SolSombraYSoldados
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JaM: Chapter 2
🕑 Added 2022-08-03 16:00:10 +0000 UTCJenna's perspective. Get you someone who looks at you the way Jenna looks at Monchi...
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It was cold in Dr. Sienna’s study. Cold enough to have frost on the inside of the windows and for her to have to run a dehumidifier to keep the books from getting damp. The professor kept telling her grad-students that she would use some of her next grant money to put in insulation. Dr. Sienna had two types of graduate students, ones that believed her about the insulation, and ones that would go on to succeed in maths.
Jenna wasn’t either kind, since she wasn’t a graduate student. She was Dr. Sienna’s pet project, the undergrad that Sienna bragged about ‘landing’ after Jenna had caused a stir by publishing an interesting result.
Monserrat had been so angry when everyone’s opinion’s changed from “Jenna is a pushy undergrad” to “Jenna is our star pupil”. Monchi couldn’t understand why Jenna wasn’t mad at the professors too. She thought Jenna didn’t care that the men in the math department had blown her off before.
That’s not true at all. Jenna thought. I cared quite a bit. That’s why I picked Dr. Sienna, instead of one of those old men.
The part that Monserrat didn’t get, would probably never get, was that those old men didn’t exist any more. They didn’t exist if Jenna didn’t think about them. Except for in meta-mental conversations, like the one she was currently holding with herself, Jenna didn’t think about them.
Monchi would never understand that, because she understood and deeply valued people. Inside the whip-smart engineering student and formidable athlete, was a woman who could look someone in the eyes and read their soul.
She’d done it to Jenna. Monserrat had read her like a graph. It took one conversation with Monchi in the student union cafeteria to completely change the course of Jenna’s life.
“Have you thought any more about doing a paper on sphere packing?” Dr. Sienna asked. “They just awarded a fields medal in that area, but there are a lot of unsolved dimensions left.”
“I don’t think you get a fields medal by chasing the last one. I’m not going to do that paper.” Jenna said, keeping her eyes on the graph nodes she was connecting and the Greek letters she was adding as labels.
“It can’t hurt. Why not get a quick paper out? You can’t do one result at thirty nine and get a fields medal. You’ll need some results before that and this one is a good low-hanging-fruit.”
“I don’t care about the fields medal.” Jenna said. “Except, I suppose, that it would make getting grant money easier.”
“Then care about it for the money! Branch out from graph theory a little. I understand what it’s like to be obsessed with a particular area of maths, I was a lot like you when I was an undergraduate.”
That statement made Jenna look up from her paper and consider Dr. Sienna. Data points rose in her memory, stories the professor had told her. Struggles that Sienna had had with acceptance, her search for a field of maths to pursue, various career paths she’d considered.
The data points didn’t form a coherent plane with the professor’s last assertion.
“You weren’t like me when you were an undergraduate.” Jenna said, returning her gaze to her paper.
“I know that there’s a stereotype of ‘maths people’, but you don’t have to be that cold, Jenna.”
A soft beeping noise alerted Jenna to her phone. Monserrat’s name blinked on the lock screen.
“My girlfriend is here, I’m leaving.” Jenna said, sliding her paper into an accordion binder.
“I wish I could get you to care more about publishing!” Dr. Sienna said. She sounded really upset. She was also working from bad information. What Dr. Sienna wanted wasn’t possible.
“There’s only two things I care about.” Jenna said. “Maths, and Monserrat.”
Jenna walked out without listening to whatever Dr. Sienna said in response.
Precisely at four pm, Monserrat was arriving at the entrance to Tess Rasmussen Hall. She looked so good. When Jenna looked at Monserrat she saw a woman bursting with life and energy. Monchi was like Gilgamesh, she’d been made one third woman, and two thirds goddess.
“My goddess.” Jenna thought happily.
Monserrat’s arms were around Jenna and squeezing the breath out of her. As she was lifted off her toes, Jenna marveled at how every time Monserrat greeted her, it was like they’d been apart for a month. She clung to her girlfriend and reveled in the purity of Monchi’s affection.
