Kevin the Bored
patreon
32 It Begins 2 Electric Boogaloo
🕑 Added 2023-04-22 17:30:11 +0000 UTCAfter getting his location from Fool, it wasn't all that difficult to capture Shade.
After all, even though he gets stronger by absorbing the darkness around him, he can only peak at about as strong as Siegfried and I'd say that's about as strong as I am, except I have twice as many limbs, so it wasn't much of a struggle.
I didn't really know where to put him, so I just used one of the other empty rooms in the house we were staying at.
It's not like we used all the bedrooms after all. Both of us hardly even sleep anyway, with little James tinkering all the time and me exercising and playing solitaire.
I also decided to snack a little on Shade, after all, he'll be much less inclined to run away if he doesn't have any hands or feet.
But with the both of them captured, I can finally move onto my next step, and I'd better be quick about it because the city has turned into a boiling pot and I have to set my play into motion before people just start fighting anyway.
Which is why I am here, four days after my happy christmas, walking into the cities biggest bank in my full costume during the middle of the day.
Naturally, as soon as I enter everyone's attention immediately snaps to the cape, me, and I respond by unleashing a pair of tails and spearing them into the middle of the floor before using them as a pair of legs and raising myself into the air.
Hanging in air, I look down at the people below me who are in varying states of emotion that rapidly becomes more unified as I speak.
"Attention everyone!~ I am robbing this bank.~" I say, enjoying the way everyone's faces simultaneously become doused in fear.
Some people make a break for it, running for the door and screaming all the while and because the sound was piercing and annoying, I sprout a third tail and ๐ด๐ญ๐ข๐ฎ it through the ground in front of the loudest of the runners.
The sound of the impact echoes through the room and brings silence and stillness that I immediately fill with my own voice.
"Now then~ there's no need to scream like a dying pig, good sir~ that being said, if you do wish to leave the building, you are free to do so~ I won't stop you.~" I say, making confusion join fear in the range of emotions being shown.
Slowly and tentatively, someone starts edging towards the front door, everyone's eyes on him the whole time, including my own.
Seeing that I am not stopping him, he gets more confident and when he actually makes it to the door, he simply turns into a dead sprint and runs away.
The fact that I really didn't stop him makes everyone else significantly less afraid and they immediately begin funnelling out the door.
Well, I say funnelling, but it's more like a stampede, one that could very easily trample and hurt someone.
Now normally, I wouldn't care. However, I do need to make a proper impression for my plan, which means no injuries.
With that in mind, I simply speak up, projecting my voice so that they all hear me.
"Oi. If any of you dimwits hurt someone else in your rush to leave, then I will break your legs.~" I say, my voice starting dry and ending sweet.
The crowd stops almost as one, a few of them looking back at me in fear before they start moving again, much more orderly this time.
Once the last civilian is out of the door, I am left alone with two pairs of security guards.
"Hey boys~ your job not let you leave in situations like this huh?" I say as I lower myself down until I am standing on a central table, following which I just take a seat on its edge, my tails laid out on the ground behind me.
The guards look at each other for a moment, their hands not leaving the tasers at their sides before one of them smiles wryly at me.
"Perks of the job Miss." He says with a shrug.
"Dang, sounds tough. I woulda thought that you'd have some rule about not bothering to fight capes, kinda like the whole thing about tellers doing what the robbers say, since the 'boys upstairs' hate paying for lawsuits and stuff."
Visibly confused about my conversationalism, I see the guards acting unsure about how to proceed.
I mean, I do get it. I said I was here to rob the bank, so they're supposed to be 'subduing' me, but not only am I a cape, so they know they don't stand a chance at stopping me, but I am also just sitting here talking with them.
Deciding to throw them a bone for what to do, I speak up again.
"Well, I kinda do need hostages, as an assurance, so Imma 'beat you guys up' now, you know how it is." I say with a wink.
As my words register, each of them pulls out their tasers, however I am simply too fast for them as by the time their tasers are out of their holsters, I am already among the group.
I run past the first man, grabbing the back of his vest and throwing him at another guard, then I rush up to another and drive my fist lightly into his gut, making it seem worse than it is so I can lean into his ear.
"Just stay down." I whisper, and I hear him comply as his body hits the ground while I'm turning to the final guard, who shoots me with his taser.
I feel the current run through me, but rather than debilitation, Id more describe it as a pleasant sensation.
With him doing that, I just run up and punch him, once again slowing down at the point of impact to make it seem worse than it is.
He goes down and starts an Oscar worthy performance of groaning in pain.
Walking up to the first guy, who is also pretending to be downed, I lean down and start dragging him to the middle of the room, whispering to him.
"Do you know where any rope I can use to tie you guys up is?"
