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The Unhappy Happy
🕑 Added 2023-08-23 13:06:59 +0000 UTC(by Jeffrey Cranor)
I’m on vacation in Belize this week. Never been here before. It’s beautiful. The food is great. The people are even better. I got to swim with nurse sharks and eagle rays. I met an agouti named Agnetha. I went rum-tasting. I read a book on a beach. I did that latter activity a LOT, and I loved it.
That said, there are always complaints, little nits to pick. I’ll tell them to you here, but know that this is anecdotal support for my theme here. I’m not mad about any of this. First, the resort I’m staying in doesn’t have any dairy for coffee. Just the powdered stuff. Also, one of the selling points of this place was that had a fancy cocktail bar. But that bar is closed for renovations. I’ve had people make me nice drinks at the pool-side bar, but I’m sad I didn’t get my one night to go have a Oaxaca Old-Fashioned on a balcony overlooking the Gulf.
There it is. Stuff that mildly annoyed me in paradise. That’s the complete list.
Actually, wait. There's one more bad thing here: The Unhappy Happy. You know these people. They’re everywhere, from a rainy sidewalk in the East Village to a sunny beach in Placencia. These are the people who define themselves by things they do not like. They’re everywhere, and there’s nothing these people love more than to go on holiday.
I ran into the Unhappy Happy (I define this as people whose happiness is predicated on disseminating unhappiness) on my flight to Belize. I’m waiting for my plane in Atlanta to board, and a 50-something white dude in shorts, tropical shirt and sunglasses comes up to me and says “I hate this fucking airport.” He doesn’t look angry. He doesn’t look sad. He looks pleased with himself for having such an astute POV.
“I’ve been in a lot of airports, and Atlanta is truly the worst,” he continues. “I had to go from gate A4 all the way to the train to get down here to E32. Like the two farthest points away. It’s awful. People had no idea what they were doing.”
All I could say was: “Well, we both made it our flight. And I bet we won’t think about the Atlanta airport a single time in Belize.”
He quickly replied: “Oh I will. I have to fly back through this dump.”
On my way to my seat, I saw that he was sitting in first class.
I’ve said this many times before, but it is harder to be FOR something than to be AGAINST something. To talk about how much you love a thing is to make you vulnerable to critique. If you’re on the affirmative, people will remind you that that musician is problematic, or that movie is too violent, or that food is too fattening, or a paradise vacation is always undermined by Big Airline.
A much easier position is to always take the negative. This resort has a lot of likeable things to it: the view, the staff, the food, the location, the comfort. These are all pretty standard qualities of a resort, so to tell you I love those attributes is to tell you how uninteresting I truly am. It’s like saying “I think The Godfather is one of the best movies of all time.” Boring! Actually, that resort isn’t all that great, because they use non-dairy creamer instead of actual milk in their coffee! The Godfather isn’t even the best movie the year it came out (See Cabaret or The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie). It’s over-long and filled with stale patriarchal tropes.
The scientific method is about disproving one’s own hypotheses. A scientist don’t really prove that something is CORRECT, so much as show that every other possibility is INCORRECT. That’s a simplification, but when our brains are process-oriented, we’re looking for paths to solutions. So for some people, finding happiness is about finding and acknowledging unhappiness.
I get it. I do this shit too. But let me offer up a little exercise that’s helped me over the years.
Whenever I catch myself complaining or upset about something, I stop and ask myself “What do I like here?” What’s to be enjoyed?
Listen, this isn’t a 100% foolproof way to be happy, but it’s saved me on multiple occasions from ruining someone else’s positive experience. And honestly, it’s surprising how often I find myself wanting to cry about dumb shit like airport shape or lack of half-and-half while I’m en route to one of the most beautiful countries on earth.
That said. I fly back home today. Fuck that Atlanta airport.
Comments
Stacy Smith
Agreed. I live about 30 minutes from Hartsfield-Jackson.
