Maou Razonica
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Chapter 91: Contemplating Murder.
🕑 Added 2024-07-26 12:53:32 +0000 UTCDOCS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1G9Eb5Yi5nbJ0rl-KvOUwMbeSyM7KnCloaQRIb2bN-0E/edit?usp=drive_link
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Ah, fuck. I blew up.
I looked at my bleeding hand, and then back at the dead and forgotten corpses of my enemies. I knew they had their reasons, I was not some paragon of justice that slew pure evil, but I couldn't help but feel that they were just so pitiful.
That punch was the most damage I ever took in this fight. A tree had caused me more pain than all their efforts combined. How else could I view that, other than with pity? Why didn't they just take the godsdamned gold? I would've been pissed off, but I would've allowed it if they did the smart thing. I would live, and so would they.
Stupid. So fucking stupid.
I sighed and looked back at my friends. Moonwash was already trying to loot the bandits, Granuel and Therick were staring at me with different but both unreadable expressions, and the remaining two were looking elsewhere.
"That was my bad." I raised both hands. One was still painful, but I could easily walk it off. "Sorry about that."
I touched the tree, and willed my nature magic to flow from my mouth, through my other arm, and then towards its trunk. The bark mended, and new growth appeared. It'd be scarred, but not broken.
~~~
We continued down the road after we’d rested and healed our wounds for a short while. I trailed behind the group, silent and in thought. I honestly didn’t think much of my actions back when it was happening. I understood the implications of course, but I didn’t really like the idea of even talking once hostilities had started… though I did shout profanities sometimes if emotions ran too high. But people were dangerous. Anyone would say anything to save their lives. How could I trust a surrender? It would be so easy to say the words, and then betray them right after. I did not trust my enemies.
That was a moot point right now, however. I had a secret to keep, and anyone who forces me to reveal it would die.
“Haell.”
“Haell.”
“Psst. Haell.”
I looked down and to my left, to find Granuel trying to get my attention. He had slowed down just enough to hang back here with me. But his voice was so quiet that I could barely hear it.
“What?”
He seemed to panic at my normal tone. “Uh. Um. Well. I was just wondering about earlier… you did kill someone trying to surrender, right?”
My eyes followed where he was looking, and found Therick pushing his cart, serious and studiously neutral.
“You don’t have to be all secretive about it. I’m not going to run from my actions.”
“O-oh, really?” Granuel perked up, and I nodded. Therick had glanced back at us, but just kept on pushing. “Well… I heard you kill someone that was trying to surrender earlier. Unless if I understood it all all wrong? I wasn’t looking over there when it happened…”
“No,” I answered him honestly. “That’s an accurate description of what happened. I went to kill a kobold, two belfegors suddenly dropped on me, so I tossed them at each other, and then I hacked their bodies before they could reorient themselves. The kobold man tried to surrender in the end, but I beheaded him before he could finish. And of course, I could tell that he was about to surrender. I’m not going to play dumb.”
Therick finally stopped, and so did everyone else begin to slow down. He turned around and glanced at me with a complicated expression.
“Really, Haell?”
“Yes.” I kept my voice level.
He opened his mouth, then closed it again, many times. Finally, he asked, “Why, Haell? Do you not feel any remorse for your actions?”
"Believe or not, I do. But I didn't want this fight, they did. That is what it means to war."
"They were ragtag bandits! That's no war."
"Semantics," I shrugged. "It was a violent and lethal conflict, and I only responded in kind."
"And you think that makes you better than them?"
"As a matter of fact, I do. I wasn't the one who wanted there to be bloodshed and murder this day. They did."
He frowned for a moment, before he turned and walked back to his cart.
“Oh and Granuel,” I said once we started moving again. “You seem to idolize me and all, and holy shit keep feeding my ego. But I’m not… the end all be all. I’m not right about everything. So come to your own conclusions, please. And don’t just follow my lead on everything. It’s not healthy.”
“Oh.” He stopped for a moment, then jogged back up with his cart to catch up to us. “Okay!”
~~~
“Um, Haell?” Berry hedged. I had drifted back up to the front of our procession, and she took this chance to strike up a conversation.
