Paradosi
patreon
My Pokémon Life as an Eldritch Abomination 4
🕑 Added 2025-08-02 23:12:00 +0000 UTCI tried to act the very picture of a delinquent as Lusamine’s eyes cut into me like two chips of (very green) ice. Which was to say I had my feet kicked up on the table all cocky-like.
Meanwhile my thoughts were going a mile a minute as I tried not to stare at something else. That being the baby bump she was rocking.
Now, maybe I was jumping the gun here, but Lusamine was exactly the kind of crazy to do something as crazy as knocking herself up with some Ultra Beast au naturel. It’s crazy all the way down.
“Gladion seems to have found a home here,” she commented, her nails tip-tapping on the wood.
It was all fucking with my head, and rightfully so, but giving the game away wasn’t going to help.
“It’s his choice to go back home if that’s what you’re angling at.”
“I know Gladion will understand when my work is done. In time even my dear soft-hearted Lillie will. Children are often blind to how dearly their parents love them.”
“Is this a social call?” I asked irreverently. “I don’t know if I’m a good fit for high society.”
Her smile never reached her eyes. “Yes and no. I am in need of someone who can rise to the occasion. What my Lillie absconded with is more dangerous than she knows. Left unchecked it will wreak havoc throughout Alola.”
“Should I don a cape as well?”
“You wouldn’t find me ungrateful. Resources. Pokémon. Even a quiet word with the law.”
I turned to my super serious second-in-command. “What do you think, Plumie?”
Her eye twitched at the nickname I knew she hated. “Resources would be welcome…”
The run-down mansion was less run-down now, but there’s only so much money to be made from petty crime.
“I want a Castform,” I added. They did seem to know their way around artificial Pokémon. “There’s nothing worse than heading to the beach only for it to start pouring, you know?”
Plumeria sighed at my himbo antics. It was a vibe I’ve been having fun with.
“Done,” Lusamine said simply. “Get me a list of what you need and I’ll speak to the Aether Foundation’s contractors.”
I looked at my nails as Plumeria took a marker to her notebook. “What did your daughter spirit away that is so scary anyway?”
“A Pokémon.” Lusamine quickly produced three photographs from somewhere. Lillie looked like her mother in miniature while also rocking a very silly hat. The other two had a sinister-looking Cosmog. “If it feels threatened, it will immediately teleport away with her.”
“Fun.”
Plumeria tore a page out of her noteback before sliding it over to Lusamine, who only gave it a second’s glance.
“I will expect weekly updates,” she said as she stood.
I put a hand over my heart. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
She left the room after, two of her employees in white uniforms at her back.
“That went well,” I commented.
“Do you have a plan? Or are we winging it again?”
“I always have a plan.” Her yellow eyes looked at doubtfully for some reason. “Doubting me after I already proved you wrong?”
“Hmph. You also undermined my authority with those two.”
“They’re still subordinate to you.”
“Rapp, maybe, but Flann? Always second-guessing me,” she grumbled.
Yeah, that didn’t surprise me. “Want me to speak to her about it?”
She crossed her arms. “I don’t need you to babysit us. Just do what Guzma did and we’ll be fine.”
“What’s that? Give vaguely inspiring speeches? Look menacing?”
I got the stink eye for it, but seriously, was I wrong? I took her hand, drawing a glare instead.
“Want to do something? You’re running a criminal enterprise here, not a 9-5.”
She tugged her hand free. “Don’t get too familiar, Boss.”
I watched her leave. That might have been the first time she called me boss without me twisting her arm. Progress!
Anyway, step one…
I found Ditto watching Gladion’s Type: Null and Flann’s Snorlax fighting in the field outside. Rotom was zooming around as a lawnmower.
“It’s time,” I told my bro. “Call me when you’ve tired them out. They can’t teleport around forever and we have lookouts all over the place now.”
“Ditto.” I was looking at myself now. We gave each other a fist bump.
