alexandergrace
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A man isn't submissive just because he wants the woman to initiate sex
🕑 Added 2020-02-02 00:03:43 +0000 UTCTypically a man is going to initiate sex more often. In most cases a man is also going to want sex more often than is female partner. Men just have a more active sex drive, particularly at the beginning of a relationship. It fits well within their role because as the man they are typically the more dominant one and initiating sex is a type of dominant behaviour.
However if you are the only one who is initiating sex with in your relationship it can quickly become very depressing soon you'll feel like you are not desirable. If you are always the one to initiate sex, trying to convince her to be intimate, you feel like you are asking for a favour. Even traditionally dominant and masculine men still want validation of their desirability. They want evidence that their partners independently want to have sex with them, not as a favour but for their own selfish pleasure.
The idea that wanting a woman to initiate sex means that your submissive is completely ridiculous.
Perhaps if you desire your partner to initiate sex 100% of the time and you get a massive turn on by her taking charge and being a control, that might indicate a particular type of kink and could be worth looking into. Perhaps you are a little bit submissive and you might be turned on by other submissive activities. But if you're like this guy and you just enjoy the feeling of being desired, that does not make you inherently submissive.
Just because she displayed some assertiveness and dominance initially by being the one to seduce you that does not mean that she needs to stay in control. You might enjoy how desirable you feel and quickly be the one to set the pace of the lovemaking. Or you might let her retain control for a little bit, just letting her ride you in cowgirl position or suck on your cock for a little bit. There's nothing wrong with that. Just lay back and relax. It's enjoyable to see her so confident and proactively sexual.
What's really troubling about this post is that when this guy talks about wanting women to initiate sex it seems as though multiple women have deflected from the discussion about his preference and turned it into a conversation about him being submissive. It is possible that he is in denial and that all of these women are picking up something about him that he is not ready to admit to himself but more likely it seems as though they are diverting the subject. They probably feel guilty and a little bit ashamed. They are not doing their part. They are reneging on their responsibility to initiate sex and make their man feel desirable.
They want to shift the focus away from themselves and I find that to be extremely dishonest. It's also very immature. They're trying to put the blame and shame on him instead of having an authentic discussion about why they aren't initiating sex That's my take on this situation. The women are being cowards and they're not taking responsibility for their own lack of initiative. Instead they are gaslighting him and trying to shift the blame.
However as an aside, as a man if you are always the one initiating it is worth relaxing every once in a while and letting her take control. If for no other reason then it should give you a different perspective on what it is like to be seduced so that you know what her experience is like.
The same goes if you always enjoy being dominant in the bedroom. If that's what you're natural state of sexual being is I'm not saying that you need to change it. More that you can learn about yourself by every now and then switching it up.
But returning to the original topic, fundamentally I agree with the original poster. Wanting women to initiate sex is about feeling desirable, not being submissive.
Comments
Anthony S
In my experience women want and most cases desire to be told what to do during sex. It's part of being a man and having the "burden of performance". That being said, I don't think any man (Dominant or Submissive) would not find it sexy when his lady saying she wants to jump on him and ride him, or swallow his cum. Although a submissive woman may see it as a submissive action to please her dominant man if she does these actions.
Blair
I’d certainly appreciate more initiating from the women I’ve been with. On the other hand, if I’m proactive about frequently initiating, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for her to do so, and she might be kinda reasonable in getting complacent and thinking “why bother?”
