Kevin the Bored
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4 Getting Dressed Can Be Such A Hassle
🕑 Added 2024-02-28 02:55:57 +0000 UTCThe Aides of the Heavenly Emperors cannot help but gape as the being refers to the strongest Heavenly Emperor as a maggot of all things. Even the Heavenly Emperors themselves pause in shock at his words.
After all, when was the last time anyone dared to insult a Heavenly Emperor? Has there ever been such a time?
However, despite their incredulity, none of them dare to make a move to confront this being on his manners, for they can all feel the sheer power radiating off of him like a thickness to the air.
Of course, there are always exceptions.
"Hah!" Lusia exclaims, a wide smile on her lips as she turns to Osori, though her eyes do not leave the being in the centre of the room. "Who the hell is this guy Oso? Are you just gonna let him insult you like that?"
A bland smile appears on Osori's face to the surprise of the others present. After all, it's rare for a Cultivator to take an insult lightly, even more so the stronger said Cultivator is.
"He has just woken up from a long sleep, Lusia. I believe a little bit of grouchiness can be forgiven. As for who this is, can't you figure it out? He is the source that was powering The Dome. The Dome that was erected by The First Heavenly Emperor around the same time that he mysteriously disappeared."
Osori finishes his words leadingly and the others' eyes widen as they catch his meaning, and Lusia is quick to speak up.
"Oh?~" She coos, turning her full attention to the purple-haired man. "You're The First? Wanna fight?"
Without waiting for an answer, Lusia reaches behind herself and when she pulls her arm back she has in her hand a gargantuan sword more than twice her size that certainly wasn't strapped to her back a moment ago.
However, the angel-like man doesn't so much as acknowledge her presence, or any of them other than Osori for that matter.
"Return it to me," his soft, soothing voice sounds out, entrancing Yeveline as she sees the very Spirits themselves dancing with joy at the sound of his voice alone.
"I'm not sure what you mean, return what?" Osori diplomatically asks, hoping to keep the situation from devolving any further than what he expected.
While he certainly expected The First to be a domineering existence, he never thought that he would be so dismissive of six Heavenly Emperors.
"You are wearing my Cloak. Give it back to me."
Osori's eye twitches at the demand. He might not want things to devolve into a fight of any sort, and he might be willing to ignore a few insults from such a Legendary figure. But to demand that he literally strip down and hand over his clothes as if he is some merchant being robbed by bandits...
"Lord First, are you not curious how much time has passed? This robe was gifted to me by my teacher three thousand years ago. While I won't deny that it might have been yours in the past, don't you think it is a little unreasonable to expect me to simply hand it over after such a long time?"
The man's head tilts to the side in open curiosity at Osori's words.
/\/
"No."
What is unreasonable about asking for his clothes back? Noita doesn't understand.
"My my~," another interrupts, licking his lips as he looks between the two of them and causing The Noita to realise that there are other people in the room. "So demanding~. You might be The First Heavenly Emperor, but you must be a fool if you think Osori is going to give up a True Relic just like that~. If you want it so bad, why don't you just take it?~"
For the first time since they entered the room, he looks away from the boy wearing his clothes and regards the being that smells of sex, considering their words.
He doesn't know what a 'True Relic' is, but he can assume they mean his Cloak. At the same time, he doesn't know why they keep calling him The First Heavenly Emperor. He doesn't even really know what a 'Heavenly' or an 'Emperor' is.
New concepts, presumably. Ones that were not created by himself nor by God. The thought pleases him, that his plan of allowing the multiverse to grow randomly all by itself is already showing fruit after one meagre nap.
He's excited to learn about all the new concepts these new beings will have come up with. He can't even imagine it. It's impossible to imagine what you do not know, after all. Such as this 'Heavenly Emperor' thing. The Noita couldn't even begin to guess what that means, beyond probably being a title of some sort.
Regardless, he mulls over the man's offer to simply take his Cloak back instead of waiting for it to be returned.
Noita was trying to be polite, but perhaps he was acting improperly? He doesn't really get it, but maybe in their culture it is proper for one to simply take back borrowed items instead of waiting for them to be returned?
But even if that's the case, he doesn't know how he's supposed to do it. It's not like he knows how to teleport things. He can make portals or teleport himself sure, but he never had a reason to learn how to teleport other things. In fact, he's never even considered such a spell until now.
And why would he? He lost things all the time, it's nothing new. The only thing he'd be bothered about losing would be his Cloak, but any time he would have had to worry about losing his clothes he would usually just die anyway, and then God would give him a new one.
So, how does he get the male out of his clothes?
Difficult, difficult.
He could try using Magic, but that probably wouldn't work. Any Wands he uses would either not function for this task or would simply kill the being entirely. His control over Essences is only really good for large scale things. Anything he can think of that would be able to take the clothes off of someone else would also simply kill them.
Difficult. Why are they all so fragile?
Or rather, when did he become so strong?
He used to die to suns. No, he'd die to simpler things, like cave-ins.
Hmm, difficult, difficult.
Well... as long as it doesn't die it's probably fine right?
"Okay," The Noita finally answers as he reaches for his Magic and briefly opens a portal to one of his half-dimensions to bring out one of his old Wands; a digging Wand, the first he used in this life, however long ago.
"Is it finally fighting time!?"
The Noita ignores the smaller being, he should really figure out what they call their species here, as it rushes up to him and swings down it's sword right into his shoulder.
