The Kylie Coven System
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AotS Chapter 29.e - Disaster Dinner
🕑 Added 2023-02-10 01:33:34 +0000 UTCAcceptance of the Self
Book 1: Attunement of the Hearts
Chapter 29.e - Disaster Dinner
___________________ ღ♥ღ ___________________
Ellie
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[ - Friday, September 13, 2019 - 6:19pm - Near The Gramol Household - ]
[ - content warnings: shitty parents, anxiety attacks, deadnaming - ]
The bus drops us off about a ten minute walk from home, and we begin to walk slowly down the sidewalk.
Maddie and I had been absolutely dreading this dinner the entire day. We’d even confessed to Dawn about it over text, and she’d pointed out that we’d never promised to stay the night at our parents’ place after dinner. So now we had Dawn on standby to pick us up the moment things went south. She probably would’ve driven us here too if it hadn’t been for her group project that she needed to stay on campus to work on till later tonight.
As it is though, Maddie and I are alone - or at least as alone as we can be in our own head - as we navigate through our suburb. We’re wearing our big orange pull-on hoodie again with a green tee shirt underneath, as well as a pair of blue jeans. We’ve also got a mostly-empty gym bag grasped in our right hand and our textbook-and-laptop-laden backpack on our back.
In headspace, Maddie’s sitting on their customary blue loveseat before the center of the viewing screen, watching me and keeping me company. We’ve been talking throughout the day about how we want to play this dinner. Whether we want to try and open up to our parents about anything or not. So far it’s been decidedly ‘or not’.
I hate being dishonest though, I can’t shake the feeling that lying to our folks is going to make everything so much worse when we do finally come out to them. But at the same time, we’re in a very vulnerable position with them. They could cut off our schooling and our housing if they want to and there’s nothing we can do about it.
Stop worrying love, Maddie says, they won’t find out about us.
What if they’re supportive though? We can’t know for sure until we ask, I counter.
If they’re supportive they’ll understand why we had to hide from them, my partner in mind replies.
I kick our white-with-blue-streaks sneakers through a small pile of orange and red leaves as I walk down the sidewalk, but concede the point.
Our house comes into view all too soon, and I hitch our backpack higher on our back.
Our parents’ home is a two story building with a peaked grey roof and grey siding. The driveway is a short, pale white concrete surface that ends at the two car garage attached to the north side of the house. The front door is situated in the middle of the west side of the house, with windows on either side of it, and above them three windows across the top floor.
Well, here goes nothing, I think to Maddie as I start down said driveway.
You’ve got this hun. And I can tag in at any time, you just say the word, they think back at me.
Thanks Madelaine, I say sincerely.
I feel my comment hit them deeper than I’d expected it to. Maddie’s face flushes red in headspace, and their eyes skirt away from the viewing screen.
Thanks, they think at me, it feels really good to hear my full name like that.
Do you not like ‘Maddie’ as a shortening? I ask with some concern.
I don’t mind it, much. I’m not sure I like ‘Madelaine’ perfectly either to be quite honest, but what hit home was you being so sincere in addressing me, they reply.
I’m glad I got a homerun in your heart, I say, but keep me updated on what you want to be called, okay?
Of course, they reply.
We follow the small concrete pathway from the driveway to the front door, and I take my keys out of my pocket to unlock it. Soon I’m slipping inside and closing the door quietly behind me.
I hear voices in the kitchen, mom and dad by the sound of it. I send a quiet prayer to any gods listening that there’s no one else here who they’ve invited over for dinner, then I creep up the stairs and enter our room on the right.
We’d decided earlier today that if we had to go home we might as well make the most of it, so we’re up here to grab some more clothes and one of our game consoles. It’s the work of about twenty minutes to get everything packed, then I leave the gym bag just inside my bedroom door for quick access later.
Once all that’s done, we finally let ourselves relax. Dinner won’t be until 7pm, so we have about fifteen minutes to chill before facing our folks.
I lay down on our bed and close our eyes. Then I step back from our body and imagine myself into existence inside the viewing tree. Each time I make the transition, it’s a teensy bit easier to do than the last. The ‘poof!’ sound and a tiny flash of light happen a split second before I materialize in our shared mental domain, an effect that Anne had taught me how to do on a whim one of the few times she was here teaching us headspace things.
Madelaine claps a few times from their spot on the blue loveseat directly in front of me. They are wearing their favorite black invocation array tee shirt and black jeans, with their dark brown hair in its customary tousle atop their head.
