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The Simulacrum - Chapter 95 - Part 1
🕑 Added 2022-07-30 17:03:07 +0000 UTC"I can't believe you did that…" my dear assistant, still dressed in her winter coat and boots, continued to grumble even while she was fixing my hair. "I can't believe we have to start implementing anti-harem countermeasures even for your Bel persona."
It was early in the morning, and it was only the two of us in Fred's workshop, but I still put a finger in front of her lips.
"Careful, Dormouse. They are literally next door," I reprimanded her, then added, "Also, why are you jumping to weird conclusions again? I thought you would be more focused on the part where I sabotaged the Inanna's Mana Well."
"I've learned that I can't really do anything about your habit of causing major supernatural incidents wherever you go, so I'd rather focus on curtailing your flirting habits."
"I wasn't flirting!" I declared a touch more indignantly than planned. "It was supposed to be creepy and unsettling!"
My girlfriend gave me a flat look, followed by a disappointed sigh and her whispering something about this being similar to the Rinne situation, or something. She was barely audible, and I didn't have the chance to try and decipher it, as she forcefully straightened the lapels of my usual black coat and then stepped back.
"Chief, we talked about this already; just because you think it wasn't supposed to be flirty, it doesn't mean the other party won't misunderstand."
"Oh, come on! There's no way she considered that anything other than weird and sinister."
It was at this point that Galatea entered the workshop with a familiar silver suitcase she used whenever she was carrying prototypes around, and my dear assistant's eyes imperceptibly sparkled at once.
"Let's ask a neutral third party then."
"Are you serio—?"
"Good morning, Grandmaster and first fiancée Judy," the androidess greeted us, and my dear assistant let out a satisfied hum and turned back to me.
"Of course I'm serious. Galatea is very sensible and mindful, therefore she should be able to settle our disagreement in an objective manner."
"… You're only saying that because she called you the first fiancée."
My deadpan reaction only drew a shrug out of her, not denying my words at all. In the meantime, Galatea came closer and presented the case to us.
"Reporting: I have finished customizing the frames of the Uniformers. I request permission to enter into charging cycle."
"Before that, we need your help in a matter," Judy cut in before I could take the suitcase from her hands. "We have the following theoretical scenario: one day, while you are minding your own business behind closed doors, a man shows up near to you, takes your hand, and tells you that your meeting was destined, that he was looking forward to it, but it's not yet the right time and promises to return later before completely disappearing. Would you consider that a romantic encounter?"
Galatea blinked in surprise and lowered her arms, then cocked her head to the side before repeatedly muttering, "Parsing. Parsing." At last, her head returned to the upright position and, after making a beeping noise with her mouth, she said, "My analytical engine requires further parameters. Was the man a tall, mysterious stranger with a velvety voice?"
"Erm… Well, I suppose the tall part checks out, and so does the stranger one. As for being mysterious…"
"Yes, for all accounts," my dear assistant cut me off with a confident nod, and Galatea cocked her head to the side again.
"Parsing variables. Beep and boop." She kept doing that for about ten seconds, then she returned to normal again and declared, "According to my analysis, such an encounter would statistically fall under the 'romantic' category, with a p-value of 0.02."
Hearing that, Judy let out a satisfied hum and turned back to me.
"You see, Chief? I told you so."
"Just one question," I interjected before she could gather steam. "How do you make a statistical analysis with a single data point?"
Galatea blinked at me, and after a long beat, she more or less tossed the suitcase over to me and said, "My audio receptors are detecting increased levels of sounds corresponding with aquatic life forms in distress. I must go and assess the situation at once."
Saying so, she turned on her heels and marched out of the workshop, leaving the two of us behind in silence. That lasted until I turned to the girl next to me and muttered, "Did she just run away?"
"Don't be silly, Chief. She simply didn't want to embarrass you by explaining how your question was wrong in meticulous detail, so she came up with an excuse to leave," she declared with completely unwarranted confidence before crossing her arms. "So, now that we have scientific proof, I think we must discuss implementing further anti-harem counter-measures."