It might take a few weeks since Alola had a thousand and one islands, but I didn’t expect Ditto to have too much trouble. And if he did, Team Skull was the cavalry.
“Snorlax, Body Slam.”
My eyes turned back on the fight. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for me to keep something literally designed to take down Ultra Beasts around, but I was already living life on the proverbial edge.
“Null, Protect!”
It still had nothing on the monster Flann’s Snorlax had become, moving quicker than a Snorlax had any right to. If not for the chimera dog thing turning shiny like an oil slick at the last second, her Snorlax would have probably flattened it.
It wasn’t hard to see the cracks anyway. It probably wasn’t the first time Gladion had the synthetic Pokémon use that move, and Flann was happy to call him out on it.
“You’ve got two hits left if you’re lucky. Why did you pick a fight if you’re not going to give me your all, Gladion?”
He scowled at her. “Null, Aerial Ace! Then Double Hit!”
It didn’t possess any wings, instead taking off into the air with sheer momentum, raking its claws against the Snorlax’s thick skin. It tried to follow it up with two more hits, but the blubbery monster was already reacting.
“Body Slam,” Flann repeated simply.
Null was sent skidding through the grass and dirt. It got up on shaky legs, its oversized helmet dented.
I clapped my hands together, ending it there. “Good fight.”
Flann sent me a doubtful look. “If you say so.”
“Null can keep going!” Gladion protested.
“Maybe. But an injury will just slow down your progress.”
“Our glorious leader has a point, prettyboy.”
His eyes just like his mom’s caught mine. He finally shrugged. “Fine.”
“Rotom! You’re up!”
The possessed lawnmower looked at me funny. “Rotom?”
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of Fatso.”
Flann crossed her arms. “Don’t call him that.” Pssh. I doubted her Snorlax actually minded. Guy was already snoozing.
“Rotom.”
“You’re not a chicken. Don’t act like one.”
“Rotom…”
The possessed lawnmower wheeled its sorry ass opposite of her Snorlax, with me following behind. I actually had to do the Pokémon trainer thing since Rotom was still going through boot camp.
“I’m not going to hold back just because you’re not using your monster of a Ditto,” Flann warned.
“That’s fine.”
“Rotom…”
“Quit your whining. Win and you’ll get a day off and all the batteries you can eat.”
Rotom revved his engines in response. Gladion had meanwhile sat on the grass, Null curled up next to him.
“Body Slam!”
I gave her an aggrieved look as the Snorlax stirred and launched himself at Rotom. “Rude.”
Rotom barely vroomed out of the way, looking at me. “Don’t look at me. I’ll tell you if there’s something you need to know.” I ignored his bitching. “Charge up.”
Sparks of electricity began to dance around the animated lawnmower with goofy eyes and a mouth like a piranha.
“Two can play that game, Boss. Stockpile!”
The Snorlax opened his mouth and sucked in air, growing even fatter.
“Thunder Wave.”
A flash of yellow quickly cut through the scenery. The sound of thunder soon followed, but it only got an unhappy grunt from the ginormous Pokémon. Not even paralyzed.
“Stockpile again.”
“Bah. You really need to work on your firepower.”
“Rotom,” the uppity shit snarked back. Something about me fighting Fatso over there. He knew I still had to keep up appearances.
“You might as well use the grass you’ve been snacking on. Leaf Storm.”
Rotom eyes blazed neon green as he smothered the whole field in its own leaves. The Snorlax whined as it flopped away from the worst of it.
“Stockpile.”
“You’re going to get flattened,” I commented. “Try charging up again.”
“Swallow.” The scratches and nicks from the leaves disappeared as the Snorlax used some of the stockpiled power to heal.
An attack now wouldn’t do shit. Best to wait until Fatso’s expended his borrowed power, assuming Rotom hasn’t already been flattened.
“Confuse Ray.” Just spray and pray, really.
Beams of technicolor light left Rotom’s eyes, the Snorlax becoming more sleepy. Maybe I should have led with that.