Stacy Smith
This is a fantastic idea and I'm using it.
Stacy Smith
I live 30 minutes from Atlanta and yeah. It's freaking stressful. But once I get to my gate, it's magic. I'm a little nervous but excited for my trip.
Theresa Cadeau
Reminds me of a trip I took recently. Sometimes you drive 3+ hours to meet up with a friend in a town because they have a neat 100+ year old and only remaining covered bridge in the state. And I won’t lie, it wasn’t the easiest drive. The air quality was bad outside (so I wasn’t sure if my scratchy throat was because of that or if it was due to more sinister reasons). One of my tires was leaking a little and I decided to stop and get it resealed. And the thought “is this worth it?” did creep into my head when on a stretch of two-lane stuck behind a slow vehicle and in desperate need of a bathroom break. And then I saw this beautiful park and walked across this bridge where people have walked and gathered for so long. I met with my friend after a year apart due to them moving hours away. We explored a wooden playground that reminded us both of a childhood park long since torn down and ate cheese curds. And my answer was yes. It was worth it. Years from now I probably won’t remember the little frustrations on the way. But I will think of that bridge and that playground and friend.
Becca Reed
Yes Atlanta airport was crazy large and almost like it’s own mini city compared to the other ones I have seen
Avery Lewis
it’s funny, the atlanta airport is the one closest to where i grew up, and is the default i picture when i imagine an airport. all other airports are really chill and feel super manageable in comparison!
James Brown
Good read and sounds like a lovely holiday. I'm going to refrain from airport comments :) . . . .
Cheryl Dzida
I often travel with an adult daughter(including to Belize). I need to manage depression so when her negative comments started affecting my mood I made up a rule: For every complaint Five good things about the situation had to be stated. We had so much fun coming up with pure absurdities.
Arline Babka
I have to use Newark Airport (she replied, throwing down her Ace of trump card) 😘 PS. I love the post from KG, I'm going to look for the Glimmer in situations from now on ❣️
Joe Thompson
My airport noire is Charlotte. Somehow every time I have to connect through it I have to make my way between opposite ends of the airport. And there’s no train, no mobile lounge, not even a donkey pulling a cart with a guy who notices when I wake up — just the moving walkways. And to add insult to injury, there’s a row of very inviting-looking rocking chairs in the middle of the airport, that I can’t rest in — because if I do, I’ll probably miss my connection.
KG
Recently my friend saw something that said there should be a word for the opposite of triggers, “glimmers “— moments where you feel a kind of magic or the beauty of things in the moment. Ever since I heard that, my brain involuntarily shouts “glimmer” each time there is one, like my child self spotting horses on a long car ride—or, amazement of amazements, a horse RUNNING.
James LEE
I did my mission in Belize and it's such a study in contrasts. Like most tourist places in that part of the world, the place is supported by a huge behind-the-scenes infrastructure. On weekdays, we would be helping the poor who lives in shanty towns built along the foulest smelling rivers polluted by runoff constructed from corrugated materials scavenged from farm and factory construction. Then, on weekends we would take a break in the touristy parts of the city and spend our US currency and live like kings and queens and spend more on a meal than those we were helping could hope to earn in a month. Finally, because I am Chinese I was warned on certain days to stay inside because the Chinese have bought out so much land there as part of their belt road initiatives that many native farmers and locals have been priced out of homes and opportunities to grow their own food or afford land that there are occasionally violent protests directed at Asian looking people.
Cindy Pury
Counterpoint: I love ATL. The sheer logic of the layout. The magic of the the tunnels between terminals (especially the one with the trees and nature noises). There's a neat trip through Atlanta history exploring how a modern, vibrant city gave land back to the Indigenous inhabitants, sculpture, and a cool MLK exhibit, if you look. I love the way that most of the food is logically clustered in the center of each terminal, near the tunnel entrances. If you haven't been to the piano bar in Concourse A, you haven't really been to ATL. And you can get almost anywhere from there.
