Kevin the Bored
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122 Polite Conversation 2 Electric Boogaloo
🕑 Added 2023-07-23 19:36:03 +0000 UTC"Nutcracker?" Lucy asks, sounding sceptical.
"Yup!~ Think about it, cracking is basically the same as breaking, so it's fittingly thematic, and you can get a dope ass costume, a lot like March's here, plus it'd be fitting enough to wear as a Clown.~"
She hums in thought for a moment, before March jumps into the conversation.
"Oooh~ Matching outfits? Sounds fun!~"
"I'll think about it," Lucy says, before continuing with a question, "can you tell me a little about the other 'Clowns?'"
As she speaks, my enhanced hearing picks up the sound of movement coming from the forest that I recognise to be Crawler, though I can probably only hear him because he's not trying to be stealthy.
The guy can be surprisingly hard to find when he wants to stay hidden.
Either way, I decide to keep my answer limited to a brief summary.
"Sure, Fool can get you information, Negante and Vendor can get you Tinker stuff, pretty much whatever you want so long as it's not supposed to last more than one use, you can talk to Harlequin if you need help with anything related to the PRT, and if you need something blown up, String Theory will have you covered; once we break her out of her Birdcage transport of course, and my illustrious self can beat the shit out of people, basically I can play muscle, similar to you."
She thinks for a moment in silence, before abruptly turning to March and then back to me, a single brow raised.
"I noticed that you missed one," she says before turning back to March, "so what do you do?"
March and I share a look, before simultaneously getting the same idea and grinning in synch.
"You'll see soon enough," is all March says.
As Lucy is processing that answer, I turn my head to the side, and March follows my gaze to see Crawler leaving the forest, only to briefly pause at the sight of the two corpses and March, before simply shrugging his hulking form and approaching us anyway.
"Hey big guy, how you been?~ Jack fell over and hit his head while you were gone, so I've decided to lead the Nine in his stead, you cool with that?~"
At my words, Crawler gives Jack's heavily mutilated body a long look, before turning his stare onto the dead behind the eyes and completely still Bonesaw, who is now just standing with her back to Jack and staring at the floor in silence.
Then, finally his eyes land on Shatterbird's Broken body for a moment before locking with my own.
"...Right and what happened to the Arab? She fall over too?" Crawler's deep and gravelly voice causes March to jolt slightly, not having expected it, and I find that I can more or less understand what he's saying just fine by now.
Turning my head to Shatterbird's shattered corpse, I let out a derisive scoff.
"Of course not, look at her! She looks like minced meat, that doesn't happen just from falling over dumbass!" I say, conveniently ignoring how Jack's wounds were obviously not caused by falling over.
"𝘊𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 what happens was, she was trying to make a smoothie, but accidentally fell into the blender. It's a mistake anyone could have made, she will be missed.~ Anyway, you got any idea when Bear is gonna be back?"
He goes to shrug in response, both of us ignoring March snickering in the background and Lucy trying to act like she doesn't care about anything, but he pauses at the sound of foliage being brushed apart.
Welp, that answers that, I suppose.
"Probably another hour or two, why?" Crawler continues to say, even as we both stare at her approach.
"Dang, I was hoping she'd be here soonish, I've kinda got an appointment and don't really want to just leave her behind." I keep my voice level and plain as I play along, even as she comes to a stop right in front of us both.
"Well, if she takes to long we could always just leave her behind?" March adds, joining the fun, while Lucy just rolls her eyes, but the mirth is clear on her face.
Bear makes some growling noises at us that I understand to mean 'fuck you' thanks to the helpful addition of a middle finger being raised.
March and I let out a little laugh while Crawler just huffs, but I stop once I notice Bear looking around inquisitively.
"Yeah, shit happened. Jack and I had a disagreement, now he's dead, Sibby too, 'cuz apparently weird kinky not quite sex means nothing anymore, oh, and she was a projection anyway," here I pause, turning to March, "who was she anyway? Please don't tell me I've been flirting with a creepy old man all this time?"
Unfortunately, my hopeful question is mercilessly shut down.
"You've been flirting with a creepy old man all this time." March says, not a hint of mercy in her tone.
Giving a completely reasonable response to this revelation, I collapse onto my knees and scream up to the heavens. "NOOOOO!!! Was he at least a hot creepy old man?" I ask, desperate.
"Not even slightly," yet she still ruthlessly shuts me down, "he looked like if you got an already unattractive dude, and then dumped him in acid for a bit and then didn't feed or shower him for a few years. I'm pretty sure I saw a piss bottle in his pedo van too."
March's words strike me like arrows to the heart, making me gasp until I am beholden with the earth, laying on my back in misery.
"Life is cruel.~" I whisper, holding my hand up in the air dramatically, before dropping it over my chest and turning my head to the side, sticking my tongue out and closing my eyes, "bleh."
A beat passes.
"Pfft- hahahaha!" And the dam brakes, March clutching her stomach as she laughs at the absurdity of it all.
Eventually, she calms down, and I look up from my place on the ground to finish what I was saying.
"Shatterbird also died, which kind of sucks, but whatever; we're leaving for Portland by the way, you wanna lift? I can get you set up once I'm done with some business, then we can see about getting you fixed up?"
