deepinteractivity
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Having severe health issues, suspending Patreon payments for the next month
🕑 Added 2021-05-23 11:45:43 +0000 UTCFirst and foremost: I'm suspending Patreon payments for the next month and extending the subscription of current patrons. This means that patrons who have been charged or have paid during May will not be charged for June, and their subscription will be extended for 30 extra days. This is because events that escape my control are currently making me unable to focus or work for any extended periods of time, and I won't have the next release ready for May the 28th, as I was expecting.
While I have the right to maintain my privacy, I want to explain what's happening to me, at least up to some point. I have a sensory processing disorder. Human beings' brains naturally ignore the vast majority of background inputs received by their brains that aren't relevant: unfamiliar people having a conversation in the streets, the usual noise of low traffic or someone throwing their trash to the container; this natural process of diverting own's attention stops when the input has specific characteristics, such as the noise becoming excessively high -as it may indicate danger-, may it be due to fireworks or a car horn, or the background noise containing information that might really be relevant to the listener, such as the unfamiliar people saying their name out loud.
The umbrals at which my brain perceives the noise as relevant are much, much lower than those of the average person, which makes me unable to choose where to put my attention and provokes me some distress in regular situations. Someone is speaking at a considerably high volume in the bus, right next to me? I better leave, because going through that is going to leave me stressed for a few hours. Someone I don't know is blasting incredibly loud music on the streets? Suddenly the only think my brain can think about is how much I hate their guts. Someone is having a conversation phone in a relatively silent environment? I lose my ability to focus.
A few months before I started working on Unholy Arts I had moved to a different flat, one of which rooms has particularly sturdy walls, blocking everything but the loudest noise that may come from the streets. This was a perfect environment that allowed me to work and rest without being hindered by my disability. Still, there's nothing such as a soundproof room, at least not outside outer space. Somewhat before a month ago, the owner of a flat in the opposite extreme of the building decide to renovate the *whole* apartment: different walls, different floors, different ceiling, everything - and our building's expansion joints are from the previous century. They're minimal. They're slimer than a sloth's drive to do something other than eating leaves. And the result of this all is that, for 5 to 6 days a week, I've been hearing hammer blows *in my whole home* for hours.
First I tried to endure it - it only got me worse. Then I tried to blast the sound away with music - I could only stop hearing the hammer blows if the music was so loud that it physically hurted me. I went to the flat, explained the workers my situation and their words were that they were sorry, and their actions told me to fuck off, because nothing was going to change. From this point onwards I started to receive most welcomed advice from kind friends, family, and others with great heart who led me in directions that may have helped. I got the police involved, which made the company doing the flat reform starting to respect the municipal laws regarding the time frames during which they were allowed to make noise and reduce their volume - but the walls of my home still trembled. At that point there was nothing more the police could do, since they were respecting the law. Somehow, I managed to release version 0.2.10 on time, even if I had missed several important errors, and I couldn't get everything I wanted to in the build.
I started to look for flats to move away from home, somewhere I could make sure I would have silence, far away from commercial-heavy zones and in the outskirts of towns, even if I had to leave my city: out of all of the landlords who told me (truthfully or not) that their place was silent, either they didn't want a self-employed tenant (as they believe I will suddenly become unable to pay rent) or they aren't willing to accept an initial short term contract, for me to make sure that the place is actually silent. I managed to get in contact with the owner of the flat that's being reformed: "I'm very sorry about your situation, but everything I'm doing is legal". He told me they were about to finish. He told me they aren't working during the morning, or during weekends. He told me they no longer need to make the loudest noises. Except for the legal part, he lied to me on every single one of these points, as it's been proven week by week. I've bought airport hearing protection earmuffs: after several hours of use, I feel like my head is going to burst out. I've bought noise cancelling headphones: they aren't enough to stop the hammering and I can't use them to sleep.
My symptoms are getting worse. The intense of the noise that triggers alert, anxiety and anger is getting lower, my capacity to stay focused is diminishing, and my sleeping patterns are (even more) trashed (than usual). I can't take my thoughts away from the pain and the possibility that I'll suffer noise again - which could be for a few seconds or for hours, but the fear that it'll be hours remains constant. At this point I'm hurt by the most mundane of sounds, be it a neighbour moving a chair or a door getting forcefully closed. Every time I go to sleep, I do so knowing that I'll be waken by noise, be it from reality or from nightmares. I've tried to explain my situation to my closest neighbours and most of them are trying to help, but the one who lives below me -who just recently moved in- won't, and every single day he'll be constantly trashing things around. Two nights ago I ended up at a hospital's emergency department because the anxiety was just too much, and I have been prescribed Valium. My family has paid for me to stay for a few nights at a god knows where lodging house, and I'm still suffering, but at least I'm not getting worse.
I'm sorry for all of this. I'm doing my best to get recovered and go back on track as soon as possible.
Comments
Barada Azana
Sorry to hear this, it sounds really awful. I hope things get better for you.
This guy
sad to hear, hope you get well soon.
CriticalExistenceFailure
Damn, hope things get well soon.
Vysirez
That sounds pretty horrible. You have my sympathy and well wishes. I hope things get better for you.
Fox McQwerty
hope you get better soon.
