Kevin the Bored
patreon
27 Finally an info dump
🕑 Added 2023-04-18 10:50:03 +0000 UTCAfter leaving Helter Skelter, I did a quick lap of where Jinx said Equaliser will be tomorrow and then went home to do something I loathe.
To make a plan.
Now, I'm generally not a fan of thinking too hard on things, but I am willing to make an exception this one time.
Besides, it might actually be fun to do, so long as I only do it the once.
Like experimenting, you won't know you hate it until you try.
Anyway, when I got back to the house, mini James was still sleeping, which sucks because I was hoping to get some anti-power drugs from him so that I could rip Equaliser in half with my bare hands.
Guess I'll just have to ask him in the morning.
Now, onto the planning.
I even got a notebook to write things down.
Man, I am such a disciplined and organised person.
Anyway, have you ever heard the phrase, 'no rest for the wicked'? Well, that is apparently applicable because even on christmas day, villains don't hold back.
In fact, according to Jinx, villains tend to be even more active on christmas day, since the Youth Guard made it so that Wards get christmas off and the Protectorate Heroes are all but forced to hang around the main streets where the christmas celebrations are happening.
Apparently it's mostly for PR reasons rather than actually protecting all the party goers.
All of this means that the villains are basically free to go wherever they want in the less popular parts of the city during christmas.
However they will try and avoid fighting with Heroes, also for PR reasons, so they just end up fighting each other and pushing for territory.
Now, Red Branch, the gang that Equaliser is a part of, is the larges organisation in the city, purely in terms of parahuman membership.
Well, technically at least. If you count the Wards and Protectorate as one group then they have the most members, but since the Wards are all minors, the Youth Guard doesn't like the two being considered one whole.
Anyway, according to Jinx, my target is likely to have two other parahumans with him tomorrow, which means I have to figure out who it could be and plan around that.
So to revise, who is in the Red Branch?
First is obviously the leader, Cu Chulainn. He's a high level brute, and I mean that as in he could, with help from his rather notable skill with his spear, go toe to toe with 𝘈𝘭𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘢 if only for a minute.
As in, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 Alexandria, the one they named flying brutes after because she is such a staple, member of the Triumvirate and co-founder of the Protectorate, as well as the woman who despite being a Hero for over a decade and having taken hits from many, many powers, has only ever been injured 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦.
Even against 𝘌𝘯𝘥𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴, she comes out unharmed.
In other words, she is one scary as fuck individual who could probably bend me into a pretzel.
And this guy is fast enough to react to her, strong enough that she can't just completely ignore his blows and skilled enough that he could hold his own.
Then again, maybe I am overestimating him, since he only fought her once and she beat him in like, 37 seconds I think.
Still, that's 𝘈𝘭𝘦𝘹-motherfucking-𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘢 we're talking about here. The number of people that have lasted past her first move is 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 low.
In conclusion, I really don't want to fight Cu.
Thankfully for me, no one else wants to fight him either, which means that he rarely leaves his house, since everybody will just run away anyway.
Not to mention, he 𝘪𝘴 their leader, so it's probably reasonable to strike him off the list of potential capes that will be with equaliser.
Well, that's one down, only eleven more to go.
Wait no, ten more to go. I forgot that Clay isn't really an option anymore.
Heh, fuck you Clay.
Now, the other scary cape in Red Branch is Cath Palug. She turns into a giant monster cat and rampages around in a seemingly uncontrollable rage.
Oh, and she's also as physically strong as Cu, if not a little stronger.
Apparently she used to rampage around every month or two and Cu would have to beat her into submission every time so that she didn't destroy his territory.
However, that was until Merlin came along and basically 'tamed' her. In other words, they are basically best friends and are all but connected by the hip. If you see one then the other is likely to be nearby.
But, similarly to Cu, Cath doesn't get out much, since everybody would probably team up against her. It certainly doesn't help how much she resembles and Endbringer-lite.
Though really, that's an unfair comparison, since Endbringers destroy whole cities every two to three months, and Cath is certainly not nearly that strong.
I think it's just a case of overblown reputation really. But still, she is unlikely to make an appearance, which means Merlin is also unlikely, though that is less of a big deal since he's just a relatively weak elemental manipulator.
Cold winds, weak fires, nothing that would really bother me.
Now, who else is there?
Smith is a cold arms Tinker, so he doesn't do any fighting, he just makes swords and spears and shit.
Hermes, who I met before, tends to work alone, since his speed means that others can't properly keep up.
Siegfried, according to Jinx, likes to keep to his harem rather than going out and fighting, so he won't be out unless Cu makes him.
Which he probably will, all things considered, but due to his personality, I kind of doubt that he will be willing to work with anyone who isn't a woman, so that might rule him out.
I'll put him down as a maybe.
Now, who else?