I speak as if I'm asking a question, but there's never been a doubt that she'd jump at the opportunity to not be a literal freak of nature, and to actually be able to speak again, so when she rapidly nods her head, I'm not even remotely surprised.
"Cool!~ Well, let's get going then, though you might have to walk Crawler, I don't think the helicopter can handle your weight, fatso.~"
His response to my insult is to spit a glob of acid at me.
"OWWW FUCK OW OW!! Hahahahaha, that was mean!!" I yell with a smile as I jump to my feat, shaking my body like a wet dog and laughing all the while, even as the acid melts away my skin.
My regen is good enough that the acid can't get any deeper than the skin anyway, so it's not like I'm in any danger, and frankly at this point pain might as well not exist to me, so I only really find the whole thing funny.
"Whatever, let's just go already. D'you mind getting Burnscar onto the helicopter Lucy?" I ask as I resummon my tail and send it's tendrils after Shatterbird and Jack's corpses, causing March to give me a dirty look.
Heh.
"What?" I ask, innocently, as if I don't totally know that she's thinking about the jerky, "kill orders come with bounties you know? No idea how much, but I bet we could get quite the buck from Jack alone.~ Speaking of, we're gonna have to double back for Not Siberian's body too, though I don't know if they'll accept it or not."
I am also totally planning on eating them too, we only really need the head for identification purposes anyway, and frankly speaking I just always seem to be hungry these days.
March only huffs at me and turns back to the helicopter, boarding it with attitude while I, meanwhile, use my tails to decapitate both of my former comrades and then make a massive mouth at the end of my now fully formed tail and vore both of them, leaving the heads held in a pair of tendrils split off from the main mass of my tail.
That done, I turn down to Bonesaw and crouch down besides her, tilting her head to face me as I smile gently at her.
"Hey, I don't think I ever got your name?" I ask, and her dead eyes gain a little bit of life to them, even if only the slightest amount, as she answers in a voice quiet enough that I probably wouldn't have heard it clearly without my enhanced senses.
"Riley."
"Riley what? What's your full name?" I ask.
It might seem like a pointless question, but I do actually plan on fixing her up, it's only fair since I broke her in the first place, and reconnecting to who she was before Jack found her will help in that endeavour.
Part of that, means remembering who she is. Which means that what she needs right now is 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘺. Something to replace her broken mask, and hopefully something a lot more real than that act.
"Riley Grace Davis." Her words are soft and slow as she speaks them, and I patiently wait for her to finish before giving her a light smile and patting her on the back.
"Well, it's lovely to meet you Riley. Now let's get going, have you ever been in a helicopter before? Because I haven't, and I'm kind of looking forward to it.~"
Riley doesn't answer, but that's fine. I don't expect to be able to fully fix her by myself, and I can't really be bothered to commit so much of my time to that either, it's bound to get boring fast.
I just need to lay the groundwork, fix up her foundations and then drop her off on someone else who can take the easier, but more time consuming job of helping her grow her ego back.
We are the last to board the helicopter, and I take a seat next to March and opposite Lucy and Burnscar, who only looks vaguely curious as to what is going on.
Looking around, I come to a sudden realisation that I decide to voice.
"Hey, I just realised something cool. The Slaughterhouse Nine has officially became a girl only group... So girl power, I guess."
Standing just outside the still open door, Crawler rounds on me, growling.
"Oh you don't count. You're more like the animal mascot- and I swear to god if you break this helicopter I will be 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 upset with you." I finish my sentence with more seriousness in my tone than I think I've ever used as I see Crawler look like he's about to spit venom again.
Melting my flesh? Cool, I'm fine with that, it's funny even, in the right circumstance.
But without this helicopter I probably won't make it to Portland in time for my appointment, which would lead to String Theory getting 'Caged, which would lead to 𝘮𝘺 Clowns getting a stuck with a poor reputation of not saving our own.
I will not allow that, this is too important for my future amusement to throw it away for a quick laugh.
Thankfully, Crawler seems to understand that and just huffs at me before turning away.
Turning to the pilot, who despite his calm façade, I can tell is absolutely 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘥, which is both funny and completely understandable, I call out to him.
"Time to go up Reginald, up boy! Up! We're on the clock here Jeeves!" For some reason, March lets out a mad little cackle at me treating the pilot like a dog, but I just shrug and move on, reaching down for my phone-
"Fuck! Wait a sec Jeeves!" I yell out, suddenly remembering that I never actually picked up my phone and I'm still naked.
Opening the door that I just closed, I quickly run over to my ruined clothes and dig out my phone before running back and closing the door again, studiously ignoring the looks the others are giving me.
"𝘈𝘩𝘦𝘮, anyway. The flight should take a couple of hours, so get comfortable."
Saying so, I power up my phone, thankful that it's not broken, and smile to myself as I think about what's to come.
The future is looking bright indeed.
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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Heheheuhahaha!! As I have said, the more chapters pass, the more opportunities for the Electric Boogaloo to strike!!
Next chap should have some big brain stuff, because apparently I just hate myself, because I'm going to have to actually 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 about what I 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦!
FYI, at the end there, I was going to end the chap with lusia looking at her phone, but I realised that I actually forgot to pick it up, and instead of bothering to go back and edit that in, I just decided to embarrass lusia instead :)
Comments
Lucy Edwards
:3
Scarletmenace
Using vore as a verb. You madlad. xD
