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The Simulacrum - Chapter 101 - Part 3
🕑 Added 2022-12-31 13:21:11 +0000 UTCIn my humble opinion, winter was the prettiest season, with the caveat of 'so long as it's viewed from the other side of a pane of glass'. In this case, said window was on the side of the coach carrying us to our destination, and I had to say, the wintertime countryside of Critias was about as scenic as it could get. On the road, we passed by forests slumbering under a thick blanket of snow, a bridge crossing a frozen river, quaint villages with the holiday decorations and lights still lingering on the lampposts, and I even saw a deer. It was cute.
All in all, while traveling like this was certainly slower than just Phasing from point A to point B, sometimes it was really worth sacrificing some time for the journey.
The weather was nice as well, with only a few stray clouds getting in the way of the late morning sun shining through the windows and off the snow at the side of the road, and it all just made me feel all kinds of relaxed. So relaxed, I even allowed myself a small, innocent yawn.
"I knew it."
The comfy little atmosphere was popped like a bubble by my dear assistant's comment, and by the time I glanced over, Elly beat me to the punch and asked the question on my mind.
"You knew what?" she said, from the seat behind us, and in response, Judy pointed at my face with her free hand.
Since the coach mom-in-law arranged for us had four seats per row, with the aisle in the middle, it meant only one of the girls could sit next to me. This, naturally, led to an impromptu game of rock-paper-scissors between the two, and it was decided that Judy would sit with me on the way there, while Elly would have my side on the way home.
Staying on the topic of our method of transport, while Emese listened to me and didn't order some kind of fancy deluxe party coach for us, the huge vehicle showing up at the Dracis mansion was still a bit of an overkill, considering it had nearly fifty luxurious leather seats. In retrospect, a slightly larger-than-average minibus would've been more than enough for our needs, but on the flip side, it did have a few advantages.
For one, we had more than enough space for our luggage, even after we stopped by a mall near the city center and my sisters, along with Angie and Galatea, bought waaay more clothes and 'necessities' than planned. To be fair, it was partially my fault, as I was the one who gave them their allowance, but there was no point crying over spilled milk.
The other advantage was that we had lots and lots of free seats. I was sitting just behind the driver's cabin near the front of the coach, while our Knights reserved the tail end of the vehicle. As for the rest, Josh, Angie, Snowy, and the mad science duo were seated in a bundle near the middle. Because of this, we could talk comfortably, without having to worry about bothering the others, or what they could potentially overhear.
Anyhow, back to the moment: Judy, still pointing a finger at me (her other hand was firmly clasped around mine), let out a low hum.
"The Chief's been acting really absent-minded since the early morning, and he's been occasionally massaging his temple. Combined with the occasional sighs and this most recent yawn, I've deduced that he must've done something strenuous last night he's trying to keep a secret from us."
"Really?" Elly stood up and leaned over the backrest of my seat to take a better look at me. "He doesn't look that bad to me."
"You have to learn to how to read between his lines." My dear assistant made that sound like some kind of profound wisdom, but when the princess remained visibly unconvinced, she further elucidated. "Look at him closely. He's out of it, but not too much. He's not hissing either, meaning his head doesn't hurt. That rules out enchanting fatigue, meaning he must have been Phasing instead, and he had to do a lot of it. He also didn't tell us about it on his own, so he must've done something that would make us mad at him. Q.E.D., he must have secretly gone somewhere last night, and caused trouble."
"That… actually makes a lot of sense," the princess agreed, prompting Judy to point a finger at me again.
"So, now that we have established your guilt beyond any reasonable doubt, do you want to make a confession?"
"Oh, fine. You've got me." The girls obviously weren't going to leave me alone about this, and I planned to tell them later anyway, so I decided to just get it over with by curtly stating, "I explored the Elysium last night."
My words resulted in a long beat, followed by a melodramatic sigh and Judy asking, "Did you Phase in there?"
"Obviously."
"Did anyone see you?"
"Of course not."
"How many Celestial girls did you accidentally seduce this time?"
"Three." That earned me a scathing scowl (by Judy's standards, as usual), so I hastily backpedaled. "Kidding, I'm just kidding. How would I even do that when I just told you nobody saw me?"
"With your track record? I'm sure you'd find a way."
"Judy!" The princess reached over the headrests and poked my other girlfriend's cheek with a stern, "We agreed on this! No more teasing Leo about harem things! It's not helping."
