Kevin the Bored
patreon
64 Heart to uh, Mask? 2 Electric Boogaloo
🕑 Added 2023-05-24 22:44:33 +0000 UTC"So where'd you find the brat?" Butcher asks me from my side.
We are both sitting at the edge of a tall building, well I'm sitting, he's standing.
We're too high to be seen by anyone on the street without them actively looking up which is good since everybody below thinks that we're off fighting again.
This is probably going to be the last time we fight, as he's already told me that he's going to be leaving for Boston in a couple days, but country to what Uppercrust thinks, I asked that we not actually fight this time and he agreed.
Mostly because he knows that a fight between us will lead to nothing, just the same as before, but I like to think that part of the reason he agreed is just because we're friends.
"Just found her on the street. Didn't think she'd be so impressive." I answer, dangling my feet over the edge with my eyes locked onto the spectacle below.
And what a spectacle it is.
I decided to bring April along with me for my job, though apparently her name is actually May, as like a work experience kind of thing. It would be lame if a Clown lost on there debut after all.
But she is doing much better than expected.
Down below is the entire current Teeth roster, minus the Butcher obviously who is up here with me.
Yet against all five of them she is not only holding her own but she's actively winning, if slowly.
It's really incredible to watch her work, from the way she dodges attacks by a hairs breadth, even managing to perfectly avoid Quarrel's arrows despite her power making it impossible for her to miss.
Then there's the marbles I bought her when we were shopping for her bunny mask that she's throwing around that somehow manage to explode only when it brings the most benefit to her.
Of course, one cannot forget her third power, the one that she didn't tell me about at first.
She can make any weapon she wields into a 'perfect' weapon.
So far she seems to be able to cut through just about anything, something the Teeth are quickly coming to be weary of.
"She got a name yet?" He grunts, looking disapprovingly at his subordinates as they get smacked around and led on.
I even caught him wince when May lead Animos to roar at Hemorrhagia, causing her powers to turn off long enough for her to land an exaggerated spinning kick to her face.
"March." I answer simply as I keep getting distracted from the way she fights.
She explained to me that when she really uses her Thinker power it's like time slows down for her, and like any self respecting Clown, she makes use of the extra time to inject some theatricality into everything she does.
It's honestly really cool to watch.
"March? Like the month?"
I snort at Butchers confused words, to which he responds by stabbing me in the shoulder.
What an asshole.
Still, I smile as I explain, happy to talk about it and happy to talk to him.
"We watched Alice in Wonderland the other day, that's where she got the bunny mask from, the March Hare and she likes those old soldier uniforms from the 1800's, and they march, I guess, so that's what she went for. We just need to wait a couple days for my order to come through and she'll be all set."
The order I'm talking about is of course her costume. Uppercrust did seem a little surprised at my request but a brief explanation of the situation was enough for him to put an order through for me.
Though it is naturally exorbitantly expensive but I don't have expensive tastes and my contract with the Elite pays well anyway, so I'm not hurting for cash.
They even helped me set up a bank account with this guy called Number Man, who apparently does all the banking for all the villains, which really makes me wonder how people are ok with some dude controlling like, all of the illegal money in the country, but whatever.
The costume will be done and delivered at about the time that the Teeth are going to be rotating back to Boston, so I'll probably be leaving shortly after as well.
Which means that there will once again be only one Clown in this city and maybe I will find someone worthy of the position in the next, then I can just let the organisation grow by itself as Clowns recruit more Clowns.
Though, I feel that I should make it clear that anyone who just invites a bunch of rando's into the club is going to get eaten.
...Eh, I'm sure it's implied.
"She's good." He says and I can tell that he means it, mostly because she ๐ช๐ด good so it's just a simple fact.
I wouldn't let her be a Clown if she didn't have something to offer after all.
You know, I just had a thought.
"Hey Thirteen, wait do you have like, an actual name I can call you? Cuz Thirteen seems impersonal and Butcher doesn't flow of the tongue very well for conversation."
He gives me a strange look for a moment before returning to spectating the fight down below.
"Don't you know it's frowned upon to ask a cape for their name?" He questions, not really sounding like he cares.
"Sure, but it's also generally frowned upon to be the Butcher or to eat people, so I'd say we're past that point don'tcha think?" I respond with levity before abruptly turning to face him and holding my hand out for him to shake. "The names Lusia by the way, or you can just call me Lucy~ nice to meet ya!~"
He huffs but shakes his head and takes my hand regardless.
"William, or you can just call me Bill." Is his gruff response.
"William huh? Bill, Bill, Billy the Butcher!~" I exclaim with a smile, even as he starts to crush my hand under his grip.
"I'm already regretting this." He says, but I know he's all soft on the inside (he's not) so I ignore him.
"Sure you do big guy Wilfred- ow!"
๐๐ณ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฉ.
Pulling back my mangled hand, a shiver passes through my as my bones reform and my hand snaps back to how it is supposed to look.
"Now that was just mean.~" I pout, but I can't quite hide my smile.
"Anyway," I start, "as I was saying Billy, you know how you invited me to join you?"
Now ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต immediately gets his attention.
"You reconsidering?" He asks, pretending he doesn't care about my answer.
Too bad.
"Nah, unfortunately not. It's actually quite the opposite. You wanna join me? The only conditions to being one of my Clowns is to want to have fun and have something to offer, you certainly fit the latter and I'm sure you fit the former well enough, so whaddaya say?~"
He gives me a long, searching look and I actually manage to tear my eyes away from the fight to match his stare, showing how serious I am about this.