From the hug they went to a kiss, lips meeting like Monchi had just saved Jenna from a bear. Almost seven months in and Jenna still couldn’t believe the sheer intensity of Monserrat. Her heart flooded with love like a fire. The air around her girlfriend was stiff with electricity.
For the ten thousandth time, Jenna wished she could articulate those feelings to Monserrat. She’d tried, but they came out of her mouth broken and dull. So instead she told Monchi a true thing, with all the emotional intensity she could muster.
“I love you.” Jenna said.
Jenna watched the flames from her heart ignite in Monserrat’s eyes. She knew. Because of who she was, she just had to hear Jenna speak. She understood all the poetry that couldn’t come out.
“I adore you.” Monserrat said.
The emotion Monchi put in her tone was so much that Jenna felt a band around her heart. Everything with her girlfriend was so insanely intense. She hoped that never changed.
“Can we go home now?” Jenna asked.
“Home, or home and to bed?” Monserrat asked with a sly grin.
“Your motor is running on overdrive.” Jenna said. “We need to talk about that.”
“Is it too much? I can back off, it’s okay.” Monserrat said quickly.
There it was. Her girlfriend’s one blind spot. Jenna shook her head as they walked together across the snowy Quad.
For some reason, if Monchi was nervous at all about their relationship, she lost all her soul-reading mojo. It was another incomprehensible thing about Monserrat. Not that it happened when she got nervous, but that it happened between the two of them. Jenna could hold thirteen dimensions in her mind at the same time, but she couldn’t conceive of a reason why Monserrat would be nervous about her.
“I’m not asking you to back off. You’ve been wearing out your other partners.” Jenna said. “Adie was joking about you making her tongue go numb. You spanked Rachel until she couldn’t sit down.”
“With her consent!” Monserrat protested.
“I know, she had an incredible series of orgasms from it.” Jenna felt a little flip-flop in her stomach saying something so visceral, but she managed to get it out with an even tone.
“Wait, how do you even know about that? I thought you didn’t like talking to my other partners about what we do.”
“I didn’t.” Jenna said. She remembered quite clearly the discomfort, born of jealousy and queasiness, that had filled her the first time she got graphic details from Adie about her and Monserrat.
“I’ve been talking to them anyway, in small doses, and it doesn’t bother me now.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I did. Monchi…”
They stopped under an old gnarled tree, glittering with hoarfrost. Jenna took Monserrat’s hands and stared her girlfriend right in the eyes. How could she explain? She was a radiant bird. A bird who glowed like a prism only because she was flying in Monserrat’s rainbow. She had to keep moving, to stay with the flow of the river – no! It was already nonsense even in her mind. If she tried to say it, her words would be dust and sand instead of gold and diamond.
“I need to grow with you. I need more than to be in the here and now. I have to become the partner you need in five years – in sixty years.”
With all her might, she held Monchi’s gaze. Please Monserrat, see the bird!
“You see yourself with me when we’re in our eighties?” Monserrat’s voice was soft and reverent.
Did she get it?
Jenna found herself sailing into the air. She looked down. Monserrat had tossed her into the air like a child. There was a look of pure joy on Monchi’s face. She was laughing in delight, stars in her eyes.
When Monserrat caught her, Jenna wrapped her arms and legs around her girlfriend and kissed her for all she was worth. That had been a barrier once. Monserrat didn’t remember, but Jenna had been very hesitant about PDA when they first got together. Now she didn’t care if the whole world saw. There didn’t need to be a world as long as there was Monserrat.
She understands me. Every time. Even when it’s hard, she gets there eventually.
Dr. Sienna’s quip about Jenna being cold wormed into her thoughts when Monserrat put her down.
I’m sorry, Dr. Sienna. I’m sure you’re a good friend for some people, but what do I care about an asteroid when I have the sun?
“You’re incredible.” Monserrat said. “I don’t know how you keep surprising me.”
“I don’t either. I’m glad my luck is holding.” Jenna said. “I still need to talk to you though. It’s important.”
“Oh right, you were telling me about Adie’s tongue and Rachel’s butt.”
Jenna felt herself blush. It was so easy for Monserrat to do that to her. Every time, it reminded her how far she had to go to match her girlfriend.
