Kevin the Bored
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120 You Win Some, You Lose Some
🕑 Added 2023-07-21 18:23:41 +0000 UTC"So, Tiger, if that even is your real name, you aren't some creepy old dude who's been taking advantage of your projection's body to get freaky with me right?"
My question snaps Lucy out of her stupor enough for her to kick me in the butt, not that she can hit me hard enough for me to even stumble from it, but her exasperated face is pretty funny.
"What? Her being a projection doesn't really change much, we're still in a stalemate. They can't hurt us, we can't hurt them, so why not just ask the questions on my mind? And don't act coy 𝘑𝘶𝘥𝘢𝘴, I was going to keep it a secret but fuck you, you aren't mute, so answer me."
Any other day and they would probably doubt my claim of her not being a mute, but considering recent revelations, no one questions it.
Jack has a strange expression on his face that I could only describe as 'pleasantly annoyed', which doesn't really make sense, but I kind of get it.
He's annoyed about having not known about all of this beforehand, but also happy with being surprised.
Bonesaw still looks like she just wants to leave, making me think of a child watching their parents fight, which is honestly closer to accurate than it should be.
Kind of depressing to think about, probably.
Lucy however, is just giving me a deadpan glare, and she is the next to speak, with her voice as dry as the Sahara.
"Judas? Like, I get it, but don't you think it's a bit much to call her Judas? Weren't you the one doing the betraying in the first place?"
"First of all," I start, holding up a finger as if giving a wise lesson, "I wasn't betraying anyone, this was just pre-emptive retaliation, and second of all, I wasn't referencing Juda from the bible, I was referencing Arnold Judas Rimmer, from Red Dwarf. He's the first hologram person I could think of."
"Didn't that show come out like, two decades ago? Your not 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 much older than me." Lucy says, rolling her eyes like the teenager she is, before suddenly looking me up and down with scrutiny, "or are you?"
Teenagers are so rude.
"It came out when my mom was pregnant and she got real into it, so I basically grew up with it. Besides, why is this what you're focusing on right now? You literally just killed Shatterbird! I 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘥 her." I finish with a pout, crossing my arms to really sell the image.
Now, despite it maybe seeming like we're not properly respecting the gravity of the situation, it would be more accurate to say that we just don't care, but I do actually have something of a plan.
...Granted, that plan is to just stall for time, but still.
As Lucy and I continue bickering, I keep an eye on Jack, who seems to be doing some contemplating of his own. Eventually he seems to come to a decision and leans down to whisper some instructions to Bonesaw.
Unfortunately for him, my hearing is insanely good. I don't really know when it got so good, I think it's just been a gradual thing, since I never really noticed it, but I could probably track movement inside a building across the street from me just by listening to the footsteps.
Not that I'm experienced enough with doing that to be able to tell all the sounds apart and get an accurate image, but it at least means that I can hear what he doesn't want me to, it's also how I know Lucy cries after she masturbates, but really that's neither here nor there.
"Be a 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 and get something that can get past Crusher's field will you?"
Welp, so much for stalling.
How much longer do I even need to stall for?
Reaching for my pocket, I pause.
Right. I'm naked.
Looking over to my pile of clothes, I mentally sigh.
On one hand, Lucy would have Broken my phone anyway, but on the other hand I still don't have it and it's not like I can use the sun to check the time, because it hasn't risen yet.
"Hey Lucy, you got a phone on you?" I ask, assuming that she does, since her power doesn't effect herself.
"What, do you want to take a fucking selfie or something? Maybe call the police while you're at it, everyone knows you should call 911 when you're in danger." She answers, her voice laden with the level of sarcasm that only a teenager could generate.
"Shut the fuck up, you don't have to be such an asshole, do you have a phone or what?"
With a roll of her eyes she begrudgingly stuffs a hand under her poncho and brings it back out, phone in hand, before proceeding to throw the phone at my head.
Naturally, I catch the phone just fine, but seriously, what's with all this sudden moodiness?
Is she on her period or something?
Powering the phone up, I quickly check the time, 01:47, and before I can do anything else, I hear the recognisable sound of my own orgasm.
Looking around in confusion, it takes me a second to remember that I set that as my ringtone once I locate the source of the sound to be my pile of clothes.
Huh, that's handy.
I can guess what the message is too, which is very helpful.
Immediately opening up the messenger to send of a quick text, deleting the number right afterwards.
It should be around now anyway, so everything should be fine.
With that thought in mind, I open up her apps and look around, eventually finding Minesweeper.
Hell yeah.
However, right after I open up the game, the phone is snatched away from me by an irate Lucy.
"Seriously? Now, of all times, is not the time to be playing Minesweeper." She sounds profoundly disappointed in me as she talks, as if reprimanding a particularly dumb child.
So naturally I respond by sticking my tongue out at her.
Which is when Bonesaw comes back out of the RV, a fresh concoction in her arms, with extra being carried around by some spider bots, but Jack doesn't seem happy to see her, instead, he's glaring at me.