My dear assistant grumbled something under her breath, and then concluded the sidetrack with a sulky, "Fine. I'll drop the issue, and as a gratis, I'll also ignore the fact that you did something dangerous again without discussing it with anyone beforehand. Consider it a belated Christmas present."
"How very gracious of you."
Judy softly hummed in acquiescence, while the princess couldn't hold her giggles, and it took her several seconds to ask the pivotal question.
"So? Don't keep us in suspense! What was it like? Do the Celestials really have flying cars?"
"... Where did you even hear something like that?"
"Angie told me." My draconic girlfriend responded, visibly deflated. "So there aren't flying cars?"
"I told you she was pulling your leg," Judy interjected with the tiniest of eye-rolls. "You should've realized it when she started talking about card games."
"Hold it. That one's actually true."
My comment made her stop in her tracks and send a skeptical glance my way.
"Do they play them with holograms on motorcycles?"
Needless to say, it took me a good few seconds to realize Judy's question was entirely serious.
"It was kind of 3D, but there were no vehicles involved, no. They played it at a table, and it had enchanted cards and dice. "
"That sounds considerably less impressive than what Angie told us about," Judy noted flatly, and Elly wholeheartedly agreed. "In that case, since you didn't see any card games on motorcycles, what did you find?"
"A whole lot of magitechnological discrepancy combined with extreme class division, potentially bordering on a caste system, and some of the most impressive restrooms I've ever seen. Also, they have at least one Mana Well."
"Since you're using the present tense, I presume you didn't steal, break, or otherwise displace it," Judy noted in the kind of voice that told me she wouldn't be surprised by anything anymore, and I clasped my free hand over my chest.
"Ouch, Dormouse. That hurt. Do you really take me for the kind of guy who would do something like that on my first visit to a new place?" I didn't get a response, so a long best later, I added, "On second thought, don't answer that."
"Then I won't."
After agreeing so, Judy gave me an expectant look, and so did the princess, so once I collected my thoughts, I launched into a detailed explanation.
First, I described the spire and its sci-fi aesthetics, then moved on to the basement with its unexpected Mana Well, and concluded this part of my explanation with a curt description of how I marked one of the TCG playing guards. Of course, I didn't go into details on exactly how I tagged him, but instead focused on the second half of my ad-hoc adventure, where I explored the settlement surrounding the main tower.
This took considerably longer to do, and hence, to describe, as I had a much greater area to cover on flat ground, and so instead of Phasing around, I had to rely on my legs to carry me. All in all, I spent nearly two hours wandering around the place, and I only returned home when the sunrise reminded me that I still had things to do at home.
Luckily, while the time of day was synchronized with Critias's clocks, the Elysium, like the Abyss, had a completely isolated weather system. Due to that, even though we were still in the middle of winter over here, my expedition felt more like I was taking an evening stroll in the early autumn. In other words, while I had a lot of ground to cover on foot, at least I wasn't freezing while doing so, and oh boy, did I cover a lot of ground.
So, let's summarize what I found: the average Celestial lived in cozy brick houses with simple tiled roofs. No electricity, no TVs, no kitchen appliances, and everything was very simple and rustic... save for the bathrooms, where they had proper bathtubs and toilets. All of this was heated by large hearths in the middle of the buildings, and while each house was relatively small, with only a single floor, it was enough to raise the temperature inside to 'quite balmy', even without proper insulation or, bafflingly enough, glass windows.
Overall, while these homes and the people living in them didn't look poor, and a quick visit at their pantries told me they had quite a varied diet, the whole place felt really anachronistic, especially when compared to the insides of the empty spire in the middle of the settlement.
They also raised various barn animals, and I could find chickens, cows and sheep, and even a few ponies during my exploration of the outbuildings, and they looked pretty fat and healthy too. I really wanted to take a closer look at the endless fields past the settlement's perimeters as well, but sadly I didn't have enough time to reach there before sunrise.
On the bright side, I carefully poked a few sleeping Celestials, so now I had a couple more backup marks I could use to take a closer look at these people's daily lives, but as of now, the more I tried to look at the big picture of the Elysium, the less sense it all made.
The girls patiently listened to the rambling description of my adventure, only hurrying me along whenever I got too bogged down by small details, such as how I befriended a cute doggy while infiltrating a house, or that one time when I tried to explain how their plumbing system worked. I had no idea why Judy was so impatient; it wasn't like we had anything better to do until we arrived at the resort anyway.
