briandavidgilbert
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there is a rock in my house - Behind the Scenes
🕑 Added 2022-05-13 17:01:03 +0000 UTCHello, folks! It's a new video that I wasn't really sure I wanted to post!
Since it's another weird one, I don't have much in the way of bloopers or deleted scenes, so instead, here's a long post on how it came to be:
This video is another strange departure from my normal style, and to be honest, I made it more for myself. I was feeling extremely rough—a mixture of burnout, and sadness, and anger at my burnout and sadness—while staring at the computer screen one day, and I wrote the lyrics about simultaneously hating my computer screen and needing it in order to survive. I used "rock" instead of "screen" because, really, what is a screen if not a bunch of rocks and metal and junk all flattened together?
(I don't actually know if that's what a screen is. I am not an engineer. I prefer to keep those things a mystery.)
After writing it, I went into my office and tooted around on a recorder for a while until I finally managed to make this marching tune. I'm sure Karen appreciated me turning the house into an elementary school music class in the mid-afternoon.
(You can watch my great talent for recorder here. Password: dootdoot)
I did that back on April 11th. I didn't touch the song for two weeks, mostly because of the other video that I wanted to come out first, RGSS (which folks in the Novelty Instrumentalist tier have seen in the process streams).
Eventually, I sat down and composed the rest of the song. And then I filmed the whole thing in a day and a half. Lucky for me, I had some cool rocks from when Karen and I went to a gem & rock sale in Joshua Tree to use as the titular rock in my house.
(I included some photos from our trip to Joshua Tree up top, so you can see where we procured such a beautiful rock. Kind of feel bad for using the rock in a video that casts it in such a bad light.)
I finished editing the video on May 2nd, and decided I'd hold off on posting it until RGSS was done, mostly because I didn't want to post two "serious" videos one after the other.
And then I fell back into all the feelings that had made me make this video in the first place. I was a little paralyzed by not wanting to post two sad videos in a row, while also feeling like I needed to post something or I'd be failing as a creator. There's the constant anxiety of losing momentum as an independent creator, lest people forget about you and the algorithms throw you to the wind. But on the other hand, what if people don't like that I put up one sad video after another?
I've been wallowing in this feeling for the past two weeks, and yesterday, after hitting a breaking point, I finally decided to just put it up. This video was all about needing to get through this feeling, and I can't finish the catharsis until I chuck it up on that wonderful/terrible internet that I hate/love so much.
Tomorrow, Karen and I are finally going on that weeklong break we've been planning. I'm glad that I'm posting this video before I get a week off the internet.
Hopefully, I'll come back energized and refreshed and ready to rock and roll on some new, silly, maybe scary, videos. But that's not the goal of the trip. The goal is to hopefully not have a goal, and be cool about that.
I'll catch you all when I'm back! Thanks for hanging in there with me.
Comments
KYLE MANN
My first BDG video, and now I'm here. Must have been good.
Elizabeth Lees
I just have to ask, which Redwall book were you reading in the video??
Roux Bedrosian
That recorder recording video got me :DDD I have *been* there when it comes to guitar, piano, melodica - just about anything that isn't just singing. Also, I'm glad you're taking care of yourself! Burnout is such a bummer & you deserve all the rest and rejuvenation you can get.
Jordan Stillman
If it's any consolation at all, I am happy to support you here no matter how long it takes for you to make a thing. You're one of the most exciting and innovative creators out there. Much easier said than done, but I hope you'll take care and don't let the pressure to push out content get to you too much. Take whatever time you need.
Viniter
I am so glad you posted that video. It really resonates with me as well! Don't ever feel bad about posting more thoughtful/serious videos, I'm pretty sure your followers know that you're more than just an internet funnyman. I'm definitely here for this kind of content.
ashurredly
I'm really glad you posted it! The timing was perfect for me - I'm having the same kind of feelings right now and it was nice to see it expressed so clearly.
Unhuman
Well, I'm glad you posted this because my wife and I both loved it. Not enough marching tunes out there, especially about rocks
Cooper
Personally if you posted like 20 sad videos in a row I would be cool with it, because I just want to support you!
Kirsten Elise
As an elementary music teacher in the final five weeks of the school year, I feel the burnout quite strongly. Take your well-earned rest knowing that you'd ace my recorder class with flying colors ❤️
Crystal Land
The new song was fantastic and I hope y'all have a relaxing and fun trip.
JD
As a fellow PhD-er (not done yet, but hopefully this year) I relate to this comment a lot! I can't wait to be done, but I've spent so much of my degree feeling burnt out that I expect I'll probably just feel exhausted when I finally finish. Congratulations on finishing your PhD - I hope you can feel better about it with time (or if not, at least feel better moving on to something with hopefully a better work-life balance...)
