Feraline
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K I N T S U G I
🕑 Added 2025-05-07 22:55:12 +0000 UTCHello patrons ~
So this is me. Bare naked and vulnerable. I've always been a fierce advocate for self expression without limits and creativity unchained, so here goes attempts at holding true to that (with wavering bravery).
A few years ago I went through something. I didn't quite realise I had been carrying it with me so achingly, gripping it so tightly til my fingers bled, all this time. It would occasionally rear its head to bite, and I would always be half aware of its existence. Enough to know it was there, but not enough to know its depths.
This all changed two weeks ago. A sudden episode took hold of me so fiercely I almost lost myself entirely. Though, amidst the darkness, I thrashed and ultimately climbed my way out of it.
Upon settling and soothing, I have felt like my mind has been cracked wide open. All the trauma responses I've been tangled in, all the wounds dismissed by lingering voices, all the treacherous triggers, now so apparent. The clarity is painful... but has been so vital.
So now I find myself navigating PTSD, therapy and police. Forced into uncertainty and instability. An entire upheaval of my mind body and soul. I'm exhausted. I'm sofa surfing. My parents, friends and partner are all wonderful and supportive but this journey is too turbulent for anyone to bear.
I will be okay. And this will pass. But fuck does it suck right now. I'm sharing this ~ exposing myself and my soul and throwing myself into view and healing, as stark reminders that only *I* own myself. I cannot be silenced I cannot be suffocated I cannot be suppressed.
~
🍃 The silver lining ~ is that the other side of this looks SO bright on the horizon. Finally confronting this means finally healing. Though it is a long road ahead.
I do still have a lot of art & musings to share with you, fear not! I just wanted to bare my soul in all it's vulnerabilities ~ to not only keep in tune with my ethos of openness, and with you as my most cherished supporters, but also to explain the little lag in recent postings. I am moving through the storm, and out the other side is an endless expanse of growth, healing, creativity and opportunity.
Resilience. Resistance. Reignition.
I hope 🌱
Comments
Bethy
This is so kind, thank-you so much Ian. It's all ultimately good ~ I am coming out of it stronger and utilising it for art and motivation! ✨🖤
Bethy
Thank-you so much for your lovely words Nick, you are such a kind soul 🖤
Ian Abrahams
Always here to support you; can't imagine what you are going through at the moment but hold tight to the wonderful, lovely, heartwarming, inspiring and unique person that you absolutely are. You always have my admiration and sending as much love to you as I possibly can. You'll be stronger and stronger again. Only good things to come. Ian
Nick Kershaw
I am so sorry to hear this. From what I know, you are a strong person and I hope you find peace and resolution with your past. I hope you will be able to be you again. Am an ally and supporter always and any time. Take care. N
