Kevin the Bored
patreon
6 Making Friends Again
🕑 Added 2023-03-26 20:24:24 +0000 UTCIt barely takes me ten minutes of roof hopping to get to the supposed 'stash house'.
I've watched enough movies to know that simply barging in isn't a good idea, so I come to a stop on a building across the street from the small warehouse to allow myself a little observation.
The building itself isn't a full warehouse, which makes sense since despite being towards the less populated parts of the city, we aren't actually in a warehouse district.
Instead, it looks to me like the building was just a storage building for the business adjacent to it that has clearly been long out of business.
From the worn down sign of the abandoned shop next door, I think this used to be a textile shop of some sort, so I assume the warehouse was used for making shirts or something.
I shrug my shoulders at the redundant information and focus back on the warehouse.
The front only has a single pair of double doors, so I assume there is a larger opening in the back for delivery trucks and the like. There also doesn't seem to be any guards that are readily apparent, but even from here I can smell the people inside.
With nothing really jumping out to me, I decide not to bother with continued observation and instead make my way over to the building itself, keeping as quiet as I can as I scale my way to the roof, something made all the easier by the fact that I can make my own handholds by simply digging my superhumanly strong fingers into the wall.
Once I make it to the top I am greeted by the disappointment that is a warehouse without a skylight.
No cool, dramatic entrance for me I guess.
Whatever, see if I care.
Making my way to the back of the building, I look down from the roof and see that yes, there is in fact a loading bay, however, luckily for me the two small windows at the top of the garage door seem to be unbarred.
With that in mind, I hop down from the roof, however due to poor form rather than landing in a silent crouch like I intended, I end up sort of just crumpling to the ground in a mildly painful jumble of limbs.
Ow.
Ignoring that, I jump back to my feet and use the age old tactic of digging my fingers into the wall like a spider to climb high enough that I can actually 𝘴𝘦𝘦 through the windows.
When I finally do take a peek inside, I feel somewhat disappointed by what I see.
I don't know what I was expecting really, maybe a line of half naked women cutting coke or something interesting like that.
Instead, all I get is a group of four pasty white dudes playing poker. To separate them I quickly name them all. First there's Mr Buzzcut, then there's James Blond, Mr Baseball Bat and lastly, The Woman.
I really shouldn't be disappointed, after all, the easier this is the better.
But at the same time, I was really hoping this would be like in the movies.
Eh, whatever, anything can be fun if you try hard enough, so I guess I'll just see how it goes and try to get a good mix of enjoying myself and making that sweet, sweet crime money.
Now that I'm aware that this isn't some den filled with fighters, I don't really see the point of going the sneaky route anymore, so I decide to simply do what I avoided at the start.
The classic loud and proud approach it is.
Taking a deep breath, I steel my nerves, this is my first time, obviously I'm going to be nervous, and I mentally flip a switch to stop acting like myself and instead start acting like my cape persona.
Taking one last deep breath, I plant my hands on the wall above the window, gripping deep into the cement, and I swing backwards until my body is horizontal, then as gravity takes hold of me I swing back down, letting go of the wall as I do so.
Smashing through the glass feet first and flying into the warehouse was exciting, but rolling across the floor in a completely uncontrolled manner after I fail to stick the landing is just embarrassing.
Thankful for my mask hiding my blushing face, I jump to my feet as soon as I stop rolling, and turn to face the Four Musketeers.
A beat passes as they stand there, having gotten up while I was rolling on the ground, looking at me, unsure of what to do.
I break the silence by sticking out one of my hands in a victory sign whilst the other rests on my hip like I'm posing for a camera and I lean forward slightly as I speak with my purposely childish voice.
"Aaand she sticks the landing!~" I exclaim, conveniently ignoring the fact that I did 𝘯𝘰𝘵 stick the landing.
"Uh, no you didn't." Mr Blond speaks up with uncertainty clouding his voice.
You know what? Fuck you Mr Blond.
I only need one of them to tell me where the money is after all.
"Hey hey! Don't be mean~ it's my first time." I shyly rebut, covering my mask with my hands and wriggling on the spot.
However, the moment they all turn to look at each other in confusion, I burst forth with my full speed, throwing a sloppy punch at Mr Blond.
My punch lands square on his chest and I feel as my fist buries itself through and past his ribs, nearly coming out the other side.
I also feel my wrist break from what I can only assume is shitty form.