“Yeah? What’s up?”
“Oh! Well… I was just wondering if it’d always be like this…”
“You mean all the killing?”
“Yes...”
“Hmmm… Did you never come across bandits before?”
“Well, we did…”
“What did guys do then?”
“We killed them. We-we had to. But, you know, they could’ve easily been me. They’re just people who fall through the cracks, tossed out of where they live, with nowhere else to turn to…”
“I know that.”
“Then… why?” Her voice was not confrontational. It was almost pleading. “When I’m with Granuel and the rest, we usually did spare bandits if they surrendered. The parties I was with before were the ones who killed everyone. They were downright gleeful about it. I was even forced to join subjugations of entire bandit camps, and-and we killed so many. Children, people just trying to eke out a living away from all support and constantly harassed by the adventurers taking quests to burn down their homes!” Her voice had become horrified. Berry shook as she sobbed. “I-I should’ve done something else. I should’ve said something. And I did. But all that got me were more beatings. People would refuse to work with me again. I had no one to turn to, before I got to go out with the harvesters. I… I understand what it’s like to be that-that desparate…”
I felt violently offended by the implied accusation that I was anything like them, but I knew my friend was being genuine here. That was truly what my behavior harkened to.
“Okay. I understand, Berry. To begin with, I’ll say that I’m not going to just murder a bunch of children in makeshift camps, okay? I understand the desperation and falling on hard times. I’m familiar with criminal sorts from my past life. Some of them are genuinely fucked up and should be killed, but most are just desperate people with nowhere else to go and turn to. However, if it is war, then I will fight and kill these good men and women to protect myself. A big part of it is keeping my secret. Violently forcing me to reveal it will end in someone’s death. But it’s also a question of safety. Maybe… maybe I’m being paranoid, but how could I trust a surrender in the middle of battle? Have you never encountered someone who faked it?”
“I… have. But it’s rare.”
I waited for her to continue.
“It usually doesn’t happen if we’ve routed them already. But if… if the battle is still ongoing and we just leave them there, then there’s a chance…”
“Exactly my point. And they could just wake up even if we knock them out. I could cut off all their limbs I guess, but that kind of seems more fucked up than just killing them…”
“I get the logic, Haell. But do you not… feel bad as a person?”
I shook my head sadly. “I already said that I do. But once a battle has started, then I just consider even their words to be deceptions. I mean, if I were good with that kind of thing… and if I truly didn’t give a shit, without pride or anything, then it’s what I would do. I do want to try for peace, but I’ll ignore everything they have to say once negotiations have well and truly broken down. It is the inherent risk of picking a fight with me. So people really shouldn’t do it. They should stop.”
I looked up at the sky, and sighed at how beautiful the world remained despite what we had just experienced.
“Maybe… maybe if I didn’t have a secret to keep. Maybe if I had the luxury of overwhelming and unstoppable power. Maybe if I were truly unkillable. Maybe then I’ll show more mercy. But this world is cruel, and I won’t show it the mercy it isn’t willing to show me.”
We were silent after that, until Granuel eventually spoke loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Stop. There’s a wagon approaching.”
“Oh.” I did as he said, and so did the others.
Therick walked forward, then looked at me. “Haell. Stand back, please. I’ll talk to them.”
“Okay.” I readily agreed.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not the one looking for trouble here. I’d be forced to act if it comes to it, but I’d rather it doesn’t come to that either. I hope you can get us out of this without a fight too.”
My friend eyed me for a few moments longer, before nodding.
“Okay.”
We continued forward, as wagons passing through a road was just a normal occurrence, and not really an automatic cause for concern. It didn’t take long for our groups to finally meet, and it was the other party that was more wary.
“Halt!” A human man in plate/leather armor bellowed from dozens of meters away. The wagon had also stopped, and so did the adventurers(?) that traveled on foot alongside it. “Identify yourselves!”
“Are you bandits!?” Shouted a very tense crustecar woman just behind him. There was still quite a distance between us, but it was enough to hold a shouted conversation.
“No, we’re not bandits!” Therick answered. “We’re adventurers!”
“Really!?” shouted back the human. “What is with your carts then!?”