Luna
Agreed!!! Never knowing quite what to expect is part of what I- and I think many of us- love about his channel! It always makes the twists that much more impactful
Luna
If it's any consolation, I really respect and love your more scary and sad pieces. Like yeah the funny stuff is great and that's why I started watching you! But you're really flexing by showing your range, and the stuff you create is all so good, even when it is a little sad (I'm looking at you, I Wish That Could I Wear Hats). Don't let the pressure to entertain overpower your desire to create. All of your ideas deserve their time in the spotlight <3
Shelley Gorak
That Junji Ito comic juxtaposed with gathering pretty rocks has similar vibes to your horror videos. :) Thanks for posting these more vulnerable videos even when you're feeling unsure. Enjoy the break & take care!
Jessie Keith
I hope you and Karen have a lovely break. Just remember that so many of us are here for you, not just your content. You are a human being- everybody would rather you be happy and healthy, rather than pushing yourself to create. Take your time. Enjoy yourself however you can. That’s what’s important.
rionsanura
What I want to say is just <3, but in as reassuring and unconditional a way as possible. I'm aware I'm part of the rock, and I'd like you to be free of it, to look at it on your own terms, enjoy it or ignore it as you prefer. I know there's apparently algorithms and stuff, which you'd obviously know more about than most of us, but the way you've accumulated your community seems (to me) like it'd weather far more than a week of putting the rock down. Please take care of yourself; if that's a rockless month, two, a year, it wouldn't hurt anyone. We're all rooting for you.
Cogspace
Have a great summer! I mean, vacation!
Misha Grifka
It made me feel --well, not happy, per se, but seen. Like Bo Burnham's Inside but gentler. I am glad you posted it, and I hope you have a good vacation with Karen!
Drewzeewoozee
I feel like you timed this video perfectly in synch with my own life. I've just recently finished grad school for my PhD. However, I'm so burnt out I'm not really able to feel happy about my accomplishment. I am so profoundly sympathetic to the viscous cycle of burnout --> frustration --> burnout (but now with self-loathing). I don't have good advice for managing burnout, but I think talking about it and acknowledging that your feelings are valid is super important. Protect your peace, and enjoy your much deserved vacation.
Lindsay Ishihiro
Thank you for putting something I (as a person who also makes autobio and personal-flavored content) have been thinking about too - and sorry for my part in being part of your rock, however small and undemanding a part I try to be. :) ETA because I hit enter too soon: I hope you have a great vacation!! Don't think about content even a little bit!
Amber Miller
This was really really good, I always enjoy your more introspective stuff even if it’s not like, super upbeat and goofy. It doesn’t have to be that to be good, and it is totally worth making and putting it out there. This one definitely hit!! I hope the bad brain cloud passes for you soon, and that you’re able to find new ways to do what you like doing in ways that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Always here to support the things you make, whether they’re sad or scary or happy or pensive or anything in between. I know I’m just one random person inside the stress screen (tm) but I very genuinely wish you the best and am always most excited to see the things that make you feel good (??? or at least are cathartic lol) to make. I hope you have a nice vacation and come back feeling at least a little better!
Widget
Sounds like a tough situation, but we're rooting for you! Have a great vacay!
Well-Spoken Rambler
I am glad for so many reasons: - glad you were able to get this one out of your system - glad you have some cool rocks to own - glad you are getting some time off after Hell Brain Hours - glad that "those babies"* are getting the wearing-out-and-about that they deserve *"those babies" = that specific pair of iridescent sunglasses
eveningdreamer
have a nice vacation ! I know that patrons are not the most objective people to say "post whatever you feel like" but I'm always up for some BDG weirdness whatever it turns out to be. that's also part of the charm. it might be a horror short, it might be some cooking and it might be a song about a rock. maybe the best thing to post next is just "the one that's pretty much done now"
Ross Llewallyn
I quit my job in February because I was there for almost 10 years and felt like most of what I was creating wasn't useful to the world, or at least I wasn't satisfied by it. Since then I've been working on my own project that I give long odds for becoming something I can live off of. I'm trying to push forward while holding that likely outcome. There are days when the stress of how I don't know what I'm doing is high. Perhaps in that way our experiences are at least a little bit similar. I've pulled back on a number of expenses, including much Patreon support, but I celebrate your independent efforts (and success IMO). I am NOT at risk of walking away because the tone and frequency of your videos aren't some perfectly-imagined sine wave. Honestly it's never struck me to observe the trend except when paired with your posts (which I appreciate and encourage). I'm sorry it's hard. I wish you well in stepping away from The Rock. I have a few different Rocks in my life, too.
xavier espinosa
Bdg, I really hope you get that peace you so rightfully deserve. And I think I speak for a lot of your community when I say we came for the weird and stayed for the fear. So from one incredibly small part of your community please never be afraid to get weird or sad/personal. Because at least for me that's what makes me love your content, the connection I can form.