"No, we seriously don't have to do that," I griped with just a hint of exasperation as I put the case onto one of the comparatively emptier workbenches. After opening it up and quickly checking the artifacts inside, I pushed it aside and turned back to my girlfriend. "Listen, even if we presume that Crowey's spymaster, against all logic, reason, and common sense, would somehow end up interpreting the event in a romantic light, there's no way in hell she would be happy about it, let alone develop something silly like a crush." Seeing that Judy was about to interject, I raised a finger to stall her and hastily continued with, "However, even if by some weird stroke of fate, or narrative influence, or whatever, she would, against all sense, develop a romantic interest, it would not be on me, so the entire point is kind of moot."
"It's Bel, so it's technically still you," she shot back.
"Technically, yes, but it doesn't really matter, because sooner or later I'm going to retire the character, and she'll never know about the connection."
My dear assistant was still eminently skeptical, but before we could continue our argument, the main door of the workshop opened, with Duncan's huge frame, wearing the usual tracksuit, coming into view on the other side, with the others following behind him.
Seeing that, Judy clicked her tongue and told me, "Let's continue this discussion later. However, I would like to reserve the right to say 'See, I told you so' the moment the universe proves me right."
"Sure, be my guest."
"Good morning, my liege," Arnwald greeted me first, cutting to the front of the group, followed by a shallow bow towards Judy. "My lady."
"Morn. Sae, wa did we hae tae gie up sae early?" Duncan cut the chase, followed by a flat "Ow?" as Penny firmly planted her elbow in his side.
"I've heard the Feilong patriarch challenged you to a duel. Are we to provide support?" Roland spoke up, ignoring the duo on his left, and I promptly shook my head.
"No. I will deal with that issue myself," I answered and placed a hand on the case by my side. "Since I will be occupied, I want you to be on standby. I have received a tip saying that there might be an incident during the Draconian tournament today."
"Isn't the tournament starting in the afternoon," Penny interjected, and I nodded. "But you said your duel is in the morning."
"I don't plan to fight Naoren head-on, so things might get a little drawn out. Not to mention, even if we finish before the competition starts and I could make it there on time, you can't expect me to single-handedly resolve it by myself."
"You can't?" my sister blurted out, drawing an amused chuckle out of Arnwald. Roland, on the other hand, nodded along in agreement.
"What do you require of us?"
"Nothing much. Just be on standby, and if something dramatic happens, move in and try to resolve it to the best of your abilities. If nothing happens, good. If it does, it should serve as a great opportunity to introduce our organization to the Draconians."
"A wise move," Arnwald commented on the side, while Duncan only let out a soft 'Bah!', indicating he thought this was just common sense.
"In any case, since you might be exposed to real combat, Fred and I upgraded the Uniformers a bit." Reaching into the case, I handed the large watches over to their respective owners. "I've only refined the arrays a little, and Galatea engraved your initials into the back plates. I've also integrated the same communication system used by the Magiformers into the uniforms. If the situation demands it, Judy can serve as your mission control."
As if she was just waiting for me to say that, Judy reached into her breast pocket and dramatically flicked her star-shaped eyewear's temples open before putting it on her face.
"You can leave it to me."
"… Excuse me, my liege, by why is Lady Judy wearing those odd glasses?"
"It's an artifact," I told him, and a glance at my girlfriend later added, "She likes them, so she didn't let me replace them for something less conspicuous."
"If it's not broken, don't fix it," my dear assistant commented, looking silly, yet oddly adorable with her party glasses. Deciding to leave it at that, I focused my attention on the knightly group again.
"A few more notes on the new version: The output should be more stable now, and I managed to find a workaround for accessing the upper-level instruction shell of a damaged Oath-receptacle. It's still in the proof-of-concept stage, but it should have no negative side effects, so I implemented them into the connection arrays."
"Yeah, sure. Noo, coods ye please repeat 'at in Sassenach, sae 'at we can actually kin whit yoo're talkin' aboot?" Duncan growled, and while I was tempted to snap back that if he wanted others to talk in a way he could easily understand, he should first try practicing what he preaches, I swallowed it down and took a deep breath.
"In short, if this works, we should be able to at least partially utilize broken Oaths. Or rather, the one that's broken by default."
