deepleffen
patreon
Leffen Goes to Court: Part VI
🕑 Added 2020-10-16 17:23:42 +0000 UTCThis is part 6 in an ongoing series. See part 5 here.
In the last episode:
but it was at that moment that the courtroom doors swung open. a small, hairy man reeking of alpha male energy slowly approached the bench.
"STATE YOUR NAME, SIR" the judge boomed.
"The name's Mango", the man replied. "But you can call me Mang0."
Mango had a long journey to get there, but he didn't buckle under the pressure. he was wearing his signature aviators and muscle tee. his shirt said "my other shirt is the shirt i use to wipe my ass." he hadn't been in his final form for a while, but was still able to tap into it when he needed to. mango was like a wildebeest or a bucking bronco or a pile of leaves and feces; you could try to tame him, but then he wouldn't be Mango.
you see, Mango is the kind of guy who'd forget his own kid's name and then think he's sly by asking him how he "spells it." he's the kind of guy who can effortlessly recite one thousand digits of Pi incorrectly. he's the kind of guy who lives by his own rules, seeking only his own approval, but then later decides that he cares about what other people think because that's how society works.
hungrybox approached the stand, "Mang0, you are a legend in the fighting game community, is that true?" Mango raised his hand in objection. "I reject the qualification 'in the fighting game community.'" The judge approved of the objection, and hungrybox nodded in quiet approval.
the court was silent for a few brief seconds before the prosecution resumed their case. "do you know the defendant?" hungrybox screamed through a megaphone, pumping himself up. "I do indeed," mango answered, punching the air confidently.
"and how well do you know him?" the prosecution questioned.
"let's just say that the defendant knows that my length is indisputable and that my girth is firmly in dispute" mango responded, gesturing toward his crotch.
"objection - wildly inappropriate" the prosecution shouted.
"sustained. i like where this is headed", the judge replied.
hungrybox continued his line of questioning, "Mang0, you headed to the mountain in New Hampshire to confront Leffen, is that also true?"
"that's as true as any truth, i suppose," mango replied, smoking what appeared to be a Corn cob pipe.
"and what were you going to confront him about, exactly?" the prosecution asked, hungrybox's head lolling to one side.
mango sighed heavily. he knew the answer, but was hoping when he said it, he would feel differently. "maybe you should leave the lawyerin' to the lawyers", mango said to the cheers of his fans in the stand.
hungrybox, clearly frustrated, angrily started shaking mango. he said, "what is wrong with you?" mango calmly punched hungrybox in the face. The prosecutor dropped to his knees, almost, but not quite passing out from the pain.
"did you just assault a prosecutor?" the judge asked, his body shaking in rage.
"yes" mango responded, not even facing the judge.
"i like where this is headed", the judge said. "pick yourself up from the ground, hungrybox and continue your line of questioning."
hungrybox gathered the strength to move on and re-asked his question, "mang0, why were you headed to the mountains to confront leff?"
mango responded in a low, somewhat monotone voice, "I was going to speak to him about ending my career. i wanted to ask him if he could end it for me."
hungrybox appeared to be a very ordinary man, except for his very large, very loud tie. it was a tie that screamed "I'm a lawyer, and I'm gonna fuck you up legally." unfortunately, mango was on the losing end of the fucking.
"mang0, what do you mean by 'end your career'?"
mango responded with a loud sigh. "they don't make controllers fine-tuned enough to execute the ideas I have in my head."
hungrybox high-kicked the air.
"i'm starting to worry i have nothing new to offer this game. i've achieved everything worth achieving, so what is there left to prove?", mango asked rhetorically.
hungrybox had pulled out a jump-rope and was demonstrating the criss-cross, a very popular jump rope exercise that required a surprising amount of patience to master.
mango continued, "i can retire while i'm near my peak and let people debate my legacy, or i can play until i'm old and show everybody just how far i can fall."
hungrybox had pulled out an etch-a-sketch, but was struggling to use it.
"i'm worried that one day i really will be washed up, and then what? what do I do when Smash just isn't fun anymore?"
mango began to tear up.
the courtroom erupted in a mix of sobbing, finger pointing, and people shouting "mercy, mercy me!"
the judge slammed his gavel, wiped a tear from his eye, and shouted "the trial will now be recessed for 5 minutes." the courtroom rose out of their seats, with the prosecution and defense gathering on opposite ends of the room, with mango sitting by himself, crying softly, intently staring into the blank void of his calloused hands. armada approached mango and rested his hand on mango's shoulder.
"mango, can i tell you something?" armada asked.
mango quietly nodded.
"i've watched a lot of really good smash players in my years. i've grown up with them."
armada looked mango in the eyes.
"and i've learned that there are two kinds of people in this world. some people start a fire out of necessity. they light a match and they pray that it's enough to keep them warm throughout the night."
mango was trembling.
"and some people, mango... some people start a fire because they can't contain the flame that's inside of them. the first fire doesn't burn for long and the second one can't ever be put out. no matter how hard you, or anybody else, tries."
mango started weeping into armada's arms.
"you're a bright candle in a dark world, mango," armada said. "and if they ever find a way to extinguish your light, it will only be because you taught them not to fear the darkness."
Comments
Drew
... now I kinda want to buy a shirt that says "my other shirt is the shirt i use to wipe my ass"
