Samantha Blacklock
patreon
Happy (Belated) birthday, Lynn! + Personal update
🕑 Added 2023-03-09 02:09:23 +0000 UTCSo... I should have posted this 2 and a half weeks ago, but I finally had some kind of emotional breakdown ^^ I'm really sorry I've been so absent all this time.
I had been working non-stop since the start of the year, trying to catch up with everything I had to do after December (another difficult month for me), and specially commissions, some of them had to be finished by Valentine's and I had them done on time, but that meant my personal projects were delayed even more, and Lynn's birthday was next on schedule. Barely sleeping and everything, I didn't make it on time. It takes me a lot of time to draw because I have a lot of difficulties focusing (this because of depression) and at the same time I put a lot of love and effort on my work, because I want it to be as perfect as possible every time.
I finally got too tired, both phisically and emotionally, and just gave up on the idea I would post this on time. I felt so bad, under so much pressure and guilty that I hadn't posted enough, that I just went to cry and sleep.
So I decided that I would take some time to rest, (try to) play videogames and spend a day or two with my family.
The worst part is that I never actually relaxed, I wanted to continue drawing but I was just too tired, and I knew more time was passing, so I felt pressured. I even forgot to take my meds, and I've been dealing with that for several months now because I feel like they've done almost nothing on the 4 years I've been on HRT, so I've started to be less responsible and many days I just forget to take them. I wanted to play some videogames that I hadn't played in a long time, but anhedonia has made it just boring, I don't really enjoy playing videogames anymore ^^
The only distraction I had was drawing, but since I turned my hobby in my full time (and only) job, I got a bit exhausted too. Don't worry, I do enjoy drawing and my dream right now is to finish my comic and maybe someday write a book, so that part of me is still very much alive, but I definitely need to stop with commissions.
I had already said I will stop taking commissions and right now I'm not taking new ones, just trying to finish the ones I have pending for a while now, but commissions were still the biggest part of my income. However, I feel that, If I just focus on the story I'm writing and the things I love drawing, I'll get enough support to cover for that ^^ So I'm really grateful to all of you, and I'm a bit ashamed I haven't posted the other sequence I'm working on for those of you in the Supernova tier because I know you've been waiting for it, I promise it will be worth the wait! But also I understand that it's difficult just to keep waiting without seeing results, so I'm really, really sorry and I understand if some of you want to take a rest from Patreon too ^^
I'll do my best as always, but I promise I'll take better care of myself. Once I have finished all my commissions, I'll be able to spend my drawing time doing the one thing I love the most (working on my OCs, and you have no idea how thankful I am people are actually interested on them). I'll post way more often and at the same time feel more relaxed, so I will feel a lot better. It's not that I don't like commissions, I enjoy doing them, but I can't use that time to continue working on the one thing that comes from my soul.
Thank you all again, and I hope you all understand ^^
Comments
Clov
What a lovely picture! I hope that things keep getting better for you, and I can't wait to see your upcoming work!
