure off yourself. In any case, please remember to take care and be kind to yourself
Pablo Henriquez
Hey, I'd rather have a happy Fred and 1 hour videos, for everyone's sake. The path of endless production and stress taken by so many youtubers I follow... I hope you go back to being ok.
Alex Martin
Don't worry King, all of us got your back. Keep up the good work.
Sabrina
Aw I understand. Ur struggles are completely valid! Would it make it easier for you to divide long videos like this into parts?
Nothing worth making is not also a struggle.
thanks for being so transparent. i’m sure that no matter what, the final product is going to be something incredible. everyone else has already said what i’d want to say, so just take care of yourself and take your time.
