Samantha Blacklock
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Personal update (March 2022)
🕑 Added 2022-03-22 11:33:48 +0000 UTC"You're not made for this world", Valerie told Avelyn.
Trigger warning: Dysphoria, depression.
Hello! ^^
I... really didn't know how to start this. I was going to vent a lot about how I've been feeling lately, but then I thought that was not the best approach.
The truth is that I've been really depressed. If you read the post I made on my last birthday, you may know I've been dealing with depression for quite a long time, and a few things have made it worse the last few months.
The fact that I've been on HRT for almost 3 years and barely anything has changed. I've been losing a lot of hair the last month and also it got so damaged I think I'll have to cut it. The usual feelings of envy, the "I'll never know what it's like" thoughts, the grief over never having an actual childhood and adolescence...
Then, as always, transphobia everywhere. International women's day was hard for me, it always is, and I know I'm not the only one. People who call themselves "feminists" when they are not in any way, because they reduce women to their genitalia, and always try to make trans women the enemy. Old friends who follow and admire TERFs and can't even admit that the things those TERFs say are wrong. The casual transphobia on Reddit or Twitter, especially after a trans woman wins a competence for once. Oh, and that picture really made me sad. I didn't want to know more about it but just seeing the message behind it...
And of course, I thought: "Why couldn't I just be a cis woman?". It would make everything a lot easier. Like, I know it wouldn't make me instantly happy, there are just too many problems cisgender women have to deal with every day. Many don't even get to adulthood, here, in Mexico, around 10 women are killed every single day.
But... If things were different, at least I wouldn't hate myself.
That's what I thought.
And then... Then I asked myself, "what if, as a cisgender woman, I would be like those TERFs who would celebrate if I, as a transgender woman, was killed?"
Because, yes, this life is hard, but it has taught me compassion, kindness, and love.
Because I see a lot of what's wrong, and I want to help change the world, not even for me, but for everyone.
And I fear I won't live to see the day when LGBTQ+ people can finally be free, but I know it takes time and effort, and even if I don't get to enjoy it, I want to fight so others can do it in the future.
I wish my start had been different, but if it were different, probably I wouldn't care, and this world needs people who care.
Around 6 months ago I received a message from a trans girl who knew about my existence thanks to an old friend of mine. This new friend wanted to talk to a trans woman probably with the hope she could discover more about herself.
At this point, she's 3 months into HRT because I guided her and sent her to the right place. I always listen to her, find info for her, share my own experiences, tips, I support her in any way I can.
You have no idea of how happy it makes me when she's thankful she met me.
If I wasn't who I am now, how could I have helped her? She'd have to find her way, but just making it a little easier for her is a lot, and I know that because my biggest regret is that I didn't transition earlier. I wish I had someone back then to guide me.
I want to help many more.
"You're not made for this world," Valerie told Avelyn. "You're made for a better world, a world we don't have yet. Therefore, you must help create it. It can't be perfect from the start, and the things we had to go through are not a punishment, but a lesson, a call to wake up and do all we can so others don't have to go through the same"
Comments
Samantha Blacklock
Thank you so much <3 ^w^ I'll keep doing my best! <3
Atsuko Ito
Thank you for your hard work helping her, and helping many more with your characters and art and stories. I'm really sorry that the world is so cruel place. Sending you hugs