“I only care what they do with you. If they put those two things together, that’s their own business.”
She’d almost gotten it out deadpan! Even with the way she cringed when she said it, she’d gotten a surprised barking laugh out of Monserrat.
“That part of the polycule is connected. I’m pretty sure there’s no ass to mouth going on, but I know a lot about what they do together…”
Jenna gagged. She couldn’t look anywhere but the tips of her boots from the sheer embarrassment coursing through her body.
“Okay, you win, stop. Please Monchi, tease me later, but we have to…”
“I know, we have to talk.” Monserrat gave Jenna a quick hug. “I’m sorry babe. I’m not trying to be a butt. That thing you said about sixty years has got me a little hyper.”
Jenna bumped up against Monserrat to ground herself on the solidness of her girlfriend.
“It’s been three weeks since – we did that thing you want.” Jenna said. “Since then you’ve worn all three of us out.”
“We can take it slow, as slow as you need.”
“When you get into something new, it’s all you want.” Jenna said. “That’s part of why I hesitate to add things. It’s like turning on the tap and getting a tidal wave.”
“I know but…”
“Let me finish.” Jenna squeezed Monchi’s hand. “That’s not a bad thing. It’s like the tidal wave is made of – ugh, forget the stupid tidal wave. The point is, I like how sexy it makes me feel. It’s scary to be consumed by your desire, but it’s wonderful too.”
“That was really sweet, and illuminating, but I’m not sure if you’re saying that…”
“Yes, love.” Jenna said, squeezing Monserrat’s hand again. “I had time to think about it. I want you to put – to put me – to do the – you c-can put a…”
“Baby girl, if you can’t even say it…”
Jenna put her heels into the snow and grabbed Monserrat’s wrist like a vice. She would have loved to see the expression on Monchi’s face, but she didn’t dare lift her gaze past her girlfriend’s knees.
“Please put me in a pullup.” Jenna whispered.
“You really want it? What do you want about it?”
“I want you to be big and strong – take care of me – I’m small and I n-need you. To help me.”
Jenna could feel her heart slamming against her ribs like storm-waves against a rocky shore. Most damningly, confusingly, she felt like she had a second heartbeat between her legs. She didn’t know what she wanted, or why, but her body certainly wanted something.
“Why do you need a pullup?” Monserrat asked. “You’re not worried about having accidents, are you?”
The humiliation burned. Not just because Monserrat had asked that question, but because Jenna was going to say yes. As intense as that question felt, Jenna could hear in Monchi’s tone how much she was holding back. Jenna needed to catch the next updraft, needed her rainbow bird to stay in the light.
“I’m a little worried about a-accidents.” Jenna said, swallowing around a lump in her throat. “W-will you help me?”
“Of course, baby girl.”
Monserrat had stars in her eyes. It was all worth it to see those. No matter how humiliated she felt, how much her heart pounded, how wet her panties were…
Why the hell are my panties soaked? Jenna wondered in shock.
She followed a half-step behind Monserrat, hand in hand, all the way to their house without speaking. Despite all her contemplating, she never got to an answer.
It couldn’t be the diapers. Even thinking about pee in relation to sex was a hard yuck that made her gag. It had to be about the vulnerability, or submitting to Monserrat. Something didn’t add up. Jenna felt like she had an answer based on intuition instead of proof. Exciting, but ultimately not to be trusted.
All inquiry was suspended when they arrived at Monserrat’s bedroom. The first thing Jenna got, was pinned to the wall for a kiss that sent tingles all the way into her soul. Dazed, she stumbled to the bed under the guidance of Monchi’s strong hands. Her pulse thundered in her ears when Monserrat pulled her leggings and panties down.
Gentle touches guided Jenna’s hands and legs. She shifted obediently, unthinkingly. It took a moment to realize that she’d been posed with her legs shoulder width apart, hands clasped behind her back. A blush blossomed on Jenna’s face. Monserrat was sitting on the bed, staring intently at Jenna’s crotch.
“What are you doing?” Jenna asked around a nervous swallow.