“Hello beautiful,” they say.
I put my hands on my hips and smile as I look down at myself. I can’t ignore the thrill of excitement I feel whenever I gaze upon this curvy feminine dream-form, and this time I decide to concentrate on the euphoria as it shivers down my spine and tingles out to all my extremities. This is the body I want to have, beyond a shadow of a doubt.
“Hey hot stuff,” I say with another smile, looking back up at Maddie.
“What do you want to do?” they ask.
“I think I want to retreat to my own space if that’s cool,” I say.
“Of course,” they reply, “I’ll keep an eye on things here while you do your thing.”
“Thanks,” I say gratefully, “I appreciate the heck out of you.”
I move to sit on my favorite armchair, and settle into it with a sigh. Maddie keeps a vigilant watch as I close my dream-eyes and will myself to connect with a different set of senses.
In my new vision I’m standing on a dirt path that leads from the library tower ahead of me to the docks behind me. I’m still in my practically perfect girly body, and I feel pretty stable as I take in the sight of the island before me.
My library tower is made of a variety of different types of stone, including granite, diorite, and andesite with some obsidian accents around the doors and windows of the structure. It’s situated on a forested isle in the middle of an ocean. I don’t really bother imagining much beyond the horizon, in fact there’s a similar dome of mist covering this island just like Anne’s.
I spend most of my time picturing myself walking through the trees from one end of the isle to the other and marveling at how ancient and massive most of them seem. I haven’t spent much time on the island itself, usually I visualize myself inside the library, where I have a cozy nook beside a window that overlooks the docks side of the isle. But I find myself feeling more curious about the natural side of things in my personal headspace today, so the forest I explore.
There are signs of wildlife all over the island, but I never actually see any animals. My walk is silent; it takes even more focus to add multiple senses to the vision and keep them from overwhelming me and sending me crashing back into my body inside the viewing tree.
I try it now, focusing and imagining the chirping of birds playing overhead, and I can almost believe I really hear it for a moment. It’s nothing like the sharp senses I have on the shared headspace island that Anne built, but it’s a little better than nothing.
All too soon I feel Maddie shaking me awake inside the viewing tree, and I reluctantly leave my enchanting forest island.
“Damn, that was really relaxing,” I say as I yawn and stretch.
“Sorry hun, duty calls,” Maddie replies, standing in front of my chair.
“Yeah yeah I know,” I grumble, getting to my feet.
“You sure you want to be the one to front first?” Madelaine asks, stepping aside to allow me access to the viewing screen. “You know they’re probably gonna grill us about ‘the project’.”
“Yep,” I reply, walking up to the screen and closing my eyes. “Still sure.”
“Good luck,” Maddie says, as I step forward with both mind and body.
Transitioning to the front, I open the body’s eyes and take stock of myself. I feel hungry, tired, and stressed, and I’m only guaranteed to satisfy one of those needs with this dinner.
I let out a sigh into the empty stillness of my pale-green-painted room. “Well what the hell, here goes nothing,” I say, pushing myself up off the bed and getting to my feet.
I make it downstairs and into the kitchen just as the clock on the oven hits ‘7:00pm’.
“Hello dear,” Mom says pleasantly, sitting at the head of the table, “could you set the table?”
The tension in the air is thick enough to cut with a knife. Something’s definitely up, I just pray to whatever deities are listening that it has nothing to do with me.
My mother, Wilma Gramol, is a heavyset woman with black hair that hangs down to her chin in a straight curtain. Currently she’s wearing a colorful floral shirt and dark blue jeans, and she looks like a thundercloud that’s getting ready to unleash itself on the world.
“Sure thing,” I say, moving towards the counter drawer with the silverware on autopilot.
“We’re having shrimp fried rice tonight,” Dad announces from his position in front of the stove. His voice sounds stressed.
I take a closer look at our father, Peter Gramol, who is a large man with wide shoulders, thick arms and legs, and short dark brown hair in a no-nonsense business-style cut. He’s wearing comfy pajama pants and an old Old Gods of Asgard tee shirt, and he’s got a ‘kiss the chef’ apron on over that. His expression is one of sorrow.
“Uh cool, thanks for cooking,” I reply, pleased that it’s a meal we genuinely enjoy, but worried about Dad.
[ - content warning: deadnaming - ]
“So what’s this project that’s got you camping out at Matt’s house?” Mom asks, as I grab three forks from the drawer and three plates from the cabinet overhead.
