Samantha Blacklock
patreon
A couple of drawings + Personal update
🕑 Added 2025-09-20 01:28:57 +0000 UTCHello! ^^ I'm gonna vent a lot at the end of this post, so I'll let you know when you can stop reading if you don't want to read sad things x)
But first, a drawing I made!
I wanted to do so many things for the AniMole, the convention I'll be in next weekend, but I could only finish this. They'll be at my table as full-size cutouts ^^ Thanks to one of my closest friends who helped me pay for them (She'll keep them after the convention! 😊)
I also made a this to decorate my booth:
(Pose reference by min_ble)
I wanted to get a new banner(?) to put over the tablecloth, but I couldn't.
I also wanted to make a special spinning standee, and I sketched the ideas for it, but in the end, I couldn't finish it. :(
And for those of you who ordered merch, I had problems with customs at some point and that caused delay :( Most orders have been delivered (and I want to thank you for your patience!) and a couple more are on their way. I still need to ship a few of them, and I hope to do it in the next 2 weeks. I've finally received the merch to ship it, but between depression and getting things ready for the AniMole, I haven't had the chance to go to the post office 🥲
And that's it, pretty much 😅
And now the sad part. You can stop reading here if you want. Be advised that I'll talk about my depression, and I fear my emotions can be too heavy, so you don't have to read if you don't feel like it.
TW: Depression
sigh I know it's always the same, and that's the worst part. I'm always struggling with depression, and people get used to it, and I can't blame them. I'm always disappointing everyone, and people in my life have actually stopped trying to do anything, because nothing seems to help. I'm tired of asking for help and getting looks of "there you go again..." or being dismissed altogether. I'm tired of being a burden, so I isolate myself. I want to share so many things, and yet I feel I have only sad things to say. Sometimes I open myself a bit, but later I regret it when I think it ruined stuff between me and my friends, and I start wanting my secrets back. I don't want to cry too much about it here. I just want to apologize. I know it's not my fault to be depressed all the time, but still I feel so guilty I can't do more at the moment -n-
I've been on antidepressants for over 2 months now, but nothing has improved. Not my mood, not my energy. If anything, I feel even more tired. I'll try to get an appointment with my psychiatrist next week and see if we can change medications, because it should be working by now, but... nothing. Also, I recently changed therapists because I felt completely stuck with the past one.
I've been depressed for more than half of my life, at least, around 18 to 20 years, and at this point, I'm starting to think that's how it's gonna be until I leave. I feel like I'm crumbling. I'm having su 1 ci d4l ideation again (passive, fortunately, I don't have any intentions of hurting myself, but... I don't want to keep living this way.)
I feel that by taking so long to post anything, I've lost a lot of the small momentum I once had. I want to do so many things, and yet I can't. I can't focus on anything, my mind is always somewhere else, trying to escape from the present. I daydream over and over again about the same just to keep myself from crying.
Will anything I do be relevant to someone again? Will I slowly fade into oblivion? I fear the "peak" of my career as an artist is behind me at this point, that even if I start posting regularly and continue with my projects, I won't reach more people, or that people will get bored.
This is the only thing that I felt I could achieve in my life, the one "job" that didn't make me miserable and I actually enjoyed, and I suck at it.
And that's it. I'm sorry u.u
Comments
cuisinart8
You definitely don't suck at this. You consistently make really beautiful pieces of art, and it always makes my day better seeing them. I know I'm just one person that doesn't even comment regularly, but still. Even with everything going on with the world and your life, it's a little spot of cuteness and happiness. Of course, at the same time, your health matters more. Take your time. Do whatever you need to do. We'll still be here. And no matter how long it takes, I think your art will always have the same appeal that drew me and others to it in the first place, because it's never stopped having a sense of joy and positivity for as long as I've been following it. So don't worry too much about it growing stale, this is still the sort of thing that I think people need. All this to say, you rock, your art rocks, and I really hope you can feel better soon, because you really deserve to.
PyroCringical XD
Sam, I can say for sure, that you as a person deserves to be here, and deserves to experiences all of the best things. What you have done for so many people, who never felt heard or represented, for the ones who were never inspired to try art until your pen hit the page, the people who never felt like writing until they saw the beautiful narrative you wrote. You are downright amazing and so so so much more. Depression is sadly a really slipperly slope, and its easy to get swallowed whole by it, im sure many people that have had it can relate and agree, and while we all can't group hug you to feel better. We can all wish for it to get better You should take the time off that you need, to really focus on it and get back into the swing of things, we wanna see you sure, but most of all we wanna see you happy, and thats more important. You as a person and your health will always be more important, always, and we all very very hapilly will sit here, send you love, and support you the whole way Your art here is also extremely cute and beautiful, and in my head, if you can make this sort of stuff and be in the place you are now, who knows what you could make when your mind is at its peak right?! point is, Your amazing, Your work is beautiful, and You MORE than deserve any and all rest and help you need to feel better girl, we all love and hope and care for you :D Also as to this specific artwork girly this shit is so cute and so beautiful i am gonna be giggling about these two for another hot while cause they are just so so cute and sweet together hehe 🥳🙂↕️🩷 but rly, take care girl, love ya to bits, and i wish you a beautiful day, beautiful rest, and a beautiful mental health boost, and after that, zero art block 🩷🖤🩷🖤🩷🖤
