Kevin the Bored
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18 Coffee 2 Electric Boogaloo
🕑 Added 2023-04-08 20:25:07 +0000 UTC"-I π΄πΈπ¦π’π³ you are cheating somehow, no way you get a royal flush right after a four of a kind. It's total bullshit. I know it. You know it. He knows it."
I blatantly ignore James' complaining as I sweep up the poker chips on the table.
I found these when I was shopping the other day, I don't know why but it surprised me, like I had this idea in my head that only casino's had poker chips.
Either way, it's been a week since I met with Pop, who has kept in contact with me since, though we've been only been able to meet up once due to her busy schedule.
But since it's a Sunday and both of the boys are off from work, I invited them to my place to try out my new chips, not to mention practicing my slight of hand.
Obviously, I am cheating my ass off, however since my purpose is to practice my slight of hand rather than to cheat them out of their money, I have been cheating to purposely lose too.
Leaning back into my new and super cushy egg chair, I idly roll a chip across my knuckles, even as I give James a disdainful look from across the table.
"Hey now, don't be such a sore loser, you don't see Theo complaining do you?"
My words make all three of us look at the table below, where I have the most chips, making a small pile, and James has only a handful of chips left, meanwhile Theo has several stacks of chips, almost as much as myself.
It's like democracy. All I have to do is pay off enough people that things go my way, so I have been controlling the game such that only James is losing, while Theo is making about two thirds as much as me.
Theo slowly turns to look from his pile of chips, to mine and then to James' before finally looking James in the eye.
"Everything seems legit to me."
And thus, my bribing was successful.
James' shouts of corruption and colluding are ignored as Theo deals another hand, as I have been banned from dealing, and we continue until James runs out of chips.
After we finished playing poker, the boys started playing street fighter on my new fancy TV while I just kept practicing my dexterity with my cards.
I'm honestly getting really good at it, enough that I can almost do everything in this card juggling video I've been watching.
I can't wait for when I can start doing card tricks in my cape persona, that's when the fun can truly begin, because honestly, going out and robbing the gangs isn't really even fun anymore.
Not only have I only fought with one cape in this week, despite going out every night, he actually ran away, the coward, and since Hermes' power is that his velocity doesn't diminish without his say so.
At least he can only go as fast as is humanly possible, but he is far better at cornering than me, so he got away.
At this point, I'm mostly targeting Street Saints since they at least have a trump, Blacked, who can enhance their normals to have a minor striker power that enhances their punches.
I don't let them punch me, but it get's boring if I know that even if they hit me that I won't even feel anything.
Not that the enhanced gangbangers' punches really hurt all that much, but at least it gives me a reason to dodge.
On top of that, it's been great using them as practice for my new and still improving fighting skills.
Why, Luke almost complimented me the other day.
At the very least, with how active I've been these days, I've certainly been eating well to say the least.
However tonight I shall be hitting Red Branch again, since I hit a Famine storehouse the other day, but they have a disappointingly lacking amount of money to steal.
I suppose the gang is only like, four members, making them not just the smallest gang in the city, but the smallest group with only half the members of the next smallest gang.
Wait, actually I think there are only four wards here, less than half the number of Protectorate who stand at ten.
So they are the joint smallest group, meaning they don't have a lot of business.
Frankly the only reason they can hold territory is because two of their members synergise so damn well together, the other two are basically useless.
I mean, they have the weakest brute in the city who is so unremarkable that PHO named him 'Baldy' after the only thing recognisable about him.
But anyway, it is Red Branches turn to get robbed by me and I'm hoping for a parahuman to show themselves this time.
It would be pretty boring otherwise.
So here I am, hopping around Red Branch territory in the chilly night, thinking about christmas.
After all, it's only about two weeks away and even if I don't really care about it, I still feal like I should do something nice for the boys, because I definitely still haven't paid them back yet, not to mention Mr Yoshimura.
I guess I could get something for Pop too.
Eh, we'll see.
It took me a little bit longer than normal to reach my location, and that is thanks to having a friend in each of the CPD and PRT.
Theo and James are not the best at keeping secrets, so it isn't particularly difficult to get insider knowledge on how the two three letter organisations are doing things.
Though, James isn't exactly anyone important so it's not like he can really have access to information regarding the parahumans and what they're doing.
Still, I make it without trouble and while I'm not expecting them to be ready for me, I am expecting a parahuman to show up.
With that in mind, I take some time to scout around, using my senses to figure out if anybody is looking at me, or if my nose can pick out anything interesting.
However, the result is not at all what I was expecting.
I could only smell one person inside of the building, rather than the dozen or so I was anticipating.
...This is another trap isn't it?
.....Ah well.
The last first time I got in a cape fight was from Red Branch ambushing me and while I still don't know how they seem to always know when I'm going to target them, that doesn't change the fact that walking in that building will lead directly to a cape fight.
Smiling lightly, I give myself a quick once over to make sure I am presentable for whoever is waiting for me.
Mask? Check.
Outfit? All good.
Deck of cards? Wouldn't leave home without it.
Bits and bobs that I might need, like spare change? Check.
All right then, lets not keep them waiting any longer.
Pushing my tails out my back, I attach them both to the roof of the building, above the front door.