"You discovered how to restore broken Oaths?"
Roland sounded equal parts excited and skeptical, so to dampen his expectations a little, I told him, "Not really? It's more of a workaround, and so far it only works on that one particular Oath."
"It's still wonderful news!" Penny chimed in with an ear-to-ear grin as she locked the clasp of her Uniformer, and a moment later she was clad in her white combat uniform. "Wow! I can already feel the difference!"
"No, you can't," I cut in with a deadpan voice. "The extra connection only activates when your equipment is running over eighty percent capacity, and you can't do that without a weapon."
"Oh, I'll go get my sword then!"
Without waiting for an answer, she turned around and dashed out of the workshop, prompting Roland to subtly roll his eyes, after which he looked at me, so I felt pressured to say, "You can go as well. Familiarize yourself with the feel of the new uniform."
"As you command, my liege," Arnwald responded with a grin and a salute, and he followed after Penny, with Duncan in tow. The last things, however, remained unmoving.
"Is there something else, Roland?"
"As a matter of fact, there is one thing," he said as he absently shook his arms to make sure his Uniformer was secured properly. "I've heard that Ascalon was put on auction yesterday."
"Penny?" I asked, and he nodded like it was obvious. "So I imagine she also told you it was a fake."
"Yes, she did. I've also learned that it was supposed to serve as bait, and that it was stolen from the auction house."
"… And where did you learn that part?"
"Lady Rinne," he responded flatly, and I couldn't help but send a disapproving glance at my shadow. In the meantime, Roland cleared his throat. "I couldn't help but notice that you were very vague about the nature of this 'incident' that may or may not befall the tournament venue. Can I presume that the two cases are connected?"
"They might be," I told him with as much confidence as I could, earning me a flat look from Judy, one which I could feel even while her eyes were still hidden by her glasses.
"I understand. I'm sure you had your reason to keep this information from the others, so I will not tell them either."
"I'd appreciate that."
He gave me a knowing nod, the kind that people in misunderstanding comedies use when they mistakenly think they had figured out some kind of hidden intention behind another person's actions. I didn't exactly want to go down that route, but I couldn't come up with a good explanation on the spot either, so I nodded back, and Roland soon exited the room as well, leaving me alone with Judy once more.
"Chief? What was that part about fixing the Oaths?" she inquired, and while the door was closed, I still gestured for her to lean closer.
"Yesterday I got into a bit of an argument with Raven Boy over at the second base, and to make sure he would stay in line, I tried tweaking his Oaths so that he wouldn't be able to casually reveal my connection to Bel," I explained, and she ever-so-slightly raised a brow.
"Did it work?"
"A little too well," I answered a touch sheepishly. "Afterwards, I talked with Morgana, and she volunteered to undergo the same procedure."
"She's unexpectedly loyal."
"I think she's just kind of inflexible," I responded in the company of a shallow groan. "Once she concluded that I'm the King of Knights, she's just treating my every word like the gospel. I think if I told her to jump into a well, she would simply do that, saying that a Knight must always obey the King or something. It's honestly creeping me out a little."
"Is that the disturbing kind of creepy, or the accidentally romantic kind of creepy?"
"Not funny," I warned her, then pulled her even closer and whispered, "The point is, I was kind of riled up when I was dealing with Raven Boy, and I accidentally did more than planned. You know how one of the Knights' Oaths installed broken by default, because it was the one requiring obedience to their Celestial handlers?"
"Yes."
"So, I might have been too forceful when I tried to modify that one, and instead of just tweaking Raven Boy's instance, I might've, kinda-sorta affected the very concept of that Oath, and now it applies to every single one. Don't ask me how, because I'm not entirely sure either. What I do remember is that it involved interaction with the bottom layer of the world, two of my phantom limbs, and the color skobeloff."
"… Another retcon?"
"I don't think so," I responded, sounding uncertain even to myself. "I mean, we all remember what it was supposed to be, so it's not retroactive, but I think what happened is similar in principle. I wasn't paying much attention at the time, being more focused on telling the guy off, so I can't say exactly how it happened, but long story short, right now all the Knights have one more functioning Oath making them unable to reveal that I'm Bel."