“You’re so pretty down here, baby girl. It looks like you got a bit wet there though.”
“That’s not the same – oh god.”
Jenna shuddered and swayed as Monserrat slid a finger along her slit. To her horror, she moaned loudly when Monchi spread her open with her fingers.
“Monchi, why? Don’t.” Jenna reached for Monserrat’s hand, only to have her hands gently batted away.
“Be a good girl and let me inspect you before I put you in your pullup.”
Jenna bit her lip. She realized she was panting. Even so, she was on the edge of not getting enough air. Being inspected was on a whole other level from being held down. She’d never been so vulnerable, so exposed.
“Looks like you’ve been keeping clean, good girl!” Monserrat said brightly.
Jenna moaned out loud again and clapped a hand over her mouth. Monserrat grabbed a pullup from her bag and held it for Jenna to step into. As she slid the pullup up Jenna’s legs, Monserrat beamed up at her girlfriend.
“You don’t know what to do with yourself, do you? You’re shaking all over. It’s okay. I’ll take very good care of my baby girl.”
Monserrat grabbed Jenna’s hips, gently turning her and setting her on Monchi’s lap. Jenna’s arms, spread out for balance, were quickly snagged and held behind her back.
“Give me your wrists, there’s my girl.” Monserrat said. “You don’t have to worry about anything but feeling good.”
“Monchi.” Jenna whispered lustily. “What are you going to do? Please… please…”
“Please what, baby girl?”
“Please, I’m so hot, I don’t understand…”
“Shh, don’t think, just feel.” Monserrat whispered in her ear.
Jenna gasped at Monserrat’s hand dipping into her pullup. She struggled against the other hand on her wrists to no avail. With real strength, Jenna tried to free her wrists again. Monserrat held her easily. She was genuinely overpowered.
Jenna knew she could say something as simple as “let go” and Monserrat would. The most that knowledge did was prevent panic. A primal feeling of being trapped constricted her chest. She fought urgently against Monserrat’s hold, fought until Monchi slid a finger inside her slit and rested it on her nub.
As Monserrat worked her finger in slow circles, Jenna realized that her girlfriend intended to bring her off right there. She was going to come sitting on Monchi’s lap, in nothing but a blouse and a pullup. Jenna quivered, leaning back and desperately nuzzling Monserrat’s jaw.
The buildup was slow, torturously so. The same slow, steady pace of the finger circling Jenna’s clit, punctuated by kisses and bites on the back of her neck. Anticipation and sensation built together. Jenna forgot about struggling against the hold on her wrists. She was awash in pleasure, biting her lip to hold back the moans.
Muffled cries burst from between her teeth. The waves of sensation were driving Jenna mad. She couldn’t hold back, she couldn’t bite the noises back much longer. Her hands were held, there was no pillow to bury her face in. She was going to scream, she was going to let the whole house know what Monchi was doing to her.
“Ahhhh!” Jenna’s cry rattled her throat. Her whole body tensed and arched on Monserrat’s lap.
“Good girl!” Monserrat said in her ear.
Jenna thrashed, coming again on the spot. Her breath came in great gasps, she was still moaning in soft ‘huh’ sounds on ever exhale. Though it all she’d never been able to forget the pullup, swaddling her with its embarrassing padding.
“Monchi, I need…” Jenna panted.
“Anything, baby girl.”
“Aftercare.”
“Of course, I’ll get you out of your…”
Jenna grabbed Monserrat’s wrists before she could pull off the pullup.
“No, don’t take it off. Please. I need – take care of me. Please Monchi.”
“Oh.” Monchi’s voice broke. It was a noise that had come straight out of her heart.
With utmost tenderness, she gathered Jenna in her arms and laid her on the bed. Monserrat wrapped her strong arms around Jenna, holding her girlfriend’s head to her chest. Jenna whimpered once and sighed in ecstasy. She curled up as small as she could, huddling in Monserrat’s embrace.
Much later, Jenna nuzzled Monserrat’s collarbone. She was rewarded with Monchi’s strong hands stroking her back.
“Monchi, I’m thirsty.”
“Are we still…”
“Yes please.”
“Okay sweetheart. Just a minute.”
