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Baird's Entry - Unicorn
🕑 Added 2022-02-15 03:54:32 +0000 UTCUnicorn
And now is the time in which I settle in, dear reader, to tell you the personal tale of my interview with the elusive Bernice Bachelor, known internationally as the Hermit of Pittenweem, Fife. Despite the well-known history of Scotland’s national animal, the unicorn, very little has ever been recorded of the intimate details of The Transformation of Bernard to Bernice, the incident that occurred on the eleventh day in the month of November, in the year of our Lord, one thousand eight hundred thirty-two.
I sat face-to-face with Bachelor in her damp turf house, steaming cup of tea before me, and herein transcribed events as were told to me firsthand, all the while sketching these previously unspoken details as I heard them. Do note the physiologically accurate renderings. As a student of the École nationale supérieure des Beaux-Arts, I believe myself to be the best artist to represent Bachelor’s retelling of her ordeal and current situation.
Bachelor took a sip of the pungent chamomile tea and immediately her eyes grew large, “My great-great grandmother, you see… she used to threaten us, would we ever misbehave… which, you ought to believe was quite frequently.” She laughed to herself and continued, “She would threaten to shove that old horn right atop our tiny heads, and march us back into the forest, so we could live with the wild creatures… the fae.” She whispered that last word for emphasis. “It was mounted, the horn—”
“The unicorn horn?” I interrupted, for clarification.
“Aye,” she replied, rubbing a filthy wrist against the top of the thing sprouting now from her forehead. “Grandmother’s mother’s mother. She’d found it years past, in the vale, on the edge of a dark forest. And there it hung until I made my grave mistake.”
“Angered your nanny, eh?” I tried to get another laugh out of her, but failed in the attempt.
“I put it on myself. In a stupid, drunken rage. told my wife if she ever tried to leave me, I’d be the laughing stock of the village. Well… look who’s laughing now.”
“Can you describe the transformation?”
“I tell ye, once the root of it touched my head, I was done fer. It attached faster than a leech in a soggy loch.”
I tried to erase that image from my mind quickly, but leave it in for you, the reader, to clearly understand her sentiment.
“There was no getting it off, no matter how hard I yanked, tugged, pulled. My wife, poor lady, tried, as well. But it was no use. I shook, I shuddered. I could feel the magic soaking into my brain!”
“That sounds very painful.”
“‘Twas! The more I pulled, the more the searing pain tore down into my scalp, my whole noggin, into my face! I yanked, and my face grew! And that weren’t the worst of it! My chest… it burst forth from my shirt, and I grew a pair of diddies fast as lightning!”
She began to lift her blouse, and I looked away, delicately flailing my arm to indicate that the gesture need not be performed.
“My wanker? It fell out and shriveled. Not that it was big to begin with!”
Guffawing ensued. I uncrossed and recrossed my legs, adjusting myself for the remainder of the story.
“Hooves! My hands! Hooves!” She wobbled them this way and that, as if seeing them for the first time. “They hurt like the Dickens! Still getting used to them. Hard to hold a teacup, let alone, pleasure—”
“Do keep going with the transformation, ma’am,” I instructed.
“All my clothes… gone and fell off. Torn, ripped to shreds. My body was barely mine anymore, taken over by this unicorn’s shape, and it’s unyielding desire for pleasures of the flesh.”
I, once again, tried to redirect the conversation. “And how have you adapted?”
“I remember laying there, after I hit the ground in shock, my poor dear wife, eyes popping near out of her sockets. She grabbed a tartan and threw it atop me. I just lay on the floor, sobbing, but laughing all the while. I knew what I’d done, and there was no taking it back. All those years, thinking what was stuck to the wall was a mere trinket, a piece of folly. Well… look at me now.”
As I finished up my sketch of these events, I asked Bernice again about the after-effects.
“I haven’t left the house much these past years. I’m both a laughing stock, and looked at as a magic giver, which… I certainly have no magic to speak of.”
“But you do!” I assured her. “You’re keeping fae history alive, just with your mere existence!”
“I appreciate that,” she replied. “But until that recognition can make me fly or heal the sick, I’ve not much to offer the world other than an odd photograph, or the notion that fae mischief is both real and dangerous.”
