Kevin the Bored
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66 On The Road Again 2 Electric Boogaloo
🕑 Added 2023-05-26 20:53:17 +0000 UTCA/N: Anyone who laughs at my amazing MS Paint art will be shot.
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"Can't you stay just a bit longer?" May whines at me as I pack my belongings into my recently purchased motorcycle.
It's a Kawasaki KL something something numbers, I didn't remember what it was called, the guy selling it said a lot of words and most of them were new to me, so I kind of just blanked for a moment.
But it's a nice bike.
It's like a dirt bike but with less of the internals showing and with a couple little boxes on either side to hold stuff and the middle even opens up to hold even more stuff.
It's a perfect amount of storage space when you consider my severe lacking of stuff.
But today is the day I leave New York.
The Butcher left a couple days ago and frankly this place isn't really my scene. I want something with more character.
Or maybe it's just the new contract Uppercrust offered me for the Elite, because it promises to be fun and I am definitely looking forward to it.
Especially with how open ended the job is. I mean, 'destabilise the area' leaves a lot of room for interpretation, and I fully intend on doing a lot of interpretation.
Jamming the last of my clothes into the compartment under the seat, I slam it shut and turn back to May who is wearing clothes very similar to my own, except they actually fit her now that she isn't just wearing my clothes.
Still, red looks good on her. It really brings out the bloodshot in her eyes.
"Nope~ I already told you about my new contract, and besides this place isn't really my kind of scene.~ Too many people~ it's overwhelming for a country girl like me y'know?~" I step forward and ruffle her hair as I speak, causing her to swat my hand away with a scowl.
"Don't you think it's a bit of a dick move to bring me into this and immediately ditch me?" She pouts, folding her arms over her chest.
I just shrug in response. "Hey, I delayed to see you in your new costume and I delayed to watch your proper debut with it on. 'Sides, I gave you that phone with all our numbers in it didn't I? You can just call if ya miss me.~" I finish with a wink.
The phone I was talking about is my aptly dubbed 'Clown phones', which are just burner phones that I put the numbers for every Clown in. Hopefully that contact list will be significantly larger in the future.
"Humph, who would miss you?" She huffs, bringing a smile to my face, especially since I know that she only said that because she knew I'd find it funny.
Heh, speaking of funny.
"Hey, before I go there ๐ช๐ด one last thing I wanna tell you." I get on my bike as I talk and put the key in the ignition.
I've never actually driven a motorbike before, but how hard could it really be? I've used a normal bike before, that's basically the same.
"You remember what I told you about my diet?" I ask, causing her to simply raise an eyebrow, not even slightly put off by the subject of cannibalism.
"Uh, yeah? You can only eat people else you get super ill right? It sucks for you but I don't see how it's relevant?" Her words just make my smile wider and she starts glancing around nervously, knowing that my smile likely doesn't mean anything good for her.
"Well, you know how I didn't have anything in the fridge 'till I gave you some money to buy yourself some food with?" I continue, anticipation building with her growing unease.
"Yea..?"
"Right, and what was the second thing I offered you, after you first woke up?~" She closes her eyes for a second to recall the moment and she looks just as confused and uneasy when she opens them again.
"Yeah..? It was some jerky, right?" An eyebrow is raised to join her uncertain features and my smile somehow widens even further.
"Right, right. And what did I do right before I offered you some?~"
"Uhh, you were making coffee?" The uncertainty in her tone almost makes me laugh, but I try to clarify anyway.
"Yeah, but after that?~"
"I don't know? You ate one of the jerkies I guess?" I don't see a single hint of understanding enter her eyes and I decide to start the engine early, just in case.
I've already had a much more.. intense shall we say, goodbye with Clara, so this really is the last thing I have to do before I leave.
"Uhuh, uhuh, and remind me again, what happens when I eat anything that isn't human meat?~" I just know that she's going to get it now, and I am proven right not a moment later.
"You get super.. sick...." Her eyes widen as her words trail off with sudden realisation hitting her like a truck.
Welp, that's my cue to leave.
Without wating for anything, I twist the handle accelerator thing, whatever it's called, and start zooming away, barely tilting my head to the side to instinctually avoid a thrown knife that would have no doubt pierced through my head like butter.
Behind me, I barely hear her yelling over the growing distance.
"EEEWWWW YOU MOTHERFUCKER THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING!! YOU MADE ME EAT PEOPLE!!! FUCK YOU!! NEVER COME BACK OR I WILL CUT YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!"
"Hahahahahahahaha!!" I can't help but laugh as I drive away and as I get further away, I manage to only just catch the sounds of her raging turning to reluctant laughter thanks to my enhanced senses.
After all, I made sure to teach her that everything that's funny should be funny, even if it's only so at your expense.
And ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ, I am so fucking funny, I can't stop laughing about it.
In fact, I don't stop laughing about it hours later, and even then I still find myself breaking down into chuckles anytime I think about it.
