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It's the Little Choices - Part 3 (Commission)
🕑 Added 2021-03-24 23:01:02 +0000 UTCThanks to our wonderful Gold-Tier Patron Wang Fire for commissioning this third installment! :-)
***
Oh, why can't every afternoon be like this?
It's a beautiful day indeed: one of those warm Sundays in March when the sun shines serenely, and the breeze is cool but not cold, and the sky is a Caribbean shade of blue, and the memory of snow fades like a half-forgotten dream. It's a crime to stay inside on a day like today... and so Fiona and I have emerged from our little home to bathe in the glories of this early spring afternoon...
Together.
She's seated beside me now, staring out the window as I ease our little car gently off the road and into the parking lot of our local park. I can't help but smile as I remember the shy grin that lit up her face at lunch when I asked which she wanted to do: meet up with an old coworker of mine for a pub crawl this evening, or maybe just spend the rest of the afternoon and evening by ourselves – together at the park and stuff. "Can we, really?" she'd enthused, blushing when I'd grinned and pressed her face in my hands. "Aww, does my wittle Fiona want to go pway on the swingies?" I'd teased, knowing full well how she'd blush and giggle and protest at my joking babytalk.
Because of course she wanted to, and still does. How can she help it, especially after all those hypnotic files I've been playing for her? Every night they've been whispering to her, reminding her to enjoy life, to let go, to dream of being a young and innocent and carefree little girl once more...
And yet her face is momentarily eclipsed by a shadow of doubt as she turns to face me. "Um, Liz... I- You don't think I'm- you know, being silly for wanting to go to the park? I mean, I bet you'd probably have more fun out with your friend..." She's fidgeting, and I recognize well the signs of inner conflict. Poor dear. She wants these childish things so much, but she doesn't want me to think she's being selfish or stupid...
"Sweetheart, you're perfect," I tell her once more, and then my hand is on hers, stilling the fidgeting and giving a warm squeeze of reassurance. "You're not 'silly' just for wanting go to the park! I mean, look at all the folks here today. It's a great day to be out, and listen: there's no reason on earth not to do things we enjoy, okay? You and I enjoy going to the park together, right? And I love pushing you on the swings, and you like riding them... so why on earth not? Those pubs will wait for another day, I promise!"
Bless her heart, she's so sweet and easy to reassure. With a lopsided grin and a sigh, she's pulling at the door handle with sudden resolve and energy. "Okay, Liz. Yeah, you're right! Let's go have fun!"
Maybe today's not the time to tell her, but as we saunter through the park hand in hand, I find myself mulling in delight over just what a perfect place this will be for the two of us when she finally comes to accept her Little side. There's the shallow pond over at the far end, its quacking inhabitants eternally eager to snatch up the bits of bread tossed to them by enthusiastic little hands. There are the slides, slippery and glowing with alluring color and practically begging for padded little tushes to plop down on them and slip to the bottom amid shrieks of pleasure. There's even a small merry-go-round – a bit faded and rusty, true, but still just right for Little ones who adore pushing it in wild circles, then breathlessly flopping onto it to watch the entire world spin crazily around them...
And yes, I admit it. Right now, as I push my partner higher and higher on the creaking swing set, I can't help but envision my Fiona decked out in the most perfect Little outfit: flowered pink overalls, purple Crocs, and maybe a sparkly Frozen sweater that would tell everyone that she's the sweetest little princess in the entire world. Oh, and of course a telltale little bulge in the seat of her overalls, too: just enough to remind a sharp-eyed observer that despite her grown-up body, this adorable little girl still has problems staying dry while she's having so much fun...
Yeah, give her just a bit more time. I'm sure she'll come around before too long.
***
"Oh, wow, look! Look, Liz, look how soft it is! Go on, feel it!"
Fiona's voice sounds through the aisle, bubbling with suppressed excitement and longing. She has a stuffed elephant in her arms – light grey with pink ears and a sweetly apologetic smile embroidered across his face – and the sight of the two together is enough to make my heart melt. We'd come here shopping afterward, just looking for a snack or two with supper tonight... but of course it's impossible not to stop by the toy department when you're passing by. I mean, especially not with a Little – even if she doesn't know she is one.
"Aww, he's really cute!" I enthuse, stroking his upturned trunk. Damn, that is soft! "I bet he'd make a great addition to our bedroom, don't you?" Fiona's eyes sparkle, then cloud with uncertainty once more. "Yeah, I guess. But- I mean, I dunno. We're full-grown adults, after all - not kids. And I guess the last thing our apartment needs is more stuff..."
Oh, I could push back right now. I could remind her that we're the adults in the room, that we are the ones who get to decide what we want or don't want, that it's stupid to give up things we like because we're afraid other people will make fun of us. But no – not right now. I need to bide my time. And so, I merely shrug and heave a tiny sigh. "Yeah, well, I dunno. He is awfully cute. Oh, hey – why don't we take a look at the video games while we're here, huh?"
It's there, almost exactly as I'd figured: the giant display with all the latest gaming titles for our little console. "Wow, look, they have it!" I exclaim. "Soul Slasher 4 – I think the reviews say it's really good! Or there's Demon Dynasty, too..." Oh, the look on Fiona's freckled face is adorable: that incomparable mixture of ill-concealed disgust and fake enthusiasm for my benefit. "Oh, wow. Yeah! That looks- wow. I mean-"
Bless her sweet little heart.
"Now you know," I confide now, bending closer to avoid broadcasting my words to the store's other patrons. "I was thinking... It's been awhile since we got a new game, and you know, it looks like that tax refund should be here any day. I'm not saying we have to get this exact one, but you know... I want to get something fun for you." I love watching the surprise and excitement blossom in her eyes once more. "So why don't you pick something out, huh? I mean, as a special treat for a really wonderful day?"
"Really? I mean, I dunno-" she protests. "Uh-uh-uh!" I chide good-naturedly, shaking my finger in mock admonition. "I'm the one in charge of the wallet today, and I've decided you're getting a treat! So what'll it be? One of these awesome new games, maybe? Or maybe something else?"
Blushes. Biting lips. Uncertain glances. It's adorable, really. But then, she gives me that shy smile of hers again and leans closer. "Umm, Liz? Can we- can maybe we go look at that elephant again?"
***
That little choice of hers, as it turns out, was way easier than I'd expected.
We're home now, and I'm seated serenely beside my dear Fiona after supper. She's back at her peaceful video game once more, and my fingers are running softly through her frizzy red hair as she sets about planting virtual flowers around her blocky virtual house. And of course, between us is the newest member of the family: that soft grey elephant, that apologetic grin of his beaming brighter than ever...
It was just a little choice, really. But with every little decision she makes, she's drawing ever closer to the wonderful life I want her to experience. And with every little step she takes, I find myself falling more and more in love with this Little-who-doesn't-know-she's-a-Little: the lovely woman I'm blessed to call my partner.