“Are they what you stole from others!!?”
“We’ve been out here for a while, hunting!” Therick countered and showed his bronze badge. “We made these carts to stow our bounty!”
The human tried to squint at it, until he finally concluded, “I can’t see it! Come closer!”
“Okay!”
Therick power-walked forward, and I felt the mana flowing through my hooves. I was ready to dash in should it be necessary.
Therick stopped at the midpoint between us, and the leader of the other group took the hint and went there as well. They had a short conversation, until Therick finally waved us over. I relaxed and followed, but I was still ready for a sudden trick.
“Hey there!” The human woman who sat upon the driver’s seat of the wagon called out to us once we were in range. There were two centaurs that were pulling it along. “I hear you’re adventurers?”
“Yes. We are,” Granuel confirmed, albeit that wasn’t officially true for all of us, and neither were we in any sort of official quest. “We’ve just gone out on a week-long hunting spree. And now we’re going back to Latarus.”
“The city?” She looked behind her as if she could see it from here. Who knows, maybe she was some hidden master. “That’s a long way from here. You’re walking all the way there?”
“We can if we have to. But we were hoping to hitch a ride somewhere. Maybe a wagon.”
“Ah. I’d offer to turn right around, but I got a delivery to make.” The wagon was full of wheat and rice. “I hear there’s a new village just a couple hours down this road, but you probably know this place better than I do.”
“The advice is appreciated nonetheless. We came across an actual bandit group in the way you’re going by the way, so maybe you should be careful.”
“Ah, thank you. I’ll relay that to the adventurers.”
Granuel nodded. “It was nice meeting you, miss.”
“Likewise. Safe journeys to you all.” She turned toward the centaurs. “Jasmine, Trevor. If you would, please.”
The adventurers also gave their own curt farewells, and then we were out of each other’s hair.
~~~
We arrived at the aforementioned small village an hour or so later, after passing by a couple of other wagons and travelers in encounters that were thankfully not as tense. The village had stone walls that were only about a meter taller than I was, and its wooden gate was guarded by a crustecar and human pair. They seemed to be deep in conversation about what monster they’d protect the village from when the crustecar guard noticed us and took a ready but non-hostile stance.
“Halt,” he said. “This is the village of Gratil. State your business.”
The human man also got in position and stared at us warily.
“We wish no trouble.” Granuel presented his badge. “Just adventurers, passing through, and possibly looking for a wagon that would take us home.”
“Let me see,” the human guard scrutinized the badge. “Alright. You may pass.”
“I don’t think there’s any wagon going out right now though,” said the other guard. “But we’ve got great beds and baths.”
“Shh! Don’t say that out loud.”
“Ah. Right. Uh, we don’t got great baths. That you don’t need.”
“It’s okay,” Granuel chuckled. “We have tried to clean ourselves, but we were still in the wilderness for weeks. We would all love to see the famous baths and beds of Gratil Village.”
~~~
“Moonwash,” I said as I stared at her head nuzzled against my chest. The place truly did have great beds, although that may just be my recent experiences talking. I had taken off pieces of my armor in the privacy of a personal room, but I still had enough on to masquerade as a human… with hooves and weird eyes somehow. It would be weird, but not impossible.
“What is it, Haell?”
“What do you think about what I did?”
“It was amazing.”
“W-wait. Huh? Really? I mean… I honestly don’t really regret it. I had my reasons. And yeah, what I did was very impressive on a technical level. But I wouldn’t call what I did to those bandits amazing… I meant morals and shit!”
“Oh. I was talking about the sex.”
I laughed so hard, I coughed and breathed like a drowning dolphin.
“What the fuck?”
“Yes. We did fuck.”
“Okay Moonwash you have got to be messing me!”
“A little bit.”
I squinted my eyes down at her, and she peered back up at me from below with her usual bland look. My eyes lingered just a little longer on the parts of her body visible underneath the sheets.
“...Thank you for saying I’m amazing. It’s true.”
“You’re welcome.”
“ANYWAY! What about the thing though! The thing! What do you think of it!?”
“Oh. Well, I think it was fine. They attacked us first, now they can’t anymore, and your secret is safe. I don’t really see anything wrong with it.”
