Samantha Blacklock
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The first time I saw myself in the mirror
🕑 Added 2021-05-25 08:20:02 +0000 UTC"I hid for so long, eager to be found, afraid that I would be alone forever behind a mask of lies and sadness, pretending to be someone I’m not just so others wouldn’t judge me.
And I hated it, I hated my voice and my body, it was kind of a torture living with them. I was tired of looking into mirrors just to see a stranger cry. I hated the idea that people would never see a girl when they looked at me. I was afraid of what they would see instead.
But then you found me when I was running away from everything, and you gave me someone I could trust. Finally, I could tell my secret, I was not the boy everybody thought I was, and you understood and accepted me with arms wide open.
I finally could be seen for who I was.
But the reflection didn’t change. Still my outsides didn’t match my insides, and you knew that wasn’t right, so you were kind enough as to take me with you and help me be myself.
There I was, putting on the dress you took out of your closet, wearing a wig you still had after beating cancer, making the awkward faces you asked me to do while you were applying makeup to my skin.
Why were you doing all this for me? I thought nobody could see something good in me, I usually felt like a monster, people would reject me if they only knew. I know my parents did. But you were different. You could see beneath my surface. You knew I was hurt, and you wanted me to have the life that should have been mine from the beginning.
Once you finished with my makeup, you lend me a pair of heels, and incredibly, they fitted me so well. Then you took me to the mirror in your room.
And there I was. That was the first time I saw myself in the mirror. For the first time, I didn’t hate the reflection. I saw her cry, but she was no stranger. She was me. I was crying again, but this time, it wasn’t sadness. I was happy.
I didn’t have my glasses, but I could see enough to say that she was beautiful. My vision getting worse every second as the tears filled my eyes, and a big smile on your face, knowing how happy you just had made me.
How could I not fall in love with you?"