"Wow. So, the Celestials have these cool magic towers, and they still live in peasant houses?" Elly mused after I finished,
"Not all of them," I replied a touch uncertainly. "While I didn't see any of them while skulking in the spire, I'm pretty sure the intelligence agency people and all the head honchos lived there. Maybe not in that particular tower, or maybe on the top floors where I didn't venture, but either way, I'm pretty sure they weren't doing farm work in their off-time."
"This tower sounded, at least in broad terms, similar to how Angie described the Elysium," Judy noted on the side, with her fingers dancing on the screen of her phone. She'd been taking notes since my description began, and she was as great at multitasking, as usual, her tapping never stopping even when she turned to me and asked, "Your description of the outskirts sounds peculiar. Do you reckon the majority of the Celestial population lives there?"
"I can't say for sure, considering I only visited one part of one settlement, but so far I'd be inclined to say yes."
Judy hummed softly, and a few more seconds of screen-tapping later she glanced back at me and uttered, "Enforced medieval stasis?"
"That's a trope!" Elly followed her up with an excited grin, but as for me, I could barely hold myself back from groaning.
"For the almighty spaghetti monster's sake, Dormouse... Could we at least try to approach this from a Watsonian perspective first before jumping to Doylist conclusions right away?"
"A fair objection, though it doesn't make me wrong," she responded, but then both of us paused when we noticed Elly's raised hand.
"Hey, so... I know that it's one of those trope things, but can you please explain what it actually means?"
Sharing a glance, Judy let her phone down and took a deep breath. I had no idea why; it wasn't that complicated.
"It's something most commonly seen in western fantasy settings. I believe Asian fiction has its own version of this in the wuxia genre, but that's not entirely relevant to this topic." She paused to see if Elly was paying attention, and then she continued with, "In short, it is a genre convention where a setting remains politically, culturally, and technologically static over extended periods. It got its name because there are many, many fantasy works set in worlds roughly patterned after an amalgamated image of medieval Europe, with castles, swords, knights, and feudal systems, and despite having access to magic and comparatively modern ways of thinking, they remain mostly static. Commonly, nothing changes whether the story is a prequel set five hundred years before the start, or a sequel set a thousand years later."
"Oh... I think I get it now," the princess nodded, eyes sparkling, but then her expression quickly shifted into a contemplative one when she added, "But based on what Leo said, the Elysium wasn't particularly medieval. At least, I don't think they had flying vacuum cleaners back then."
"I was mainly referring to the farming community, to the spire," Judy clarified.
"Okay, for the record," I cut in, "While I see where you're coming from, I don't think it's the trope being enforced on Elysium, but the other way around."
My dear assistant raised a curious brow, followed by the readying of her phone with a soft, "Do go on."
"Approaching this from a Watsonian perspective, I think it would be better to describe the situation as the Celestials are artificially enforcing it on the majority of the population."
"Does that mean they are aware of the tropes?"
I considered Elly's sudden question and shook my head.
"No, I sincerely doubt it. I'd rather think that there's either an aspect of Celestial culture or a conscious effort by their high command, that imposes and maintains this weird agrarian idyll lifestyle." The girls looked expectant, so I decided to bounce some of my ideas off them. "For a start, what are the defining characteristics of Celestial culture we know so far?"
"They venerate Deus," Elly answered right away. "They also do a lot of sneaky spying."
"To be more accurate, they're conducting clandestine operations in order to maintain the masquerade and to keep humanity away from the supernatural and pure in anticipation of the revival of Deus," Judy added, all the while the princess was giving her a disapproving look pretty much screaming 'That's what I said, just with more words!'
Ignoring the non-verbal communication, I contributed to the verbal one by saying, "We also know that they send out Celestial kids for adoption, only to later turn them into sleeper agents, and that these assets only receive a rudimentary understanding of what the Elysium is like."
"That applies to Angeline, but Michael is in contact with his blood-related father," Judy pointed out, eliciting a shrug from me.
"Maybe Angie was an orphan, to begin with?"
"Possible," Judy granted me, then tapped at her phone. "So, based on that, what is your Watsonian hypothesis?"
"Oh, can I have a try first?" Elly interjected, and I figured I might as well give her the opportunity to contribute. "Sooo... The Celestials are trying to make sure to keep humanity separated from the world of mystics, right? Maybe they apply the same thing to themselves?"
"Are you saying that, just like how they try to avoid humans getting access to magical technology, such as Friedrich's generator at the base, they are also trying to avoid having access to human technology?" Judy mused before sending a questioning glance my way.
"That was more or less my idea as well," I admitted. "It would certainly fit their ideological framework."
