Tigra
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Chapter 211: Two Stooges
🕑 Added 2025-03-17 20:00:45 +0000 UTC“So, on a scale of one to ten, how bad?” Tom asked as he stood panting, sword held low.
“Would you like me to be nice or harsh?” Rachuck questioned. The captain actually seemed less exhausted than the human, a testament to just how outmatched Tom was. The magic blade of the captain certainly helped immensely, but Tom mostly blamed the cold. He could even see his breath as they sparred in the grand hall. Rachuck didn’t even need to have his wings folded out behind him to shed the heat.
The two had been sparring for quite some time by now, Tom hoped at least an hour. They had made a little impromptu arena in the grand hall by moving some benches and tables out of the way, and they had an assortment of weapons and armor laid out for them to practice with.
“Go on, be harsh. It’s even worse than last time isn’t it?”
“In your defense, it has been quite some time since your last bout,” the captain replied, confirming Tom’s fears.
“And you are using a sharpened weapon. You are being cautious; you haven’t even gotten close once.”
“It teaches good blade control and choreography. Besides, it is more a matter of precision and prediction at this tempo. Let me know when you are ready to get closer to actual battle pace,” Rachuck said confidently. Tom wasn’t entirely sure if he was chiding or not, but he suspected not.
“Right.” Tom would be lying if that didn’t hurt a little, but it was the truth. The training had pretty much just consisted of him trying his very best even to touch the captain with the tip… which had devolved into him more or less trying to kill the man with the training blade. Even so, the only times Tom had managed to even touch him was when Rachuck wanted to prove a point. Namely how striking there was no use on account of his armor.
He could take some solace in the disparity in weaponry. Rachuck’s control of his blade’s inertia, or whatever it was, made parrying child’s play. And even with minimal effort, he could punish Tom whenever he parried poorly. At least he didn’t have the strength to just bat aside a decent block, so Tom was thankful for that.
“So about that verdict?” Tom tried again as he wiped sweat off his brow and stood tall once more.
“2 on technique, a 3 for lethality. Through sheer enthusiasm and endurance.”
“3 out of ten. I guess I’ll have to shoot for 4 by spring,” Tom joked, trying to see the bright side. In truth he had no intention to ever fight with a blade if it came down to it. But that would not stop Rachuck. And who knew, he might not get the choice.
“I am sure we can do better than that now. Would you stop hunching like you are armed with some craven dagger. You are not some hoodlum from Bartelion, mugging old fathers at the market.”
“Where is some pocket sand when you need it,” Tom complained, straightening his back and bringing the blade to one of the ready positions Rachuck had taught him. He couldn’t remember what he was supposed to do next, so he just tried stabbing center mass. Rachuck stepped back and swiped the blade aside.
“Too much commitment. I would never let you run me through. Expect the parry and plan your following move. Letting me parry then act in my own time puts you at my mercy,” Rachuck explained as he kept up the defensive work against Tom’s clumsy attempts.
‘God damn chess games,’ Tom joked to himself as he tried to get in nice and close, Rachuck backpedaling to hold his preferred range. Tom might be sweaty and his arms ached, but he knew the captain was drained from using that magic blade so much. Even if he didn’t need to keep himself warm for the moment on account of all the hard work.
“Good, keep the duel moving; your footwork is poor, do not let me exploit the mistakes. Keep moving and keep me guessing, you are hardly following any manuals and such may surprise me. And if you do make a critical error, move on very swiftly,” Rachuck instructed while he continued to lead the human around before going back onto the offensive, picking up the tempo to where Tom could hardly keep up. Certainly not in any organized fashion. Soon enough he was backpedaling as fast as he could without losing his footing.
It was all he could do to bring the dull training blade up in time, sparks flying as the mithril blade broke off shards of the sub-par steel, sending them flying. Eye protection was not something the dragonettes took particularly seriously, but Tom felt quite happy hiding behind his safety goggles right about now.
“When losing a battle of skill one should look for unorthodox paths to victory, or simply train harder. Luckily you are excellent at the first option,” Rachuck said, possibly joking. Tom honestly had a hard time telling at the moment.
“Or get more friends,” Tom tried, trying to get in on the banter.
“Or better ones, yes. But yes, numbers win battles many days. Though I would not trust five labourers to a well-trained knight, not even ten if they lack surprise. But with a well laid plan and the will to act, most anyone can turn the tide of a fight.”
“That's why you were playing games with Paulin?” Tom questioned, hoping to break the captain's concentration.
“No, what are you referring to? We have not partaken in games?” Rachuck protested, seeming genuinely confused at what Tom meant.