As Blond launches backwards and probably dies, I myself cry out, pain being an unfamiliar sensation and am cradling my wrist when I feel a metal bat crack across the back of my head, sanding me straight to the ground.
Double owie.
I try to roll with the force of the hit to get some distance, but once again my inexperience shows and I end up sort of just crawling forward, unbalanced.
But I do make enough distance at least to get back to my feet and I turn around just in time to see the bat coming for my face yet again.
Instinctively, I lean back and dodge the swing matrix style, though I'm pretty sure the only reason I actually succeeded in dodging it is just because my speed far outstrips his.
Before I can get back to being upright, Buzzcut is following up after the bat swing, throwing a sweeping kick for my legs while I am unbalanced.
Once again not really having time to think about my actions, I complete my backwards fall and plant my hands on the ground, lifting my legs over the sweep and pushing off of the ground to launch both of my feet straight into Buzzcut's gut, the result sending him flying a good few feet away.
The bat comes down on me again like a hammer as I lay on the floor, and without really thinking, I reach up to block it with my arms.
I panic for a moment, thinking that the bat is going to break both of my arms, but I clearly forgot about my brute rating as other than some slight pain, all the swing manages to do is make my arms dip inwards slightly.
It's probably going to bruise, at least if I couldn't regenerate it would.
Before he can pull away, I grab the bat and pull him down to my side, spinning us over so that I am straddling him, then I just start wailing on his face.
It only takes a few punches before his face resembles less a face and more a pile of kinda gross gore.
Panting lightly, I get back to my feet, idly getting the feeling that I was forgetting something.
Of course, I am reminded of what I was forgetting when a staccato of what can only be bullets impact my back with all the force of a freight train, sending me crumbling forwards.
It feels like when Mr Bat hit me in the back of the head, only a little worse, far more concentrated and in much greater numbers.
But honestly, it's really not that bad, kind of like stubbing your toe I guess. It sucks, but only for a moment and it's not a pain that is difficult to power through.
Still, I wait until the woman and at least one other person actually stop shooting me before even bothering to get back up.
Only when I hear the clicks that I associate with an empty magazine do I stir, having simply relaxed my muscles as they effectively gave me a very shitty, kinda painful back massage.
Slowly, rising to my feet, swaying slightly for dramatic effect, I stand there, facing away from them with my back hunched before I slowly turn my head to the side, twisting my body only minimally so that I can side eye them over my shoulder.
"Heyyy~ that wasn't very nice~"
Behind me I can see two people. One of them is obviously the woman from before while the other one is a dude that was presumably in a different room.
Both of them are holding guns, the girl holding two machine pistols that I don't know enough about guns to identify, while the guy is holding a bigger gun, I guess.
Again, I don't know a lot about guns, never having bothered to buy any since I didn't leave the house anyway.
I spend a moment just basking in the fear they are showing, especially the woman, her fear is so strong I can practically 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦 it, and it tastes 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨.
I know 'exciting' isn't a flavour, but that's the best way I can describe it and I make sure to revel in it or a second or two before I actually turn all the way around.
Once I am properly facing them, I tilt my head to the side slightly and take a single step forward.
That seems to break them out of their shock and the woman takes a step back, losing her footing and falling on her ass, all without taking her eyes off of me, seeming to not even want to so much as blink.
The guy however, seems to steel himself and backs up much more confidently, reloading his gun as he does so.
Now, we can't have that, can we?
In a single bound I am in front of him and swinging. Without panicking he gives up on loading his gun and instead takes a small step back to avoid my swipe and retaliates by punching the barrel of his gun into my throat.
I'm sure it would have been effective enough to down the average man, but for me it was little more than a mild annoyance, making me choke and cough a little but not enough that I even have to back away.
I smile when I see the realisation in his face that it's helpless to fight me, even if he is clearly more skilled and experienced than me, he simply lacks the raw power that I have available to me.
I don't bother dragging things out either, snapping my leg up in what is probably an incredibly telegraphed move, but even if he can see it coming, there is nothing he can do to avoid it.
I hope he realises that and has time to despair before my hit connects and he goes flying, even impacting the wall a good six feet behind him.
That done, I walk up to the woman who has by now crawled backwards all the way to the wall and is staring at me in terror and with a smile in my voice and my legs straight, I bend at the waist until my face is only a few inches away from hers.
I practically purr my next words so quietly that it might as well have been a whisper.
"And then there were two.~"