"Does that include you?"
"Well, no. I've already tweaked mine before, so it probably wasn't acknowledged as just another instance of the same Oath by the Simulacrum and changed along with the rest."
"Chief?"
"Yes?"
"I was under the impression we agreed that you wouldn't experiment on your own soul."
"I didn't. Technically." My dear assistant was still giving me a disapproving look, so I decided to change the subject by saying, "In any case, while I think with some practice, I should be able to reproduce the effect. It could be potentially a huge breakthrough, and it could allow us to mass-produce Knights."
"… I understand that, but you are still not allowed to practice on yourself." My expression apparently didn't convince her that I reflected on her words, so she reached out and gently pinched my ear. "I'm serious. If you accidentally retcon yourself, I swear I'm going to hate you for at least a month."
"That's severe," I muttered and gently removed her hands from my lobe. "Don't worry, Dormouse. Now that I have Raven Boy around, I don't need to experiment on myself anymore."
"I'm not sure I'm happy about human experimentation, but rather him than you."
I interpreted that as the end of the argument, so to punctuate it, I planted a peck on her forehead and stepped back. Following that, I checked the time on my phone and uttered, "Half past seven. I should get going."
"It's a little early, but I suppose it's better than to be late." She gestured for me to lean over, and this time she was the one to give me a kiss, on the mouth this time. This wasn't exactly the time for tongue-stuff, so we kept things fairly chaste, and once she caught her breath, she said, "I'll contact you through the comm-glasses if something predictably unexpected happens."
"Don't speak of the devil," I warned her, followed by a forceful tousling of her hair. Not expecting the unexpected affection-attack, she retreated in a hurry, drawing a chuckle out of me. "Bye, Dormouse. See you later."
With that, I headed out and bid farewell to the knightly quartet as well, already busy familiarizing themselves with their new gear in the training arena. I had to keep up appearances, so I used the teleport closet to Phase home to pick up a few things before moving over to the black site base, where Morgana and Raven Boy were already in the process of preparing for the show in the afternoon.
"Good morning, your majesty," the lady Knight, already in her armor sans the helmet, greeted me right away. Her nephew was standing right beside her, though he was only partially geared up.
"You and Arnwald are way too similar," I noted, and she let out a thoughtful hum in response.
"Is that so? It's not the first time I've heard that, but if you also say so, I have no choice but to believe it."
"How are the preparations," I asked, pointedly changing the subject, and this time Raven Boy came forth to answer.
"We just had breakfast. It's early, so we are still getting our equipment ready."
"The Squires are on their way to infiltrate the area," Morgana added.
"Good. But speaking of equipment," pausing, I tossed the package I picked up on the way over to Raven Boy. He looked eminently baffled, so I told him, "It would be weird if you didn't have your inventory bag on you, so you can have it back for the time being. All the weapons are still in there, plus Morgana's sword and an extra item."
His eyes jumped between me and the bag, but then he quickly fastened it to his belt as if he was afraid I would change my mind. Meanwhile, Morgana walked closer and asked, "Do you have any further orders, your majesty?"
"Since you wouldn't listen to me even if I told you to stop calling me that, I don't have anything. Just stick to the plan."
"Very well. We will not let you down."
Raven Boy grumbled something in the background, but then there was a flash of light and he produced a familiar flamberge from the enchanted bag.
"Here, auntie."
"Thank you."
She did a couple of practice swings with it, but once he was sure that everything was in order, she set the blade against the ground and was seemingly about to say something when his nephew let out a startled gasp.
"Is… What is Ascalon doing here? And isn't this Duncan's sword?"
"Yeah, I just wanted to mention that. Make sure you use the sword but don't take the spear out until I tell you to. It's important, so don't mess it up."
Raven Boy grit his teeth, but whatever he wanted to say, he ultimately managed to swallow back and only uttered a dull, "Understood."
"Good. I'll come back to check on you later, but I have to arrive fashionably early, so I must go now. In the meantime, relax, and prepare for the big show."