“Back when you played ‘how to take the keep,’ remember? Explosive barrels, Glira, and all that.”
“Oh right, I see. No, that was simply an exercise in planning adaptation to… novel attack plans. Like I said, a plan is an important part in achieving victory.”
“Riiiight” Tom replied sarcastically. The plan was working, Rachuck had slowed down his onslaught as he seemed to fight on autopilot.
It honestly made Tom a little bit scared that he was losing to the equivalent of someone zoned out while driving, but it might give an opening.
‘Just need to surprise him.’
“Oh well that’s playing games in my book, war games,” Tom carried on between labored breaths. “Basically a date round here I think.”
“It was no such thing,” Rachuck responded with what could almost be called outrage as Tom lunged forward, aiming to tap the captain on the side of the hip. Instead, the captain stepped aside, half-folded wings dragging him out of Tom’s way with a half-hearted flap. The captain gave Tom a solid shove to the shoulder, sending him to the ground rolling onto his back. “And that was highly unsporting.”
“Still lost,” Tom declared with a sigh as he laid on the floor panting. “Could we do target shooting instead?”
“No, I am quite capable of hitting you from here,” Rachuck declared, pointing at Tom with his offhand finger gun. “And you have expired.”
“God dammit… also we gotta work on your one liners.”
“My what now?”
---
“So. How long was this gonna last again?” Tom questioned, already getting thoroughly sick of the screaming winds. He’d had a little peek outside the shutters earlier that day, but he couldn’t even see the ground for the flurry of snow. He couldn’t even make out a shadow from any of the buildings; there was no way they were going outside in this weather to do anything but bring in fuel. And even that would be anything but fun. He didn’t even know how deep the snow on the stairs was; they might need to tunnel at this rate.
The two were sitting in the kitchen trying to force down dinner. It certainly wasn’t very enjoyable. Neither of them were much of a chef, and there was still plenty to do other than try to make rations palatable. So there they sat, chewing on meat that had more in common with leather alongside a bowl of some kind of porridge Rachuck had prepared. Tom did have a wedge of cheese that he had nicked from Jacky’s stores and some dried sausage that was quite tasty, unlike the jerky.
“Impossible to say, days at least, more likely weeks. Raulf’s magic is decent, but the further into the future he sees, the greater the uncertainty. Normally, anything beyond a day is a strong hunch at best.”
“Sounds just like the weather forecasts back home. All our fancy toys and working out if it will rain in 3 hours is beyond us,” Tom complained, casting his mind back to the many times the Danish weather had decided to defy predictions and instead met expectations to ruin another day out.
“Truly?” the captain questioned, seeming quite surprised by the idea.
“More like how we go about it isn’t very reliable, but yes, more or less.”
“I suppose you do still have your weaknesses. Strangely comforting, in a… disheartening sort of way.”
“Hah, don’t kid yourself, not like we’re gonna be opening up a path home now, are we? That’s a can of worms we ought to never ever touch. But at least I don’t think you would have much oil.”
“Do you mean the gravity oil?”
“Oh gods, no they would go to war over that back home. I mean crude oil. Thick black stuff that burns.”
“Do you mean tar?”
“No, not that either, but closer. Thinner, more liquid tar that comes out of the ground is a nice way to think about it I suppose.”
“I see… and this oil is important, why?”
“We use it as fuel. My quad was made to run on a refined version. I think I have been over this, haven’t I?”
“It is certainly possible, I can hardly remember all your ramblings.”
“I suppose that is fair, I can’t even remember half of the ready stances you taught me.”
“I could see that, yes,” Rachuck said with a chuckle.
“Hooo one day I am going to get you. Like the yanks would get you guys in a war.”
“Naturally, all you have to do is point at me, it seems. Even you can manage that.” Rachuck was definitely laying on the sarcasm thick now. It was only fair, Tom had definitely been asking for it.
“Soon you too shall have that power. For now the shotgun should maybe not be trusted against armor. In the face though, that should do the trick.”
“I shall keep it in mind. I would never have thought of such a thing.”
“Naturally all this magic has made you complacent,” Tom joked right back, thoroughly enjoying the shit talking now that there weren't swords involved.
“Says the man who cannot wield a sword. I would like to know just what essential skills have been lost by your people. Can you even light a fire without using oil?”
“Sure, I’ll just use alcohol instead. But you’re right, there are so many things we haven’t got a clue about. But just as many things where you would make a complete fool of yourself. I still remember watching Sapphire and Essemralda try to find some songs on the computer. We have children as young as Kiran who would put even Edita to shame on a computer.”
“I suppose one must give up something to learn something new, only so many hours in a day.”