Man, she is not gonna be happy with me for a while.
Ah well, at least she's not sad about me leaving anymore.
I am also looking forward to whatever revenge she is going to pull to get back at me, I'm sure it will be funny, whatever it is.
But for now, other matters of a more mercenary nature are a focus of mine.
The job I've been offered is to head all the way across the country to Denver Colorado and to 'destabilise the area' so that the Elite can have an easier time moving in.
How exactly I am supposed to destabilise the area seems to be up to me, which is great, plus it gives me a reason to go on a nice long road trip.
You know, see the sights, meet new and interesting people, maybe kill them.
It all depends on how I'm feeling really.
But what is most important is that it is a 25 hour drive. a little bit less, since I'll be speeding for most of it.
Which means I'm going to have to take a couple of pit stops and it just so happens that my old haunt, as it were, Columbus is on the way so I figure I'll stay the night there and give my adorable little Clowns a surprise visit.
I'm curious to see how things have changed in the month I've been gone.
By the time I'm entering the city night has already fallen, but that doesn't stop me from noticing a couple of changes already.
For one, the general mood seems to be more relaxed, if that really even makes sense.
That's probably just because it was a little chaotic when I left and now people have moved on from my show.
The other, far more interesting for all the implications, thing I notice is the new graffiti that I recognise to be gang tags, except they are not of a gang I know.
The tag itself is just a red heart most of the time, but some of the more detailed ones have a stylised J in the middle of it.
Little James and Jinx haven't given me any updates on how the drug empire is going, but for now I'm just going to assume that these tags are for his gang.
I swear though, if they have somehow managed to lose out to another gang in the time I've been gone then a lot of people are going to die.
This city is supposed to be something of a gift to little James for being the first Clown to join me after all and I'd ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ to see someone else playing with his toys.
Pushing those thoughts aside, I make my way over to Helter Skelter and am mildly surprised to see the lights on.
It's not like he actually gets any business with his luck. I'm pretty sure the only reason he even owned a bar in the first place was so he could order large amounts of booze without anyone batting an eye.
So I didn't actually expect it to be open.
Honestly, I was hoping I could sneak in while he's asleep and tie him upside-down by his ankles and wake him up like that. Then I'd say some fitting movie line like 'Mr Anderson'.
Ok that doesn't actually seem that fitting now that I think about it, but it would have been funny anyway.
Ah well, guess he has guests then.
I'm sure he won't mind me crashing the party.
I thought about literally crashing the party by driving straight through the door, but this is a new bike and I don't want to break it yet, so I park like a boring normal person and turn the engine off.
Walking up to the door, I can smell that there are at least five people inside, most of them parahumans which is the only reason I don't have an exact number.
Because the stench of parahumans is much more encompassing than normals, so it can hide their own scent behind it.
Deciding that I still want to make an entrance, I prepare myself to kick the door open, hopefully off its hinges, because that would be cooler.
But as I raise my leg, something else entirely happens.
I thrust my leg forward, moving my weight with it to counter the force of the hit, yet right as my foot is about to connect with the door it swings open and I end up hitting air and falling forwards through the door in a tumble of confusion.
I'm sure I could have reacted fast enough not to fall, but doing this felt more appropriate.
From my place on the ground I look up and am beholden with a tall, spindly man wearing an unfamiliar mask.
It only covers from the nose up, leaving the smirking mouth visible. The eyes themselves don't have any decoration around them, but above them is a different story entirely as an ornate red crown is painted there, with golden lined blue hearts decorating the crest of the crown, giving it a certain level of majesty.
There is also a fancy looking letter K on his right cheek that I assume is important for identification purposes.
Going by the heart theme, I assume he's related to the new tags.
Without bothering to get up from the ground, I twist myself slightly so that I can look further into the room and see that I was right, there are at least five people inside.
There are eight of them including Mr K and now that I am inside I can tell that only two of them aren't capes which is an interesting proportion. It's not often the capes aren't outnumbered, especially since anything cape related generally just doesn't have any non capes involved at all.
Looking around, I only see one familiar face in Jinx, who is sitting on a metal stool smirking at me despite the fact that the ceiling is clearly dripping on his shoulder and that I can see the remains of at least two separate wooden stools behind him.
But there is another recognisable scent, if not face and that is when I turn to a mysterious person who's identity is totally not given away by the fact that they are the only person who looks like they are four feet tall.
Clearly, little James has gotten himself a makeover.
I can feel my smile widening in a mixture of anticipation, pride and simple happiness.
๐๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ด ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฆ'๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฌ.~
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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Hit 2k words and realised that if I kept going it would be like another 3k chapter so I decided to split it here.
Also, anyone who says anything bad about my MS paint art is objectively wrong and should get checked for Brain Rot. I've heard that devoting yourself to Talos can cure it, but don't quote me on that.