“Right!?” I couldn't help but blurt out. “But… maybe I should at least adjust my behavior a little. Maybe. The others did have a point.”
“It’s up to you. But what would you do differently? I agree that sparing people is more dangerous, especially with all the secrets you want to keep.”
“Well… I don’t know yet. Maybe… I should just feel worse about it than I do right now?”
“Why? What does that accomplish?”
“Make me… shit, is it just for my own self-satisfaction then? But I just don’t know what else I can do that doesn’t put me or you at risk!”
“Talk to me then.” Moonwash climbed up the bed and gave me a deep kiss. “We’ll figure it out together.”
I was in love.
~~~
I and Moonwash woke up the next day, finding Angerly in the mess hall of the inn. Places could still fit her, but it was starting to get somewhat cramped. It wasn’t a problem yet, but it would soon be.
“Hey Moonwash, Haell!” She waved us over and we sat down. The place was homey, not entirely sparse in decorations, but certainly sparse in people. We shared in some small talk as we had a simple but filling breakfast. Angerly seemed perfectly normal around me as she talked about things that were… really mundane. Such as her love life, and the people she was meeting. What new shops were around our city, and what she thought about them. My friend seemed to like this village, and even expressed a desire to someday retire in a quiet place like this. I wished her all the happiness in the world.
Eventually however, the topic had to be brought up.
“I want to talk about what happened yesterday,” I said, and gestured to Moonwash with a swirl of my hand.
My girlfriend obliged, and encased us in a thin bubble of air that distorted all sound coming in or out. It was a trick she’d learned from Elfrafim.
“You mean when you killed everyone, including those who tried to surrender?” Angerly asked, looking me in the eye.
“Yeah… I’ve kinda talked about this with everyone, so you know, might as well just get it out of the way.”
She smiled. “I like that about you, you know? Direct.” She looked out the nearby window. “These things happen, people die. It’s part of the job and what I signed up for. But have you no honor, Haell?”
“Depends. Do my opponents have it?”
She looked back at me, somewhat perplexed and amused. “I expected you to just deny it out of hand!”
“Well, I do think it’s stupid. I’ll not handicap myself.” I shrugged. “But if it’s like an honorable duel or something, then I think I want to honor the terms. But those bandits never gave us the chance to establish any sort of rules, and… I don’t think I’ll trust them if they do. I get that a lot of them are probably just people who had fallen off the cracks, but… I still don’t trust them any further than I can throw… shit, I can throw things pretty far. Uhh, I trust them about as much as I can throw the barrier range?”
“So you will trust them once you can toss mountains around?”
“Yes,” I chuckled. “Exactly. If I were all-powerful like that, then I will trust them to uphold their word. Or else.”
My friend gave a good laugh, but the smile gradually faded from her face. “But seriously, Haell. It’s fucked up.”
“I know.” I mirrored her expression. “But this really isn’t up for debate until I’m more secure in my power and have to hide no longer. I don’t mind sparing them if I don’t have to reveal my hooves or my eyes I guess, but those can be big handicaps.”
There was silence for a few seconds, until Angerly finally spoke up again. “I don’t like it. But I understand. It’s the nature of our job. This is what it means to fight. It is what it is.”
“It is what it is,” I agreed.
~~~
Granuel had taken Therick and Berry along to see about getting a wagon, and they were already loading cratefulls of our stuff into it by the time we arrived. The rest of us helped them, Granuel paid the human man in charge of the stable a small sum up front, and soon two centaurs were pulling our carriage along towards Latarus City.
The journey was mostly uneventful from then on. We were quieter than normal, but we still chatted and jostled around. I and Therick brushed elbows sometimes in interactions, and while it was clear we hadn’t come to an agreement, things were still civil and we could even have fun together.
Eventually, the city came into view. The centaurs reached the ramp, and slowly, we began our ascent. A man suddenly got pushed in the corner of my vision, and I noticed that he was sick. His family of five quickly huddled around him protectively, and the guard that tossed him out clicked her tongue.
“Don’t come back.” With that ultimatum, the guard ascended back up the ramp along with two of her companions. The people had noticed this event, but most immediately went back to their business once the commotion was over. It was not an uncommon occurrence.
