Kevin the Bored
patreon
86 Speedrun Any(%) No Glitches
🕑 Added 2023-06-13 15:25:38 +0000 UTC"Since you two have already started anyway, you might as well do Siberian's test first, assuming that the test is going to be the same as always?" Jack directed his question to the sexy tigress who simply responded with a feral smile and a nod.
At the same time, the others of the Nine are starting to gather around, none of them particularly upset about the loss of Chuckles, in fact Bonesaw's little spider drones are already collecting his pieces for whatever reasons.
Oooh, maybe she's going to use his parts in her bear-human hybrid stuff? That's be interesting.
Before my mind can get too distracted by thoughts of what Bonesaw might be cooking up, Jack's voice sounds out again, returning my attention to him.
"Siberian's test is simple my dear. For the next 72 hours you just have to run away from her, every time she catches you she'll take one of your fingers. I'm sure I don't have to explain what will happen should you run out of fingers."
...He does know I regenerate right?
Going by the look he is giving me, I assume it's more a case of if she bites off each of my fingers once then it's game over, whether they regenerate or not.
Oh well, it doesn't really matter because tag is fun and all but not for three days straight.
So instead of running away from her, I face Siberian with a smile.
"Hey, three days is a lot, so how about a deal instead? I'm obviously faster than you anyway so it's not like I'd fail the test, so how about this. I will give you twenty of my fingers to eat now and another set every day for.. let's say the next month, and naturally I'm down to play tag whenever really. In exchange, I pass your test. Deal?"
Finishing my offer, I hold my hand out to her while she comes to a stop a few feet away from me and puts ha finger on her cheek, pondering.
Still without saying a word, she walks up to me with a sensual smile and gently takes hold of my hand before slowly sticking her tongue out and licking from the base of my forefinger to about halfway up before moving to take the whole finger in her mouth, all without breaking eye contact.
I feel her gently suck on my finger for a moment, running her tongue around it before a spike of pain shoots through me as she bites off the digit with a soft crunch.
A gasping breath leaves me as the minute pain fades away and I can't help but look at the zebra woman in a new light.
Holy fucking shit that was the single most erotic encounter of my life.
If this kind of thing keeps up, then I think I'm really going to enjoy hanging out with these losers, even if I'm going to have to fix how boring they tend to be.
I decide to take this whole thing as her accepting my deal, and just stand there while she continues to eat my fingers in such a way that I find myself incredibly turned on, even if being cannibalised isn't really a kink of mine.
She's just too damn sexy that the whole eating my fingers thing isn't enough to be a turn off. If she wasn't being cannibalistic to me I'd probably have jumped her at this point, but the pain, however enjoyable, is at least enough to keep my senses about me.
...Ok so I also start using whatever hand she isn't holding to squeeze her breasts, happily noticing that they are actually springy this time, meaning that she is controlling her power to allow me to do this.
Ahhh, what a good day this is turning out to be.
But like all good things, it eventually comes to an end after she has finally gone through each of my fingers twice over.
I snap back to reality as Siberian turns around and starts walking away, an enticing sway to her hips, and with a physical effort I force my attention away from her ass to focus on the people around us.
"Come on! Don't stop now!" Turning to face Hatchet Face at his loud complaint, I can't help but laugh at the fact that he was clearly enjoying the show.
I just stick my tongue out at him with a smile and turn to Jack who almost looks like he's pouting. The only thing holding him back from being annoyed at me skipping most of the test is probably just the simple fact that I would have obviously passed anyway, so I just saved us all a lot of time.
"Well that was unexpected, but Siberian clearly thinks you've passed, so that only leaves six more tests to go. Who's next?" He cranes his head around with a smile to look at the others who are all sitting around the RV.
Except for Bonesaw at least. I'm guessing that she probably went back into the RV to avoid watching Tiger and I having fun, which makes sense since she's like, James' age.
Hatchet Face is the first to answer Jack with a bored smirk.
"Eh, she got rid of that clown fuck, that's good enough for my test." He says, sounding oddly happy about Chuckles dying.
Wonder if it's bad blood or something.
You know, I am really starting to think that it would have been nice if I learned more about the Nine before hand. All I know is their names and powers as well as anything else that literally everyone knows, like Siberian being a cannibal or Bonesaw being terrifying on a national scale.
Wet Tinkers are scary that way. Super advanced alien tech is already annoying to deal with, adding a biological specialisation to that and you have a recipe for disaster.
A zombie plague would be pretty funny though.
"Well I suppose that's fair enough. Five to go." Before Jack can say anything else, he is interrupted by Crawler getting to his feet and running at me, screaming all the while.
"FIGHT ME!!" His shout is deep and guttural, sounding more like the growls of an animal than a human voice to the point that it's difficult to even understand him.
Running and taking a swing at me send a pretty clear message though.
Crawler is an amalgamation of DNA, taking the best traits of everything and combining them into one. His power is adaptive regeneration, meaning that if he survives anything that you throw at him, then the next time you throw the same thing at him it will just do nothing at all.
In other words, you can't waste your attacks if you actually want to kill him.
So even if that's not my goal, I still don't counter attack right away and just focus on dodging his attacks, something that I don't really struggle with, while I ask an important question.
