Razeil
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Chapter 11: I’m the Worst
🕑 Added 2026-01-17 20:30:00 +0000 UTC"For all these years… Mother never actually left Demacia. When I was little, there were so many things I didn't understand.
In my blurry memories, I can still vaguely remember it—whenever the marching bards sang praises of the Demacian king's valor, Mother would always gaze out the window… and smile like a fool."
Luke seemed to sink into the past as he sketched the scene he had once witnessed as a child.
A black-haired woman sat by the window. Outside, the bards in the streets spoke loudly of the king's stories, and she wore a blissful smile. Year after year, it was as if simply hearing news about him was enough to satisfy her.
She never tried to hide the love in her heart, even though the man she loved was separated from her by mountains and seas.
Jarvan III froze in place. His hands trembled even more violently, betraying the turmoil in his heart.
She… never left Demacia?
All these years, she had been right under his nose, and he—like a blind man—had failed to notice her.
Regret. A fierce, crushing regret surged up inside him.
Lux still hadn't recovered from the last story. Now she was hearing a new one, and it hit even harder.
Damn it… are adult love stories always this moving?
"When I was little, I often saw other children walking by with their parents' hands in theirs, so I asked Mother where my father was. Mother would just smile and say my father was a hero without equal. And because he was a hero, he was always, always too busy… so we had to support him quietly.
Later, as I gradually grew up and became more sensible, I stopped asking."
By the time he reached that point, Jarvan III was already weeping openly. He looked at Luke with unbearable shame—at the flesh and blood standing before him.
There was no doubt.
He was his son.
And yet, as a father, he had never let him feel a father's love all these years.
In Melli's heart, he had been so great… and the more he thought about it, the heavier the guilt and remorse in his chest fell, like the snows of deep winter.
Jarvan III said hoarsely, full of self-reproach, "All these years… you've suffered."
Luke lowered his head and forced himself to hold it in, but not a single tear fell. All he could do was say in grief, "Actually, I didn't suffer at all. Mother treated me well. She taught me a lot about how the world works, and she never let me be wronged. The one who truly suffered… was her.
Because she had no proof of identity, Mother could only do the lowest, most degrading hard labor. Sometimes she'd help treat people's illnesses, too. But the wages she earned each week were only enough to keep us fed and barely warm.
That's how the two of us got through year after year. But a healer can't heal themself. By the time Mother realized what was wrong inside her body… it was already too late.
Ten years ago, Mother fell ill with a disease. She coughed constantly, year-round—sometimes she even coughed up blood. The physicians said it came from years of exhaustion and heavy work. The later it got, the worse the pain became. It would stay with her until the day she died.
But she endured the torment of that illness and still raised me to adulthood. And in the later years, I took care of her. What I regret is that as her son… I still couldn't give her a happy, peaceful old age. I could only watch her suffer, powerless to do anything.
Two months ago, Mother passed away. Before she left, she gave me the necklace and told me to go to the capital. She said she'd lived her whole life openly, without shame, and the only thing she regretted was leaving without a word back then. She still had more to say… but she couldn't finish before she died."
Luke wasn't lying. He had added a tiny bit of his own framing, but from the shattered fragments of memory he had seen, Melli really had lived like that all these years.
If it hadn't been that way, the original owner of this body probably wouldn't have collapsed under the pressure and, when his mother was gravely ill, chosen to leap off a cliff and end his life.
Now, Luke had become him.
On the way here, he had thought through so many things—he just hadn't expected that before he'd even done anything, the race of his life would already be finished in a single stride.
He'd assumed he was just some minor noble.
But instead… the royal family turned out to be me?
Luke's mindset shifted in a subtle way at that very moment.
Not a single tear could be squeezed out—maybe because Luke couldn't fully slip into it. In truth, he hadn't actually lived through many bitter days himself.
But in everyone else's eyes, that sorrowful young man was pitiful beyond words. They could imagine how hard it must have been for him to grow up, and they could imagine how brutal and exhausting his mother's life had been.
To them, Luke had already cried himself numb. This child must have once wailed for his departed mother until there were no tears left to shed.
Jarvan III's tears still didn't stop. He could practically see Melli working the roughest jobs to raise their child, suffering cold stares and contempt because she had no papers.
He could also imagine the torment of her illness—how much she must have needed him by her side then.
And yet he hadn't done it.
And after all that… he still dared to claim he loved her.
Just thinking of it made Jarvan III feel as if his heart were about to explode from pain.
He could even imagine Luke crying at Melli's grave, helpless—perhaps believing that from that day on, he had no family left in this world.
Jarvan III desperately wanted to tell the child: you do. You do have family. Your father is right here!
But at this moment, Jarvan III was choking so hard on sobs that he couldn't force out a single complete sentence.
"Your Majesty, try to rein in your emotions." Tianna Crownguard sighed, patting Jarvan III's back in comfort. "At least… he's standing safely in front of you."
Even she couldn't help but feel sympathy for Luke after hearing a story like that.
Melli—Tianna knew her. Back then, they had even spoken before. That woman truly had been as kind as Jarvan III said.
But someone so kind… still hadn't gotten a good ending.
As a woman, Tianna could only respect her all the more.
"I'm fine." Jarvan III steadied himself. Hearing Tianna's words, light returned to his eyes.
Yes. At the very least, this child was still alive—still able to stand before him, safe and whole!
He had come here… it had to be a sign from the heavens!
Looking at the necklace in his hand, Jarvan III was certain this child had returned carrying Melli's wish.
She wanted him… to take good care of their child.
Lux wiped at the corners of her eyes. She hadn't expected Luke's life to be this miserable. And then, thinking of herself—growing up with her father and mother's love—
From now on, she had to treat him better.
She admired Melli even more—admired how great she was, raising Luke through all those hardships, suffering silently for so many years.
Calvin was feeling awful listening to it.
This kid had really lived that painfully… and then there was him, growing up without a worry in the world, having whatever he wanted—hands reached out and everything was placed right into them.
Thinking back to how he'd treated Luke earlier, Calvin regretted it.
I'm the worst.