Monserrat got up. Logically, she had to. She wasn’t going to be able to conjure a glass of water into her hand. It still felt terrible. Jenna stopped herself after the first whimper and curled up more tightly.
As soon as Monchi tucked the blanket around her, Jenna felt herself relax. Monchi stood at the bed, hesitating. It wasn’t like her. Jenna looked up curiously. Monserrat had a teddy bear in her hands. Jenna breathed in sharply, staring at the bear.
Carefully, like it might bite, she reached for the bear. Monserrat gave it to her, helped her tuck it against her chest. Jenna shuddered and closed her eyes. The exact spot she was in felt safe. Everything around it was scary. She dared not move, not until Monserrat was back.
Because she wanted to, or because she sensed Jenna’s incapacity, Monserrat sat Jenna up and held the glass of water to her lips. She drank gratefully, clutching the bear. Back in Monserrat’s arms, laying down against her chest, all the scary stuff had been pushed away. It was outside the bedroom at the very least.
“I like this.” Jenna whispered.
“I love this.”’ Monserrat said, her voice rough.
“I think – I think that BDSM always scared me because it looks so – antagonistic. Everything is hard and cold and severe. When you held me on your lap it was – soft.”
Monserrat smiled, kissing Jenna gently.
“I liked – I loved it when you called me a good girl. It’s embarrassing, but I like it.”
“You are my good girl.”
Jenna squirmed happily. “I want to always be your good girl. I want you to – do things to me, and take care of me after.”
“Unf.” Monserrat said, wiggling her hips.
“You can make me do things too.” Jenna said, leaning in to kiss Monserrat’s neck. “Tell me to make you feel good. A good girl would do that, wouldn’t she?”
“A girl who did that would be a VERY good girl.” Monserrat said.
“I want to be a very good girl.”
“Then help me get out of my clothes. I want your clothes off too – except the pullup.” Monserrat said, hesitating at the last bit.
“Is that how good girls dress?” Jenna asked, shimmying out of her blouse.
“That’s right. Their caregivers dress them that way so that they don’t have to worry about having an accident.”
“I don’t want to worry about that.” Jenna whispered. “I’ll keep the pullup on.”
“Good girl.”
With trembling hands, Jenna helped Monserrat out of her tank top, sports bra, leggings, and panties. Every item of clothing lost was accompanied by kisses on Monchi’s tight, fit body. When Monserrat took hold of Jenna’s head and pressed it between her legs, Jenna realized she was still holding the bear in the crook of her arm.
There was no time to deal with that. She was in a different sort of heaven, feeling Monserrat quiver underneath her, hearing her girlfriend’s rising moans. Heat built between her legs a second time. Jenna slipped her free hand under her pullup and stroked herself, far more roughly than Monserrat had.
They built urgency together, with Monserrat’s breaking first into a lusty cry. That sound was enough to tip Jenna over. She yelped softly in pleasure against Monserrat’s thigh.
“You went again?” Monserrat asked, curious and amused. She pulled Jenna into her arms again.
“I got so hot again.” Jenna whispered bashfully.
“Normally a Little Girl would have to ask permission to do something like that, when she’s supposed to be concentrating on giving someone else pleasure.”
Jenna tensed. There was a cold spot in her chest now, but something else too. Something exciting? Playful?
“Am I a bad girl?”
“No Jenny, you’re my good girl. You didn’t know that rule.”
“What if – I did that again, now that I know the rule?”
“Deliberately?” Monserrat asked, surprised.
“Maybe – I’d forget. Or I – I couldn’t help myself.”
Monserrat laughed excitedly. “Oh I see. Well you’d have to be punished, because you did a bad thing. Good girls get punished when they do bad things, to keep them from becoming bad girls.”
“I don’t want to be a bad girl.” Jenna said, surprised at how much she meant it. “If I do a bad thing – will you make sure I stay a good girl?”
“I will. What if your punishment was a spanking?”
Jenna bit her lip. That had been a hard no, the last time they’d talked about it. It felt different now. It wasn’t to be mean, or because she was bad. The thought of a spanking wiping away a transgression brought relief. Believing it would ensure her good girl status felt safe.
