alexandergrace
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From the comments section. A cautionary tale.
🕑 Added 2019-08-21 23:40:24 +0000 UTC
I wish this information had been taught to me when I was in my 40's. I was divorced and hungry. I dated quite a bit, but never found "the one". Then suddenly, there she was. I met her in an office where I was working. She looked like an angel. Her smile lit up the entire room. And she was smiling right at me. And flirting, big time. You could tell she had "old fashioned" values (about sex, fashion, commitment, etc.) We ended up together a few years later. I fell in love with her and it was fantastic experience - in the beginning.
Fast forward 20 years, and I now wish that I had never met her. In the end, I realized that there was a cold heart and a vengeful mind behind that angelic face. She had been dumped before by her -ex husband and she never got over it. We all experience these things, but a responsible adult will make an attempt to do something about it. She refused to try counseling. As time went on she very slowly started to change.
Picking on me. Telling me what to do, what not to do, making snide remarks, engaging in ridiculous arguments that made no sense. I stayed because they always say that relationships are hard, so I assumed this was all normal and after all, I had a beautiful woman on my arm (low self-esteem here). She did not try to be sexy or attract other guys, she was just a beautiful woman: perfectly proportioned and pretty and she could wear anything and look great. Anyway, as time went on, she got more and more illogical and mean-spirited. I couldn't walk away because I had so much time invested and after all - sometimes she would be charming and normal. Who doesn't have mood swings, right? Then, after giving this woman almost 15 years of my life, she slowly started to shut me out. As I protested more and more, she accelerated. Now, she won't even answer a simple "Hey, how are you doing?" text.
My angel was a mirage. She wasn't real. It was a facade behind which was a very hurt and scarred little girl who was psychologically wounded in childhood, emotionally distanced by her parents, dumped by her husband after having his baby, and then left on her own to somehow carve out a future. She saw that future in me. It could have been a really nice future, but in the end she simply could not handle it. She wasn't smart enough to know that she needed help. That was her downfall. My beautiful girl hadn't read a book in ages, knew nothing about current events, had few friends and was basically a person with a low IQ. She also would not discuss the issues we had, for whatever reason. She was withholding information from me. Lying.
Alexander is correct. People are crazy, and you never know what they are thinking (or doing) when you're not around. They can slowly change and sink into their own unresolved issues. They can turn into another person while you're trying to make sense of what's happening. Then they can suddenly shut you out and you go into an emotional tailspin because you are psychologically dependent on them. It is brutal and extremely hard to get over. It is not unlike having a parent abandon you. Nobody ever gets over that 100% She was abandoned, and then she abandoned me.
My psychologist says that I am suffering from emotional trauma. I wish that I had seen the signs that this guy talks about. The woman that looked and acted like an angel, slowly turned into an emotional sinkhole. She had all of the signs - even in the beginning. I just didn't know how to read them. In the end, she more or less took the best years of my life. Remember guys: A extremely pretty face is a freak accident just like an extremely ugly one. The fact that she may have hit the genetic lottery says nothing about her character. The fact that she is unusually attractive probably makes her an even higher risk, psychologically speaking. I always said that a beautiful chick is nature's cruelest trick. I am living proof of that
Comments
DC
Bruno, I can relate to much of what you wrote. It's a horrible experience, and it took me 30 years to finally wake up. Now separated I'll soon be divorced. I regret the years lost, but grateful I woke up when I did. I've started to notice men my father's age who are "nice" men married to incredibly mean women. While it's easy to see myself as a victim, it's necessary to understand I collaborated in creating the woman I'm married to. I enabled her. If I had stood up to her she might not have turned out the way she did. This was my part of creating the dysfunctional marriage and it's important to understand so I don't repeat my mistakes. Alex, I'd love to see more content around this topic.
Blair
I read you bio Bruno. Oh my god man, I am so, so sorry.
Blair
Damn, this is awful he went through this. I'm so sorry I had a similar experience. Except I'm lucky I had enough evidence in front of my face of her abusiveness and enough supportive circumstances to leave her after only 2 years of marriage. I can easily see myself having taken 10+ years to get out of that marriage. I'm very grateful for having reverted to the happy self I was before the marriage. Now, though, I'm red pilled.
This may seem off topic but i feel it ties into the subject of giving others the advice of what signs to look out for in a woman. I like psychology but i don't see it as a tool to predict the behavior of the individual. Sure, can be somewhat predictive when dealing with great numbers of animals, including humans but its a lot of "Gee whiz" after the fact explanations that in most cases leave you without a time machine to go back and pick the right woman lol! Im 49yrs old. I can get plenty of women and i date when i feel like it. There simply are no do overs at this age. The past does not define you by any means but...it has left scars and to all of you guys that went through or are going through, my heart goes out to you for what that is worth. What a lot of us have seen and many of us getting the memo late , haha it is difficult not to just commit suicide...or do what i did wait around to die.[Slow death is worse and fuck its boring. But i finally just thought i would handle it like i used to handle a bad movie i went to many times. Find something thats funny. Laugh. Dont take it so serious. Enjoy the buttered pop corn and soda. See it through to the probably anticlimactic ending. Ive been curious about stuff as a kid always asking why and for all the answers i got from my mom i was never satisfied anyway. But there was the journey and the attempts to think it out. Life is pretty unpredictable and ive had moments that were pretty entertaining even if they were sad moments. I dont know what point i was going for lol, but i just want all of you to know that youre not alone. The comment above sort of moved me. The one about marrying the Angelic woman and the one just above here about not letting the past define you. Its tough to give advice as much as it is to take good advice..haha. so anyway...Thank you Alex. Youre doing a great job. Its why i support you which says alot in my case. Lol im cheap so..
Alexander Grace
Sure thing. Send it to me via private message on Patreon, I'll make a patreon exclusive video
Beware of women with daddy issues also. Somehow you become the punching bag for someone else’s poor parenting.. There is something that really helped me compartmentalize the anguish. The power of positive thinking. Don’t let the past define who you are today
Kent C Johnson
I have a story just like this one. Sigh. Alexander, let me know if you want a writeup and how I should get it to you. Boys, give this a read: https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/
Take a look at Richard Grannon's (Spartan Life Coach) work. He's got a few programs that are bound to be really useful for you in recovery from the emotional trauma. Feel free to reach out to me for more info and tips.
Great job with this write up!