Then, with a simple step, I am free falling.
The next moment, my tails flex and tighten, swinging my body feet first straight into and π΅π©π³π°πΆπ¨π© the front door, sliding on it to the end of the room where I jump off, right before it hits the wall.
Now standing in the middle of an open living room, I turn towards it's other occupant, tails ready and expecting an instant transition into combat.
However I am once again left surprised at an unexpected sight.
Rather than a hostile cape trying to kill me, what I see is a man, sitting on a chair and facing me with a bemused smile and exasperation in his eyes that are partially hidden by his plain white domino mask.
I don't actually know who this guy is, but I assume he's a hidden ace of Red Branch or something similar.
Rather than a cape outfit, he is dressed in an immaculate black suit that must be designer and instead of standing combat ready, prepared to fight, he is just sitting, with a cup of tea in one hand and a little plate in the other just below it.
At least, I assume it's tea. It's brown and smells just as awful as every other drink that isn't coffee, but who knows really.
Not really sure what to do in this situation, I just sort of stand there for a moment, staring at him as he stares back, before he puts down his tea and picks up the pot.
"Tea?"
He breaks the silence first, nodding his head towards the seat in front of him that has an empty cup in front of it and, still slightly off balance, I forget to add the π€π©π’π³π’π€π΅π¦π³ to my response.
"I prefer coffee."
Without missing a beat, he put down the tea pot he was holding and picks up another next to it.
"I have that too."
He says as he pours a cup of coffee in what is presumably my cup.
Shaking my confusion off, I decide to play along with this, since it seems fun.
Not to mention, this reception is π§π’π³ greater than Clay, who didn't even want to talk at all.
At least this guy gets it. This is the proper level of dramatic.
However, only after I take a seat and pick up my cup to give it an appreciative sniff, do I realise a problem.
How am I supposed to drink with my mask still on.
A glance at my drinking companion shows that he is aware of my plight and finds it funny.
But the jokes on him because with smug satisfaction, I reach into one of my pockets and take out a metal straw, which I waste no time putting in my cup and under my mask to take a nice, long sip.
This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I got the straw, I was more thinking I could try drinking from someone's neck with a straw like a baby vampire that hasn't grown their teeth yet.
I thought the mental image was funny, sue me.
Still, I slurp up a nice, big mouthful of coffee and swallow it.
Bleh.
What shit coffee.
"Well, it is nice to meet the new terror of the streets in person, you are quite the difficult person to track down."
In response to his words I tilt my head in genuine confusion, remembering to speak with the proper inflections this time.
"Really? That's odd~ I'm not exactly being subtle.~"
The mysterious man doesn't respond, instead he simple turns his head slightly, facing the splintered door lying at the end of the living room with a big pair of footprints on top.
"Evidently." Comes his dry response.
"So! Mr Mysterious~ To what do I owe the pleasure?~" I ask, even as I start playing with my tails, mostly just to keep them moving around so that he doesn't forget that they're there.
I wrap one of my tails around my torso, both because it's comfortable and in case of surprise attack.
"I actually have two reasons for being here, one is business, the other personal, where would you like me to start?"
"Hmm~ let's get business out of the way first, that way we will have plenty of time to be π±π¦π³π΄π°π―π’π.~"
He smiles at my emphasis but doesn't waste any time talking.
"Well then, firstly I am here on behalf of Red Branch to offer you a position-"
Here I cut him off by failing to withhold a snort of amusement. Like hell would I be willing to work for someone. I hate being told what to do.
"-but I see that there is no point in pursuing that, instead the personal matter. You see, I have quite the fascination of powers, and I find changers such as yourself most interesting, so I was hoping you would be amenable to allowing me to examine your, ah, tails?"
Ok, I may be dumb but I am not stupid.
Then again, maybe this will lead to something interesting.
Still...
"What's your power?" I ask, just in case his power is something like, 'if I touch you then fuck you, you die'.
"My power allows me to temporarily copy one other power, it's why I got the title of 'Equaliser', I like to feel how different powers feel different to use, it's very interesting to me."
Hmm, he doesn't seem like he's lying, while I can't hear his heartbeat, I can sense his blood flow which is basically the same in affect and his blood flow isn't changing, so I think he's telling the truth.
It would still be pretty dumb to let him copy my power, but I came here wanting a fight damnit, and fighting my own power would probably be pretty interesting if nothing else.
Eh, fuck it, what's the worst that could happen.
Without saying anything, I reach one of my tails over to him, and once it is in front of him, he gently runs his hands over the tail.
I'm sure if this was a movie or something this would be where I shiver from pleasure or something retarded, but the sense of touch from my tails is incredibly dulled, so I barely feel it.
However, right when I am expecting a pair of tails to erupt from the mystery man's back, something very different, happens.
My tails both burst into blood mist and return to my body that suddenly feels weaker than I can ever remember as it feels like every cell in my body has suddenly decided to go to sleep.
Shock turns to anger and I turn to Equaliser but I don't bother with anymore talking, instead lunging over the table, hands stretched for his throat.
However, I never make it past the table, my body suddenly failing me I collapse onto it, spilling tea and coffee everywhere as my eyes grow heavy.
The last thing I see is Equaliser's frowning face.
Then.
Darkness.
