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TPB Omnibus #2! - Bon's Castle.
🕑 Added 2020-11-05 21:35:22 +0000 UTC(I'd suggest reading part #1 first!)
BON’S CASTLE
OVERVIEW
A cesspit of depravity even the bravest wouldn’t venture into, this is where the Panty Mafia resides.
BIOGRAPHY
This castle originally belonged to Captain Scurvy(see Omnibus Chapter #1), and was the definition of lavish. Built out of the finest marble, covered with murals from the finest artists, it was a temple of wealth that the entire world knew of as Scurvy’s Crotch. It was given this crude name to offend the pompous bastards who’d waste all their money visiting the place. And it worked.
Scurvy adored the castle, shutting himself inside and leaving only when necessary. He devoted the latter years of his life to expanding it, adding grand things such as a coliseum and underground gardens—but the place quickly became bloated and Frankenstein-ish. While the outside retained its appearance, the inside was collapsing under the weight of everything being built. During this time it earned a reputation as the “Castle of Falling Floors.”
By the time Bon took charge, Scurvy’s children had let the place fall into such disarray that it wasn’t even worth saving, and since he cared little about the ‘history’ of the city, he blew it up, then blew up the shards, then blew up the spot he blew up again just for good measure. His own castle, aptly named Bon’s Castle, was built to satisfy him and nobody else. The outside has little artistic merit because he doesn’t give a crap about artistic merit. The inside’s built to satisfy each of his party-going needs.
Bon’s Castle houses the entirety of the Panty Mafia. This is where panties are made, where wars are declared, and where morals go to be murdered. Brutally. Probably by a stuffed panda or dolphin. Bon, like Scurvy, has become a shut-in—albeit not because he adores the place, but rather because it’s his bachelor pad and he’s a paranoid bastard. To other Panty Mafia members, who spent most of their lives struggling to survive in the Bowels of Panty’s Landing, this place is a blessing.
To survivors of Scurvy’s crew, it’s a spit in the face of all the tradition they helped create.
And to everyone else? It’s an intimidating reminder of who controls them…
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BON’S CASTLE ROOMS
BASEMENT
JAIL – This is where Bon keeps his prisoners. Most are petty people he locks up just for saying he “sucks.” He often forgets to feed them, or they get crushed by the weight of falling panties—this is where all the dirty laundry from the Castle is stored as well.
COLISEUM – A regular favorite of the Panty Mafia and the only surviving piece of Scurvy’s Castle. This is where Panty Mafia members duke it out to the death, hoping to score a big victory and be promoted or, if a prisoner, win and be freed!
FLOOR ONE
SAFE ROOM – Bon’s personal hideaway built to defend him from Griswold.
THE LAB – Where panties, and any other crazy inventions, are crafted by the snakes. Here there’s also a testing range with indestructible dummies to battle, and pits of battery acid for when experiments go too wrong.
THE LIVING QUARTERS – Bon’s most hated room. When asked about it, he simply said “why do they need to sleep? I don’t pay them for that!” But, after his sleepless force started to lose too many battles, he bought a dozen mattresses and told them to deal with it. Panty Mafia members gotta share them all, so things get messy.
FLOOR TWO
THE FIESTA ROOM – A room built for comfort and excellence. Plenty of big couches, drugs by the gazillions, and enough beer to drink yourself blind. It’s required that Panty Mafia member report to this room every night.
POUND TOWN – One room, one massive mattress. This is typically where everyone goes after one of their big parties and things get pretty…chaotic.
THE BUMMER ROOM – Where everyone goes to sober up. Cold showers, cups of coffee, and absolutely no access to gun. One too many people have gotten shot during cranky attempts at sobering up.
FLOOR THREE
BON’S PENTHOUSE – Bon’s Penthouse. An entire floor all to himself! Him and Kern used to share it, but since Kern’s betrayal it’s belonged solely to him. Stripper poles. Gambling. This room is everything Bon could ever want.
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TRIVIA
-Bon killed the architect who designed the place. He had numerous trap doors built into it and didn’t want anyone knowing about them, not even Kern.
-It’s tradition to clean the garbage from the building up by packaging it and sending it to random people in Panty’s Landing.
-One time a police officer gave the Panty Mafia a citation, claiming the building was a health hazard. Bon respected the balls of this move so much that he mounted them on his wall.
