Suede
patreon
Reward Tier Rework - Suede Of the Union 31/10/2023
🕑 Added 2023-10-31 03:40:24 +0000 UTCHey all,
Thought I'd let you know how things are going. Unfortunately the answer is "not great". I was able to get an episode of Journey done, and I have scripted and recorded ALL THREE of the remaining episodes of Suede's Pokémon Path, which is not nothing by any stretch (all scripts are available on the feed), but I'm also really disappointed in how hard I fell off after that start, so much that the remaining paid posts will have to be commentaries yet again. I am actually proud of these ones, they turned out really well, I just can't help but continue to feel inadequate due to what my output used to be in my prime.
It started off really well with me uploading the old journeys at a really good pace of one a day, keeping my scripting schedule on track, but in what was probably my bipolar disorder looming it's ugly head (I have an appointment for a diagnosis and hopefully medication in March), I took how I felt at my highest highs, set unreasonable expectations for myself, and used my failure to do so as ammunition for my self-hatred when I was at my lowest.
I'm trying different therapy now, and I've gotten some great insight into how my Audhd/Probably Bipolar brain works. I am very productive when I'm not under pressure, I see how productive I am and therefore set unrealistic goals based on how I'm doing right now rather than what I've experienced. Then I get more stressed about achieving those goals and end up with my productivity tanking thanks to my brain locking up in fight or flight mode, which leads to executive dysfunction. I've been shaking things up and trying new things every month for over a year, and I'm still not going to stop until something works.
Unfortunately, this means I need to simplify, at least to start. Having a hundred things to think about has proven to cause that stress and I need to remove it if I want to achieve my goal of returning to my former output. So, for now at least, I'm bringing the rewards down to only four tiers:
Up to $1 = Fan support, you get the early vids
$3 = Name in the credit crawl
$5 = Ability to ask a question for Who's that Patreon
$10 and up = Sketch and having your name said out loud at the end
These will not be implemented until next month and all unfulfilled sketch requests and questions so far will be honored.
I shouldn't have promised pins or gift bags when I can barely get my own stuff in order, much less someone else's, and I apologize if you joined a higher tier for those rewards. I need to work within my limits and try to understand them through natural growth rather than hitting a wall all the time and hating myself for letting you down every month.
I have a disability and am only just starting to learn what that means. This is not an excuse for not delivering on my promises, but it is a promise to learn from it. Thank you for understanding and investing in my long term growth even if the short term return has been lacking lately. Without your support I would not have been able to grow to understand myself like this, and I haven't given up yet, nor am I planning on doing so any time soon.
Thanks again, and Happy Halloween! Enjoy the commentaries, these really are a particularly good batch so do check them out. Next month is the 200th episode of Pokémon journey, so let's really try to make it a new beginning.
All the best
Suede
Comments
mariofanboy15
I just wanna say even though I didn't get them often I never regretted joining the 30.00$ when it was opened day 1. (Yes that's when I joined it.)
Robert Calhoun
Suede, thank you for the GREAT work you've been doing for us and be sure to work on yourself as well. Take care!
StoryLover
I am just about awake tonight and I'm so sorry things have been hard for you. Truly us neurodivergent folk do have unseen struggles and they can and do constitute disability. You are working on yourself and trying your best. That's all you can do. I've had a recent disruption in my own steady personal projects and I'm finding it hard to get back on track cos of my autism so I get what you mean. Look after yourself. We'll be here.