Must be his power again, the cheater.
I just give him the smuggest possible smirk I can, and raise a single hand, hoping beyond hope that I can time this right, because it would be super cool if I do.
Slowly, casually, almost lazily, I shape my raising hand into that of a finger gun, and level it right at the Siberian.
I wait a second, both for timing purposes and for dramatics, and then, right when the moment feels right, I mock shoot, dropping my thumb like the hammer of a pistol.
"Bang."
...Nothing happens.
"Damnit. 𝘈𝘩𝘦𝘮. Bang... For fuck's sake, wait, just, one more time, for real this time."
I take a deep breath, pushing aside the desire to laugh at my own failure, and as I release the breath, I speak once more.
"Bang."
And this time, the Siberian disappears.
"Heh, nailed it. First try." My words are ignored as everyone gapes in confusion as to what I just did, though they would probably be feeling a lot more confused, and not to mention awed, if I actually got it on the first go.
Ah well, you win some, you lose some.
I blame Jinx, I don't care if he's on the other side of the country.
Nobody says anything for a minute, waiting to see if she'll pop back up again, but eventually a terse, strained voice sounds out.
"What did you do?" Jack demands, and I gleefully give him my full attention once it's clear that the Siberian isn't coming back this time around.
"Something you never could.~ I made 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴,~" is all I say as I start stalking up to him, my hips swaying side to side as I practically bounce from excitement.
Jack opens his mouth, to no doubt say something annoyingly convincing that would have me rethinking my decisions, if only for a moment, but I don't let him.
A spike of bone shoots out from one of my wings, aimed for his head, but he's already dodged it before I even fired it, and when he goes to speak again, I simply speak over him, never stopping my approach.
"Shshh. Shhhhhh, don't say anything Jaki boy. Your words no longer hold value. The Nine is no longer yours, and without any powerful capes to surround yourself with, you're kinda pathetic.~ It's a wonder you ever made it so far.~ I'd recon that you only survived to that weird mind reading thing you can do."
The expression he makes when I mention his power makes me think that he might just have not actually known about it, thinking that projecting his blades was his only power, and honestly?
I can totally see that being the case.
He is definitely arrogant enough to assume that his incredible insight into people was just a result of 'natural instincts' or something, 'a sign of greatness' rather than the effect of a power.
Not that it matters anymore.
He keeps trying to speak, but I don't let him, continuously firing bone spikes to keep him occupied so that all he can to is helplessly dodge around, all the while the gap between us gets smaller and smaller.
However, all of a sudden a little girl jumps in front of me and tries to halt me, wrapping her arms around my legs and pushing against me.
"No! Please don't kill uncle Jack! Please!"
Haaaah.
Looking down at the Chibi with a sigh, I halt my movements, though I keep my wings ready to interrupt Jack anyway, something he surely understands if his sudden silence is anything to go by.
It's annoying that he's smiling though.
Looking into Bonesaw's eyes, I find myself feeling an almost startling lack of empathy.
I do however, understand that Bonesaw's power is amazing, and potentially hilarious, so I want to keep her alive, and preferably on my side.
The problem is that she is so incredibly broken, something to be expected since she's spent about half of her life, that has only recently hit the double digits, as a member of the Nine.
There is of course an easy solution to this problem, but it was one I crossed out due to not knowing how the Siberian would react. Luckily that's not an issue anymore.
"No," I bluntly answer, causing her to wilt, only to perk up again once I finish speaking, "but I'll tell you what. If you can save him, then I'll let you keep him. Deal?"
She doesn't so much as blink before she's nodding her head in acceptance, and I move her aside to finish my stroll, bringing out my ribbons and closing them around Jack faster than he can react, leaving him not opportunity to dodge, no matter if he knows where the attack is coming from.
With his body wrapped up in my ribbons, I bring him closer to me, where he tries to speak once more, but talking is his thing, so I decide against allowing him to do so, simply placing my finger on his lips and shushing him.
"Don't worry Jacko, you don't have to say a word, just sit back, relax, and enjoy yourself.~" I give him a pat on the cheek to go with my smiling words, and the next moment-
𝘊𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩
-he screams out as every joint below his neck is simultaneously broken, my ribbons having enough strength to do so with a simple, targeted flexing.
Dropping him to the ground like trash, I turn to Bonesaw and make a wide, sweeping gesture to Jack, telling her to get on with it, which she does so with single minded fervour.
She's really quite good with her work. It takes her no time at all to stabilise him, and I can see that she'll be done making him more or less ok real soon, which brings my thoughts back to how I want her, and more importantly, her power, under my thumb.
The only issue being getting her loyalty, but then again, that's not an issue either.
You see, the easiest way to get broken people like her to be loyal to you-
Bonesaw finishes her work, and looks up at me with wide, hopeful eyes. I return her look with a smile, and then my tail grows out, taking the place of my dissolving ribbons, and rakes nine, long lines down his body, cutting him open deep enough to see bone.