"As you command, your majesty," Morgana declared and saluted. Unlike the Faunish one that was picked up by the other Knights, hers was closer to a military salute, and after a single disapproving glance, Raven Boy grudgingly followed suit as well.
I acknowledged them with a simple nod and moved on, first dropping by at Elly's room, followed by a visit to Ichiko, stationed in Judy's room and tasked with keeping her parents safe in case of any kind of unexpected third party movement, after which I gave a surprise-inspection to the Fauns and Kage ninjas patrolling the neighborhood. Snowy was holding down the fort at home, but I still gave orders to maintain a tight net around the area, just in case.
Once I concluded that everything was in order, I finally arrived near the edge of the Chinatown area, using one of the pre-planted mini-shoggoths as my anchor. At this point I only had a few minutes to spare, so without further ado, I casually walked over to the pagoda-hotel, where a small gaggle of onlookers was already gathered, eagerly awaiting my arrival. Most of them seemed to be Naoren's retinue, with an entire group of men in ceremonial robes and silly hats, but there were also a couple of representatives from other Draconian families who probably came by to enjoy the show.
The sheer number of them was unexpected, considering how cold it was in the morning, but if they wanted to freeze their noses off for the sake of gossip, it was none of my business. More importantly, as I casually walked over, I could hear all kinds of surprised, outraged, and dismissive whispers in the background. Nothing I hadn't already anticipated, really.
"So you have showed up," Naoren, dressed in a thick, fur-rimmed winter coat that made him look like an arctic explorer, sneered at me from the top of the stairs leading to the hotel's entrance. There were three people standing beside him; his still fuming younger brother and odango-girl were more or less expected, and the latter was giving me a starry-eyed look that screamed 'I hope you'll have a fun time!', yet the one that surprised me was the grand elder. Considering the preparations at the freshly built arena were already underway, I thought he would be overseeing that, but I supposed he couldn't resist attending the pre-duel formalities.
"I still advise against going through with this fight. It is a waste of time," the old man said to no one in particular, and as such, nobody responded. Instead, I pocketed my hands and directed a well-practiced daring grin at the bespectacled man in the middle.
"Hey there, people. So, any reason why we're still loitering around in the cold and not getting started?"
"There are certain rules and ceremonies that have to be observed before the fight," a thin middle-aged man dressed in ceremonial robes cut in, holding a thick scroll in his hands. "Before the sacred duel is initiated, we must—"
"You see? This is exactly what I was talking about," I cut in with a scoff. "We aren't here to play, so either get on with it, or I will start it on my own."
"You dare!" the grand elder exclaimed, his eyes all but thundering. "You're courting death!"
"You've already said that," I pointed out, but it only made the old man more furious.
"Just how shameless can you be?" Zihao cut in, seemingly just as incensed. "You had eyes, but you still failed to see Mount Tai! My brother will make sure you won't live long enough to regret it!"
I waited for him to finish, and after nodding in approval, I pointed at the guy while still looking the grand elder in the eye and said, "You see? This guy knows his stereotypes. You really have to do better if you want to hold onto the position of chief cliché dispenser."
"You speak big, but you're just a frog in a well, while the heavens are boundless," the old man hissed, and I couldn't help but snap my fingers.
"You see! I knew you had it in you!"
"Enough!" Naoren cut in with a glare that was probably more than half-genuine. "I tire of this. Let us forego the formal procedure and carry on to the duel."
"B-But patriarch! The tradition!" the man in the ceremonial robes cried out, and as Naoren walked down the stairs, he put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him.
"Not today, chief secretary. He does not deserve the effort."
"I… think you are right," the man responded, and… was he sniffling? Wow.
Anyhow, my designated enemy continued his way down the stairs and soon stood in front of me.
"Are you familiar with the rules?"
"More or less," I responded with a shrug, which apparently triggered the middle-aged man.
"The rules are as follows!" he exclaimed before either of us could say anything. "The combatants will enter a Restricted Space! No outside interference or observation is allowed! The duel shall only end until either party dies, or surrenders! At this time, both parties, be they alive or dead, shall be ejected from the Restricted Space! May the most powerful one be victorious, with power and honor!"
