alexandergrace
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Is There Such A Thing As A Bad Blowjob?
🕑 Added 2020-02-09 05:00:01 +0000 UTCThe reason why I thought that this thread would be interesting to explore is because it's truly a cautionary tale. This is the consequence of not speaking up and not giving sexual feedback. Unless you talk about blowjobs, you're not going to be getting any.
Now from reading her story I can guarantee that she's not good at giving head. At age 25 this is the first guy that she's given a blowjob to. Good for her. Maybe she's waiting for the right guy. Regardless of the reasons though, facing facts, she is not experienced. From my reading of her post it sounds as though she's only ever given two blowjobs. With such little experience she is not going to be much good.
Now back when you were a teenage boy you probably thought that there was no way to receive a bad blowjob. You're thinking wow a girl is taking my cock into her mouth and licking it with her tongue. Holy shit. That sounds amazing. How could that ever be bad? How could there ever be a bad blowjob?
However as you get older and more experienced the novelty does start to wear off. You realize that there are lots of ways of receiving a bad blowjob. Perhaps she is really shy and hesitant. Her reluctance makes you feel as though your dick is toxic or that the job that she's performing is an unpleasant task or tour. Nobody wants to receive a blowjob feeling as though the person is doing a massive favour out of inconvenience. That is not fun.
Perhaps the technique can be maddeningly slow. What begins as pleasure can quickly become frustrating. Or maybe her technique is too quick and intense and it hurts. Maybe she's using teeth. Whatever it is. Whether it's a lack of enthusiasm or simply bad technique there can be no doubt about it. Bad blowjobs do exist.
But who wants to tell a girl that and potentially kill her confidence so that she never gives head again? What you want to do is give encouraging tips and pay her compliments when she does well or shows enthusiasm. The very worst thing you can do is lie to her, allowing her to get Paranoid and anxious. You also don't want to avoid the topic altogether.
Now there is the possibility that I am wrong and there are guys out there that genuinely don't enjoy receiving blowjobs. I doubt it though. The excuse that he gives is that he is like to take control. But control during a blowjob is a very intense thing. Suddenly it's not an act that is receptive but can become quite forceful. Of course in the BDSM community there are lots of people that enjoy this type of face fucking but it is not for the faint hearted. A girl would need a lot of preparation in order to feel like she can handle it. There would need to be lots of talks about safety, a lot of honesty.
It is such an intense act that it wouldn't be an exaggeration to call it a kink, to exert control during a blowjob. You may find a girl that is willing to try it as a one-time favour to you but for her to be an enthusiastic participant of such an activity probably requires her to share that same kink. As far as I know this is not a common fetish for women. To have a man ramming into your face with the same force that he would your vagina, that is too much for most women.
Most guys just need to accept that when it comes to blowjobs, the pace is going to be set by the girl. It is not a time for you to be active but receptive. If you are so desperate for control that you can't relax for 10 minutes and let her take you in her mouth then that is something that you need to work on. The ability to relax is important, especially during sex. Learn to release control and let her have the power for a moment. Let her gift something to you rather than you forcibly taking it from her.
This need for control goes far beyond simply oral sex. Making love to another person always it involves some level of surrender because it is a mutual activity. By necessity you need to take your partner into account. If you never work on your control issues, eventually you may even avoid sex altogether because you cannot tolerate any level of surrender to another person. For people like that they're like that they actually prefer masturbation because they are in complete control. It is tragic though because they miss out on all of the good parts of sex like companionship, closeness and intimacy.
Lastly it is worth acknowledging the truth behind the statement that lots of men don't actually orgasm from blowjobs. Usually this is because a girl can't go quick enough or sustain a long effort. That's ok. You don't need to be able to have an orgasm from a blowjob. But to say that the reason you're avoiding blowjobs altogether it because of the lack of orgasm is very strange. Oral sex is rarely the main event anyway. It is usually part of foreplay. It can be nice on special occasions to give your partner a treat and to perform oral sex on them without expecting anything in return but typically blowjobs and cunninglingus are simply precursors to the main event.
So if you are like this guy and you're using the fact that you don't orgasm from blowjobs as a reason to not feed them in your sexual activities, I think you are missing the point. Orgasm is not the only goal of sex. Take the time to relax and learn to love the buildup. Treasure every bodily sensation. The mouth feels very different to a vagina and I recommend you cultivate a love of blowjobs.
Comments
Kadz
My last partner made it her mission to get me to orgasm with just a blowjob. It was alot of pressure because I felt my body was malfunctioning since I couldn't (And never did). Reassuring to see that it's completely common; makes me wonder why I didn't just look up stats at the time.
ScruffyCanuck
YES! It is entirely possible. But here is the catch. You cannot EVER criticize a woman's technique. Every guys knows this, and will never EVER say anything that could be construed as negative, even though it's constructive criticism in a guy's point of view. If a guy asked a girl and she was like meh, it was ok. Just ok? What can I do better?!?! Do this and this and that. Got it! And then we would do our best to make it better for her next time Other way around? So how was it babe? Meh, it was ok Just ok...... CRY SCREAM THROW THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then you never get a blowjob again. So here is what EVERY guy has, no matter who they are. They have "The Blowjob List" and it is a list of all the best blowjobs they have ever gotten, as well as any particularly bad ones. All the other ones are lost to time. And the key feature of this list, is you ladies will never ever know if you're on it, because we know, that if you're not in the #1 spot, we will never get a blowjob from you again.
It’s unfortunate because this couples lack of communication is going to fuck them up. Granted, they are just a year in. Sex is such an important part of a relationship, especially for longer term happiness. There are so many things they could do. To your point, they could start including oral more and more, just as part of foreplay. A little bit for him and a then for her and then move on to other stuff. As for him taking control, there’s all kind of different things they could try. Let her take the lead for a bit then let him take control. Trying different positions to see what’s the easiest and make it fun and playful. Granted I’ve been married a long time so it is much easier to that... they are young and new so maybe don’t have that security and trust built up yet. But if they don’t figure something out, it doesn’t bode well because neither will happy/satisfied in the long run otherwise.
Alexander Grace
The courage haha
Blair
Alex, if you really insist, I will try to like blowjobs. For you.