Flann put her fingers to her lips and whistled loudly, knocking the Snorlax out of it. “Heavy Slam! Then Spit Up!”
Yeah, she was going in for the kill. “Don’t get hit. If you survive, you know what to do. Aim for the ears.”
“Rotom.”
The Snorlax was already rolling, trying to pin a vrooming Rotom.
“The ground!” Flann shouted. “Now!”
Fatso suddenly slammed the ground next to Rotom, sending his lawnmower ass into the sky. After a painful landing, the Snorlax released all that borrowed power in a gust of wind and debris. Also sparkles.
“Ro… tom.” Hey, he was still standing. And looking mighty pissed off. “ROTOM!”
Flann looked away as an impressive amount of yellow rocked into Snorlax’s head. My own eyes weren’t as bothered.
The Snorlax whined in pain as his ears were smothered in it, trying to close his massive paws over them.
“Push through! Body Slam!”
“Don’t push through!”
Sadly, I was ignored as the Snorlax shook off the pain and slammed into Rotom, the lawnmower breaking apart and releasing the exhausted googly-eyed Pokémon.
“You tanked a hit. Not bad.”
He floated over to me with something like a sigh. “Rotom.”
“You’ll still get the morning off. And two batteries.”
“Rotom? Rotom!”
“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get sappy on me now.”
Flann returned the snoozing again Snorlax to his Poké Ball. Only to find me standing over her, avenging my wounded pride with a hungry kiss.
Her nails pressed into my sides warningly, but she eventually let me have it. Much as she might try and act above it all, I knew she loved the attention.
“W-What did she say anyway?” Gladion had some red on his cheeks when I retreated.
“Right. Your mom. She’s a character, isn’t she?”
He scratched at his cheek awkwardly. “Are you throwing me out?”
“Nah. It’s your sister. Apparently she decided to follow in your footsteps.”
“Lillie?” He scoffed. “Why? She was always making excuses for her.”
“You can ask her when we find her.”
He frowned frowningly, but then he was always frowning anyway. “I need to get stronger.” Null bumped its helmet into him affectionately.
“Plumeria’s been helping you out, hasn’t she?” More like immediately had him pegged as a baby brother, even if she wasn’t that much older.
“I don’t need her to babysit me,” he grumped.
“It beats the school of hard knocks. Trust me.”
He frowned again. Then he and the Type: Null followed after Rotom in the mansion’s direction.
Flann stopped my wandering hands. “Who said you could kiss me in front of the brat? That’s how rumors start.”
I didn’t comment on her being maybe a year older at best. “Rapp doesn’t care.”
“I’m not so oblivious.”
“I know.” My fingers toyed with the hem of her jeans, her ocean blue eyes watching me. “It makes it more fun to mess with you.”
“I already got what I wanted from you,” she told me with a smirk like a cat.
“You’re a star at faking it then.”
Her nails dug into my arms this time as I took certain liberties. “Why haven’t you done it with her? Rapp would be on her back in as much time as it takes her to say yes and boss.”
It was a few reasons. We were partners in crime now and relationships had a way of getting messy. Then there was the whole Ultra Beast thing.
It had a bad habit of slipping its leash, and somehow I didn’t think ‘I’m a Pokémon’ would go over well.
“Because I’m sure you’ll tell me you don’t care while burning a hole in my back with your eyes,” I finally said.
“Hmph. You have a big head.”
Who could resist an opening like that?
“Guilty as charged.” I playfully tugged at the seam of her panties. “On both counts, mind you.”
And they were both very much at odds right now.
Her pale cheeks slowly turned a pleasant pink that she would never admit to. “What do you want, Boss?”
“Too many things. And maybe I think Rapp would be more forgiving.”
A guy really could get lost in her eyes.
Fuck it. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so homesick if I wasn’t keeping everyone at arm’s length.
My hands found their way into her panties around the time I tried sticking my tongue down her throat. Then I palmed her cheeks. It wasn’t as big or as sporty as Rapp’s, maybe, but it was softer.
