Suede
patreon
Depression Sucks: Suede Of the Union 30/11/23
🕑 Added 2023-11-29 20:58:32 +0000 UTCHey everyone, just wanted to give you an update after all that's been happening (or not, as the case may be) since last month. Turns out I might have been speaking a little too soon with my optimism since a few days after the month started I was hit with a huge bout of clinical depression, seemingly out of nowhere.
It hadn't been this bad in ages even compared to previous months, which is saying something. My head came above water a couple of times as you may have seen with the sporadic reposting I did of PokΓ©mon journey and it finally lifted near the end (more on that later) but I was just out. I'm talking lying in bed, not moving, brain static, not even sad, just numb. Days at a time. This is why I didn't have a Watch Me Script as well. It was so bad that I've moved my bipolar diagnosis to hopefully next month by going private (Public is free in NZ but takes AGES). When I'm manic I overpromise which crushes me when I'm depressed. It sucks.
HOWEVER!
Despite all that, believe it or not, I was able to get TWO videos done this month! More than last month! How? Well, frankly, because I remembered Ritalin. Here's what happened: Since I'm ADHD Ritalin actually corrects my brain and makes me more productive, creative and in control of my actions, it's like a miracle. BUT it also wipes me out for a day afterwards. This is common, which is why most (good) psychologists try to prescribe a slow-release or less powerful version to take over time. For me that was atomoxetine (or Strattera for you yanks), but after a while it still didn't really take away my brain fog and I still struggled with executive dysfunction. So I weaned myself off it at the docs advice so that they could prescribe something else. However at this time it became quite apparent that I was most likely bipolar and the doc said I needed a new diagnosis to continue to make sure the meds don't clash or hurt me. The problem was the appointment was in MARCH.
Now as I said I'm going private so I can get a diagnosis earlier (thanks to your amazing pledges), but here's what happened: In my depressive haze my brain combined Atomoxetine with Ritalin. I thought that since the former didn't work, the latter wouldn't either FOR SOME REASON. Luckily I was able to have a revelation about this, got some Ritalin prescribed and I FEEL LIKE A DIP. Despite the crash after, I've been able to think clearly and get more done in the past few days than the rest of the month combined, WITHOUT overpromising and taking too much on like I did when manic. If anything the crashes keep me humble π This is why I've skimmed down the rewards so that it's only things I know I can handle.
So enjoy the two videos I'll post later today, wish me luck with the diagnosis and though I'm wary of promising anything anymore, I'm feel just a little more optimistic. Thanks again for your basically unconditional support, and fingers crossed I can make it more conditional again really soon! Wait, hang on...
Comments
Hey Suede, I'm a new follower who recently followed you so am a bit late to this notice. But I wanted to say I'm trained in things like remote therapy and interventions and I really enjoy your content and voice since I've found it and seen you fight to get your channel back, so if you ever want a safe place to reach out, even if to a stranger or because it might be ironically more comfortable with one, my box is open. Always of course see your normal therapists and other regiments but sometimes having someone there and available to listen can matter. Hope this helps. Good luck.
Death of Ink
Hope the diagnosis will help you a lot and take all the time you need to recover, Suede. Your health, physical and mental, is always the priority over any video.