“Yup, and we have gotten really good at spending that time on what we wanna do rather than what we have to. All our advancements and they tend to boil down to staying around for longer, making someone else not stay around, and making our time more comfortable.”
“Simple primal urges, who does not wish to live a life of eternal luxury without anyone you dislike to bother you?”
“Bit more elegantly said. Not like we’re at the top of the techtree though, not even close. I couldn’t even guess at what the folk back home would pay for your mother.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Rachuck burst out, clearly taking that the wrong way.
“Her services, realaaaax. Healers. She can fix things we never could. And that tea I got a while back would make a fortune too, that’s for sure. Whatever it was.”
“Well it was hardly cheap if that is what you think,” the captain countered, calming back down a little.
“Yeah, but not buy a city with money to spare sorta expensive either… hell I’m sure you could get a whole private army for it back home and not one armed with pointy sticks either.”
The captain gave an indignant huff before shaking his head. “I suppose as the first ever dose, it would be a subject of study.”
“Hooo yeah, and your blade, they would spirit that away to a laboratory to try their darndest to work out how it ticks. If it even does. It's not like anyone has ever brought a magical item back. Nothing has ever been back, or come here before now.”
“That seems to be the consensus, yes. Let us keep it that way. I remember well your explanations of what lay beyond, whatever it is that separates us. The devil you know over the devil you don’t.”
“Amen to that.” Tom raised the glass of ale and the captain met him in a toast. It helped wash down the rather unappetizing meal. They did have a crackling fire going, to heat the kitchen to a more tolerable temperature. Further up and down the frost had already taken hold. The once slick wet walls and and floors covered ice which only grew by the day.
It made the rounds really quite dangerous, especially the stairs and ladders all now covered in ice. At least it hurt less when you fell here. And with Rachuck rarely about, Tom’s dignity got off equally light. But he was beginning to envy the captain’s clawed feet.
“And for the record they would also totally wheel away your mother to work out how she ticks… if you know what I mean.”
“No place is safe from the Inquisition,” Rachuck replied more somberly, understanding Tom’s meaning.
“Oh, it’s even better, you think we got only one?”
“Why am I not even surprised?”
“We even have to give them letters to work out who is who so you can work out how screwed you are.”
“Naturally, it is only logical,” the captain replied sarcastically. “I should have guessed.”
“Careful or the ATF will come for Skitters… actually yeah, where is the little guy?” Tom broke out, realizing he hadn’t seen the little critter around.
“Frozen solid most likely, we shall see come spring if he survives,” Rachuck said, seeming unworried.
“Right yeah, lizard… You know, you are sure it’s the tea that makes this all work, right? Are you sure you can’t just you know… do it already?”
“I believe quite enough have died from the cold to prove it, yes,” Rachuck replied dryly, seeming less than impressed with Tom. “There is a reason winter body clearer is a job in most cities. I believe you may ask Ray should you wish to learn more.”
“Right yeah… should have thought about that.” Tom did feel a little ashamed of that. He had only wanted to be funny. “Well with a little luck it might be their last time going under; we gonna be running this place hot all year round in the future.”
“That truly will be a delight. Though what of fuel? A large part of why we are not currently letting the fires roar is just how hungry they are. Would your idea use less somehow?”
“Should, yeah, not so much heat going straight out the chimney, but you do have a point… gonna need a lot of coal.”
“That thing is coal-fired?” Rachuck exclaimed in a half-defeated voice. Like he was kicking himself for not guessing so earlier.
“Yeah, we use charcoal in the forge all the time.”
“Yes, but you put this furnace in the room below, did you not? There is going to be coal dust spread all around even more. Gods, I knew I should have sided with Father on getting an outdoor smithy constructed all those years ago… not that it would have mattered.”
“Shiva gets her way.”
“That she does.”
“Don’t think I’ve ever heard of a smithy being inside the big buildings before either to be frankly honest. Why is that?”
“It is a touch unusual, yes, though not unheard of. Especially as one travels north. We cannot truly say of course, the decision was made centuries ago. But usually it is done to salvage the heat produced by the forge for heating what lies above. It has also made possible the use of the wind driven bellows. That would be far more troublesome on the ground, I suspect.”
“I guess that makes sense. Lot of fuel going through that fire, shame to let all that heat be wasted.”
“Yes, the heat from the forge staying within the walls truly is a blessing, though one must mind the flame or risk losing one's home.”
“Another reason Shiva gets her way.”
“She would never let such a thing occur, no. I am far less confident in some of our newer additions.”
“Oh yes, half of that lot should be supervised at all times.”
“How reassuring.”
“... Yeah anyway I did actually wanna ask you something, speaking of assistants.”
