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The Simulacrum - Chapter 127 - Part 2

🕑 Added 2023-10-27 13:11:03 +0000 UTC

Comments

Terry Stevens

I couldn't be sure we didn't already butcher the probably Angie Route, none of us could, but even if we presumed that everything was going more or less smoothly, there were still a lot of annoying things I had to consider. I would maybe go: I couldn't be sure we hadn’t already butchered the Angie Route, probably. None of us could. But, even if we presumed that everything was going more or less smoothly, there were still a lot of annoying things I had to consider. If you say the first example out loud, it sounds a little clunky, and I don’t think it flows very well. I ran out of breath when reading it. Rather, try to split up the paragraph into more sentences. With an emphasis on “But,”. But I would recommend changing the did’t to hadn’t, going from a present running tense to a past tense. But ultimately it is how you feel it should be read.

Terry Stevens

It didn't last long thought, and my mind inevitably wandered towards the future. It didn't last long though, and my mind inevitably wandered towards the future.


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