-is to just break them again, because at that point it's the only way they 𝘤𝘢𝘯 change.
'Bonesaw' isn't real after all. 'Bonesaw' is just an act that the little girl who's name I still don't know put on to protect her own fragile mind from reality.
The easiest way to get her to stop hiding behind that mask, is to rip it off forcefully.
She's certainly not going to just change. She probably doesn't even realise she's wearing a mask.
But once this mask breaks, she can finally have the opportunity to come to terms with things, maybe. She's probably too young for that, but at the very least she can just be a traumatised kid, instead of a psychotic serial killer.
You win some, you lose some.
As I'm thinking this, Bonesaw finishes fixing up Jack, so I rip his arms and legs off, and she gets back to work all over again.
Sorry kid, I won't say something like this being the only option, because it's not. Therapy exists.
I'm just not that patient.
And so things continue for a while, with me hurting Jack and her fixing him, over, and over again.
At some point, Lucy came to stand beside me, watching Bonesaw work on Jack apathetically.
"You don't disapprove?" I quietly ask, not wanting to interrupt the scene before me.
"She made me kill a lot of people. You'll find her no sympathy from me."
Fair enough.
Apparently my restraint isn't as good as I thought it was, because soon enough, Bonesaw sits back on her heels, and just starts staring at Jack instead of helping him.
Clearly, there is nothing more she can do, which says a lot, because she is 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 good at keeping people alive.
In my defence, it has been about half an hour, and Jack's body has been heavily modified by Bonesaw, with an internal mesh, blood clotting agents to prevent bleeding out, even being able to turn of his pain receptors, which does help explain his smile.
Turning back to Bonesaw, I speak to her, my voice soft and gentle.
"Hurry, you can fix him, can't you?"
She doesn't respond, but that's fine. She only needs to listen.
"Come on," I whisper, "can't you do it? Don't you love your uncle?"
It takes her a short while, and I let her take her time, before she closes her eyes and responds with a single word.
"N-no."
"No?" I ask with a smile.
"I don't love him."
"Alrighty then!" I happily exclaim with a clap of my hands, "𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦 then."
"Goodbye Uncle Jack," she obediently parrots.
Jack meanwhile, looks like he's having the time of his life even with his body in complete ruins and his death imminent, he is smiling like someone just told him the funniest joke he's ever heard.
With the last of his strength, he forces his mouth open, pushing past the visibly intense struggle to even twitch his body, and he gives his final words.
"B-be, a 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘨-𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭." In his tone, weak and feeble though it may be, I recognise a great amount of mirth.
I don't know what the joke is exactly, it feels like something deeper than just the situation at had, but whatever it is, Jack dies happier than most people will ever be.
Bonesaw is less happy about the situation, as she isn't even moving, her face devoid of all emotion.
Fixing that is going to be annoying, but whatever, I just have to do some groundwork and then I can chuck her onto James.
Similar hobbies and all that, I'm sure they'll get along. Similar ages too, maybe they'll do the whole 'will they, won't they' thing that childhood friends do when they're older?
"So, what now?" Lucy's voice distracts me from my thoughts, and I turn to her with a smile.
"Now, I've got a date in Portland in a couple of hours. I'll introduce you to some people, and then we just do whatever the hell we want to do."
"Portland? I don't think you're going to be making that trip in a few hours with that," she responds, gesturing to the RV.
"Good job I'm not gonna use the RV then," I say with a smile.
"You're bike won't make the trip that fast either, especially since I don't doubt you'd get lost, so unless you've got something better than that, I don't see it happening."
Right as she finishes speaking, she finally picks up on the distant sound that I've been aware of for a bit now, and when she turns around to look at it, she swiftly turns back to me, eyes closed and face stoic, and when she speaks, her voice is unwavering and forcefully casual.
"Anyway, as I was saying. Are we taking Burnscar with us, or is it just gonna be us?"
Heh.
Looking past her, I wave up at the approaching helicopter, not hiding my smugness from Lucy even slightly.
That's right bitch, never doubt me!
=================
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
(Alt Title: Deja vu)
Welp, jack's dead.
It was kinda anticlimactic, but that was intentional. He really is not that powerful after all, and due to the nature of the Siberian, there literally cannot be any climax. The whole point of 'all-or-nothing', is that is either works perfectly or not at all, meaning you can either do nothing to sibby, or she pops immediately.
Also, I hope Jack's death hit harder for the worm fans, because, for all you non worm fans, I basically mirrored Bonesaw's mom's death, just with jack being in the place of her mum and lusia being in the place of jack.
Jack was happy because of the irony, it's funny, and so he played along and made his final words the exact same final words of bonesaw's mum. Needless to say, she is thoroughly broken rn, but it's ok, lusia will fix her up with some unconventional therapy in no time
