patchyeah
patreon
Hello everyone and Happy New Year!
🕑 Added 2020-01-07 18:45:17 +0000 UTCI want to apologise for my absence these many past months. To go silent for so long without any updates was a shitty thing to do regardless of the circumstances and I should have made an effort to inform people, especially my Patreon subscribers, of what my status was.
To everyone who continued to subscribe each month, whether it was because you wanted to continue supporting my work or even if you just accidentally forgot to unsubscribe, I am truly grateful but I betrayed your generosity and for that I am sorry.
To that end, if you subscribed to my Patreon at any time between May 2019 until now and wish to receive a full refund please DM me on Discord, Patreon or via email (patch_yeah@yahoo.co.uk). In your message let me know your Patreon username so I can verify and the Paypal account you wish to receive the refund to and I’ll sort it out as soon as I can no questions asked.
My sincerest apologies again to everyone who I let down but also thank you to everyone reading this and to everyone on the Discord server who continued to hang around chatting, shitposting and sharing their awesome artwork! You guys are the best!
Anyway, if you’re just here for lewd animations and don’t wanna bother with hearing depressing personal bollocks you can probably stop reading now and just know that I am nearing completion of the next animation so hold tight!
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So what happened? Unfortunately 2019 was a rough year for a multitude of reasons. Between the sudden loss of my job at the beginning of the year, the stress of delay upon delay of being able to move into my new flat and a seemingly endless stream of friends and family developing major health issues, my own health both physical and mental took a serious dive.
It’s not really any secret that I’ve struggled on and off with depression, anxiety and suicidal ideations in the past but I’ve always been lucky enough to have a friend or family member nearby to help pull me out of it. This time however, I was in a new flat living completely alone for the first time in my life, no housemates, in a new town where I didn’t know anyone. I did have various plans to get myself out and about to keep myself busy and meet people but not long after I moved I had an accident, wrecked my leg and I was more or less housebound for a month. During that time, apart from the occasional phone call with my Dad and the odd grocery delivery, I went literal weeks without seeing or speaking to another person.
I know that might actually sound like heaven for some introverts and all that time could’ve been spent doing work or playing vidya games or whatever but my depression manifests itself as a kind of mind numbing fog that just sort of squats inside your head and every time you have the slightest thought of doing something productive or enjoyable, it clenches up real tight, squeezes all vitality from your brain and makes you spend a literal half an hour putting on a single sock instead.
If that sounds really dumb that’s because it is and it’s a nightmare.
Anyway, skip to the end, after months of not really existing I somehow managed to get myself to talk to a doctor and I’m now getting the help and support I need. I’m by no means ‘fixed’ or anything but I am now coping better. Better enough to have the focus to return to animating again and even to write all this and finally dare to login to Discord! The longer I waited the harder it was to do and I imagine some people will be annoyed or even angry with me, actually I already know some people are, and honestly they have every right to feel that way.
Now I just want to try and move forward and focus on getting better and animating weird lewd stuff when I can! I do have a couple of commissions that I still need to address but beyond that we’ll see how things go. It might take me a while to get back into the swing of things. Also, I can’t 100% promise that I won’t have a dip and go missing again at some point in the future but I’m hopeful that with the support I’m getting now I’ll be able to recognise the signs and deal with my shit a bit more effectively.
Let’s hope 2020 goes a bit better!
Comments
PatchYeah
Thank you for the kind words. The anxiety of coming back has been well tempered by the warm and understanding messages and comments such as yours. It really means a lot! :)
Peeved
Oh hey, just anyone can chime in here? Neat. Hey, if there's anything I can say, the perceived backlash or awkwardness of showing up again after vanishing is always going to be worse in your head than in practice, and you should probably try to ignore the urge to chide yourself for dumb things unless you're able to channel that in a productive way. However you ultimately managed to make it come about, good on you for getting back on your feet, and I do hope things smooth out from here. Like -- yes, I'm here as the audience, the customer, or whatever you want to call my occasional patronising of the niche fetish artists whose Venn diagram happens to somewhat overlap my own, but I do genuinely hope that you, the person behind the art stuff, are able to do right by yourself. Depression sucks, I know, so I feel like I should say it in writing (regardless of not being subscribed): I'm not upset with you, I never have been, just glad to check in and see you're alive. The porn is nice, but the person is more important. Hope you have a good one.
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