I blinked in surprise, then directed a questioning gaze at Naoren asking, 'Is he done?', and when he lightly nodded, I loudly cleared my throat.
"Honor, shmonor, whatever! Let's get this thing started already!"
"Audacious!" the grand elder exclaimed loudly. "He still smells of his mother's milk, yet he dares to act like he knows the immensity of heaven and earth!"
"… Okay, stop. You're trying too hard," I told the old man, at which point Naoren unsubtly buried his face in his palm and gestured for the official in the ceremonial robes, and the man hastily unrolled the scroll in his hand and placed his palm on it.
A moment later, the world around me flashed in a familiar display of transition, and everyone else aside from Naoren disappeared from my vision. However, contrary to my expectations, I found myself staring at green-tinted stairs and a bright white sky.
"Huh? Does this make it a Green Zone?" I muttered, only for the bespectacled clan head to snap at me.
"What was that?"
"Which part?"
"All of it! Didn't you say you wouldn't be playing the malefactor today?"
"Malefactor? That's a neat word," I noted, but he didn't seem to be in the mood to discuss verbiage, so I told him, "Well, sorry, but I have a bit of a temper problem when it comes to certain people, and the old man falls under that category."
"I noticed," Naoren said and rubbed his face, and after calming down a little, he exhaled a pent-up breath and asked, "Now what?"
"Well, now you stay in here, while I go and cause some tightly controlled mayhem, but first…"
I tapped my feet against the ground, and a second later, my shadow wavered and a large shape shot out from it.
"… Aren't you Leonard's retainer?" Naoren asked a touch perplexed, and the freshly revealed Mountain Girl gave him a serious nod. She was hard to recognize, as while she was still wearing her usual pantsuit, she had an oversized knit beanie on her head, complete with an enormous, fluffy pompom. Not only that, but she also had a huge backpack, the kind you'd normally only see when you're planning on trekking across half the countryside.
"She's going to be my substitute so that the pocket space here wouldn't mistake me leaving for dying and end the duel too early."
Hearing my answer, he glanced between me, then Mountain Girl, and ultimately uttered, "When you told me you had a solution for this problem, I thought you would use one of those enchantments you are famous for. This… was well beyond my expectations."
"Oh, I did that too," I told him and pointed at Rinne's head. "That's what the hat does. Unless this Green Zone or whatever uses some kind of super-advanced detection technique, like eyes, this homebrew artifact should make it believe she's me."
"So you've thought of everything, I see…"
"Well, not everything, but most things," I answered modestly before turning to Rinne. "He's all yours."
"Don't worry, Leonard-dono. Rinne also came prepared!" Saying so, he put her bag down and began opening its many pockets, one by one. "Rinne will serve as Naoren-san's host for the day! Rinne brought cards, board games, books, snacks, two lunchboxes, as well as two servings of premium ice cream Rinne was saving for a special occasion like this!"
"Ice-cream? In December?" the bespectacled clan-head muttered rather skeptically, prompting Mountain Girl to temporarily cease her unpacking efforts and look at him with one of those 'Is this guy dense or what?' kind of looks I was already familiar with.
"Yes. It's for tempering our inner yang with yin-energy! If Naoren-san did that, Naoren-san wouldn't need to wear such thick and cucumber clothing like that."
"Is that s— Wait, what was that about cucumbers?"
"She meant 'cumbersome'," I responded on autopilot.
"Yes," she answered with an overly serious nod. "Rinne had been trying to teach this to Leonard-dono, but he refuses to accept Rinne's advice, so Rinne decided to use this opportunity to showcase the effects of successful tempering."
"I think I understand, but somehow I have a feeling I don't…"
"Well, you'll have lots of time to figure it out, so I'll leave you to it. Bye."
With that, I proceeded to completely ignore Naoren's still less-than-convinced expression and walked away and out of sight. With this, the entrée was served without a hitch, so it was time to start preparing the main course. As such, I Phased away, simultaneously anticipating and slightly dreading to see how the nebulously narrative would react to what was cooking in the oven.
Comments
Rac
Thank you for the chapter :)
Cameron Yourell
Thanks for the chapter. Grammar correction:"inventory bag on your," should be 'you".