There's Morgana, who I met briefly when I killed Matchstick. She is pretty active and doesn't have any known holdups, not to mention that as a woman I doubt she really wants to spend any time around Siegfried, so she seems likely.
That's good at least, since her whole power is transforming into animals, and I could suplex a bear any day of the week... probably.
Ok, I have no idea how strong a bear is, but they get shot and I can't get shot, so I assume I'm better than a bear.
Then there's Bathory, who is also a woman, but apparently she's.. how to put it... a raging whore.
She's the 'Madam' that runs Red Branches brothels, so I could see her sticking with Siegfried. Her whole power is only that she turns into a blood mist, like a vampire.
Except that's all she can do, so she would be more of an annoyance than a threat.
Then there's Ba'al, who shoots zaps of electricity from his hands. According to the videos of him fighting online, the zaps aren't really that tough. Certainly not to the level of an actual lighting bolt.
He is a possibility too.
The only other cape in Red Branch, excluding the obvious that is my target, is something of a mystery.
Mystery enough that James and Theo didn't even know about him to warn me.
According to Jinx, there is another member who goes by the name Solomon.
He says that Solomon is only ever contacted by Cu or by his lieutenants and that other than to them, his face and powers are a mystery to everyone.
However, Jinx is good at what he does.
When he told me how he gets his information, I spent a solid five minutes laughing my ass off.
Since his power is 'Misfortune', it means that everybody around him is super unlucky.
But it doesn't have a set are of effect and is kind of bullshit to be honest.
Because he can just try to log into a random persons account with a randomly chosen password and get in no problem.
You know why? Because it would be really misfortunate for the person who's account he is 'hacking' if he managed to guess the password right.
Not to mention, he just gets wrong number texts involving critical information sometimes.
It really is bullshit, and I would call it unfair if not for the fact that he suffers from the same misfortune.
That's why he doesn't have any online accounts for anything. Because literally anyone could try to guess his passwords for anything, and they will almost always get it right.
To prove it he made me guess his mothers maiden name, and unless he was bullshitting me, it is Mary.
Anyway, the point is, Jinx has good information, and while he doesn't know everything, he says that Solomon is likely some kind of precog Thinker.
Which really does make sense the more I think about it, because every time I've tried something big against Red Branch, there has always been a cape sitting there waiting for me, as if they somehow already knew I was coming.
However, there are obviously limits to his power, and likely some pretty hard ones, otherwise I doubt Clay would have ever died.
But since he's a Thinker, he isn't going to be fighting.
Now, who does that leave as a possibility for fighting tomorrow?
There's Equaliser, obviously, then there's Siegfried, Bathory, Morgana, Ba'al and 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 Hermes.
So let's think for a moment.
What are the objectives tomorrow?
Well, they will be fighting on two fronts, against the Street Saints and Famine respectively.
Now, Famine has the least members, but the combination of their leader 'The Bomb', who can turn himself into an explosion, with Janus, who is a short distance teleporter, makes them really difficult to beat.
Even if the other two members are basically useless, one being a brute who is so underwhelming that he was named 'Baldy' by ParaHumans Online, after his most notable feature.
PHO doesn't fuck around.
The other is just some laser eye guy who called himself Horus hoping to be allowed into the mythology loving Irishmen, only to be rejected because he isn't Irish, and then became racist and joined Famine.
The dude must have a really fragile heart, I bet that if you told him plants can feel pain that he'd cry.
Moving past that loser, there is the Street Saints.
They only have seven members after Matchstick kicked it and most of them are brutes of some kind, the only exceptions being the leader who can erase any inorganic matter that he touches, really making him a Tinkers worst nightmare.
The other exceptions are Dovah, who I've met and this dude Romulus, who is a Master that can summon a bunch of spectral wolves.
With that in mind, when going against Famine you really need to focus on just being able to not die, while against Street Saints, you need to be able to either keep your distance, or kick the shit out of people.
With that in mind, I predict that Siegfried and Bathory will be heading over to the border with Famine, as both of them can survive explosions.
Hermes will probably join them from a distance while the other three, Equaliser, Ba'al and Morgana will probably head for Street Satins.
After all, a bear can kick most peoples asses and Ba'al could snipe their Alexandria package who got the unfortunate name of 'Uncle Tom' form PHO after he was too nice in his first showing, out of the sky.
Then there's Equaliser. He can just punch a brute and depending on how their power works exactly, could make them vulnerable by erasing their powers.
Then he can just shoot them or something, I don't know.
Would have been nice to know all of this 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 I met the asshole himself.
Ah well. You know the best part though?
Since they will be heading to their border with Street Saints, there is a non-zero chance that I will meet Dynamite again.
We'll see who has garbage form this time.
Thus, with a smile on my face and evil thoughts in my mind, I head to bed, prepared for the most entertaining christmas of my life.