“It’s for the I-P-O-O course, Interprofessional Projects Organization, or ‘ipoo’,” I say with a small smile.
Technically Maddie and I did have a class like that, but we’ve been managing to get most of the work for that project done during our free time on campus.
“Seriously?” Mom asks with a frown, “I thought you were a little more mature than that by now.”
I shrug. “I guess we’re all disappointed sometimes,” I reply.
“Oh, you have no idea how disappointed I am today, Erick,” Mom says.
The viciousness in her voice gives me chills. Dad says nothing. There’s an awkward quiet for a few seconds.
“O-kay,” I say slowly. My expression stays carefully neutral as I set the plate and fork down in front of Mom, then move to set the two seats closest to her.
“We’ll talk about it over dinner,” Mom assures me.
“Oh boy,” I say without cheer.
I’m just sitting down on Mom’s right as Dad finishes sauteeing the shrimp. He dumps the shrimp onto a big platter full of rice, beans and veggies, and then brings it over to the left side of the table, setting it down gingerly in the center of our three chairs.
Mom and I both fork helpings onto our plates as Dad slowly sits down.
“So the class is ipoo,” Mom says, clearly wanting to keep the conversation going, “but what’s this super important project about?”
I take a bite of rice and soy sauce to buy myself some time, rehearsing what I want to say in my head for the hundredth time today. Then I swallow, and explain, “It’s about abandoned buildings in Chicago. Our project is to figure out the most cost effective way for the city to turn these buildings into community centers, housing for the homeless, and other things like that.”
Dad nods. “That’s quite the project,” he says softly.
“Sounds interesting,” Mom remarks, “are you enjoying it?”
I’m purposefully in the middle of munching on a shrimp, which gives me a few seconds to consider my response.
“It’s pretty cool,” I say, “and the best part is we’ve got a pretty good group. Matt and I are not the only ones doing work on the project, everyone’s pulling their weight so far.”
“Good,” Dad says, not yet eating, “is that rare at your school?”
I shift in my chair, considering the question. “Not rare, it’s just these projects are ‘interprofessional’ so I’m working with people of all different degrees, and we’ve still been communicating and working together effectively.”
“Excellent,” Mom says, sticking her fork in a shrimp, “I’m so glad you’re not in a bad group.”
“Thanks,” I reply cautiously. I take another bite of shrimp and rice.
Silence descends on the table.
Should I do something? I ask Maddie.
Do you want to poke the bear in the room? they reply. They’re standing close to the viewing screen, watching everything as closely as I am.
I mean, if we don’t ask Mom might get pissed at us, I think.
Then by all means, be my guest, they say.
“So uh, how’s everything been with you two?” I ask hesitantly.
They glance at each other, and Dad quickly looks down and away.
“Things have been interesting around here,” Mom says icily. “Why don’t you tell our son what you’ve been up to for the past, how long was it again?”
[ - content warning: adultery/cheating - ]
Dad looks at his hands, and sighs. “Six months,” he replies quietly.
Then he fixes his dark brown eyes on me. “Your mother called my office today, and found out I lied about a number of meetings I said I was going to. Then she looked at my texts and found out I’m seeing another woman by the name of Sarah.” He seems to be fighting back tears. “I am sorry that I betrayed you both. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I ask for it anyway. I’ll gladly never see Sarah again if it means keeping my family together.”
What the fuck, Maddie says.
How the hell am I supposed to feel about that? I ask irately and rhetorically.
Dad drops his gaze back to his hands, and I sit up straight in my chair.
“Um, wow,” is all I can manage.
[ - content warning: sexist language - ]
Mom lets out a short, bitter laugh. “‘Wow’ is right,” she says. “He’s been sneaking away to fuck this whore for six months!”
We heard it the first time, Maddie says sardonically. The both of us are irked by her choice of words.
[ - end cw: sexist language - ]
My eyebrows rise as Mom holds my gaze. It’s unlike her to swear, but I suppose if there ever was a time, now would be it.
“That’s really shitty,” I say aloud.
“Shitty barely begins to describe it,” Mom says. “It’s fucking disgusting.”
I make a noncommittal mmhmm sound, and shift uncomfortably in my chair. None of us are eating now. Dad’s staring at his large clasped hands, I’m staring at my plate, and Mom’s glaring at Dad.