She pushed me back after a moment, her breaths hot and heavy as her hand rested on my chest. “You really want to… you know?”
“Make sweet love? Blow your mind? Or maybe—”
Flann smacked my shoulder. “You don’t have to say it.”
“I think communication is important,” I teased.
“Rapp was always the one talking about boys. I just humored her.”
“I get it. You get your kicks from lording over people. Boys? Yuck.”
I got another smack for it. “That’s not it.”
“I know. If you don’t want to, you don’t want to. It’s fine.” My hands had almost escaped her panties when she grabbed my wrist.
“If you want to…”
Girls. What can you do?
“My room or yours?”
She gave me a look like I was a dumbass. “What did I say? We might as well be telling everyone. W-We can go to Malie City.”
I hummed. “Good thinking. It’s usually the quiet ones that are the loudest. A pillow probably wouldn’t cut it.”
Now she was looking more red than pink. It did funny things to her vibe. She took my hand instead of returning my snark, pulling me after her to our bikes.
Her black hair caught in the wind as she challenged me to an impromptu race, and obviously I couldn’t lose.
At Malie City we hit a convenience store where she stared at her sneakers the whole time. Three guesses why.
As for the location, I went with something very fancy. I might have gotten used to sleeping on sand and rocks, but she seemed like the type to like being pampered.
Not that she would admit that either. “You didn’t have to get the most expensive room they had.”
“I have to spend my ill-gotten gains somehow.” I moved closer to the windows with a whistle. “The view’s worth it.”
“Are we going to do it or are you just going to go on about the stupid view?” She was looking at me from the bed as she shimmied her jeans down her long legs.
“Now I’m having second thoughts.”
“I’m going to throw something at you.”
I stalked closer to her, her panties white with black ravens. Cute.
I started unbuttoning my own shirt, revealing my chiseled abs. I looked like one of those Greek or Roman statues, probably because I copied them.
Flann looked somewhere between hot and bothered and overwhelmed. It only turned funnier when I dropped my pants as well.
That part of me didn’t match the statues.
“The one time Rapp wasn’t exaggerating…”
I could probably make it big enough to carry it over my shoulder if I wanted to, like that one Guts meme. This was a compromise.
Her blush returned as I stared into her eyes, my hands on either side of her panties. When she didn’t say anything, I tugged them down, though only to her knees. They were too cute to throw away.
A puff of black hair sat over her kitty, though it looked like she still wasn’t entirely into it.
“Let me show you why a good view’s so important.”
Flann made a funny sound as I flipped her over on her belly, facing the windows. Then again when I buried my face in her picture-perfect goth girl ass. If it was any more pale, it would blind me.
“W-What are you—”
I slithered my unreasonably long tongue into her, making her hands clutch at the sheets like a lifeline. Soon she was giving me sounds she wouldn’t be caught dead making otherwise.
The tangy taste of her wasn’t bad either.
I pulled back just a smidge. “You’re going to cum for me, Flann.”
I went back into it with a vengeance, my tongue something else. It wasn’t long until she gripped the sheets and arched her back.
“OOOOOOOGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh~”
Her toes curled as well when I pulled back like the cat that ate the canary, nails the same black and pale blue as on her hands.
Soon she was huffing and puffing and shivering and squirming. A hot mess. “Have I convinced you or do you think it’s still beneath you?”
All I got were some unintelligible mumbles as I put on a rubber.
“I’ll just have to try another way.” Her panties around her knees kept her from squirming too much as I got on top of her, loving the feel of her skin. I also loved the funny face she was still making.
I put my hands over hers as I pushed inside her. It was tight as anything. My head felt hot, heavy, but I still kept myself in check as she scrunched her eyebrows.
“Too much?”
“I k-knew that… that it was going to hurt…” she breathed out. “Take my first time.”
I nipped her neck. And then I did just that, pushing through the flimsy thing standing in my way. I peppered her with more kisses as she complained at the pain.