“I knew this time would come. Please, what matter do you need me to while away the hours on?” The captain was evidently resigned to his fate already, which suited Tom just fine, even if he had hoped for a little more enthusiasm.
“I have had a look and while I can do some work, I ain’t getting the heating put together without the others, just not gonna happen. So… I have been hatching a plan.”
“If it involves blitzgel, I am not interested.”
“No no, trust me you’ll like this one. I wanna hold Christmas.”
“Tom, I haven’t the faintest clue what Christnas might be,” Rachuck interrupted, leaning his head on an arm braced against the table like a bored school child.
“Well I am getting to that part. Patience dear sensei.”
“I do not understand that either.”
Tom just chuckled and got to the point. “It is a celebration, in the midst of winter. Great food, gifts, singing, dancing, drinking, a tree. That part is very important, don’t ask me why.”
“Why am I not surprised you hold a summer festival in the depths of winter.”
“Hey come now, you can’t tell me people couldn’t use a little bit of cheering up before they all die from cabin fever.”
“I suppose that much is true, yes. Though this really is a better winter than most, would it not be more fitting to indulge in some more of your entertainments?”
“Weeeell about that. Gonna be a bit hard without any sun for the electronics to charge.”
Rachuck furrowed his brow a little at that. “I thought you said they run on tiny lightning?”
“They do, but I made lightning with the sun… let’s leave that one for another time,” Tom offered, the captain nodding in agreement. “We can’t really do a proper Christmas, but just something you know. I was thinking a few gifts for the kids and some food no one has ever had before. Just something fun, you know? And put it on when people wake up as a sort of surprise.”
“Tom, we do not know when that may be, we do not control the weather.”
“All the more reason to get on with it.”
“I… So how do I fit into this latest grand scheme of yours?”
“Well you see, I’m both gonna need a hand in the kitchen and also with some of the gifts. Are you any good at painting?”
---
‘Good fucking god, would you just shut up,’ Tom cursed to himself, receiving only screaming wind in reply. ‘How the fuck can it be stormy for days on end? Even a goddamn hurricane doesn’t last this long… do they? The news coverage sure doesn’t.’
It was a rather unwelcome distraction, especially as he was trying to conserve power while there was no sun around which meant no earbuds, at least not all day long. There was also a limit to just how many times he could stand listening to the same downloaded songs on repeat. But designing the blitzgel power station would have to wait along with the finishing touches on the rifles as well as the last few bits for the heating system.
He had plenty ready, so once the workforce thawed out again, they would have more than enough to work with. That way, Shiva and Dakota hopefully wouldn’t notice he hadn’t been quite so productive while they slept as one might hope.
But it would all be worth it. With Rachuck recruited, rather easily much to Tom’s surprise, he had more important matters to attend to. Namely the children’s toy to rule them all.
Sadly they had no plastic, so wood would have to do. He had kinda wished Kullinger was up and about ‘cause he sure could use a hand. But where skills failed technology prevailed. “Oh this is gonna be genius,” Tom mused to himself, trying his best to ignore the wind as the mill whirred away, woodchips flying all around. The block didn’t end up with quite the surface finish he had wanted. In fact it was rough as fuck.
“Right, off you come,” he snickered as he loosened the vice and extracted the precious wooden rectangle. “Some sandpaper and oil, it’ll be fine,” Tom dismissed as he got out the calipers.
“31.87 we are in business. I wonder how long it will keep it. Probably gonna need to keep the correct hydration level at least, fucking wood. Oh well let’s see.” He pressed the little brick down onto its partner, smiling as he felt the joint grow stiff. “So far so good.”
Setting the bricks down on the worktop, he got out the feeler gauge and tried to slip it between the bricks. “Aaaaand… no gaps, yes!”
“What are you doing in here?” the familiar voice of Rachuck said from behind him.
Tom stepped aside to show his work, gesturing with pride. “Engineering”
Racuck stared for a moment, glancing at the human twice before asking. “Is this some sort of joke?”
“No, it’s legally distinct wooden LEGO. Do not tell Billund.”
“Tom… I haven’t the faintest clue what a lego is.”
“Perfect, snitches get stitches. These are wooden play blocks, they fit together snugly so you can build anything you want, imagination and the brick supply are the only limits.”
“You have made two wooden blocks that fit together… using that,” Rachuck replied, slowly, gesturing at the mill which was now covered in woodchips and dust.
“Yes it is a bit short of how we do it back home and this is the wrong material. It will not keep spec, wood is such a bastard… maybe I should try with steel anyway.”
“No no, wood is fine, it is more… uhm…”
“Cheaper?” Tom offered.