[ - content warning: light anxiety attack - ]
I feel like I’m treading a minefield, one wrong word, expression, or attitude and my entire family could implode right before my eyes. Anxiety ripples through my thoughts, and I find myself clutching at my elbows.
Easy now cutie, Maddie says, calmness radiating off them and soothing my nerves, remember I can step in at any time.
I take a few deep breaths, and try to center myself. Thanks Madelaine, I think sincerely, I’ve still got this, for now.
Of course hun, I’ve got your back, they say.
I take a deep breath, and then look up and lock eyes with Dad.
“Why did you do it?” I ask.
Dad shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He scratches at the back of his neck. “I, I suppose I felt confined here, and Sarah offered freedom. It was stupid and childish and I’m sorry.”
“I don’t think you know the meaning of being confined,” Mom says venomously, “but maybe I can teach you a thing or two about it, if you’re so desperate to get back into our good graces.”
Why are they like this? Maddie asks.
Hell if I know, I reply.
“What was confining you?” I press, all but ignoring Mom’s taunt.
Mom turns to look at me with suspicion, but doesn’t interrupt.
Dad looks a little pale and weary. “Your mother and I haven’t been on the best of terms lately, son. I suppose I felt confined by my marriage and my duties as your father. But I’m not going to run away from those duties anymore. Sarah was a mistake, one that I swear I’ll never repeat.”
I nod slightly.
I still don’t know how to feel about this, Maddie admits.
I think I’m numb, dissociating maybe? I say.
I turn to Mom. “What do you plan to do about this?” I ask.
She pauses, then takes a deep breath. “I want to believe the man I married is still in there, somewhere,” she says. “So I’m planning to forgive him, eventually. Right now he’s in the shithouse though. He’ll be sleeping on the couch for at least the next month for sure. And I’ll be checking his phone each night for as long as it takes.”
Dad just nods quietly.
“Um, well,” I start hesitantly, “I uh, I forgive you too.”
Dad looks half relieved, half depressed. “Thank you, Erick,” he says in that same soft tone he’s been using, which is honestly the scariest thing about this. Dad’s usually loud and blustery.
To my surprise, Mom also looks relieved. Silence descends on the three of us once again, but it feels a little more comfortable this time.
[ - end cw: adultery/cheating, anxiety attack - ]
“So uh, what happens now?” I ask after a short while.
That seems to break the spell holding my parents quiet. Mom speaks up first. “Now we finish eating this delicious meal as a family,” she says, looking expectantly from Dad to me and back.
I nod quietly, and take up my fork. I’m not super hungry anymore though, and the food’s already starting to get cold. Dad and I start eating anyway. I can sense Mom’s not going to be happy with a silent rest of our meal though.
“So, Erick,” she begins, “where did you get that bracelet?”
I’m just spearing a shrimp with the hand adorned with the trans flag colored bracelet Sky had given me, and Mom’s, Dad’s, and my eyes all zero in on it as I freeze like a deer in headlights.
You know, maybe we should’ve taken that off, Maddie muses.
Fuck, I reply, having completely forgotten I was wearing it.
“Uhmmm,” I start, electing to go with the truth, “Matt’s sibling Sky gave it to me as a present. It’s a friendship bracelet.”
Mom arches an eyebrow. “Oh really,” she says, “I didn’t realize you and that... child, were so close.”
I frown at her. “We’ve been friends for years,” I say defensively.
Mom shrugs. “Well, I must have forgotten. I really do wish you’d keep your distance from those people, Erick.”
I lower my brows. Sheesh, we haven’t even told them about Dawn yet and they already want to separate us, I grumble internally.
“With all due respect,” I say, “the Andersons have been there for me through a lot, they’re practically family to me.”
Mom frowns at me. “They’re not good people, Erick,” she says.
“By whose definition?” I challenge.
“Mine,” she says with finality. “Liking the same sex, thinking you’re the opposite sex, it’s wrong,” she declares.
“Why?” I ask, “You don’t even go to church anymore.”
Mom’s face darkens. “Shut your mouth young man, I still believe in the Lord and His teachings. And don’t you dare tell me you’ve started to have feelings for Matt or some such bullshit.”
I pray that my blush is hidden, and do my best not to change my expression from the calm one I’ve been hiding behind. “No no, nothing like that,” I assure her, crossing my fingers under the table.
“I think it’s a nice bracelet,” Dad says softly.
Mom swings her glare over to him. “Don’t you dare start too,” she warns.
Dad holds up his hands. “Sorry,” he says, “I’m just glad Erick has friends.”