“I liked your vibe since the first time I saw you,” I whispered in her ear.
“Because I’m awesome,” she bragged through grit teeth. I knew she liked having her ego stroked.
“Fuck yeah you are.” I started fucking her properly now, my hips moving like a well-oiled machine. I could do this for the rest of the night and hardly break a sweat.
It wasn’t long until the bed was creaking dangerously as my hips met hers again and again, though neither was as loud as the sounds she was making. One orgasm, three, five. I was a sex machine.
It wasn’t until she was exhausted, resorting to soft mewls and whimpers after her voice turned hoarse, that I finally let myself go. And that’s when everything went wrong.
In hindsight, maybe I should have asked myself if the rubbers were rated UB for Ultra Beast. Because they weren’t. It might as well have been made from fucking paper.
I pulled out in a panic, a river of black following me and staining the sheets. The post-nut clarity hit me like a freight train.
I tried to draw it back into me, but it was fucking fighting me.
“So warm…” she mumbled.
I was such a fucking dumbass. Where do I even start with an explanation? I should probably get ready to fight a Snorlax.
I saw one of her hands snake past her belly to touch her fingers to the mess. Honestly, the way her pale skin was contrasting with it was… it was fucking hot.
Who the fuck was I kidding, seeing that Lusamine might have knocked herself up with her ill-gotten splooge was also fucking hot. Terrifying, but hot.
“What… mmm, what happened? So messy…”
I could panic. I could tell her it was an accident and beg forgiveness. But maybe… maybe there was another way.
This was Flann. A fountain of pride and ambition. Maybe if I sold it right? It could backfire, and spectacularly at that, but that was true whatever I did now.
I lied down on my side next to her, my fingers trailing down her back. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you, Flann.”
“Mmm?” Turning over on her back, she looked at me tiredly. Then she went as still as a deer. Probably because I was doing my best impression of the night sky.
Then she looked down to see the remains of a rubber and a river of black spilling out of her.
“Yeah, I’m not from Unova. You could say I made a splash maybe a year back now.”
I drew her eyes back to me. This part was important.
“The Aether Foundation tried to imprison me. That didn’t work. That’s how I found myself here, hiding in plain sight.”
Her eyes blinked once. Twice. Then she poked me, the night sky shifting around the pale blue nail. “What a weird dream. I’m definitely not telling him about it.”
I turned my skin back to something human. Then I pinched her cheek. “Ow!”
“I loved your ambition. Your awesomeness. I have a thousand and one plans and I want you to be a part of them.”
She was starting to digest it, maybe. “It’s like something out of Rapp’s stupid movies. I gave my first time to an alien.” I watched as she pinched herself again.
At least she didn’t immediately assume I was a Pokémon.
“You make it sound like a bad thing. I don’t remember you complaining about my tongue. Or my other parts.” I kissed her confused lips. “You will be my queen.”
“You’re taking over the world too? Did she make you watch them?”
“I’ll think about it after I take over the Aether Foundation.”
Her fingers splayed over my chest. “Do it again.”
There was something funny shining in her ocean blue eyes as I turned into the night sky again.
“Do I get a crown?”
“…If you want one?”
“I’ll need a crown if we’re going to rule the world.”
At least she had her priorities in order.
“This will probably all be a dream when I wake up anyway,” she murmured tiredly. Then she hugged me like I was a giant alien teddy bear, snuggling her nose into the crook of some amorphous part of me. “Flann, Alien Queen…”
I watched her snicker softly at the thought. It wasn’t long before she was really dreaming.
Meanwhile I was thinking about how hot she would look with a crown on her head. Also Rapp. And Lusamine. Every harem needed the token yandere, yeah?
Look, I was still a guy. Wanting a harem was like Guy 101. At least until they all started shanking one another.
I spent most of the night like that. Thinking. Dreaming.
AN: This one got away from me some. Biggest entry into the series so far.