“If that’s what I need to make sure I’m a good girl, I trust you.”
Monserrat shuddered. “We need to talk about this more when we’re less – distracted. But I can do that. That’s hot. White hot.”
“You’ll take care of me. Get me dirty and clean me up. Correct me if I do a bad thing. Keep your good girl safe.”
“Jenny, are you trying to rile me up for another round?”
Jenna giggled. “Maybe in a few minutes?”
“Oh damn. We’re not getting any sleep tonight, are we?”
“I thought you were the insatiable one.”
“You might be the one who finally wears me out.” Monserrat said with a smirk.
Jenna felt her radiant bird soar high, bursting through the clouds where the sun could turn it to purest gold. The contentment in Monserrat’s voice, despite her snark, was something deeper than she’d heard before.
I’m coming to you, Monserrat. I’m scared, but I’m following. Do you see me? I love you. I want to follow you forever.
“Jenny I love you so much.” Monserrat said, pulling Jenna into a sudden, crushing hug.
Happy tears splashed on Jenna’s cheeks and dripped onto Monserrat’s shoulder.
She does see me. I didn’t have to say anything. She still saw me.
Comments
Like, most of the abdl smut out there is geared toward diaper boys. They can take a chill pill for a minute now that us girls finally have the sapphic diaper romance we deserve! Heaven forbid if the diaper smut show genuine connections between its characters and talk about their feelings! How dare the diaper smut be more than the same old “hot girl teases diaper boy and makes him wear diapers because howwwwwwww embarrassing, what a baby.” Us girls, particularly the demisexual of us, live for the feels! The feels are what get me all hot and bothered - I’ve got diapers in my closet if that’s all it were about! 🙈😅 So yea, thanks for being your kind of weirdo instead of their kind ❤️💜
Aww, thank you! The answer to your wonder is that I'm a weirdo. 😻 I love these two together so much! Apparently someone on reddit dismissed my stuff as "Sapphic bullshit". To that I say, 1: hell yes it is, 2: this may just be the most Sapphic bullshit of all my stories so far. 😸
This was so frickin cute!!! You made me silent-cry at a coffee shop while I was eating my lunch yesterday! And “awww” like a billion times! It was so vulnerable and tender! Your prose is also really non-invasive, which makes it easy to get lost in your imagination of the scene. Idk how the abdl community got lucky enough to get you as an author ❤️💜
I wasn't sure what voice Jenna was going to end up with, and I fell in love with the "full of feels.but can't express them" route.
Oh my god, that was soul-rendingly sweet. I can't really put into words how much I adore this story
Well said I couldn’t agree more.
Thank you for the lovely kind words! I'm always trying to improve.
There is a touch of softness in your writing that’s for sure but you touch on serious issues in LSB so you need to be soft sometimes. Writing this I realize that you touched on the drug problem Keeley could have had if not for Vidette and Dominika in Baby Project. It could have been a lot worse. Anyway Monchi now has Diaper Girl but Jenna isn’t quite a Little yet. She wants protection and care that much is clear but there is a lot more to it than that. I’m sure we’ll see her regress more and find her Little Space.
Paul Bennett
A wonderful chapter. I am happily waiting to see where this beautiful love goes. Thank you for sharing. Additionally I would like to add that you have a very descriptive, and well written prose. That is a very good thing and in my personal opinion. Your writing is better than other writers out there who seem to have an air of insousiance when writing and only care about producing quantity rather than quality. That is not to say that you aren't prolific in your writing; which you are. In short I am saying that I enjoy your writing and reading your stories. Thank you for your contributions to the community.
You don't have to cry. I'm a big softie
Very deep, very touching. Sorry I didn’t cry. I might after a re read or two. Not into lesbian love which might be it. That’s ok though. I think it’s a great start to their story and it’s important to get Jenna’s POV. I love that you started with Pull Ups instead of diapers. It gives Jenna a little bit of “big” feeling before moving onto diapers. It’s a big leap from panties to diapers. To quote a wise man Jenna has “taken her first step into a larger world.” Excited to see where it takes her. Please continue.