“I didn’t want to say it, but yes.”
“Well sadly it is true. But, now that I have the marks down, I should be able to make lots of them. And that brings me to your job. You will be sanding and oiling these.”
“Sanding?”
“Oh right sorry, no sandpaper… you will be using a file to make the sides smooth, but no touching the parts here and here,” Tom went, taking a brick apart and gesturing. “Those are sacred, no touching. Then after that you are going to oil them to keep them pretty. We can’t use paint, it would ruin the tolerances. It is bad enough that it is cold in here.”
“Tom… this is a children’s toy… are you quite sure you are not suffering from this, ‘cabin fever’ you talked about?”
“This is a religious artifact of my people and the birthplace of many engineers and other… people who make stuff.”
“Riiight… I would say go outside, but perhaps running laps in the grand hall could help?”
“Hey, more care went into that than half of your religious figurines.”
“I… Tom you have been here for a matter of hours, I do not think so,” the captain responded, tone indicating that he was about to be done with Tom’s shit.
“And the amount of hours that went into getting to the point I can just do that… I honestly have no idea. Anyway, file, oil, just make them look pretty. I’m gonna make a whole box of them in different sizes. Shame I can’t do the little round studs on top, but that would take way too long on a machine like this. Squares will have to do.”
Rachuck just shook his head. “You best not forget sparring, or your rounds tonight.”
“Of course not, 5 hours of this I’ll be begging for something else to do. But I must make shafts, blocks with holes, and at least a few gears… I must also find string. Do we have any very thin string?”
“You have spent unfathomable hours figuring out how to fit blocks together, I am sure you can figure out where the string is kept. Sparring before dinner, do not forget, or I shall remind you,” Rachuck declared, turning around in the doorway and walking back to whence he came, leaving Tom chuckling to himself.
‘Awww did I step on your toes. Hehe… oh, Esmeralda’s sewing supplies.’
---
It would seem Tom had indeed struck a nerve, and a rather tender one at that he had to conclude as he tried to sleep that night. He was cold, battered and bruised, and tired as all hell. He didn’t quite get how things had become harder ever since the others went to sleep. It was just him and another guy; it should have been a great time. But alas he underestimated his partner in crime.
It wasn’t fair to just blame Rachuck of course. He just wanted to keep a schedule and now Tom didn’t have anyone to help him do the heavy lifting in the shop. Or just as accurately, someone to do the work while he twiddled away with paper and pencil all day. Or the computer if things were getting serious.
But it was cathartic. He’d gotten to sit down and just make something, start to finish… well nearly. He had still handed off the finishing work to Rachuck… So maybe he was preaching a little highly here, since really he’d just had a reduction in willing manpower.
‘But it will be worth it. I can totally make enough blocks to build a keep, winched door and all. Then someone else can make little figurines… hoooo Rachuck’s imaginary keep from the game with Paulin. Oh he better not steal it… but maybe that is an angle to get him a little more interested.’
“Hi there, Paulin. Yes, I am in fact an uptight law abiding citizen with a sword willing to slay a heretic for you. Oh this? This is my battle map of the keep of course, would you like to see?” Tom muttered quietly to himself, doing his best Rachuck impersonation. It was completely hopeless, but it still brought him a little joy.
‘Lego castle wingman mission, I won’t say it’s never been done before, but it’s definitely a first in this world. Hah. Gonna need all the bells and whistles, damn shame I can’t put little lights inside. I should find a nice box too, and wrapping paper. A fur might have to do, and a red bow. Probably don’t have that either. Maybe a… a… I guess string will be fine.’
‘Yeah, a whole toy set that I made. With only a little help from Rachuck. They will love it. You know what, tomorrow I shall do it start to finish. I will get the indexer set up again and I will make some gears… I wonder where that thing is, Tink’s probably used it back when… wait no, we never did get around to that did we? Those two gears on the mill are hand filed… shit… I guess I have to make an indexer then… to make fake Lego… This is the way… This is the way… metal… metal shafts, yes… polished and oiled…’
_________________________________________________________________________________
211 back on the grind, and now it's time for some bro time. If only Heron had been the one setup for winter watch.
In terms of news, I got some new art for this week. Book one's cover redone by Harma Griffin, I hope you like it. Book two is on the way as well so I can have all four books with the same cover on when it comes time for actuall physical stuff. It's gonna be good.
Untill next time I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll catch you next time.
Comments
Michael Halpern
fun fact about Lego, they provided technical data to competitors to improve compatibility when they realized the "not quite fitting" bricks from other companies were hurting all of them
Michael Halpern
Legos. the indexer shouldn't be too complicated, designing the gears however..