Mom narrows her eyes. “I am too, of course,” she says, “I just wish he’d pick different friends.”
“Well tough luck, I like the friends I have,” I say.
Mom huffs, but doesn’t say anything more on the matter. The conversation turns back towards my school, so I spend the rest of the meal giving them the run down on my various classes.
When we’re all finished with our plates, Dad gets up and starts the clean up process. When I move to help him, Mom takes her leave of the kitchen.
Dad’s hand washing the pots and pans while I load the dishwasher and run it.
“Hey um, Erick,” he says hesitantly, barely audible.
“Yeah?” I ask, straightening up, closing the dishwasher, and setting it to run.
It immediately starts filling up with water, and that combined with the faucet running makes it difficult to hear Dad as he says, “I know what those colors on that bracelet mean.”
Ice settles in my veins, and I freeze up.
Let me take this, Maddie says, standing up from their loveseat.
Thank you, I say gratefully.
Maddie smoothly steps into the front and focuses our eyes on Dad again as I poof! into the viewing tree. Dad’s watching us carefully.
“The colors are just Sky’s favorite colors, it’s meant to remind me of them,” Maddie says.
Dad nods slowly. “Right, well, good,” he says haltingly. “Just, trust me Erick, you don’t want that life. It’s hard, miserable, and friendless.”
Only if you’ve got shit friends, I think.
Maddie, without batting an eye, repeats “Only if you’ve got shit friends,” aloud.
Dad grimaces, looking more sad than angry. “Son, be careful. I don’t think your mother could take losing her baby boy.”
I feel Maddie clench one of our fists. Too fucking bad, they think. But aloud they say nothing.
Instead they pull out our phone and check the screen. Zero notifications.
Time for plan A, Maddie announces.
They curse loudly, carefully keeping the screen hidden from Dad’s view. “Shit,” they say, “I need to get back to Matt’s right away, there’s an assignment due tonight that one of our members is sick and can’t complete!”
Damn, I say, smooth.
Dad’s eyebrows rise, and it seems like he buys the ruse. “Okay, go tell your mother. I can drive you?”
“No need, Matt’s already in the area,” they reply, sending off a quick text to Dawn.
[ Ellie G. - 8:19pm] please come pick us up
Dad frowns. “Uh huh,” is all he says.
Maddie races into the living room, where Mom’s already relaxing on the couch. “I heard you, go do whatever the heck you need to do,” she says waving us away with a hand.
“Thanks Mom!” Maddie says, and then jogs back to the staircase and up to grab our gym bag.
[ Dawn A. - 8:20pm] already on ur street
In minutes we’re locking the door behind us and running full tilt to the street, where Dawn’s car is already visible coming down the block.
I can’t believe she was waiting for us, Maddie thinks.
I think it’s obvious to everyone but us that our family isn’t exactly great, I reply, she probably figured the odds of us sleeping at home were nil.
True, Maddie thinks as we step out onto the curb and wait for our girlfriend.
It’s begun to rain, and all we’ve got on is our hoodie, but luckily it’s just a light drizzle.
Dawn’s silver honda civic pulls up to the curb before us and we pull open the passenger door and slide in.
“Hey cuties,” Dawn says, “How’d it go?”
Maddie lets out a deep sigh. “Oh it was great. Dad cheated on Mom, and also caught on to the fact that we’re wearing Sky’s bracelet for ourselves, not for them.”
Dawn’s eyes are wide as saucers. “Back up, what? Your dad cheated on your mom?”
“Eyup,” Maddie replies, “He sincerely apologized to us and to her, and I guess we’re going to forgive him? But yeah it feels unreal still.”
“I’m sure, and what about the bracelet Sky gave you?” Dawn asks.
“Dad said he knew it was the trans colors,” Maddie explains, “And he also said that ‘it’ is a hard, miserable, and friendless life.”
Dawn whistles. “That’s a lot to have going on on top of everything else you two are involved with,” she says.
“Yeah,” Maddie says, “I’m about ready to sleep I think.”
Dawn glances at us sympathetically as she pulls away from the curb. “Then let’s get you home,” she says.
And she does.
End of
Chapter 29.e - Disaster Dinner
[author]
Hello voracious readers!
Your support means the absolute world to us! We hope each and every one of you is having a fantastic week(end)!
[/author]
Comments
PurpleCatGirl
gosh what an unfun stressful dinner. Dawn & Ellie + Maddie are super cute together tho!