"Fight you? That's not really test you know?~ 'Fight me' doesn't exactly have a win condition or a specified end, you're supposed to give me an objective.~"
With a twist and a leap, I launch myself over his body, doing a fancy flip and landing with a bow directed at the other members for the sake of theatrics.
I jump to the side to avoid his claws crushing me to pieces and my continuous dodges cause him to shout out in anger, his voice still barely legible.
"HURT ME!!!" He yells as I dodge another strike, confusing me for a moment before I understand.
He gets stronger every time he gets hurt, no wander he wants to actually take damage.
Still, I don't want to spend all day doing this, so best to get confirmation first.
"So if I hurt you I pass?~" I ask and he pauses in his attacks to give me a happy little nod.
My god he really does look like some kind of fucked up puppy.
Well, why not then.
With a shrug of my shoulders, I disperse my ribbons and replace them with my wings that appear to have gone through some kind of transformation as of late.
Instead of being a single pair of wings, they now look more like two pairs of wings merged together, like that of a butterflies. Shining and glimmering with energy, they look like the wings of a fairy, dripping with blood.
A flash of violet light explodes from my wings and a blur flies forward, far faster than I can move on my own and imbeds itself straight through Crawler's monstrous forehead.
The spike of bone, now as thick as my arm and almost as long as I am tall buries itself three feet deep into Crawlers head before coming to a stop.
"YESSS!! HAHA!!" He exclaims with joy, clearly far more masochistic than I gave him credit for.
After a moment the spike rapidly starts to get pushed out of his head until it drops onto the floor with a clack, showing that the place it pierced is now fully healed with the flesh being slightly discoloured from the rest of his body, probably showing it's newfound resistance to my attacks.
"MOREEE!!!" He yells as he jumps at me, but in response I simply bring out my tail and jump over him, spinning in the air to gain even more momentum before I slam my tail into the back of his head.
The air around us is blown away when the blow connects and the street below his head cracks and craters from the force I smash him into it with.
I land in front of his head and it only takes a second for him to get his bearings back after having his brain rattled, but I make sure to speak up before he can get himself worked up again.
"I hurt you. The test is passed.~ If you want to fight more later, I'm fine with that, I can hurt you all you want, but I'm busy right now, so save it for later yeah?"
His many eyes stare at me for a minute before he huffs and gets to his feet, walking back to the RV with what would no doubt be a pout if he was still human looking.
"Fine. But I'll hold you to that."
What a needy little doggo.
Ah well. It's not like I have a reason to avoid the fight, I'm sure it will be fun, like playing tag with Tiger.
"Welp! That's three down, four to go right?~" I exclaim with a clap of my hands as I turn back to the others.
"You've hardly even been tested. It's my turn." Turning slightly I behold Shatterbird as she uses her power to float out of her seat, her and jack having got out some fold up chairs earlier, and moves closer to me.
"Sure thing Hayyan!~" I exclaim with a double thumbs up, earning a questioning tilt of the head from the woman in question.
"You know of Jabir ibn Hayyan? I would not have expected that from someone of your.. character." Looking at the tanned woman in surprise, I smile at the thought that by joining these guys I might not just get to have fun, but maybe even some intellectual conversation too.
"Well, not much to be honest. I couldn't remember his first two names and all I really know about him is that he supposedly invented the formula for stained glass. Don't know if he did anything else though.~"
At the sudden change of atmosphere, Shatterbird drops back down to the ground and starts talking, seemingly happy to educate me, or perhaps to flaunt her knowledge.
"Jabir ibn Hayyan was known for a great many writing, enough that it's suspected that he may have been a collection of alchemists operating under a pseudonym instead of a single man, it would make sense as-" Before she can start getting into things however, she is interrupted by Jack clearing his throat.
𝘈𝘩𝘦𝘮
Both of us turn to look at him and he just gives Shatterbird a raised eyebrow and I get the feeling that she blushes slightly under her mask, though I think it's just embarrassment at getting distracted.
"Right. For my test, just follow me." She says after clearing her throat and after a short walk she stops us in front of a relatively large building, probably about the size of a school gymnasium.
Inside I can see that the entire floor is covered in glass shards and I get the feeling I know exactly what the test is going to be.
"You just have to stay in there for 24 hours and you pass." She says, back to being all formal and prim and proper.
I just sigh and start getting naked.
"What are you doing?" She doesn't sound scandalised or anything, just deadpan.
Probably doesn't want another nudist on the team.
"I don't have a spare prison costume." Is all I say in answer and it's all she needs to nod in understanding.
Guess we both know how the next 24 hours are going to go then.
Throwing my clothes at Shatterbird to hold onto, which she immediately drops, I walk into the building, ready to be attacked by glass for a while.
It's probably going to be a massive waste of time, since I doubt glass can even hurt me, but I think it's worth it. These guys already seem like a lot of fun.
The door closes behind me, leaving me not just in the dark but also in silence that is quickly replaced by the sound of grinding glass.
The things I do for the sake of fun.
=================
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Even in a glitchless speedrun, some cutscenes are unskippable. So yeah, sorry about being horny for Sibby, but fuck you at the same time if you seriously don't think Lusia would be horny for Sibby.
Also, Shatterbird is supposed to see herself as a scholar, so I don't doubt that she has even more random information jammed into her brain than Lusia does.