“That’s fucked up.” I grimaced. I only just now noticed that my hands had balled into fists.
“Do you even care, Haell?” Therick asked.
The family was just standing at the side of the road that led out of the city now, at a complete loss for what to do next. I reckoned that their tattered clothing, malnourished bodies, and meager possessions were the reason why they were exiled. Here we didn’t have the poor and the homeless, because we tossed them out to die.
I slowly turned to face Therick and looked him in the eye. Moonwash channeled her noise-canceling spell. “Of course I care. I hate to see people oppressed like this. I hate to see freedom so… so stifled. But what happened with those bandits was different. Mercy is a luxury that I do not have. However… I don’t think I was thinking about that before. I wasn’t thinking about anything other than killing the enemy right in front of me, and at least in part, protecting you all too. They were trying to kill us after all, so I responded by killing them. And once I’ve decided, well…”
“You’ll stick to it. I understand. I also understand that what you did posed less risk. But is that amount of safety really worth being like… this?”
“Letting them talk could be a distraction, it could lead to an opening. I know just how strong I am for my level, but that’s precisely why I do not let my guard down. If I can kill those who should be beyond me, then there is no reason why I cannot suffer that same fate.”
Therick took a few seconds to process that. The wagon had passed through the bridge and down the ramp to the other side. Granuel had taken care of talking to the guards, showing his adventurer’s badge, and guiding our centaur drivers.
“Okay… I think I understand. But is it worth it to be safe but live through such… horrors?”
“If I get to live, then yes.” I shrugged. “But… maybe we could warn them harder in the future? ‘If you pick this fight, then we will kill you. So please, turn back. Don’t toss your life away.’”
“That’s… well, it’s better. But people won’t change their minds. Is this not just there to make us feel better?”
I’d said the same thing, when I had talked about this with Moonwash.
“But then that’s their choice. We’re fighting for our lives here. Or worse, maybe. There are fates worse than death.” I glanced at Moonwash. “I loathe to lose an advantage, but if you really think… it would be better. How about a show of force? Moonwash could just shoot a massive fireball into the sky.”
“Hmmmmm. Shit. I think I actually like that idea! But if you’re concerned about the element of surprise and wasting some of our prep, wouldn’t it be better to give away your eyes or your aura?”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to keep a secret, Therick!”
“Oh, right. Yeah.” He scratched his head, then fixed his posture straight. “I stand by most of what I said. But I’m sorry for blowing up on you like that. I know you have your wrath mana to contend with too…”
I stalled him with a hand. “No. That’s my responsibility to keep control of. No need to step on eggshells around me. If I can’t control myself, then that’s my fucking fault.”
“Alright…”
“And I’m sorry too. I have my own reasons, but… yeah. I got too heated.”
I extended out my hand, and he shook it.
“Friends?” I asked.
“Of course!” He was quick to answer. “I never said we weren’t. I just… got spooked.”
“I understand. All we can do is find compromise,” my gaze pierced into his, “or stop and go our separate ways.”
That was an important option to remember. Sometimes, it was really the only way forward, and everything else would see you plummeting down a jagged burning cliff, filled with eldritch tentacle maws at the bottom.
“I don’t want that.” Therick gulped.
“Neither do I.”
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AN:
I did not expect this to be the 4K chunker that it is. However, I am actually very happy with how this chapter turned out.
Comments
Mattman
Yay people talking to each other. I know most stories put it in the between chapters space. But it is really nice to have it told to us that this was discussed. Not everyone enjoyed the activity but they understand it and are all still friends.
Maou Razonica
And not because she's all torn up about it! I actually intended to just do the easy thing of having guilt-free bandit targets, but when I tried to make sense of *why* they're bandits, especially in the context of my world... yeah. I'm really happy with how Haell's morality turned out, bcos I feel like this is the exact opposite struggle as to most reincarnator vs diff world morals. Haell has rly adapted so well, better than people who only know of Varyala, in a way that I hope makes perfect sense.
ZephanyZephZeph
Woop actually thinking about the ethics of killing bandits! Far too rare for fantasy Isekai to do so!