"Then what about their high-tech spire?"
"I don't really know. Maybe it's a cover for when they bring agents from the outside over?" I guessed, but since Judy looked intrigued, I decided to stretch the idea a little further. "I mean, let's say you're an average Celestial asset who grew up on Critias. You're accustomed to certain comforts and amenities, so if you came to the Elysium and found that the place was pretty much just one giant medieval farming community, you would want to recreate some of those things, both for your sake, and theirs. So, to avoid contamination, you'd have to stay in this futuristic magitech skyscraper, and so long as you don't leave, you'd think the Elysium was this magical wonderland, and you'd have no reason to try and introduce the modern world to the Celestials living there."
Judy let out yet another soft hum, and after a few taps on her phone, she said, "It's a workable hypothesis. We'll see how well it will stand up to scrutiny later."
"Are you going to tell us your Doylist theory now?" the princess inquired, but she shook her head and pointed outside.
"We're almost at the resort. I'll share my view after we settled into our rooms."
I followed where her finger was pointing, and true enough, a large building complex just outside the border of the nearest village came into view, and soon our coach rolled into its spacious parking lot. The driver had a lot of space to maneuver, as there wasn't a single other parked car in sight. That was mildly odd, so I turned to the girl still leaning over my headrest.
"Say, princess? Just for the record, when mom-in-law said she would take care of the reservations, she didn't actually reserve the whole resort just for us, right?"
"... Why wouldn't she have done that?" came the answer in the form of a puzzled question, and I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. Well, fine. Maybe I didn't overreact that much, but I certainly stifled a groan in response.
"Go figure."
In the meantime, the coach came to a halt, and after a long beat, the automatic doors opened and the driver wordlessly gestured for us to get moving. We did, and as the organizer of this trip (at least on paper, and said title was getting more questionable by the minute), I was the first one to step outside, only to be welcomed by a pair of familiar faces.
"Welcome, ue-sama!"
Ichiko, wearing so many layers she looked like a large ball, waddled over to us, closely followed by a certain highly visible ninja. Unlike the tiny miko, she was wearing her usual pantsuit ensemble, just with a pair of fluffy purple earmuffs added into the mix. Once they got closer, she gave me a customary salute.
"Allow me to report, Leonard-dono. We finished screening the area for any hostiles. Afterward, we set up a perimeter around the buildings using a combination of onmyodo wards and regular patrols. No assassin shall escape our sight!"
"That's great, but you're aware that this is supposed to be a vacation, right? You can relax a little."
"Nonsense," my self-ascribed retainer huffed and crossed her arms. "Situations like this are exactly the time when we cannot lower our guards. The price of safety is eternal vigintillion."
"Rinne-san wanted to say 'vigilance'," Ichiko chimed in, but before I could tell her I got it, she pointed a mitten at the coach. "It's cold outside. Let's hurry up and help everyone carry their bags inside."
Before I could point out that we didn't really need help, considering we had all the Knights, Josh, and Galatea to carry stuff, she had already waddled over to the storage compartment at the side of the coach, and Rinne followed right after her. Since I had nothing more to add, I just shook my head and stared at the resort in front of me.
The main building was a wooden construction, no doubt trying to capture a rustic, down-to-earth feeling, which was further emphasized by the thatched roof on the top of it. Combined with the blanket of snow, the strategically placed icicles, and the white holiday lights still strewn over the main entrance, the whole place gave off an unassuming yet welcoming impression, and even from here, I could see copious amounts of steam rising from the back and to the right, no doubt the location of one or more open-air baths.
It was only now that it finally sunk in what we were about to do. While I just told Mountain Girl that this was a vacation, in reality, it was an experiment with benefits, and one that required my full attention. As such, for the time being, I shoved my concerns about the Celestials and their weird little realm to the back of my mind and prepared myself to wrestle the hot springs episode in its den...
Comments
carebear90
Let the lewd matchmaking begin!
Egathentale
No hard feelings either way. I just grumble a lot. It's therapeutic. Edit: Okay, so I wrote this after midnight, half-zombified, so it ended up a little unclear. What I was getting at is that I understand that everyone has their circumstances, and while I might grumble about the ebb and flow of Patreon subscriptions, it's not a complain aimed at any one of you guys. I mean, I might be a terrible, horrible person who drinks milk directly from the carton and makes fun of kittens, but even I'm not entitled enough to complain to the people who are giving me money about not giving me enough. That would be just plain rude.
Boohya
I unsubbed just to parry overdraft fees, will be resuming asap