He just responds by shaking his head, which sucks, but then I get an idea as I see a pair of curtains covering a window.
Five minutes later and four (totally) incapacitated guards are tied up by a few curtains in the middle of the room.
I really feel for these guys, having to pretend to be beaten up so that their bosses can't complain about them not doing their jobs properly once he eventually looks through the camera footage.
With that out of the way, I move to the end of the room, farthest away from the door, idly taking a handful of bills from behind one of the counters as I go.
Then I just jump up onto the counter, sit cross-legged, my side facing the entrance, and I take out a deck of cards and start playing solitaire.
What? I'm not just going to sit here whistling while I wait for the heroes.
๐๐ฉ๐ธ๐ช๐ฑ, goes the cards as I flip them over.
The next four minutes are spent simply playing cards and it's as I'm finishing up my second game that the sound of a 'Heroic arrival' outside garners my attention.
And sure enough, the next moment there is a pair of heroes heroically flying through the banks entrance with heroism, only to heroically pause in heroic confusion at the villainous sight of me villainously playing solitaire as the guards sit together tied up, uh, civilianally?
Shaking off distracting thoughts, the woman of the two floats a little closer to me before not quite shouting at me.
"Tear! You are under arrest! Please come quietly or we will bring you in by force!" She demands threat- I mean, uh, heroically.
However, I merely smile deviously underneath my mask, for it is now that I shall enact my master plan.
My three tails sway rhythmically behind me, their solid forms looking deceptively fragile with the liquid like texture that colours their purplish hues as I slowly get to my feet on the countertop.
As I rise, I keep my head bowed as I let out a chuckle that is dark and foreboding.
Only once I am on my feet, do I look up at the pair of Heroes, my eyes glowing their crimson shine.
Slowly and dramatically raising my arms up from my sides, I open my mouth.
"I...
[5 minutes earlier]
"Come on PalPal, won't you lighten up a little bit? If you keep being so impersonal you'll scare all your fans away you know?" I tease as we fly around Columbus.
I know we aren't likely to find any trouble today, since our analysts say that the gangs are practically gearing up for war, and we are currently in the 'eye of the storm' so to speak.
Whether or not that will stay the same tomorrow is anyone's guess though.
"I have ๐ต๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฅ you Epic, don't call me that. My name is Ashurbanipal and if you must shorten it then just call me Ash. Also I don't care about having fans, I'm a Hero, not some celebrity." Comes her predictably boring response.
I swear, it's like the woman just can't lighten up.
It's no real surprise that she hardly has any fans, or just people that like her in general.
It kind of sucks that I have to do patrols with her just because we are the only flyers on the side of the angels in this city.
I'd much rather do my patrol with someone fun, like Lost.
Though to be fair, there is a reason that Lost patrols alone, since his power causes him to get lost all the time.
But when his power turns him into light, it's understandable that he gets lost all the time, since one moment he will be walking forward, then he will use his power for half a second and will have suddenly moved at the speed of light and lapped the planet like six times, ending up somewhere random.
I swear his photo album has pictures from every country in the world.
I suppose one positive is that he has had to learn a whole lot of languages.
As I am opening my mouth to continue teasing PalPal in a vain attempt to make her less stiff, my communicator goes off, attracting my attention.
"Console to Epic, we've got a report of a bank robbery in progress due south of your location." Comes Cousin's voice, making me nod.
"Copy that Console, we're on our way", I say, motioning with my head the direction to PalPal, "any information on our perp?" I ask, wanting to go in prepared.
"Yup! 'pparently it's that vigilante that's caused all this fuss, Tear. Alone."
Huh, guess that's former vigilante now.
Damn, it also means I owe Yumiko money now.
It takes a few minutes of flying to make it to the bank and by the time we do there is already a police cordon most of the way set up and the streets instantly quieten down at the sound of the both of us impacting the ground almost hard enough to crack it.
Gotta watch out for that property damage after all, no matter how much cooler it is to crack the ground with out landing. We're only allowed to do that when landing in front of criminals in order to intimidate them.
Still, after we arrive a police officer makes his way over and explains the situation which summed up is that Tear went in, let most of the civilians out and is keeping the guards as hostages.
Since nothing seems to be afoot and no demands have been made, we swiftly decide to simply go inside and apprehend her.
However, once we fly into the building, the sight that greets us is an unexpected one. The guards are all tied up, that was expected, but the now villain wasn't robbing the place, but was just playing cards instead.
This feels like a trap, is this a trap?
PalPal shouts at the villainess the usual line, but she doesn't respond right away, instead, slowly getting to her feet.
The way her tails sway behind her make me feel like prey being stared down by something higher on the food chain, and as her blood red eyes lock onto mine, I feel a shiver run down my spine.
Then, she opens her mouth to speak.
"I...