“And a wonder to us all!” I told her. I showed her my finished sketch and she smiled.
“That’s it. That’s it perfectly. Thank you.”
I took the thank you as the obvious praise for another job well done. While there is no true capturing of Bachelor’s moment in time, there is now a recorded artistic depiction unlike any other that successfully captures the beauty, splendor, and marvel that is The Transformation of Bernard to Bernice Bachelor.
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If you receive a unicorn horn as a Valentine's gift today, take heed of Bernice Bachelor's cautionary tale (and tail)!
Wat and LL worked together to bring us this special Baird's entry, presenting the full transformation sequence and story as recorded by Baird himself at the time of telling. It took a little more effort to produce, but if you like this type of presentation, we can consider doing it again for future entries from time to time! What do you guys think?
Month by month, we'll keep filling out the compendium with new and mysterious creatures voted on by you. Sponsors can vote on next month's beasties here:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/62580188
Comments
Bone-Head
Oh i forgot i asked this here. I talked with wat about some misconceptions i had and he cleared everything up for me and helped me understand things better. So i 100% get it now. Thanks for taking the time to respond.
Little Napoleon
Generally Baird's doesn't affect development time because Wat and LL keep well ahead of me. We included Baird's as a funding goal because they would often have spare time each month for additional writing and illustration, and we thought it would be a fun new feature for developing more TF content and lore!
Bone-Head
Is this related to and does it effect how long it takes before the actual game is released?
Little Napoleon
It's in the interest of anthropology!
Rey Fox
Baird seems scandalized by sexual details...and then he turns around and produces this porn-tastic illustration...
Pheagle
Well it'll be my hair so sure
Little Napoleon
We all hold them "deer" to our hearts ;)
Little Napoleon
That's fair! Thanks for the feedback KD!
Little Napoleon
Good questions! We only know what Bernice knows!
Little Napoleon
Baird should interview her in the sequel!
Little Napoleon
Good question 🤔
Little Napoleon
We might not do them all like this, but when the inspiration strikes, we might mix some more in!
Little Napoleon
Excellent, glad it was special!
Little Napoleon
Cheers :D
Little Napoleon
Glad you like it!
Little Napoleon
Awesome, thanks for the feedback!
Little Napoleon
Wat sequences are always fun!
Little Napoleon
I'll let LL know you enjoyed it!
Little Napoleon
Easy peasy!
Little Napoleon
As long as you're ok with all the shed hair in your house!
Fuchsi
I do indeed like deer hoves over horse hoves!
KDhynamo
I’m going to be the dissenter and say that while this is an awesome sequence and story, it feels very out of place in relation to the tone of the other Bairds entries. Most of them have the feeling of being an illustration on a page rather than an image on its own (The deer king being the only exception off the top of my head), and I think sticking to that will make Bairds feel more like a guide to sexy Scottish folklore and less of an itch.io transformation comic bundle.
Shadow
Why did the dude turned into a female as part of the transformation? Also, why is it a humanoid form instead of full feral form?
Endark Culi
Ah, Baird, focusing as you usually do on the mysticality of it all and leaving so many questions unanswered. For example: what happened to the wife? And if she stayed, has the transformation improved their relationship?
Rey Fox
How DO those hoofingers work?
Nocturn3
Its a neat concept to half observation notes. As long as they aren't that hard to produce, id say go for it from now on! Who knows, maybe you can even get them recorded on a vinyl ;)
Lunatico Ursus
Wow! This must be one of my favorites
Marquis Orias
Incredible work!
Absolutely astounding! The new format is great!
carp
I like the new format, it's certainly my favorite of these entries thus far.
Wat
It was certainly fun to do a sequence for it :B
Ngrasta
Oh wow, even getting us spoiled with a story. ;3
Dragonwolf4life
Someone beat me to it hehe. Put horn on head? Ok!
Pheagle
"If you receive a unicorn horn as a Valentine's gift today, take heed of Bernice Bachelor's cautionary tale (and tail)!" So what you're saying is, do exactly as Bernice did?