"The hell!? You're pretty tough huh, old man!!"
It's a good thing he's immune to Physical damage or that probably could have hurt; he can sense the Beserkium in her. Well, if he wasn't mostly resistant to any form of damage anyway that is.
"I guess I won't hold back so much then!"
Still, he gets the feeling that whatever is going on with it is something different to simply injecting the Potion.
"Seriously what the hell!?! I can hardly feel my attacks landing!!"
Not that it really matters in the end, as their attack is too weak to really be called an attack by The Noita's standards. He's much more focused on the Wand he summoned.
When God would revive him, it would always be in the same spot, standing in front of the same cave entrance with the same clothes and a random, incredibly weak, Wand. The better Wands and Spells were all hidden deep under the earth, so it was always quicker to have a Wand specifically for the purpose of digging.
Typically he'd just use Black Hole spells to dig, but it's not like he'd just get those right away. So for the first few years of each life he is usually stuck with a really slow and ineffective digging Wand.
"Awesome! I've never met anyone so sturdy! Haha!"
The Noita turns the Wand in his hand over and regards it curiously, ignoring the small being's sword strikes entirely.
"Are you even paying attention right now!?!"
...That being said, he's pretty sure the Wand was a lot weaker the last time he used it.
"Oi oi! Stop ignoring me!"
It must have grown more powerful over time. He really should have seen it coming, as all things continue to absorb Essence, no matter how miniscule, until they expire. Typically it's not really something that matters, as even a million years would hardly be enough time to make anything impressive.
"Tch, you're really pissing me off."
Still, his clothes were just cloth when he got them, and now they're quite sturdy. The Wand in his hand is about equally old, so obviously it's more impressive now.
"Fine then, I'll show you the sword strike that cut my country in half."
It's a good thing he noticed before using it though. The Wand still isn't all that impressive, since it's purpose has only ever been short ranged matter annihilation. That said, it would probably annihilate a mid-sized planet.
"No more holding back. I'll kill you."
It would definitely kill the beings in front of him, and The Noita would generally prefer to avoid killing anything ever again. He's tired of it.
"Die."
Oh well, he can just make another one.
Idly raising his free hand, The Noita catches the smaller being's glowing sword. Looking the girl in her wide eyes, The Noita feels himself smile a genuine smile for the first time in a while. "You're strong," he compliments, impressed.
Flexing his wrist, Noita reopens another portal to his Wand dimension and deposits the one in his hand. At the same time, he begins gathering a bit of Magic and creates a new Wand, immediately pointing it at the girl and activating it.
Before she can back away, a glowing and sparkling green cube forms around her, trapping her in a barrier that will most certainly kill her if she attempts to leave through it.
Hm. That's another new thought. He's never even considered how to make a barrier non-lethal. In fact, The Noita isn't sure if he has ever tried to learn or modify a spell to be non-lethal. There was never any need to, when every being that lived in all the multiverse was created for the sole purpose of killing him.
He feels his smile widen incrementally, a faint, unfamiliar feeling of warmth swelling up inside him at the fact that he's had so many entirely new thoughts in such a short amount of time.
Truly, allowing the universe to be random was the right choice. This is how life should be; unpredictable and full of surprises. Just like back when he was young.
Dispelling the reminiscing from his mind, The Noita actually looks at who else is in the room.
There's the small girl he just trapped, a short boy, a big boy, another girl and a boy that seem similar and finally the boy wearing his clothes.
The small girl is trapped. The other girl, as well as the tall and short boy don't look like they want to get involved. The guy with his clothed on is trying to do something with Space, but while The Noita may not have as much fine control as this boy does, it's not difficult for him to simply lock down the Space so it can't be manipulated.
As for the final boy, he seems to be throwing fire around for some reason. The Noita is immune to Fire, but it can still be dangerous for the other beings present, so he decides to get rid of all of that as well.
Finally, Noita stores away the Wand he just made and gathers his Magic again, creating a new version of his digging Wand, powered down to how he remembers it.
Nodding once at it meeting his requirements, The Noita flies up to the boy wearing his clothes and points the newly made Wand a head below their midsection.
A simple activation and a small, brief flash of light, and the boy ceases to exist below the neck.
Moving quickly, The Noita controls the Earth to create a small basin and fills it with Healthium before allowing the severed head to fall inside of it.
Ignoring the others once more, Noita hums lightly to himself a song he has long forgotten the words to as he starts to dress himself back in his clothes, the robes being sturdy enough to withstand such a weak Wand.
Turning back once he is fully dressed, The Noita once more looks about the room.
Hmmm... It seems messier than before...
His eyes fall onto the strange inscriptions covering the room and he remembers that he was probably being used as a battery before.
Nodding his head to himself, Noita tosses his newest Wand to the boy sitting in the pond of Healthium.
"Here. I want to explore, you can use this Wand to replace me and power whatever all this is. See you later."
His piece said, Noita turns away and leaves, idly noting a few more beings on the way out.
None of them try to stop him.
/\/
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
I usually have rules and stuff for my stories, like word minimums and stuff. But this story is more like a guilty pleasure I guess. I'm not writing it because I want it to be anything or anything like that. I just enjoy it.
Comments
Lucy Edwards
it's an original now, but the mc is based on a game called Noita, everything else I'm just making up
Scarletmenace
He did some noita one shot pieces awhile back
THE SAVAGE KITTY
What is this from?
Scarletmenace
Oh hey, this gem again