Because I would like him to join me.
Sadly, life does not always go to plan.
"Not possible I'm afraid." He answers after a long moment of silence and I quickly go back to watching the fight, hoping to hide my disappointment.
Carefully keeping my voice level, I speak without looking back this time.
"Why not?"
He doesn't even hesitate a second to respond.
"The Butcher leads the Teeth. That is absolute. The Butcher. Leads. The Teeth."
I open my mouth to rebuke, to tell him that being a Clown isn't even slightly restrictive. I mean, we already have one member who is leading a large organisation, or at least a soon to be large one.
But he cuts me off before I can even start.
"The Butcher ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ญ๐บ leads the Teeth. That is all, the Teeth is all. I cannot join anyone else. Sorry Lucy, but this is just the way it is." He explains, putting a hand on my shoulder as he does so and I am unashamed to admit how I lean into the touch.
I guess you can't have everything.
Luckily for me, the scene below changes as the Teeth manage to surprise March and catch her off guard, quickly resulting in the fight going downhill for her.
No doubt she'll be down and out in a minute or so.
"Welp!" I exclaim, pushing back my negative thoughts and focusing back on what's important. Having fun. "I guess that's our que huh?~"
He follows me as I get to my feet and head for the opposite side of the building to where the others are fighting and jump off.
by the time I land on the ground, he's already there, waiting for me.
"So!~ How do you want to go about this?~" I ask, referencing how we are going to sell that we were totally fighting this whole time and not just chatting.
Instead of responding verbally, he reaches forward and takes hold of my forearm.
Suddenly, a bad feeling settles in my gut, one that only increases when I look up at him and see the evil smile on his face.
"We can talk about this.. right?" I plead with a smile.
"Nope." Is all he says before his muscles all suddenly tense.
Well fuck.
Is all I have time to think before my feet leave the ground and I rapidly start expelling mass from all of my 'sources' to wrap around my body.
I smash through the first wall before I can really grow anything and I feel most of my bones break and rapidly heal but by the time I hit the second my ribbons and wings are out and wrapped around me.
By the time he lets me go and I feel myself flying through another wall and into the open street I have my arms covered, though I leave out my tail and body armour.
Mostly because I know that we're not really going to fight, but also because I feel like I should save my armour for impactful moments, like a trump card that the villain pulls out right when victory is in sight for the heroes.
Plus the armour drains me way faster than anything else.
Don't get me wrong, I could last a good hour or so going all out, but I would be ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ณ๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ after the fact and I don't exactly need the boost it gives me right now, so I just don't bother.
The fighting on the street comes to a stop as I get to my feet, unravelling myself like one fucked up flower in bloom.
March quickly hobbles in my direction, an arrow sticking out of her thigh, while the Teeth just stare uncomfortably at me, most of them also injured.
๐๐ข๐ฏ๐จ!
The Butcher appears as dramatically as he always does, with an explosion, and we have a short stare down, only the two of us knowing that we aren't going to suddenly start fighting.
Then he just turns away from me with a grunt and starts walking away. I barely catch him start calling his Teeth useless as they leave and I turn to March with a smile.
"D'you have fun!?~" I excitedly ask, jumping towards her like a happy dog.
Pausing for a moment at the thought, I start waggling my ribbons back and forth like a dog, making March bark out a quick laugh, followed by a wince of pain.
No doubt because of the pointy object unconsensually penetrating her body.
Heh.
"Honestly?" She starts, taking a moment to get her breathing under control. "Hell yeah I did! That was awesome! I kicked that one guy in the face and made the dog guy turn the blood girls power off and I kicked ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ in the face only because the bow bitch got distracted by one of my bombs I threw at her earlier and then sword guy couldn't even ๐ฉ๐ช๐ต me!"
She only stops vomiting words because she runs out of breath and she just stands there panting, looking mildly embarrassed about her enthusiasm but I can tell that she's smiling under her mask and that makes me smile in return.
"It ๐ช๐ด fun, isn't it?" I respond, making her relax, knowing I'm not going to judge her which makes me mentally roll my eyes, thinking about teenagers and how much they seem to crave affirmation. "Now, while I am glad you enjoyed yourself, and I ๐ข๐ฎ happy about that, you are injured and don't have my heeling powers, so lets get you some treatment yeah?"
She nods tiredly and takes a step only to immediately fall, only avoiding kissing the pavement because of me expecting this and catching her.
"Tch tch, just go to sleep. I'll take care of things." I soothe as I gather in my arms in a princess carry.
Before long she takes my advice, probably out of a mix of simple exhaustion, since she is a child and isn't used to this kind of high intensity stuff, and light blood loss.
I just shake my head with a sigh as I start walking us back home.
I'm sure Uppercrust has plenty of people with medical training. Maybe even someone who does coaching that I can hire to teach March how to fight and get into shape when I'm gone.
I do stop once, only for a moment to look behind me at the direction the Butcher left.
๐๐ช๐จ๐ฉ
You really can't have everything.
Then I look down at the sleeping Clown in my arms and a light smile replaces my melancholic features.
But just because we can't have everything, that doesn't mean that what we've got isn't awesome by itself.
-----------------------------
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Fyi, the title is a reference that only the Real Onesโข will get, and to those of you that get it, THAT'S RIGHT BABY! WE'RE GOING ALL THE WAY BACK FOR THOSE ELECTRIC BOOGALOO'S BITCH!!
Comments
ChaoticThief
We love them too Electric Boogaloo
